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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH buying cheap at the supermarket.

391 replies

WhatsAppening · 21/10/2021 14:05

I know this is a first world problem but humour me.

DH is wonderful in every way but we have very different attitudes to spending.

I work crazy hours and am rarely home for dinner so the weekly shop falls to him, he orders it and I collect it. Every week I want to cry into the boot of my car as I pack bags of Tesco Value everything.

He knows I love a roast on a Sunday and that’s one of few days I’m almost guaranteed to be home for dinner. He isn’t the best of cooks but he tries really hard.

He always buys own brand cheap frozen roast potatoes/yorkshires. I am not at all averse to frozen ones but these are the 30p a bag version and they taste of sadness and misery.

He’s bought a pre prepared pork joint which I know from experience will be dry and tasteless. It would be a better economy to slow roast a shoulder joint and have sandwich meat for the week.

The kicker though this week is he’s bought value cat litter. Cat litter ffs. It’s rubbish. The house will stink.

We budget £600 pcm for the supermarket and he rarely spends more than £90pw and that includes four bottles of wine for me.

AIBU? YABU he’s being frugal and that’s good and you only have one meal a week at home anyway so suck it up.

YANBU he could splash out a bit on certain things.

OP posts:
SmallPrawnEnergy · 21/10/2021 16:41

@MsTSwift

Is there a word for people that are unnecessarily tight? I encountered an elderly yet healthy man widowed no kids hundreds of thousands sitting in the bank shopping at Lidl when there is m and s next door.
Am I missing something here? Lidl does good food. They’ve won many awards for their quality.
Original poster
WhatsAppening · 21/10/2021 16:41

They don’t have to be Aunt Bessies, but even the Tesco finest ones taste crispy and fluffy, the budget ones are just hard dry rocks. I’d prefer home made every time but the better pre made ones are decent.

And the olive ciabatta from the co op is miles nicer than plain white part baked baguettes. I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make really.

It’s not snobbery. They are different things. Just like a creamy stinky French Brie, even from the co op, is nicer than the plasticky own brand Camembert.

I never said anything about it being high end foodGrin.

I love food, I like cooking, but I’d still rather go out to dinner or have a takeaway. I’m talking about a lovely curry, not a kebab (although I do love a kebab too).

OP posts:
MintyGreenDream · 21/10/2021 16:41

Now I really want 4 bottles of wine...

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 21/10/2021 16:42

I added in my wine and some nice bread and cheese to hold the basket. He swapped it out for own brand.

No! He has crossed a line there. Don't stand for it, OP. I'm guessing you earn most of the money, as you work such long hours. Let him eat cheap crap if he wants. He does not have the right to inflict it on you.

Chipsinthewoods · 21/10/2021 16:42

I wouldn’t shop in M&s even if I could afford it

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 21/10/2021 16:42

@LunaMay parboiling makes better roasties - fluffy on the inside and crunchy on the outside.

longtompot · 21/10/2021 16:43

Could you one day when you are both home, show him how easy it is to make Yorkshire puddings and roast potatoes from scratch? They can then be frozen and he can use them when he makes his roast?
My dh had never made a Yorkshire pudding until a few years ago, and when asked if he could help with something I said he could make them. He was surprised at how easy they were and I was surprised at how well they rose! Much better than mine usually are.
Or, as you said you forgo your roast at work, have that instead and just have something else when you get home?

dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 21/10/2021 16:44

Nobody can cock up a Tesco/Asda or M&S chicken in a bag and they are very cheap.

TatianaBis · 21/10/2021 16:49

Next weekend why doesn’t he just do this: Tesco lamb shank and roasted veg

He only needs to shove it in the oven.

Jillydix · 21/10/2021 16:50

Bless him. After all the threads on here about truly dreadful, abusive partners, it's so lovely to read about one that genuinely wants to do something nice for his partner (roast dinner). I know he hasn't managed it yet, but its a lovely thought, and he certainly does seem to have a lot of good attributes. Perhaps I'm more sympathetic than most, as I am a pretty awful cook.

Beautiful3 · 21/10/2021 16:52

Your husband sounds lovely. If you don't like the way he shops, then maybe order what you want online, and get it delivered on the day you're in.

SpeakingFranglais · 21/10/2021 16:53

Not sure if it’s been mentioned before but have you actually said “oy Fred, stop buying all that value shit, you might not be able to tell but I can and I don’t want to eat it”

My DH however is the opposite, wouldn’t think anything of spending £12 on six scallops for a snack. I’m the one that keeps a rein in things but I am a confident cook and enjoy making good food from the cheaper cuts of meat and what’s left on the Whoops counter.

YANBU, get him told.

cushioncovers · 21/10/2021 16:53

If you want change op you have to instigate it we can't magic up and answer for you.

Timetoretiretospain · 21/10/2021 16:54

@Luckytattie

This is not about the wine. Move on.
😂😂😂yep !
me4real · 21/10/2021 16:57

YANBU.

The really basic stuff tends to be a false economy/not actually good value due to the crap standard, or it doesn't go so far.

Timetoretiretospain · 21/10/2021 16:59

@WhatsAppening

So I’ve just got out of the shower and he’s popped his head in the bedroom to catch me naked let me know how much overtime he’s earned this month (more than I earn in a month, incidentally).

Oh good, I said. Does that mean we can buy Aunt Bessies instead of those horrible ones that taste like dust?

Oh, he said. I didn’t realise you didn’t like them. Yep, no worries.

I really should have had this conversation weeks ago…

He’s lovely!!!!!
RavensWig · 21/10/2021 17:02

Awww well I think it's sweet - he's lovingly cooking up grey manky roasties while you're sweating at the pub 150 hours a week dreaming of Aunt Bessie's...and his easy reaction to your comment was hilarious after all the angst. Grin

I'm totally shit at cooking - my DH does everything, and does the best home made roast without a frozen spud in sight (I have to peel them though, that's the deal). I am the sole breadwinner and work full time - from home, out in a custom office built by him! He is renovating our house but does the shopping and cooking - I can barely make a sandwich. I'm in a senior management role and have a lot of responsibility, but at home I'm a total princess. I'm sure he gets annoyed with me at times and my mother would turn in her grave that I'm such a poor cook! I'm pathetically grateful for whatever he turns out, I'm very lucky.

But that doesn't mean you can't tell your DH that you'd rather spend an extra quid on decent potatoes.

DartmoorChef · 21/10/2021 17:03

Surely you have one day off in the week? Cook a roast on that day. It doesn't have to be a Sunday.

diddl · 21/10/2021 17:03

@MsTSwift

Is there a word for people that are unnecessarily tight? I encountered an elderly yet healthy man widowed no kids hundreds of thousands sitting in the bank shopping at Lidl when there is m and s next door.
Perhaps he likes to shop there or just sees food as a necessity & not worth spending more than you need to on?
Jillydix · 21/10/2021 17:04

Love this thread! Just so nice to see something about a great relationship, with a human (and therefore not faultless), but nice partner / husband. And OP "complains" about him with grace and humour. I know that there are millions of lovely relationships in the world, but sometimes Mumsnet skews my view. Thanks for reminding us!

diddl · 21/10/2021 17:06

"Oh, he said. I didn’t realise you didn’t like them. Yep, no worries.

I really should have had this conversation weeks ago…"

Ah good, glad it's sorted!

thevassal · 21/10/2021 17:07

Op if he is only really making the roast for you because he isn't that bothered about food and you have the option of eating a nice roast at work, can't you just say that you've already had two roasts that week at work, or that its an idea to save time/money that you'll eat at work and you would honestly prefer to just have a takeaway or snacks bits on a Sunday for a break from heavy meals, which would let you spend more time together rather than the money and effort in cooking and cleaning up after a roast?

You still get a nice roast = win for you. He doesn't have to spend time cooking a meal he's not that bothered about = win for him.

CaptainCabinets · 21/10/2021 17:14

I’ve skimmed the thread, glad he’s conceded on the potatoes.

But you really do drink too much. 14 units is the recommended weekly limit for women and you’re drinking at least 3x that. If you ‘need it to sleep’, there’s a problem (it actually exacerbates the sleeping problem, but that’s another thread.) Lots of people in the hospitality industry (especially management) have issues with drink or substances. I know you don’t think you drink too much (although you’re minimising by calling it ‘2 large glasses’ instead of ‘most of a bottle’) but unfortunately you do, and it’ll have a knock-on effect on you if you continue to drink that much. The responses would be much different if you posted saying your DH drank that much.

Graphista · 21/10/2021 17:21

But he HASN'T stepped up to the plate has he? He's buying cheap, crap processed food and thats what he is feeding your child/ren too.

How long has this been going on?
Ludicrous not to talk to him honestly if diplomatically - imo this is a health issue as much as a different spending habits one

My ex couldn't cook at first but he learned gradually

No reason your man can't do the same

He's not frugal he's mean!

The alcohol consumption is a whole other thread!

If he had to cook from scratch it would eat into his work time and his leisure time

And? That's the reality of being an adult and a parent - did it not eat into YOUR leisure time when you did it?

This isn't about not being a foodie this is about not making an effort and also he's undermining you how dare he remove items you've added it's your money paying for it too!

Tbh it’s not about that, him and DS are very happy with their diet of ready made lasagne and frozen pizzas, I’m not worried about that.

Why not? I would be very worried from a nutritional/health standpoint

15 hour days surely isn't legal?!

Fruit etc outside of most meals won't make up for the poor quality and nutrition of the meals, overall your son is by the sound of it having a pretty poor diet because of dh approach

It taking him a long time is normal when learning the way to speed up is practice!

Glad you're finally communicating with him on this

I'm honestly more concerned by the health aspects of what you've told us than the other factors

2Two · 21/10/2021 17:23

Can you tactfully suggest cooking lessons? He may well accept that is a good way to learn to get the best value out of food.