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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To end a long term friendship

119 replies

Beline4u · 21/10/2021 20:57

I'm really struggling on what to do.

Best friend, her husband and 3 kids came over last weekend. We usually go out for dinner then hit the town and have a crazy night of fun and giggles. Anyway, we stayed in, I had a bottle of wine, (my husband wasn't drinking- if one of us is drinking the other doesn't- incase of emergency) her and her husband had 7 bottles of wine between them- SEVEN BOTTLES!! The whole night involved us listening to husband (and her) talk about themselves,- THE WHOLE NIGHT!! Myself and husband didn't say a word (we couldn't even if we tried) She started crying (it came out of nowhere) I had to settle her because her husband continued to talk. If I tried to talk about something they would speak over me. When she was crying she was mumbling random stuff about how much she loves me. It was the weirdest experience ever. But when we went to bed, I heard them go back into the kitchen. There was a few groans and smooching going on but that quickly ended when the baby started crying.

It was the weirdest night EVER... I never experienced anything like it. The next morning they stayed in their room, came out about 12 and went back to his parents. Her child is 8months old and still wakening in the night, but he woke round 6 and cried on and off for 40mins.

Everything felt awkward and weird!! I've never felt like this in our relationship. But then again it's normally just us two that head out or take the kids to places.

OP posts:

WalkingOnTheCracks · 22/10/2021 09:45

@Chicchicchicchiclana

How can 2 people drink 7 bottles of wine in one night? I just don't believe it?

Practice.

PumpkinsandTea · 22/10/2021 10:50

Weirdest night ever? Just sounds like she was pissed and mumbling crap to be honest! I do not agree with them both drinking with a child in the house and especially when they ignore the poor thing in the morning. Other than that, I'd just find it funny. Have you never experienced a very shitfaced friend before?!?!

PumpkinsandTea · 22/10/2021 10:54

@Whataday21

I can't understand you or your husband staying sober in case of emergency.

Look, we've all been shit at drinking when our kids were babies. I'd give them a few more chances. However we have people like this and we don't bother any more as they are very bad company. They've lost a lot of friends.

I can't understand you or your husband staying sober in case of emergency.

Are you serious?!?! When there's a child in the house? Give your head a shake

ComtesseDeSpair · 22/10/2021 11:00

Are you serious?!?! When there's a child in the house? Give your head a shake.

Out of interest, what do single parents do / expected to do? Never have a drink? I struggle to believe the majority of single parents stay stone cold sober at all times in case of emergency.

OhPatti · 22/10/2021 11:07

OP, they behaved abysmally but if this is a long-term friendship I think you should talk it through with her, not just end the friendship over this one incident without discussion.

Lollypop701 · 22/10/2021 11:14

If I was your friend, with one bad session in however many years, I’d be expecting a call to see how I was. Some support. Maybe she isn’t coping, and hasn’t told you because you are. I wouldn’t expect a post on a forum discussing it. I’m not sure you are a nice friend op, as your post sound almost gleeful

ichundich · 22/10/2021 11:29

I think as a long-term friend you ought to have a heart to heart with her / them about their alcohol consumption. To be able to knock back 7 bottles between them and still function the next day they have to be quite used it. It's also a safeguarding concern; how can they look after their children properly after getting so drunk, and what would they do if their baby suddenly became very unwell and had to be taken to hospital overnight? If you like and care about her, you should try and help her kick her addiction and become a more responsible parent.

Cathy31 · 22/10/2021 11:55

Cocaine was my first thought too. I would stay well away from any acquaintances who did this. A 'best friend' for over a decade, I'd ring and ask wtf was going on, why she was taking coke in my house, never mind while responsible for 3 children, and what I can do to help her get a grip. A "best friend's" child would be a priority for me in this situation too, for their sake I'd be checking in with these people, not ditching them.

All of you who think 7 bottles of wine is normal/ just getting a bit carried away Maybe you don't know how terrifying a drunk parent is to a young child. Maybe you haven't had to hug a drunk/hungover parent with bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, hoping they don't notice your disgust at the stench of stale alcohol. Speaking as the child I was: it's not normal, it's not ok, it's disgusting and frightening. Also, 'we' have not all 'been shit at drinking when our kids were babies'. I know it happens, and I know it doesn't make anyone an alcoholic, or a bad parent. But it doesn't happen to all of us. I have plenty of failings as a parent - more than most, in case I'm coming across as self-righteous - but I never have been, and never will be, drunk in front of/while responsible for my children. This sort of normalisation is an absolute gift to alcoholic parents.

Whataday21 · 22/10/2021 12:01

It was me who said shit at drinking when our kids were babies. I did not mean being horrendously drunk in front of said baby 😀. I meant seeing friends on a night out with much reduced tolerance due to pregnancy.

Patapouf · 22/10/2021 14:24

I think I'd need to be hospitalised if I had 3.5 bottles of wine to myself.
What bizarre behaviour, j couldn't respect someone like that and I certainly couldn't be friends with them.

Cathy31 · 22/10/2021 14:54

@Whataday21 ah, that makes sense! Yes, my tolerance has vanished, though I think it's mostly sleep deprivation. One glass and I'm drowsy! This whole subject touches a nerve with me (in case that wasn't clear already )

Phoebesgift · 22/10/2021 16:22

OP you sound like an awful friend. She's better off without a judgemental snob in her life anyway.

nanbread · 22/10/2021 16:43

Yeah I'd be worried something else was wrong

I'd also wonder if they were on coke

Mary46 · 22/10/2021 16:51

Hope she ok.
If a one off fair enough. Op my friend was constantly drink too much then started rows. I was drained from it all. Its alot though 7 bottles

maddening · 22/10/2021 16:52

3.5 bottles is approx 35 units, it is doable. I have had similar in cocktails, and no drugs, and yes I was v v drunk and hungover the next day but it is possible.

OtterAndDog · 22/10/2021 16:54

Seeing as this was a one off experience and out of character I think you're being really harsh on your friend to consider ending your friendship with her. I feel quite sorry for her if her friends are so fickle like that. She's clearly not herself, you should be concerned for her not embarrassed.

Franca123 · 22/10/2021 17:17

I'm sure we've been the irresponsible drunk bores before. Like 3 times since we've had kids. But 7 bottles of wine between two people? Nope....... and I think my partner and I are both big drinkers. My suspicion is they do it a lot in order to be able to drink that much and be alive. I would pull back a bit.

SeenYourArse · 22/10/2021 21:00

@Cathy31

This… literally this! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 My boys will NEVER see me drunk or even merry until young adults themselves. I despise people being drunk around young children and never drink when they are awake, at most a single glass of wine if we are out for a meal for my birthday or similar if it’s not an occasion then fizzy water for me.

Lucycantdance · 22/10/2021 22:25

This thread has gone from “my mate got really drunk and acted like a tit while staying over” to “definitely a cocaine addict”.

Either way - whether a one off lapse in judgement or full blown addiction (i.e. a disease) wouldn’t you offer support instead of ditching her?

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