Father Christmas

[tryingtosavethemagic]

My cousin has told his kids aged 9 and 8 the truth about Father Christmas in October. Not because his kids asked but because his wife believed still when she was in yr 7 and she doesn't want her kids to feel stupid the way she did back then... The kids were really upset apparently this is what they told us.

So after some thought we normally spend Christmas Day together. I think they have ruined the magic for their kids (their choice of course). My kids are the same age as theirs so I have said that this year I don't want to spend the day with them. I don't want to risk my kids finding out. Especially on the actual day when opening and showing each other Father Christmas gifts All kids can be quite spiteful these kids are these kids!!

They are not happy at all with us for saying we wanna do it separate this year. I wanna keep the magic alive for mine as long as I possibly can.

AIBU?

@Ionlydomassiveones

“Lord I do wonder how people get through life when they take everything so literal. Millions of children believe in Santa and aren’t scarred for life- get a grip”

Omg this. What is this joyless attitude that you can’t have a bit of fun and play pretend at Christmas.

I feel sorry for the pp’s kid when they proudly said ‘they knew by year 1’ - well how fucking dull and sad that that small child doesn’t have the excitement of tracking Santa’s sleigh on NORAD on Christmas Eve, or lying awake listening out for the sleigh bells, or seeing the crumbs left in the morning where he’s eaten the mince pie…. Children who are older and ‘don’t believe’ still love all that hokum and will gladly play along. It’s part of what makes it special.

My very streetwise 21 year old son still gets asked ‘what would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?’ - he humours me. There is no blooming need at all to make this into some earnest buzzkill conversation for any child. I wonder if all these parents who want to sit down and have the conversation just can’t be arsed with it and it’s easier to burst the bubble than to make a bit of effort keeping the magic going.

Your post seems to be contradicting itself!

On the one hand you're saying "What is this joyless attitude that you can’t have a bit of fun and play pretend at Christmas" and I agree with you, it's fun to pretend and play the "Santa game" at Christmas, putting out a mince pie and a carrot, listening for sleigh bells etc. Children (and indeed adults) love it. It's part of the Christmas tradition in this country.

And yet, on the other hand you appear to be saying that unless young children actually believe that all the pretend stuff is real, they won't enjoy playing the game.

I can't quite see what point you're trying to put across. Perhaps I have misunderstood?

The consequence of creating make believe for children is that they will eventually learn the truth one way or another - either by working it out for themselves or from a sibling or schoolfriend. It is a fact of growing up that should be allowed to happen naturally.

I grew up thinking everyone pretended to believe in FC because it was fun. It was a lovely game that everyone joined in with. I don't recall ever thinking he was real. My parents were brilliant at 'the game', always talked about him like he was real. My 86yo dad still does and so do I with my 12yo son.

I think your brother overreacted. The kinder - and more fun - way to enlighten children who genuinely believe in FC is to drop hints and let them think they have worked it out for themselves. Then they too can continue playing the game.

I think keeping your children apart from their cousins at Christmas just because you want to maintain a pretence would also be overreacting. What would be more fun and memorable for your children? Playing with their cousins on a special family day when everyone is merry and relaxed, or actually believing their presents arrived by magic?

@AnnPerkins
Yes, very sensible. Definitely let them think they’ve worked it out rather than sitting them down and telling them.

I suppose I’m uneasy about over sevens believing because of the level of detail and complexity that must be required to sustain the deception. Of course adults believe all sorts of weird things that defy the laws of physics so I’m sure it’s possible to keep the thing going for ages, but if children have been argued out of their senses for a long time then the belief must get more deeply entrenched like a religion and the actual revelation more difficult.
Father Christmas is fun, but living your life around him to the extent of cutting family out of your life is not a good idea.

@leafeee

Oh come on - you are being extremely unreasonable. As others have said the children have more than likely found out by now

Surely father christmas coming signals the start of Christmas - 12 days of celebration of which that is one. The source of father christmas' presents and the logistics of how they are delivered is a minimal part of the whole Christmas season

It seems everyone has become too fixated on father christmas - the real celebration if we are to celebrate at all is the birth of Jesus surely. Father Christmas is a minor part leading up to the big day

I was told by my parents age 5 that father christmas didnt exist and that he was part of the Christmas tradition, alongside mince pies, carols, going to church, christmas trees etc; it didnt make it any less real and I still got excited about my stocking etc.

We celebrate the original pagan winter/solstice - you know, the celebration was around for thousands of years before Christians decided they liked it and pinched it to celebrate Jesus’ September birth……….

[quote AtlanticCityProof]@AnnPerkins
Yes, very sensible. Definitely let them think they’ve worked it out rather than sitting them down and telling them.

I suppose I’m uneasy about over sevens believing because of the level of detail and complexity that must be required to sustain the deception. Of course adults believe all sorts of weird things that defy the laws of physics so I’m sure it’s possible to keep the thing going for ages, but if children have been argued out of their senses for a long time then the belief must get more deeply entrenched like a religion and the actual revelation more difficult.
Father Christmas is fun, but living your life around him to the extent of cutting family out of your life is not a good idea.[/quote]
Yes this is the issue: over the age of 7, kids learn to distinguish between fantasy and reality. Actively working to keep up the deception at this point really isn't doing your kids any favours. Play the Santa game, absolutely. Just don't go out of your way to convince your kids that it's all real. You don't have to be a total buzzkill and say it's not real either! I never told my daughter that Peppa Pig was real, or not real, but she figured out she was just a cartoon character eventually. The difference is that we don't pretend a two-dimensional talking pig is going to come to the house and deliver presents while children sleep.

And thanks to the post who told me to get a grip. Like I said (1) I accept that it's not a problem and the Santa lie doesn't damage MOST kids. And (2) autistic people have a tendency to value truth above all. Being dishonest sits really, really badly with us. Especially from those closest to us, who we trust to help us navigate a really confusing world.

And to the OP, if keeping an elaborate lie going for your kids is more important than seeing family who you are normally close to, maybe you need to take a careful look at your motivation there.

My SIL has a very different view on Santa to me. Her kids always believed until the maximum possible age. My DD never told them otherwise, even though she is younger. She just assumed they knew it was a game, and they just assumed she thought it was real. It just wasn't a big issue in our house. Everyone got presents in their stocking, everyone was happy, no need for discussion!

I'm pretty sure that NT kids don't believe in Santa much beyond year 3 ish. They may have fun playing along, enjoy putting out stockings etc but they don't seriously think it's 100% real. Common sense and growing awareness of the world dictate otherwise. And eventually when they are ready they raise the subject with their parent.

@LemonWeb and my kids have loved believing way pass the age of 5. Is your parenting group of the same mindset as you?

No, why would I just form friendships with people who think like me ? This isn’t Facebook…

Kids work it out when they're old enough to work it out. By which time they really aren't upset he isn't real. Children aren't going to be scarred for life because of Father bloody Christmas. I wouldn't tell a kid who stills believes that he's not real. That just seems premature.