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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end a long term friendship

119 replies

Beline4u · 21/10/2021 20:57

I'm really struggling on what to do.

Best friend, her husband and 3 kids came over last weekend. We usually go out for dinner then hit the town and have a crazy night of fun and giggles. Anyway, we stayed in, I had a bottle of wine, (my husband wasn't drinking- if one of us is drinking the other doesn't- incase of emergency) her and her husband had 7 bottles of wine between them- SEVEN BOTTLES!! The whole night involved us listening to husband (and her) talk about themselves,- THE WHOLE NIGHT!! Myself and husband didn't say a word (we couldn't even if we tried) She started crying (it came out of nowhere) I had to settle her because her husband continued to talk. If I tried to talk about something they would speak over me. When she was crying she was mumbling random stuff about how much she loves me. It was the weirdest experience ever. But when we went to bed, I heard them go back into the kitchen. There was a few groans and smooching going on but that quickly ended when the baby started crying.

It was the weirdest night EVER... I never experienced anything like it. The next morning they stayed in their room, came out about 12 and went back to his parents. Her child is 8months old and still wakening in the night, but he woke round 6 and cried on and off for 40mins.

Everything felt awkward and weird!! I've never felt like this in our relationship. But then again it's normally just us two that head out or take the kids to places.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beline4u · 21/10/2021 21:36

@ AliceinBorderland why not?

OP posts:
fleurbelle · 21/10/2021 21:36

So have you actually spoken with them since?

2typesofjungle · 21/10/2021 21:37

Am I missing something- why don't you call her for a chat and ask her what is going on? She's clearly not OK, you've said yourself it's not normal behaviour for her, so I think what she needs right now is an honest chat with a good friend.

thingymaboob · 21/10/2021 21:39

@Beline4u I think you're being really harsh. Yeah, it might have been a weird night and it isn't great that they drank that much but you'd be a very cold fish for dumping her after all these years after a bad night.
Are there problems in their marriage?
Is she suffering with PND?
Don't you think you owe it to her to see if she needs help in any way?
My best friend had a huge drunken argument with her husband at my wedding and was in a right state and I ended up looking after her for quite a bit of the night and me and hubby ended up going to bed separately. It was super weird as it was my wedding night but normally, she's the kindest, most thoughtful and happy person and has done so many wonderful things for me and I was glad I helped her as that is what friendships all about. It's all about give and take and there are lots of ups and downs.

Mary46 · 21/10/2021 21:41

Op not sure how to approach it. I said it to a friend few years back. It soured the friendship! She just couldnt handle drink and was argumentative. This wasnt a one off either. We fizzled out after. 7 bottles is alot

edisonbulb · 21/10/2021 21:42

@TrampolineForMrKite

She started crying (it came out of nowhere)

It came out of the seven bottles of wine.

How did they not end up in hospital? Over how many hours?
MichelleScarn · 21/10/2021 21:44

I know im repeating others but 7 bottles? So 21 glasses between them? 10.5 each in one night? How long were you drinking for?

MassiveHoard · 21/10/2021 21:51

That is a heck of a lot of wine. I've had a similar situation a few years ago, I chose to only meet up with the friend in the day time for a cuppa or a walk/picnic. Totally stopped drinking with her. When she questioned it I dodged it and said I've stopped drinking due to worsening hangovers (which is more or less true). The friendship is still going but it is much lower profile, and I never see her husband socially now. I enjoy her company when shes sober. Interestlingly she has recently made noises about not drinking so much.

HollowTalk · 21/10/2021 21:52

If they are such good friends why on earth couldn't you say after the umpteenth bottle was opened, oh my God you two, haven't you had enough yet?

savannahnights · 21/10/2021 22:00

Ending a long term friendship because you had a weird evening with your drunk friend and her husband seems extreme (you could just prevent it from happening again by never inviting them over for drinks) but you should do whatever you feel is right. If you don't feel comfortable being around her and her husband anymore, there is no point in being friends.

Sittingonabench · 21/10/2021 22:05

I would ask if they’re coping. This screams to me that they’re not. The nonsense chat and stuff is par for the course on a drinking night as is the tears and while unpleasant if you are sober or haven’t drank as much - I have had a lot worse with dear friends. However the amount of drink and neglect of their child is very different and is a real cause for concern. My family are drinkers - always have been but 3.5 bottles in one night is very worrying! Especially driving the next day. If they’re good friends I would try and get them to look for support.

toocold54 · 21/10/2021 22:06

I think as a one off to just ignore it. If it happens again then you can think about reducing contact.
I’d get emotional too if I drank 3 1/2 bottles (don’t think I could even manage that much).

It is a different dynamic when your partners are there.
Next time go to a hotel together and leave your partners looking after the children sober, then they can go out a different time.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 21/10/2021 22:07

I know im repeating others but 7 bottles? So 21 glasses between them? 10.5 each in one night?

I don't think either of you calculations are right? 😄

MichelleScarn · 21/10/2021 22:11

7 bottles at 750 ml is then 3 250ml glasses in each bottle.
3×7 =21 glasses. Op says wine was only between df and her husband, so 21/2 =10.5?

LetHimHaveIt · 21/10/2021 22:18

@MichelleScarn

7 bottles at 750 ml is then 3 250ml glasses in each bottle. 3×7 =21 glasses. Op says wine was only between df and her husband, so 21/2 =10.5?
That's what I got, too. Principally because it's correct. Over thirty units in a session. I used to be a hardcore drinker but that would have had been me spewing like Mt. Etna.
LetHimHaveIt · 21/10/2021 22:18

even me

Rainbowheart1 · 21/10/2021 22:19

I’m surprised they did 7 bottles and managed to be up by 12 the next day!! It would take me a fortnight to get over that!

BrilliantBetty · 21/10/2021 22:21

Gosh I always thought it was 4 or 5 glasses per bottle!

Back to the point...
Not worth losing a friendship but you could back away for a little bit and see if things level out. Perhaps stick to daytime activities, without partner.

Cakecrumbsinmybra · 21/10/2021 22:25

Ah... I don't count 250 mls as a glass. That's a bucket to me. Grin And then I thought you meant 10.5 units each.

All clear now! I like my wine but that is a hell of a lot in one night, whatever size glass you have it in!

OP, I wouldn't invite them over again right now, but if you like your friend you can just meet up with her?

Original poster
Beline4u · 21/10/2021 22:26

Yes, 7 bottles of wine- drank from 6pm til 3am, over a period of 9 hrs.
I have been friends with her from a very young age.
No, I haven't spoken with her. I'm just wondering how I approach this situation as it was really awkward the next morning especially when they did appear so late.

It is out of character. So maybe there is more going on for her! That would make more sense.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 21/10/2021 22:29

Am now feeling like an inebriate with my normalising of a standard glass of wine at 250ml! BlushGrin

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/10/2021 22:30

@Beline4u

Yes, 7 bottles of wine- drank from 6pm til 3am, over a period of 9 hrs. I have been friends with her from a very young age. No, I haven't spoken with her. I'm just wondering how I approach this situation as it was really awkward the next morning especially when they did appear so late.

It is out of character. So maybe there is more going on for her! That would make more sense.

She’s you’re best friend and behaved very out of character for the first time in what sounds like at least a decade and a half (?) of friendship. Send her a message saying that her behaviour was so out of character and what with that and the crying, you’re concerned, does she need to talk? If she doesn’t want to she can just say it was just way too much wine which she isn’t used to drinking what with having a small baby and you can never speak of it again, no awkwardness.
tiggerwhocamefortea · 21/10/2021 22:40

You don't sound like a great friend yourself to be honest OP

  • Judging her parenting
  • Judging her drinking - it was basically 3.5 bottles over 9 Hours! Not 90 minutes
  • wanting to end the friendship with a so called "best friend" over one night (which lets be honest we've all had one of those nights we regret 😬)
  • gossiping and moaning about it on a public forum where let's be honest unless you've changed any of the details she could easily identify herself or worse this be picked up by one of the daily rags and her embarrassing night be splashed across the tabloids 🤷🏻‍♀️
SomethingOnce · 21/10/2021 22:45

3.5 bottles over 9 hours seems like a load of booze. Is that possible to do without being quite unwell??

Mellowyellow222 · 21/10/2021 22:46

I can’t believe I am reading this.

Your good friend and her husband got very drunk and she got a bit emotional.

You are so horrified you want to end the friendship.

It can’t have been much of friendship.

You clearly have very firm views on life, and aren’t prepared to tolerate anyone who lives differently.

Some people occasionally get very drunk. If you are worried she has a problem - talk to her. By my god who ends a friendship over this!

Odd

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