Anyone else dread work Christmas do’s?

[CaveWoman1]

I think I must be missing a trick here. Does anyone else dread the obligatory Christmas do in Dec? I find them so awkward & pressurised - trying to enjoy yourself (or look like you are) whilst still on your professional guard because you’re around colleagues & senior management. And ours is always miles away from where I live so it’s a right hack to get there by public transport. If I drive, I can’t have a drink.

I struggle with the whole “having fun with colleagues” thing…….I’m quite a private person and whilst I’m on friendly terms with my team at work I don’t want to socialise with them! It just feels so forced somehow. I can put a game face on & do it of course, it’s just I don’t want to! And then there’s the issue of being conspicuous by your absence if you don’t go. At least, that’s how it is for our team.

Our work Christmas do is scheduled in and I am thinking of ways to get out of it. Am I a humbug or does anyone else feel like this?

I didn’t enjoy my old job’s Christmas parties, but I did actually have to go. A lot of people have said it isn’t forced, but in my case I was the department head’s executive assistant and he called me into his office to tell me that he was scheduling me to go so he didn’t have to (he disliked them too, but apparently the higher ups felt he should have some representation there). So I went.

Socializing was awkward because I worked directly for everyone’s boss’s boss, which meant that I was largely avoided as potential “eyes and ears” territory (which I wasn’t, but oh well). I still cringe a bit when I remember those parties: standing in a corner with my (non-alcoholic, yay professionalism) drink, trying hard not to look like a spy or an outcast.

My DH enjoyed them though.

I did enjoy my DH’s work parties, as they didn’t have the same politics attached. Had lots of fun at those. So I guess that makes me not the grinch!

@Pushkinia

We haven't had a staff night out in the last 2 years but I've always tried to avoid them (sometimes without success, manager doesn't approve of lack of team spirit) - I'm really not that good at social chit chat, although I'm perfectly friendly with colleagues in the workplace. I don't drive (the venue is never near a bus route), don't drink alcohol, due to medication I'm on, and the expectation from the manager is that we share costs evenly, regardless of how much everyone is eating/drinking, so I end up subsidising other people's alcohol consumption.

I'm using Covid as a reason to avoid crowded pubs/restaurants every time someone at work brings the subject up.

I think Covid is a good reason not to do it now anyway if you don't want to. I've still been out and gone to pubs but with my own friends and people I want to socialise with. If i'm going to risk Covid in the build up to Christmas - any social distancing/good sense goes right out the window with alcohol involved - i'd rather at least risk it doing something I want to do, rather than an optional night out i'd rather not be on.

I just decline them

I just decline them, but I don’t make a thing of it. I don’t say I hate them, don’t belittle people who like them, I just don’t go. No excuse, no reason.

Nope I dread the next day in the office when everyone reminds others of what they did or said, just shut up

I love a Christmas party, work or otherwise. I like work outings too, even at places I haven’t really enjoyed working at that much. I totally understand some people aren’t so sociable though and many colleagues decline or limit involvement. Everyone’s different.

I loved my Xmas work parties, loved them because I loved my job and loved the people I worked with. We had fun, drank too much and suffered together the next day with laughs, coffee, bacon sandwiches and paracetamol!!

Hate them. Haven’t been for years. They’re so cringe.

I'm 42, never once been to a work Christmas do and have no intention of ever doing so

If you don't want to go, don't go. You don't need or have to give a reason

I am in a senior role and expected to go to work dos. As a member of the senior management I go and enjoy the meal, have one glass of wine, buy a generous round of drinks and leave by 10pm. I don't really see it as a big deal, just a couple of hours out of my life.

I always hated them. When I was head of department I used to feel obliged to go but I reduced my hours and dropped that role before I retired so gave up going then. But I still used to come under huge pressure to attend. In fact even now I'm retired ex colleagues tell me it is "good for me to get out" and try to persuade me to go to work events.
One of the few positives of the pandemic is that there wasn't one last year and everybody left me alone.

I have always hated them. People would get all glammed up and bring partners, which made for very strained conversations.

Also public sector so we had endless events to raise money to subsidize the cost, like potluck lunches for a few bucks etc. It was a ton of work for the social committee. I avoided them like the plague.

Then I got a very senior role and basically had to go, and to act in silly skits etc.

Thankfully I managed to use my influence to talk the rest of the senior executive team to start a Christmas lunch instead. We rented space at a local restaurant, had a buffet lunch and then everyone (except the senior people) got the rest of the afternoon off. We had to answer the phones until 4:30.

It was much cheaper, less chance of people getting drunk and driving, no awkward small talk, and the bonus of an early leaving time.

Staff liked it much better, and did not have to give up an evening with family.

No. I like my workmates and get on really well with them, so I don’t feel awkward with them when out. I am especially looking forward to this year’s do because we have such a great team. We had a couple of rather unpleasant team members who are no longer with the company and the atmosphere is so different now.

If you don’t enjoy them don’t go. As PPs has said. Those who don’t like them don’t go, and those who do like them go and enjoy themselves. You don’t need to make up an excuse, just say that it isn’t for you.

It depends on who I’m working with at the time

Im not a huge fan I do tend to turn up but then quietly disappear after the food

It depends...I have enjoyed a small 'do' and a large 'do' because the people were great and the events were quite local, and hated a small 'do' and a large 'do' because I was unhappy in my job and didn't get on with my colleagues plus to add to the misery, the events were miles from home.
There was pressure to attend the 'unhappy' events and if I hadn't gone it would have made work even more uncomfortable.
In my current job I opted out straight away and don't get asked any longer, but that is more to do with the events always being somewhere miles away and difficult to get to from where I live.

(Could have stopped at 'it depends'.....)

I always loved them. Sadly, due to incidents in work over the last 4 years, my last one was in 2017. I retired last month, so I'm quite sad not to be doing them again.

I’ve never been a fan and generally avoided them. Not an issue now I’m self employed!