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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I believe DH or am I being naive.

676 replies

Amisillyornot · 22/10/2021 08:32

3 years ago DH had sort of an emotional affair with a colleague. When i found out he was very sorry blah blah and I agreed to give the marriage another go. 3 years there has been no issues and I had no reason to doubt it, he moved jobs etc and no contact with the OW.
Yesterday he brought home a phone and said that he found it. I said go through the call log and try and call people. He said that it was left in the drawer and must have been there since Jan (they moved into this new building in Jan) and as he was working mainly from home, he only saw that yesterday. He asked at work and it wasnt anyone.
I said he should have just left it there at reception. I found that weird as DH would be the first to try and find the owner. He once found a purse in a coffee shop and travelled 40 mins to return it to an old lady.

I said look at the call logs and try calling someone and he said it is empty, must be an old work phone from the previous office people. I said check contact. I even said that it was weird that there was no password. He pressed contacts and his face changed and he tried to walk away with the phone pretending to make tea. However I managed to see that there were 2 numbers and it was the name of the OW. I asked for the phone and he pretended he didnt hear. I followed him and said that he either hands the phone over or we are done. He gave me the phone - phone was empty (no emails set up and nothing except for the 2 names in contact) - he must have deleted everything except he forgot this.

Now i got extremely annoyed and just said we are done. He tried to explain - I havent used this in 3 years, I saw it in the drawer and thought I would bring it home, havent spoken to her in 3 years, even i was shocked when I saw the name still there..... I am so upset that I didnt want an argument and just went to sleep in spare room.

Not even sure what am asking here but I suppose I just want to know what you MN make of this.

OP posts:
DonaPatrizia · 22/10/2021 17:29

Very strange. Why bring the phone home if he knew it was his burner phone? and why look shocked at OW being only contacts if he knew it was his burner phone? even if he had thought he deleted everything he couldn't have been that shocked if he knew he'd been phoning her on it. All round weird story.

Amisillyornot · 22/10/2021 17:29

Does anyone know whether if i use my email address will it still be able to download the old what's app that he has deleted?

OP posts:
minatrina · 22/10/2021 17:36

@Amisillyornot

Does anyone know whether if i use my email address will it still be able to download the old what's app that he has deleted?
My instinct is that yes it should still work as the WhatsApp messages will be tied to his phone number/WhatsApp account rather than the google play account. But I can't guarantee it as I really don't know for sure, hopefully someone else will know more
isthismylifenow · 22/10/2021 17:39

@Amisillyornot

Ok so phone was on shelf..says data last used 5 May 2019 I cannot download what's app as Play store asking for an email login. What do i do? Sorry not good with these things. Also history etc all cleared..nothing to see
From the browser go into whatsapp.com and download the apk from there. You can do it without going into play store
KeeG8181 · 22/10/2021 17:41

Unless he's backed up chats on WhatsApp there'll be nothing there. You need to log on to EE and get call transcripts.

Amisillyornot · 22/10/2021 17:44

@isthismylifenow thanks will try it after kids eaten.
I went on our laptop and onto google and it has list of devices connected to the google account and it shows the LG phone on there.

OP posts:
SmartCar · 22/10/2021 17:45

Does the sim card in it still work? Does it still recive a signal. Means he's made a call or text on it in the last 6 months. If its been sat for 3 years it shouldn't be working.

Amisillyornot · 22/10/2021 17:46

@KeeG8181 under history on EE all it said is 50 mb data..start date 20 may 2019

OP posts:
Amisillyornot · 22/10/2021 17:47

@SmartCar yes it works as in I can call it but cannot make calls as no credit.

OP posts:
TheChip · 22/10/2021 17:48

On your WhatsApp does it show when he was last active on WhatsApp using that burner phone?

Feelingparanoid · 22/10/2021 17:49

Sorry I havent RTFT but if it's an iPhone you could back it up to iTunes, then examine some potentially interesting files using SQLite.

Amisillyornot · 22/10/2021 17:49

@TheChip

On your WhatsApp does it show when he was last active on WhatsApp using that burner phone?
No but then again his normal phone one doesn't either and neither does mine. There is the option to not activate this on whats app
OP posts:
TheChip · 22/10/2021 17:52

So if yours isn't active then you won't see if his is or not. If you put yours to show when you're active, you should see his if he hasn't switched his to not show.
Sorry if you already know that

QuentinBunbury · 22/10/2021 17:55

My instinct is that yes it should still work as the WhatsApp messages will be tied to his phone number/WhatsApp account rather than the google play account. But I can't guarantee it as I really don't know for sure, hopefully someone else will know more
No, it won't, its the Google ID and the phone - otherwise when numbers got recycled the WhatsApp would be available to strangers.

If he's had data only he could be using the phone to WhatsApp on WiFi to keep costs down

Amisillyornot · 22/10/2021 17:57

@TheChip Thanks I didn't know that.
Last active 8 April 2021.
Am screenshotting everything

OP posts:
TheChip · 22/10/2021 18:07

Youre welcome. That could be a positive sign. Its 6 months ago and maybe it was only active from when he went on it to delete it and wipe the phone?

Id use that as a way to ask for him to truthfully tell you when he realised he still had the phone. You know he was active in April, so if he says it was just last week and swears by this. You know hes still being a lying bastard. There's no need to cover his tracks so much now you know the truth about the phone, so if he feels the need to continue lying you'd have to ask why

ChorizoJacketPotato · 22/10/2021 18:09

God OP. What a mess he’s made of this.

Onthedunes · 22/10/2021 18:09

[quote Amisillyornot]@TheChip Thanks I didn't know that.
Last active 8 April 2021.
Am screenshotting everything[/quote]
Is that on his current phone, not on his burner.

Sorry if behind, you've not downloaded whatsapp yet on his burner ?

Can't you put credit on his burner ?

Amisillyornot · 22/10/2021 18:11

@TheChip

Youre welcome. That could be a positive sign. Its 6 months ago and maybe it was only active from when he went on it to delete it and wipe the phone?

Id use that as a way to ask for him to truthfully tell you when he realised he still had the phone. You know he was active in April, so if he says it was just last week and swears by this. You know hes still being a lying bastard. There's no need to cover his tracks so much now you know the truth about the phone, so if he feels the need to continue lying you'd have to ask why

Kids have clubs tomorrow morning so that would be a good time to talk. Ill ask him then and if i hear one more lie he's out
OP posts:
Amisillyornot · 22/10/2021 18:12

@Onthedunes
From my phone his burner says last active 8 April 2021.
I could top up the burner but how will that help? Am not sure

OP posts:
TheChip · 22/10/2021 18:13

He might also have his profile picture on WhatsApp for contacts only. When you can, add your number to the burner phone and then see if a profile picture shows up from WhatsApp on your phone

Dasher789 · 22/10/2021 18:13

It makes no sense why he has a separate phone to call ow if they were only friends but also, if he took a new job shortly after cutting contact, why did he move the phone to his new office?! If he cut contact when he got a new job surely it should have been binned then. I really hope you are doing okay op. This doesn't add up to me.

UltimateBugKilla · 22/10/2021 18:19

If he was at home for 18 months, does that mean he had the phone at home?

SmartCar · 22/10/2021 18:20

You need to find out why the sim is still active then. If its not been used in 3 years the sim won't work. He's got some explaining to do. You are worth more than this. Hope you get through this either way

Onthedunes · 22/10/2021 18:21

[quote Amisillyornot]@Onthedunes
From my phone his burner says last active 8 April 2021.
I could top up the burner but how will that help? Am not sure[/quote]
More data may be available on the phone if it's in credit.

Is there any credit on the phone ?