DH buying cheap at the supermarket.

[WhatsAppening]

I know this is a first world problem but humour me.

DH is wonderful in every way but we have very different attitudes to spending.

I work crazy hours and am rarely home for dinner so the weekly shop falls to him, he orders it and I collect it. Every week I want to cry into the boot of my car as I pack bags of Tesco Value everything.

He knows I love a roast on a Sunday and that’s one of few days I’m almost guaranteed to be home for dinner. He isn’t the best of cooks but he tries really hard.

He always buys own brand cheap frozen roast potatoes/yorkshires. I am not at all averse to frozen ones but these are the 30p a bag version and they taste of sadness and misery.

He’s bought a pre prepared pork joint which I know from experience will be dry and tasteless. It would be a better economy to slow roast a shoulder joint and have sandwich meat for the week.

The kicker though this week is he’s bought value cat litter. Cat litter ffs. It’s rubbish. The house will stink.

We budget £600 pcm for the supermarket and he rarely spends more than £90pw and that includes four bottles of wine for me.

AIBU? YABU he’s being frugal and that’s good and you only have one meal a week at home anyway so suck it up.

YANBU he could splash out a bit on certain things.

If he is stepping up as you put it, he needs to do it properly, lots of people work and manage to come home and cook more nutritious meals, so what if it cuts into his leisure time a bit?

He owes it to the kids to provide them with the best meal possible, all the constant frozen and ready made stuff is so processed and really not healthy in the long run.

for example- bolognaise- jar sauce full
Of sugar- he can easily just add chopped tomatoes instead.

Why don’t you sit and do the shopping once with him for the usual stuff, he can tell you what he wants to cook and you can add the good stuff And then he can carry on with that going forward.

i really don’t understand people not being able to cook in this modern world, we have books, tv shows, youtube.. very easy to learn basic meals.

I did actually book the slot this week and added in my wine and some nice bread and cheese to hold the basket. He swapped it out for own brand.

There was no malice in him swapping my ciabatta and Brie out for cheaper stuff, he genuinely would have thought he was doing the right thing by getting the cheaper stuff.

I think you maybe giving him too much credit.

It's twatty of him to swap your choice of bread of his own. Why do you think he does it genuinely?

He's either a miser or controlling, both of which are bad.

Tell him that he can't swap out your selections.

My brother has just left his management position in a pub/restaurant after having a break down. Some places are great and being the boss gives you perks, some places work you like a dog and crush you with responsibility. Either way if you think of the average working week being 35, if someone works a 60 hour week they are literally fitting 2 of the average persons working weeks into 1 actual week.
If you can't work that hard and at least enjoy some nice food and wine whats the point?
OP if money isn't an issue, go on bloody ocado and order yourself some nice food to be delivered when you know your husband will be home.

If it's only really the roast that bothers you, could you say 'let's scrap cooking a roast every week and we'll go out for one instead?'
DH and I decided that we both love a roast but when we thought about the cost of the food, cost of cooking, 1 of us in the kitchen prepping and cooking it, plus the time spent washing up and cleaning (we don't have a dish washer 😡) that we would go out for it every week instead and scrap the takeaways (except for birthdays and Christmas Eve)

I am not at all averse to frozen ones but these are the 30p a bag version and they taste of sadness and misery
This is absolutely true.

But just for one dinner I’d like something that’s actually nice
YANBU.

@WhatsAppening

There was no malice in him swapping my ciabatta and Brie out for cheaper stuff, he genuinely would have thought he was doing the right thing by getting the cheaper stuff.

Why does he thonk that he knows better than you do what you would like to eat?

Would it cause an argument for you to tell him that you don't like the puds & spuds & to either buy better or make them himself?

It's the one meal that you eat-why wouldn't he want to cook it as you like it?

OP - I'm a food nerd and I sympathise!!!

I had the opposite problem - my DP has never had to worry about money and goes through the supermarket throwing everything that catches his eye into the trolley. I've been through hard times, and was taught very well by my mum to choose which things to buy dirt cheap and which things to spend more money on. Now our shopping lists look a bit more savvy!

My DP was also the type to eat anything not directly toxic, just to keep him going. You should have seen my reaction the first month we lived together, when I saw him putting plain, unseasoned chicken breasts in the oven and then putting the dry chunks in a plain wrap with mayonnaise...

We had a few conversations where I explained that I see food as being closely linked to love, communication, and treating yourself/others with respect (my family background is Irish/Arabic, so perhaps you can see where I got this from!)

It sounds like you're very busy, but is there a chance you can carve out a leisurely evening to spend making a really lovely meal together? With specially chosen ingredients to make it extra nice? Your DP might be surprised by the difference in the final result, and even if every dinner time isn't such a special occasion, it might give him the confidence to up his game?

@marykitty

If this thread would be reversed (DH complaining about a DW which is doing 100% of meal planning and cooking) everyone would tell him to STFU

Yep yep But this is mumsnet. He must be wrong.

So I’ve just got out of the shower and he’s popped his head in the bedroom to catch me naked let me know how much overtime he’s earned this month (more than I earn in a month, incidentally).

Oh good, I said. Does that mean we can buy Aunt Bessies instead of those horrible ones that taste like dust?

Oh, he said. I didn’t realise you didn’t like them. Yep, no worries.

I really should have had this conversation weeks ago…

I sort of understand why your non-foodie DH might think that buying value and feeding the children jar and ping food is a good idea but I do think he needs to educate himself a bit as to what highly processed foods like ready made lasagna are doing to his health and that of his children. The BBC had a shocking documentary on the subject recently.

www.bbc.co.uk/food/articles/van_tulleken

It might take him longer than you to cook from scratch but he hasn't had your years of practice - as he learns he will get quicker. And frankly it doesn't take much longer to chop an onion and some celery, grate a carrot and add that and a tin of chopped tomatoes and herbs to mince than it takes to add a jar of sauce full of sugar, salt and preservatives.

I did actually book the slot this week and added in my wine and some nice bread and cheese to hold the basket. He swapped it out for own brand.

That's awful. I'd be crying too.

Isn't it great how lots of posters are suggesting that the OP takes on more work around this?!

Glad that's sorted OP hopefully now you can have a word about him removing your items out of the basket...

@HerRoyalWitchyness

Glad that's sorted OP hopefully now you can have a word about him removing your items out of the basket...

Yeah I’m going to mention that too. He just wouldn’t have thought oh that’s specific treats for DW, he’s have though bread and cheese? I can get that cheaper. He wouldn’t touch my wine choice, he knows that’s specific.

Sorry for typos, I’m posting while getting ready

What about if you agreed that anything you put in the basket stays in? E.g. you can add nice bread etc and good Yorkshire's and he doesn't remove them, but otherwise you don't interfere? It's not like you have to both go in at the same time, so there's no reason you need to sit next to eachother?

I know your Aldi is far away but could you try it even for a week or two ?

It’s not as nice as the high priced brands but it’s nowhere near the shit Tesco pass off. He might just notice the difference in quality (especially with you admiring it) and rethink some of what he’s buying in Tesco.

OP, I think you'd be complaining more if you were at our house. I also work Sundays 8-5pm (leave 7am) so have to be honest and wouldn't want to get up earlier and prep veg etc. DH always readily cooks on my, but it's always something with value rice (admittedly we budget so I can't complain about type of rice). On a good night I get a fish risotto, other times it's a bean chilli, something out of the freezer with rice, but he did try a new recipe last Sunday with chickpeas. It does get a bit samey but to be honest I'm glad I don't have to stand and cook tea (I'm on my feet all day). I fancy a roast in the next couple of days, so plan to do one on Saturday.

You made a mistake mentioning the wine, OP.

Mumsnet used to love a G&T and revelled in mainlining Pinot while hiding behind the fridge door. Now it’s all cats bum mouths, head tilts and ‘are you sure you don’t have a drink problem?’ if you so much as sniff an empty wine glass.

@WhatsAppening

Yeah I’m going to talk to him. Gently.

I’m a manager in a pub/restaurant. It’s a crazy lifestyle but I love it.

Steal some ingredients at the end of the shift then

@ravenmum

How old are the kids? They need to learn how to make super-simple basics such as roast potatoes (literally just boiling potatoes and sticking in the oven with some fat) or they'll end up as lacking in confidence as their dad. When my son was 14ish I sent him on a sushi making course for children in the summer holidays. Today he's 21 and uses his cooking skills to attract girls Get the kids to watch a Youtube video on roast potatoes and have them practice every week.

Wait, you're supposed to boil the potatoes first? Why?

Is there a word for people that are unnecessarily tight? I encountered an elderly yet healthy man widowed no kids hundreds of thousands sitting in the bank shopping at Lidl when there is m and s next door.

I’m glad you spoke it. It’s such a non thing not to be able to communicate about.

I do find it odd that you supposedly know good food, “ate like kings” when you cooked and find take aways more special than cooking for your family the only day you’re home and able to, yet you’re ok with aunt bessies rather than own brand. It’s often made in the same place, same production line just different packaging. It’s plain and simple brand snobbery because they both taste like shite. The same way a ciabatta from the co op is shite but you think is luxury bread, yet scoff at a part baked baguette from Tesco. The coop isn’t better than Tesco, it’s still mass produced bread. But enjoy your sad frozen roasts with your high end potatoes

I do love Aunt Bessie's Yorkshires. Yummmm. I hope this is the last Sunday you eat a rubbish roast.

OP is there a reason why you can’t do the shop online yourself and get it delivered?

I find it odd that you haven’t insisted on your own food, specific brands etc. Nor do I understand why you’re letting him feed you kids shite. If DH is shopping whatever I have contributed to the list, he gets.

There is no point continuing this charade of ghastly Sunday roast when he probably doesn’t like cooking it anyway.

@MsTSwift

Is there a word for people that are unnecessarily tight? I encountered an elderly yet healthy man widowed no kids hundreds of thousands sitting in the bank shopping at Lidl when there is m and s next door.

The only word I can think of is "miser", but it seems a bit extreme for this chap!