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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Father Christmas

110 replies

tryingtosavethemagic · 21/10/2021 19:43

My cousin has told his kids aged 9 and 8 the truth about Father Christmas in October. Not because his kids asked but because his wife believed still when she was in yr 7 and she doesn't want her kids to feel stupid the way she did back then... The kids were really upset apparently this is what they told us.

So after some thought we normally spend Christmas Day together. I think they have ruined the magic for their kids (their choice of course). My kids are the same age as theirs so I have said that this year I don't want to spend the day with them. I don't want to risk my kids finding out. Especially on the actual day when opening and showing each other Father Christmas gifts All kids can be quite spiteful these kids are these kids!!

They are not happy at all with us for saying we wanna do it separate this year. I wanna keep the magic alive for mine as long as I possibly can.

AIBU?

OP posts:
lnsufficientFuns · 21/10/2021 19:48

Yanbu

Incywinceyspider · 21/10/2021 19:49

YANBU. I'd do the same

Womansown · 21/10/2021 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

ItsAllBlahBlahBlah · 21/10/2021 19:56

YANBU I'm keeping mine believing as long as I can!

AFS1 · 21/10/2021 19:59

YANBU. I would do exactly the same!

We never had the conversation with my 13 year old. I’m assuming she doesn’t still believe, but she’s never let on for the sake of her 7 yr old brother (and I suspect she’s worried if she admits she knows he’s not real, she won’t get as many presents!!)

WheelieBinPrincess · 21/10/2021 19:59

They haven’t ruined the magic. Any halfway bright 9 year old is going to be able to work out that a fat man in a suit doesn’t fly all over the world in one night in a sled pulled by a few reindeer. If they haven’t questioned it then they probably don’t want to. I’m sure there’s plenty of magic left for them even if they know that particular thing is nonsense.

Ilovechristmasasmuchasiloveyou · 21/10/2021 20:05

@WheelieBinPrincess

They haven’t ruined the magic. Any halfway bright 9 year old is going to be able to work out that a fat man in a suit doesn’t fly all over the world in one night in a sled pulled by a few reindeer. If they haven’t questioned it then they probably don’t want to. I’m sure there’s plenty of magic left for them even if they know that particular thing is nonsense.
Hmm
Ilovechristmasasmuchasiloveyou · 21/10/2021 20:05

Yanbu Op

Palavah · 21/10/2021 20:06

Yabu, they'll find out soon anyway

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/10/2021 20:06

So, they still believed but he decided in his wisdom to tell them?

Arsehole.

Original poster
tryingtosavethemagic · 21/10/2021 20:07

@WheelieBinPrincess

They haven’t ruined the magic. Any halfway bright 9 year old is going to be able to work out that a fat man in a suit doesn’t fly all over the world in one night in a sled pulled by a few reindeer. If they haven’t questioned it then they probably don’t want to. I’m sure there’s plenty of magic left for them even if they know that particular thing is nonsense.
Hey, what other 'magic' that doesn't relate to believing in something that isn't exactly real is there? Adults know the true magic is spending time but kids not so sure... none of the kids I know that are in same year group have said anything I heard anyway but prob come though as we get closer to Xmas I reckon they defo questions the logistics of it all x
OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 21/10/2021 20:10

Kids figure it out for them selves eventually.
There's no need to actually say it and break the spell.
I knew when I was 9. I was chattering away on Christmas morning about FC when my DM told me he wasn't real. We were in the church car park and she said I was going to embarrass myself if I kept taking about him as though he was real. Of course I bloody knew, but I was enjoying the magic.

I cried right there in the car park, not because of a huge revelation, but because my DM wasn't playing along any more. In that moment she made a snap decision to break the magic. Serves her right that she had to take a sobbing 9yo child into a Christmas Day service. Some
things should never be spoken.

Other children in your DCs classes will have been told, and will try to pass on their knowledge. Whether your DC chose to believe it or not is up to them.
If you really think the cousins will say something, you should probably be prepared for it in the run up to Christmas if you see them, not just Christmas Day.

Fernhilde · 21/10/2021 20:10

I think you might be being unreasonable unless you plan to keep the cousins separate for months/years until your children realise.
Would your children be more upset to lose Santa or their cousins on Christmas Day?
Also it's a bit sad for the cousins if this year they lose Christmas with extended family as well as Father Christmas. Seems like a horrible Christmas for them.

WheelieBinPrincess · 21/10/2021 20:11

Well people do things differently….personally we only ever had FC bring us token gifts in a stocking, no way would my parents have met a mythical creature take credit for all the presents they’d saved hard for and wrapped! My cousins were the opposite- EVERYTHING was from Fc. So I suppose to us it wasn’t a huge loss to know that all those gifts hadn’t been made in the North Pole by some elves.

Plus my younger brother freaked the feck out at the idea of a random dude poking around in his room on Christmas Eve.

Clocktopus · 21/10/2021 20:12

Even without the Santa issue, it's your Christmas and its up to you how to spend it. If you want Christmas just your immediate family then do it.

NavigatingAdolescence · 21/10/2021 20:12

@WheelieBinPrincess

They haven’t ruined the magic. Any halfway bright 9 year old is going to be able to work out that a fat man in a suit doesn’t fly all over the world in one night in a sled pulled by a few reindeer. If they haven’t questioned it then they probably don’t want to. I’m sure there’s plenty of magic left for them even if they know that particular thing is nonsense.
Mine has never believed. There’s still loads of magic. (Predominantly natural, not from the Argos catalogue.)
Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/10/2021 20:12

My DS is 8 and I'm wondering whether I should bring it up or not. I'm hoping he figures it out on his own!

VestaTilley · 21/10/2021 20:19

YANBU at all- your poor cousins DC must be devastated, and traumatised.

That is terrible parenting on the part of your cousin, and I’d be telling him so.

I wouldn’t want all the children to be punished by a Christmas apart. Could you maybe ask your cousin to ask his children not to say anything?

BeautyQueenIamNot · 21/10/2021 20:20

@tryingtosavethemagic - you do Christmas however you want to, and if that’s staying home stay home

My 9 (nearly 10 year old) year 5 is starting to twig something doesn’t add up…..in all honesty I am amazed we’ve managed this long

It’s sad 😞 as I love all the magic which surrounds it all and I’m hoping they don’t spoil it for the younger ones.

NavigatingAdolescence · 21/10/2021 20:21

@VestaTilley

YANBU at all- your poor cousins DC must be devastated, and traumatised.

That is terrible parenting on the part of your cousin, and I’d be telling him so.

I wouldn’t want all the children to be punished by a Christmas apart. Could you maybe ask your cousin to ask his children not to say anything?

I absolutely hated being forced to lie about it to my sibling after working it out at 6.
Beachbabe1 · 21/10/2021 20:29

YANBU keep the magic alive. Imagine the kids told your kids on Xmas day!! (Which they probably will) My 7 year old won't have long left believing which is sad :(

Clocktopus · 21/10/2021 20:33

Ultimately though, your kids will find out at some point and you can't control what they hear from other people. Two of my DC know the truth and Chriatmas is no less magical for it, its still exciting as fuck to get presents and have a party day no matter what your age.

LemonWeb · 21/10/2021 20:33

I don’t understand how children believe in this past the age of 5 or so. Any child who thinks reasonably deeply about the Santa thing would realise how implausible it is Confused All of my dc had figured it out before Y1. We still have a lovely time at Christmas

AspCommie · 21/10/2021 20:41

Wow 9 seems really old to still believe!

I'm pretty sure it was all round the class that he wasn't real when we were 6 or so.

Oldnews · 21/10/2021 20:45

Isn't christmas about spending time with your family, and love and togetherness? Or is it about pretending a man in a red suit gives everyone presents?

Such a strange view of where christmas magic comes from.