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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To end a long term friendship

119 replies

Beline4u · 21/10/2021 20:57

I'm really struggling on what to do.

Best friend, her husband and 3 kids came over last weekend. We usually go out for dinner then hit the town and have a crazy night of fun and giggles. Anyway, we stayed in, I had a bottle of wine, (my husband wasn't drinking- if one of us is drinking the other doesn't- incase of emergency) her and her husband had 7 bottles of wine between them- SEVEN BOTTLES!! The whole night involved us listening to husband (and her) talk about themselves,- THE WHOLE NIGHT!! Myself and husband didn't say a word (we couldn't even if we tried) She started crying (it came out of nowhere) I had to settle her because her husband continued to talk. If I tried to talk about something they would speak over me. When she was crying she was mumbling random stuff about how much she loves me. It was the weirdest experience ever. But when we went to bed, I heard them go back into the kitchen. There was a few groans and smooching going on but that quickly ended when the baby started crying.

It was the weirdest night EVER... I never experienced anything like it. The next morning they stayed in their room, came out about 12 and went back to his parents. Her child is 8months old and still wakening in the night, but he woke round 6 and cried on and off for 40mins.

Everything felt awkward and weird!! I've never felt like this in our relationship. But then again it's normally just us two that head out or take the kids to places.

OP posts:

fleurbelle · 21/10/2021 21:05

Don't invite them again.
Simple
How embarrassing for them!
Their poor kids!

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/10/2021 21:07

It’s clearly your decision and something happened which means you don’t feel you can be friends anymore. Is it that you assume they must do this every night at home? Because otherwise it doesn’t sound like long term good friendship ending worthy stuff, to me, unless there’s something you haven’t included or a huge back story. Getting incredibly drunk and teary and emotional once in a blue moon in a long friendship is par for the course, isn’t it?

SoundAndVisions · 21/10/2021 21:13

Okay fair enough it felt awkward and embarrassing but this is your best friend of many years? Having a small baby is hard, tiring and emotional so maybe that’s why they overindulged and got a bit teary. I’m struggling to see why you’d want to cut them off over this one incident.

billy1966 · 21/10/2021 21:14

I certainly wouldn't lose a long term friendship over this.

She was letting lose but the worst bit by far is the ignoring the baby.

That is some amount of wine when minding a baby.

Give some time to dull the memory of it.

scully29 · 21/10/2021 21:15

I would think that if they have an 8 month old that was the first night 'out' with adults theyd had for a long long time and they went abit wild because of it?

Original poster

Beline4u · 21/10/2021 21:15

"Getting incredibly drunk and teary and emotional once in a blue moon in a long friendship is par for the course, isn’t it?" It absolutely is, but this was different for some unknown reason. It was weird. It did seem like it was pure normal to drink this amount to them. I think I seen a different person. Also, Their parenting style is completely different to mine but I've never judged them on it, but it was the first time I actually seen how disconnected they are with their children or irresponsible. Then having to listen about how great they are.
It was just unbelievable weird!!

OP posts:

WookyBooky · 21/10/2021 21:16

Seven bottles of wine is incredible and I'm amazed they're not in a coma! I would pull right back on that friendship. It all sounds a bit dramatic and I would feel sorry for the kids. I imagine they'll be divorced within 18 months.

Booboosweet · 21/10/2021 21:17

7 bottles of wine! Jesus Christ! They nust have been rough the next day.

GemmaRuby · 21/10/2021 21:18

They had 7 bottles of wine between them and then looked after their 8 month old baby (and other children?) I would be judging them for that more than the drunken crying and being obnoxious bores.
Also wouldn’t be too happy that they were possibly going to have sex in my kitchen before the baby starting crying.

I wouldn’t invite them over again.

What do you mean by ending the friendship… just not inviting them again etc, or saying something specific?

Chicchicchicchiclana · 21/10/2021 21:22

How can 2 people drink 7 bottles of wine in one night? I just don't believe it?

craftyminer · 21/10/2021 21:22

Did they bring 7 bottles of wine with them? That in itself seems crazy. They must have had a big, clinking supermarket bag full of the stuff

irregularegular · 21/10/2021 21:22

If this is a long term friendship and the drinking, tears etc is out of character then I'd be asking my friend what's wrong. Not cutting her off. Isn't that what friends do??

Whataday21 · 21/10/2021 21:23

I can't understand you or your husband staying sober in case of emergency.

Look, we've all been shit at drinking when our kids were babies. I'd give them a few more chances. However we have people like this and we don't bother any more as they are very bad company. They've lost a lot of friends.

fleurbelle · 21/10/2021 21:24

@scully29

I would think that if they have an 8 month old that was the first night 'out' with adults theyd had for a long long time and they went abit wild because of it?

Then sink seven bottles with their 8 month old?? 😲

AspCommie · 21/10/2021 21:27

Christ, we had 5 bottles between 3 people last weekend and I thought I was going to die the next day.

7 is beyond insane.

GemmaRuby · 21/10/2021 21:28

@scully29

I would think that if they have an 8 month old that was the first night 'out' with adults theyd had for a long long time and they went abit wild because of it?

But it wasn’t a wild night out… it was a night in, with the baby, who they were presumably too drunk to be properly responsible for.

Cuntness · 21/10/2021 21:28

I think OP found the evening weird.

Original poster

Beline4u · 21/10/2021 21:29

What do you mean by ending the friendship… just not inviting them again etc, or saying something specific?

I was thinking of saying something because it was extremely weird. I know if I did, it would for sure end the friendship.

Yes, 7 bottles of wine. They brought their own and I have wine in the cupboard from gifts from people. There is only one kind I'll drink but due to work, we get given them as gifts etc..

OP posts:

Original poster

Beline4u · 21/10/2021 21:30

@Cuntness lol.. there is just no way to describe it.

OP posts:

GemmaRuby · 21/10/2021 21:31

Has friend said anything to you since? Either to thank you for having them, or apologising?

AliceinBorderland · 21/10/2021 21:31

It is weird for someone to repeat what they have just said in captials. Everyone was able to read it the first time.

EG THE WHOLE NIGHT

It sounds as if you don't like them so why ask here.

Howshouldibehave · 21/10/2021 21:31

All very odd. You normally go out to dinner with them, but this time you stayed in? Do you normally go out on the town with the kids?!

You’ve known them for years and are really close. They drank 7 bottles of wine which is bonkers. What do they normally drink?

They talked completely over you both all night and didn’t let you talk? Is this completely out of character? Have they been lovely, amazing friends that you’ve been completely in tune with for 20 years but suddenly they talk about themselves all night. Was that one night a completely out of character affair?

It’s difficult to tell what’s going on if you don’t explain what they are like normally.

Original poster

Beline4u · 21/10/2021 21:32

I can't understand you or your husband staying sober in case of emergency.

I had a drink. My husband didn't. There is a horrid bug going round our area at the moment, plus it is just something we do. It is usually me not drinking.

OP posts:

BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 21/10/2021 21:35

I don't think I'd feel compelled to abruptly dump them or have an awkward conversation

BUT

Nights like this is basically why we have sort of slowly taken ourselves out of our group of friends. The drinking until 6am, kids running wild, adults puking and crying, the couples all end up falling out...

I hate it. I'm fine with drinking but I like to have the kids at home at a reasonable time.

TrampolineForMrKite · 21/10/2021 21:35

She started crying (it came out of nowhere)

It came out of the seven bottles of wine.

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