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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to shun my needy neighbour

151 replies

honeyikeptthekidsthesamesize · 21/10/2021 19:29

I recently moved into a new house. I have said hello to my neighbour on about 3 occasions and since then she has posted a note through my door, inviting me to a welcome party. Sweet this may have been but the note ended with her suggesting I could borrow her lawnmower. My lawn was a little overgrown at this time, so I wasn't sure if she was hinting or not. I didn't reply to the invite, which might have been a little harsh, but I just like to keep myself to myself. Since then she has spoke to me and told me that she made a cake especially for the occasion and had been expecting me to turn up even though I didn't reply. She is married and lives with her husband. She is quite young, but doesn't seem to go out a lot. Anyway, yesterday she knocked my door several times and I ignored it(I was working and did not know it was her so wasn't ignoring her on purpose). She came up to me today saying she wanted to speak to me yesterday to ask if her relatives could park behind my car. Today she came up to me in floods of tears, saying she is distraught because her close relative has recently passed away. Obviously i'm sorry for her loss, but i barely know her so don't really think it is appropriate for her to be crying to me.

I ignore her all the time, wishing she would get the hint that i like my own company but she seems to always be looking for interaction. AIBU to shun her?

OP posts:
LittleDandelionClock · 21/10/2021 22:38

@quitefranklyabsurd

She threw you a welcome party and you didn’t bother even saying you weren’t going? That’s pretty cruel tbh.

She might not be your cup of tea but you don’t need to be so mean.

Seriously ?! Shock

You think someone throwing a welcome party for a new neighbour is normal?

It's as weird as fuk!

And weeping and bawling about her personal problems/ill or deceased relatives to someone she doesn't know, constantly knocking the door, pushing her lawnmower on her implying her garden is scruffy, making cakes for her, etc etc is incredibly weird - and intrusive.

OP needs to ghost her good and proper. I may be projecting slightly, because, as I said, I have been through similar, (although she didn't live next door thank fuk,) but this behaviour is exhausting and time-consuming and hard to deal with for the unfortunate recipient of the obsessive person's unwanted attention.

If it was a man behaving like the OP's neighbour, posters would be telling her to phone the police!

bestcattoyintheworld · 21/10/2021 22:45

I've had a few klingons in the past and you end up having to be rude to them just to reclaim your life. Never again.

The OP obviously picked up on this neighbour's desperation and recoiled from it. I would too. A welcome party for a stranger is just weird.

LittleDandelionClock · 21/10/2021 22:50

@bestcattoyintheworld

I've had a few klingons in the past and you end up having to be rude to them just to reclaim your life. Never again.

The OP obviously picked up on this neighbour's desperation and recoiled from it. I would too. A welcome party for a stranger is just weird.

Exactly this. ^

As I said, you sure can tell the ones on this thread who have been hounded/bugged by people, and had them massively intrude on their life/private life/personal space, and those who haven't! And a couple of people sound like the type who are those clingy people! Shock

Jennifer3849 · 21/10/2021 22:54

This reply has been deleted

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RavingAnnie · 21/10/2021 23:12

I am really antisocial but I do think you've been incredibly rude tbh. Even I would have responded to an invite even if it was to decline. And she may have just been trying to be helpful with the offer of the lawnmower, I think you may have read too much into that one.

haveiahealthyheart · 21/10/2021 23:35

I think I would find you to be pretty rude and unfriendly tbh. But it’s not a hanging offence, it’s a free country, you do you etc etc

Guetzlibache · 22/10/2021 06:38

The unkindness of people on MN is sometimes quite staggering.I reckon most of you spend fucking hours on FB and exchange meaningless rubbish.what a world we live in.....

Cattitudes · 22/10/2021 07:15

I would politely decline invites, requests etc but I would not completely shun because you never know when you will need cordial relationships with your neighbours. Fair enough you might not want to be friends but if their fence blows down into your garden, if they are playing music loudly during work calls, if you are on holiday and someone breaks in. Unless they actually live half a mile away you want to maintain civil relationships with neighbours. I would aim for polite but alof and say that you are working at home and are frequently on important meetings so please not to disturb during those hours.

MoreAloneTime · 22/10/2021 07:22

I mean yes you were very rude not to send a quick thanks but no thanks note under the door but with the way she's behaving you've probably dodged a bullet.

tickledtiger · 22/10/2021 08:34

I keep myself to myself too but you have been rude here.
Keep in mind it sometimes pays to be on good terms with the neighbours.

ItsAllMumboJumbo · 22/10/2021 08:41

You have been really rude. Just say thank you but no thank you
It's no biggie
Ignoring her is horrible

PersonaNonGarter · 22/10/2021 08:43

Neither of you sound very well tbh.

starrynight87 · 22/10/2021 09:54

You were rude to just ignore it, you could have said, 'sorry, my schedule is very busy' but she is rude to keep coming over.

TinnedPotatoesRock · 22/10/2021 11:07

OP didn't reply so the neighbour shouldn't have taken that to be a yes either, it's not OP fault the neighbour decided to throw a party without having a response either way. Who does that?

TaraR2020 · 22/10/2021 11:28

But the neighbour had to continue with plans or risk being guilty of a snub just as great. I agree the neighbour should fabric followed up, but the onus is on the op here.

TaraR2020 · 22/10/2021 11:29

*have followed (not fabric!)

CremeEggThief · 22/10/2021 11:36

Some lovely comments on here that reveal many people's real attitudes to mental health problems...🙄

WellLarDeDar · 22/10/2021 11:39

You were rude not to reply to her invite she was probably just trying to be welcoming. She does sound like a bit much, but she probably just wanted to make friends and if her close relative just passed away she's probably feeling devastated and a bit lost and unlikely to be really well composed.

authenticforgery · 22/10/2021 11:42

She sounds needy. You sound quite rude.

Sparklfairy · 22/10/2021 11:43

I think you're pretty rude but some people are like that. I'm friendly enough to my neighbours but we are no closer than just saying hi when we pass in the communal hall. Its not difficult.

antoniawhite · 22/10/2021 11:57

You should have written a note about the welcome party, saying thank you but you couldn't make it. That would have taken you five minutes.
She does sound a bit full-on, but it wouldn't have cost you much to be at least civil. I feel a bit sorry for her.

altforvarmt · 22/10/2021 11:59

You sound pretty rude and unpleasant.

You could have found a way to be pleasant, neighbourly, yet firmly clear that you're not looking for friendship or over-familiarity.

Instead, you just went straight for obnoxious and anti-social. Are we meant to say "You go girl!"?

Hont1986 · 22/10/2021 12:51

You could have found a way to be pleasant, neighbourly, yet firmly clear that you're not looking for friendship or over-familiarity.

The way to do this is to not interact with your neighbour outside of occasional hellos which is what OP had already been doing.

MareofBeasttown · 22/10/2021 14:07

This is where I diverge from MN because in my world inviting a neighbour for a welcome party would be a nice gesture, which I would at least respond to. Neighbours in the past have done this and I didnt think they were weird as fuck. However it was not in the UK

CecilieRose · 22/10/2021 14:14

I think you sound really rude and ignorant. You should have replied to the invite, even to politely decline it, and it was completely reasonable for her to ask if her relatives could park behind your car. I'm sure you'd have been on here whingeing if they'd blocked you in.

I get not wanting to be pally with neighbours because I also like to keep to myself, but there's a reasonable level of civility expected, and you're falling way below it.