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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Father Christmas

110 replies

tryingtosavethemagic · 21/10/2021 19:43

My cousin has told his kids aged 9 and 8 the truth about Father Christmas in October. Not because his kids asked but because his wife believed still when she was in yr 7 and she doesn't want her kids to feel stupid the way she did back then... The kids were really upset apparently this is what they told us.

So after some thought we normally spend Christmas Day together. I think they have ruined the magic for their kids (their choice of course). My kids are the same age as theirs so I have said that this year I don't want to spend the day with them. I don't want to risk my kids finding out. Especially on the actual day when opening and showing each other Father Christmas gifts All kids can be quite spiteful these kids are these kids!!

They are not happy at all with us for saying we wanna do it separate this year. I wanna keep the magic alive for mine as long as I possibly can.

AIBU?

OP posts:
cricketmum84 · 21/10/2021 22:22

YANBU. Just because your cousin sounds like an absolute fun sponge.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/10/2021 22:35

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

Fat man in a suit

Well, not wrong.

Like I said way to be vile about a harmless tradition many people find joy in.
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 21/10/2021 22:40

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

To be this upset about the way someone describes a made up thing. Baffling, truly.

anappleadaykeeps · 21/10/2021 22:42

My son, who has ASD, told me aged about 11 that he had worked out FC didn't exist when he was about 9. But he hadn't told me, because he liked the way it (all the traditions around FC) "made him feel". I just hugged him when he told me this, as it was so "DS" and also such a clear way of describing things.

He absolutely realised he needed to still keep the secret for DD (two years younger than him).

And then he said the one thing he couldn't work out was how I made the tooth marks in the carrots we left by the chimney for the reindeer. (I then showed him how to cut reindeer teeth marks in a carrot with a minced pie cutter).

CheapFoodShits · 21/10/2021 22:47

YANBU. My DS is 9 and has figured it out for himself. Obviously my attempts at Father Christmas-ing haven't been as stealthy as I'd hoped. Do what you can to keep the magic alive for them!

23minutesfromTulseHill · 21/10/2021 22:47

showed him how to cut reindeer teeth marks in a carrot with a minced pie cutter
Star Grin
Your son sounds a lot more sensible than many posters, anapple

Jennifer3849 · 21/10/2021 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Kollamoolitumarellipawkyrollo · 21/10/2021 22:55

I think pushing the whole Father Christmas lie onto children sets this sort of situation up. The magic of Christmas absolutely does not have to pivot on a story of a man in a red suit.

We always talk about others believing in different things and that being ok, yet when it comes to Santa, this seems to slip and children are encouraged to go along with it for the littler ones. I find it absurd.

AlwaysLatte · 21/10/2021 23:00

It seems a shame if the other kids are looking forward to spending time with yours. Most older kids I've known have kept quiet and not ruined the magic for the younger ones.

AtlanticCityProof · 21/10/2021 23:00

The message I get from these threads is the older you are, the more likely to be upset.

I’m in the ‘over seven is weird’ camp,

PippinStar · 21/10/2021 23:17

YANBU.

Also, the average age for kids to stop believing is 8 apparently so not sure why people think age 7+ is so odd 🤷🏼‍♀️

www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/kids-give-santa-age-8-adults-still-want-believe-180971063/

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 22/10/2021 07:10

You’re planning on not spending Christmas with them because they told their children the truth rather than continue to lie?
Christmas magic is still achievable without lying, it’s likely most older primary know but keep up the pretence for presents if they have been told Santa does the gifting.

AtlanticCityProof · 22/10/2021 07:27

The last thing you want is to have to tell them yourself so contact with children who know can only be a good thing.

Original poster
tryingtosavethemagic · 22/10/2021 10:06

@Jennifer3849

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.
What did you say that got removed I missed it!!
OP posts:
Original poster
tryingtosavethemagic · 22/10/2021 10:20

Thanks All!!! Some good points raised to consider that I hadn't thought of!!!

OP posts:
garlictwist · 22/10/2021 10:53

I don't think that kids of 9 and 8 would have really believed and anyway - even if they did, FC isn't real. Would you really not spend Christmas with your family because of a myth that your children probably won't care about in a year or two anyway?

MooseBreath · 22/10/2021 11:27

@WheelieBinPrincess I believed until I was 12. I am not unintelligent. I had good grades, a passion for Celtic mythology, and an aptitude for dance and choreography. However, I was a "young" 12 and didn't hit puberty or get interested in typical teenage behaviour until I was close to 16. There's nothing wrong with keeping a childish innocence past the age of 8.

Artie30 · 22/10/2021 12:00

This is why I'm dreading telling Ds. He is 10 and has sen, younger than his peers but I feel like I'll have to tell all before secondary school next year. But I'm worried sick he'll tell Dd who is just turned 6!! He wouldn't do it out of spite but like I said he has sen and worried he'll tell her.

YANBU.

I fully believed until 10/11 (told before secondary school). I don't think I re call ever taking about if Santa is real or not at primary or secondary. I did have one friend that still believed in year 8 but she was never picked on for it.

Dp said he figured it out when he was maybe 7 as his mum was pants at hiding stuff - my mum was ott. She'd hide out Santa stuff down my grans and totally separate paper etc.!

SpeedRunParent · 22/10/2021 12:03

It's highly unlikely that kids if that she haven't figured it out already, or at least been told by other, brighter children that it's all pretend. If they are choosing to believe for the fun of it then they will ignore their cousins anyway - there's absolutely no way their cousins will be the first child to say anything about it.

Mummyme87 · 22/10/2021 12:06

This is so sad and was unnecessary of them, I wouldn’t be keen to spend Christmas Day with them either for the same reasons.

I was about 10 I think and same as my sister, but I suspect we questioned it the year before. My 7yr old still very much believes, I’m dreading the day he doesn’t.

It’s utterly harmless, and her theory… there’s a big difference between her age kids and a year 7!

FlatteredFool · 22/10/2021 12:10

We need all the magic we can get these days. I still believe and I'm 45. If people can believe in God then they can believe in FC.

BlibBlabBlob · 22/10/2021 12:22

Urrrgh this what happens when parents insist in actively lying to their kids and setting up elaborate deception. You can 'do' Father Christmas without explicitly saying that he is or isn't real. Playing the Santa Game at Christmas is just as magical and fun as trying to convince your kids that an elderly stranger is going to break into your house through a chimney you don't have and creep around their bedroom while they sleep to leave presents.

And for those saying it's harmless, for a few kids it really isn't. If you're autistic and value truth above all and take your parents at their word, it really can break your trust in them when they have to sit you down and tell you the truth as you approach the end of primary school. Because you're supposed to be able to trust your parents to tell the truth! And if they actively lie to you and then have to admit to that later, why should you trust them in any other matter. My own parents struggled to convince me of their (genuine) belief in God after that. If Santa and the Tooth Fairy are made up deceptions, why is God any different?

Honestly if your kids still believe, OP, it's probably better that they hear it from their cousins. You really don't want to have to sit them down and tell them yourself one day.

Like I said, most kids gradually figure it out for themselves (if the parents haven't gone OTT with the deception) and it's no big deal. But for some it really, really is a big deal.

BTW I still have a great time watching Santa films and there is still something very magical about watching DD wake on Christmas morning to discover a stocking full of presents. It's magical for her too, and she gets all that without having to worry about a strange MAN ACTUALLY BREAKING INTO THE HOUSE AND INTO HER ROOM WHILE SHE SLEEPS! I mean seriously, examine that idea without the 'magic' of Santa for a sec and it is really disturbing! Certainly enough to freak out my (autistic) DD; she's very happy to know it's a fun game we are playing and that Father Christmas isn't a magical person, he is actually everyone in this world who loves their kid and wants to make their Christmas a little more special. She also thinks it's great fun to put together a stocking for DH and get to be Santa as well as have him 'visit' her.

Saoirse82 · 22/10/2021 12:27

YANBU. I think around the age of 8 you start to question things, that's when I did because my parents still have the letter I left for santa asking him did he 'igsist'. I think gradually I stopped believing but I enjoyed playing along even when i knew he wasn't real so it would have been spoilt for me if my parents hadn't joined in to keep up the charade. My nephew believed til he was 8 and then after that Christmas he started to wonder and googled it, but he enjoys playing along with the magic for his younger brother. This may be the last Xmas your children believe so enjoy it with your kids without worrying that someone will spoil it for them.

Original poster
tryingtosavethemagic · 22/10/2021 12:29

@SpeedRunParent

It's highly unlikely that kids if that she haven't figured it out already, or at least been told by other, brighter children that it's all pretend. If they are choosing to believe for the fun of it then they will ignore their cousins anyway - there's absolutely no way their cousins will be the first child to say anything about it.
Brighter kids..... Really!!!!

So at 8 if a child still believes they are not as bright as one who doesn't!! Well that's definitely an 'un bright' comment to make.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 22/10/2021 12:36

@BlibBlabBlob

Urrrgh this what happens when parents insist in actively lying to their kids and setting up elaborate deception. You can 'do' Father Christmas without explicitly saying that he is or isn't real. Playing the Santa Game at Christmas is just as magical and fun as trying to convince your kids that an elderly stranger is going to break into your house through a chimney you don't have and creep around their bedroom while they sleep to leave presents.

And for those saying it's harmless, for a few kids it really isn't. If you're autistic and value truth above all and take your parents at their word, it really can break your trust in them when they have to sit you down and tell you the truth as you approach the end of primary school. Because you're supposed to be able to trust your parents to tell the truth! And if they actively lie to you and then have to admit to that later, why should you trust them in any other matter. My own parents struggled to convince me of their (genuine) belief in God after that. If Santa and the Tooth Fairy are made up deceptions, why is God any different?

Honestly if your kids still believe, OP, it's probably better that they hear it from their cousins. You really don't want to have to sit them down and tell them yourself one day.

Like I said, most kids gradually figure it out for themselves (if the parents haven't gone OTT with the deception) and it's no big deal. But for some it really, really is a big deal.

BTW I still have a great time watching Santa films and there is still something very magical about watching DD wake on Christmas morning to discover a stocking full of presents. It's magical for her too, and she gets all that without having to worry about a strange MAN ACTUALLY BREAKING INTO THE HOUSE AND INTO HER ROOM WHILE SHE SLEEPS! I mean seriously, examine that idea without the 'magic' of Santa for a sec and it is really disturbing! Certainly enough to freak out my (autistic) DD; she's very happy to know it's a fun game we are playing and that Father Christmas isn't a magical person, he is actually everyone in this world who loves their kid and wants to make their Christmas a little more special. She also thinks it's great fun to put together a stocking for DH and get to be Santa as well as have him 'visit' her.

Lord I do wonder how people get through life when they take everything so literal. Millions of children believe in Santa and aren’t scarred for life- get a grip