Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end a long term friendship

119 replies

Beline4u · 21/10/2021 20:57

I'm really struggling on what to do.

Best friend, her husband and 3 kids came over last weekend. We usually go out for dinner then hit the town and have a crazy night of fun and giggles. Anyway, we stayed in, I had a bottle of wine, (my husband wasn't drinking- if one of us is drinking the other doesn't- incase of emergency) her and her husband had 7 bottles of wine between them- SEVEN BOTTLES!! The whole night involved us listening to husband (and her) talk about themselves,- THE WHOLE NIGHT!! Myself and husband didn't say a word (we couldn't even if we tried) She started crying (it came out of nowhere) I had to settle her because her husband continued to talk. If I tried to talk about something they would speak over me. When she was crying she was mumbling random stuff about how much she loves me. It was the weirdest experience ever. But when we went to bed, I heard them go back into the kitchen. There was a few groans and smooching going on but that quickly ended when the baby started crying.

It was the weirdest night EVER... I never experienced anything like it. The next morning they stayed in their room, came out about 12 and went back to his parents. Her child is 8months old and still wakening in the night, but he woke round 6 and cried on and off for 40mins.

Everything felt awkward and weird!! I've never felt like this in our relationship. But then again it's normally just us two that head out or take the kids to places.

OP posts:
Laladell · 21/10/2021 22:52

I really don't like to say this but could it be possible they may do drugs?

I'm an ex addict (many years ago and clean now) and when I used to do cocaine I could drink for England.

I really don't want to sound offend you at all but that's the only way I'd be able to explain erratic behaviour and drinking that much without passing out.

WhoWants2Know · 21/10/2021 22:53

From your description, I think the husband, at least, was on more than just alcohol. The prolonged, oblivious talking sounds like there may have been cocaine as well--which may explain why so much wine didn't knock him out.

Whether you see them again is up to you. If they have been good friends then maybe just aim for afternoon coffee instead of a drinking session.

WhoWants2Know · 21/10/2021 22:53

@Laladell

I really don't like to say this but could it be possible they may do drugs?

I'm an ex addict (many years ago and clean now) and when I used to do cocaine I could drink for England.

I really don't want to sound offend you at all but that's the only way I'd be able to explain erratic behaviour and drinking that much without passing out.

Snap!
Titterofwit · 21/10/2021 22:54

I can believe the 7 bottles between 2 hard drinkers. And they must do this regularly enough to have some sort of resistance to it.
A relative once famously drank 4 bottles of wine during a family gathering - althoughover a whole day and night. She didnt seem to be overly affected the next day .She is a good mother and a professional person wh works hard and has succeeded in her job. She still drinks what to me is a huge amount but for her its quite normal.

DaisyNGO · 21/10/2021 22:55

We've had a friend here recently who drank 2 1/2 bottles of wine between 4.30 and 10.

We were regretting we hadn't topped up our own glasses more before he had a chance to finish it all. I can only drink two glasses now in my 40s.

So, over a whole night, this couple's consumption actually didn't shock me as much as other posters.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 21/10/2021 22:58

God, this takes me back to some friends we had. The amount of alcohol they consumed was staggering. She used to buy 48 cans of lager on a Friday and it was gone by Sunday lunch.
They came and stayed at ours on night. I literally just edged them out of my life after that.

Sparticle · 21/10/2021 23:02

@Laladell

I really don't like to say this but could it be possible they may do drugs?

I'm an ex addict (many years ago and clean now) and when I used to do cocaine I could drink for England.

I really don't want to sound offend you at all but that's the only way I'd be able to explain erratic behaviour and drinking that much without passing out.

That was exactly my thought too. Erratic behaviour plus drinking tons.
ComtesseDeSpair · 21/10/2021 23:03

@Laladell

I really don't like to say this but could it be possible they may do drugs?

I'm an ex addict (many years ago and clean now) and when I used to do cocaine I could drink for England.

I really don't want to sound offend you at all but that's the only way I'd be able to explain erratic behaviour and drinking that much without passing out.

I could drink 3 bottles of wine in nine hours reasonably easily and I don’t take cocaine. I can say the same for several of my friends. So it’s a possibility but not a certainty.
MichelleScarn · 21/10/2021 23:03

Is it possible something awful has happened recently? I had a miscarriage this year and got absolutely smashed and tearful not long after, dh also got horrifically drunken and rambled because as long as he was talking about rubbish he didn't have to think or speak about the loss. I'm not saying this was your friends situation, but from what you've said this is not usual behaviour.

noirchatsdeux · 21/10/2021 23:05

Back 10 years or so ago, when I was in my mid 30s to mid 40s, I could easily drink 3/4 bottles of wine in one evening...so not even 9 hours, probably more like 5. I was going through a very stressful time and was in a job where that sort of hard drinking was pretty normal.

Since I hit 45 my drinking has steadily gone right down to where I don't even drink one bottle on a night out. And that only happens at most a couple of times a month. Since the 1st lockdown I've rarely had a drink.

I wouldn't be ending the friendship, I'd be asking her if there's anything wrong.

Summerdayshaze · 21/10/2021 23:05

Did either of them drive the next day? After finishing their seventh bottle of wine at 3am? With a young baby and two other children?

No way would they have been fit to get behind the wheel. Did they spend time in your bathroom a lot? I’d be very surprised if they weren’t on coke too with the constant talking and then groping in the kitchen.

They sound gross.

maddening · 21/10/2021 23:08

It sounds like a one off, and maybe they are out of practise with an 8 month old and overestimated themselves.

I would not abandon a long standing friendship over one daft drunken night where their worst crimes are being boring drunks, crying, smooching in the kitchen and being hungover in the morning.

SeenYourArse · 21/10/2021 23:09

Yep agree with the others saying very likely they are doing coke too, it sobers you up from the effects of alcohol allowing you to drink more without throwing up! I say this as someone who’s husband (of over a decade) ex partner recently died of kidney and liver failure as a result of her keeping up with him in that kind of lifestyle when they were teens into early adulthood she’s hung onto life for almost 13 years of operations and dialysis. She matched him and drank and took more sometimes even. Really can’t see how she could drink that much any other way without needing up having her stomach pumped!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 21/10/2021 23:13

It sounds excruciating, but if she's always fine when her husband isn't there, just go back to doing that. I have some friends I only see without their husbands, and if he isn't a friend of your DH it shouldn't be a problem.

And it needn't be awkward when you see her, firstly because she probably doesn't remember half of it, and secondly what she does remember was probably much more normal for her than it seemed to you.

WomanStanleyWoman · 21/10/2021 23:20

Your best friend gets into this kind of state, and your first thought is to ditch her? She’d probably be better off.

Onshoredebris · 21/10/2021 23:20

Your best friend since you were young came over and acted really weirdly and instead of asking if she’s ok you just want to dump her?

Yabu

And you’re not a saint because one of you doesn’t drink. It’s got nothing to do with the story apart from virtual signalling. Maybe try being an actual friend to your ‘best friend’ instead

CallMeNutribullet · 21/10/2021 23:23

It doesn't sound like a particularly close friendship if you're thinking of ending it because of them getting smashed on one occasion and acting a bit twatty

Kajjjer93 · 21/10/2021 23:28

If this is a long term friendship and the drinking, tears etc is out of character then I'd be asking my friend what's wrong. Not cutting her off. Isn't that what friends do??

This ^^

withiceplease · 21/10/2021 23:29

Agree totally re coke

UnsuitableHat · 21/10/2021 23:31

Not getting why you’re considering ending your friendship, but it certainly does sound like a weird night. Is the husband quite dominating do you think?

TracyLords · 21/10/2021 23:35

If they didn’t have young kids this wouldn’t bother me very much (and I barely drink these days: a glass of wine has probably been all I’ve had this year)

But, drinking all that while looking after 3 kids: one being an 8 month old baby. That is horrendous. If it was my friend I would mention I was concerned about them

caringcarer · 21/10/2021 23:39

They must have still been drunk the next day when driving home. I would have pointed this out ty them and got them to stay next day with you rather than drive.

Onshoredebris · 21/10/2021 23:41

virtue signalling

Mydogmylife · 21/10/2021 23:47

@Onshoredebris

Your best friend since you were young came over and acted really weirdly and instead of asking if she’s ok you just want to dump her?

Yabu

And you’re not a saint because one of you doesn’t drink. It’s got nothing to do with the story apart from virtual signalling. Maybe try being an actual friend to your ‘best friend’ instead

A wee bit harsh, but pretty much what I was thinking
HailAdrian · 21/10/2021 23:49

I'm actually struggling to believe they drank 7 bottles between them and were functioning the following afternoon.