To end a long term friendship

[Beline4u]

I'm really struggling on what to do.

Best friend, her husband and 3 kids came over last weekend. We usually go out for dinner then hit the town and have a crazy night of fun and giggles. Anyway, we stayed in, I had a bottle of wine, (my husband wasn't drinking- if one of us is drinking the other doesn't- incase of emergency) her and her husband had 7 bottles of wine between them- SEVEN BOTTLES!! The whole night involved us listening to husband (and her) talk about themselves,- THE WHOLE NIGHT!! Myself and husband didn't say a word (we couldn't even if we tried) She started crying (it came out of nowhere) I had to settle her because her husband continued to talk. If I tried to talk about something they would speak over me. When she was crying she was mumbling random stuff about how much she loves me. It was the weirdest experience ever. But when we went to bed, I heard them go back into the kitchen. There was a few groans and smooching going on but that quickly ended when the baby started crying.

It was the weirdest night EVER... I never experienced anything like it. The next morning they stayed in their room, came out about 12 and went back to his parents. Her child is 8months old and still wakening in the night, but he woke round 6 and cried on and off for 40mins.

Everything felt awkward and weird!! I've never felt like this in our relationship. But then again it's normally just us two that head out or take the kids to places.

Op, my first thought was coke.

It could be why you felt things were a bit off but couldn't put your finger on why? Especially if that isn't your bag, so to speak, so you're not familiar with how is comes out in people.

I'd ring her.

No, I would not end a friendship because she and her husband went way overboard on the wine and got really drunk. Are you really a friend? So it's okay for the two of you to get drunk and go out but when she gets drunk with her husband it's not okay for some reason? Yes she drank too much. That happens sometimes. When you're already drunk you struggle to moderate. She might even be going through something and wanting to block it out. She did cry! Did no alarm bells ring for you at all?? You don't seem like a very good friend if instead of worry you feel like ditching her over this.

I love your 'my parenting style is completely different to their but I have never judged them'. Then you follow it up by saying you saw them as disconnected and irresponsible. You do know what judgemental means right?

Why did you keep bringing out the wine?

I hope she's not breastfeeding or cosleeping.

Cv

YABU

You’re going to dump a lifelong friend because she got pissed and acted like an idiot?

I don’t understand why they could drink one bottle never mind 7? It all tastes like cats piss!

It is weird that only one of you and your dh drinks are a time. I’d like to see dhs face if i suggested that.

7 bottles though!! I wouldn’t dump them as friends still, I’d ask if anything is going on. If you actively think they are bad parents on top of this however it might be time to distance yourself.

Seven bottles! Did they then drive home that same day with 3 children in the car ???

That's a lot of wine. I'm not sure you need to end the relationship, just make sure the next time to see them out of the house for a time limited period.

Also, Their parenting style is completely different to mine but I've never judged them on it, but it was the first time I actually seen how disconnected they are with their children or irresponsible.

Well, you've made up for it now OP

God, you sound massively judgmental & not a nice friend.

If the evening was so unpleasant, don't invite them again. But you'd end your friendship - your best friend - over one drunken night? Really?

I used to drink that amount of alcohol most weekends in my twenties and early 30s, a lot of my friendship group would still drink similar amounts over the same period of time even now so the amount doesn't shock me. And I didn't do coke with it either. I rarely drink now, maybe once a year and it would be a fraction of that amount.
OP, if that were my best friend I'd be wondering was she OK rather than talking about cutting off the friendship. I don't want to be too harsh to you but you really don't sound like a good friend if this would be your first instinct rather than be worried about her mental state.

I would absolutely put distance between myself and a friend who behaved like this. Drinking that much in an evening and not needing her stomach pumped means that she has developed a tolerance. Regular heavy drinker with a baby makes her and her husband irresponsible and pretty selfish.

@SoundAndVisions

Okay fair enough it felt awkward and embarrassing but this is your best friend of many years? Having a small baby is hard, tiring and emotional so maybe that’s why they overindulged and got a bit teary. I’m struggling to see why you’d want to cut them off over this one incident.

But 7 bottles? 7?

We drink wine most nights with our meal, but I am shocked at 7 bottles between 2 people. How could they even function? They have a very young child and I think that is highly irresponsible.

I wouldn't judge them for not having one completely sober though. I think it is fine for both parents to have a drink in moderation. A glass of wine or a beer each on occasion isn't a crime.

I see op hasn't been back. Needn't have bothered with my post then.

@2typesofjungle

Am I missing something- why don't you call her for a chat and ask her what is going on? She's clearly not OK, you've said yourself it's not normal behaviour for her, so I think what she needs right now is an honest chat with a good friend.

This

Seriously. The behaviour was either out of character OR you didn't notice it before.

If it's out of character, surely that merits a conversation? Or some sympathy?

Did they drive the next day ?

Did she not text you afterwards to say thanks for having me? If she didn't then that's a sign that she knows it went pear-shaped. Think I'd be inclined to ring her and say wtf happened that night and laugh!!! If she couldn't remember then tell her everything. 7 bottle of wine when you're in charge of.a.baby, is.insane.

3 bottles of wine over 9 hours? Lightweights!!

I think you need to speak to your friend and check she is OK if this isn't how she normally is.

They very clearly are struggling with being parents and probably the relationship is pretty bad now (whether temporarily or in a more permanent way who knows).

But it also does sound as if they both have fairly serious problems with drink.

Even pre kids in my wildest nights out I would not have been able to drink like that. With a small child that’s incredibly self destructive behaviour.

It screams of dificulties with the marriage to me.

I would be pretty repelled and pissed off by this behaviour but I wouldn’t dump them. I would take your mate aside for a chat and say you are worried and does she want to talk?

Your friend will feel like an idiot for drinking so much and crying so you probably won't hear from her any time soon anyway (she'll be laying low hoping the horror is forgotten).
You've been friends for a long time too so she'll also know you're a little judgey so that will be playing on her mind too. She'll be mortified.
I'd wait a few weeks then call her and ask to meet for a coffee/lunch, never mention THE night, see how she is, chat and get your friendship back on track.
I doubt there will be any repeat even if you go for a night out as I'm betting she'll be on best behaviour for a good while.
I can't imagine you'll see the husband for a long time.

It sounds like an evening from hell. Maybe theyre not coping with 3 DC. Give her a call and ask her if everything's ok as it was so out of character and you're worried about her?

How judgey!! Why would you end the friendship over that?

Yabu

I’d be asking if she was ok, not ditching her.