Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH buying cheap at the supermarket.

391 replies

WhatsAppening · 21/10/2021 14:05

I know this is a first world problem but humour me.

DH is wonderful in every way but we have very different attitudes to spending.

I work crazy hours and am rarely home for dinner so the weekly shop falls to him, he orders it and I collect it. Every week I want to cry into the boot of my car as I pack bags of Tesco Value everything.

He knows I love a roast on a Sunday and that’s one of few days I’m almost guaranteed to be home for dinner. He isn’t the best of cooks but he tries really hard.

He always buys own brand cheap frozen roast potatoes/yorkshires. I am not at all averse to frozen ones but these are the 30p a bag version and they taste of sadness and misery.

He’s bought a pre prepared pork joint which I know from experience will be dry and tasteless. It would be a better economy to slow roast a shoulder joint and have sandwich meat for the week.

The kicker though this week is he’s bought value cat litter. Cat litter ffs. It’s rubbish. The house will stink.

We budget £600 pcm for the supermarket and he rarely spends more than £90pw and that includes four bottles of wine for me.

AIBU? YABU he’s being frugal and that’s good and you only have one meal a week at home anyway so suck it up.

YANBU he could splash out a bit on certain things.

OP posts:
Flufferty · 21/10/2021 17:47

Just tell him

HeadNorth · 21/10/2021 17:59

@2Two

Can you tactfully suggest cooking lessons? He may well accept that is a good way to learn to get the best value out of food.
Can you imagine the uproar on here if a man ‘tactfully’ suggested cooking lessons to his wife Grin
PrivateHall · 21/10/2021 18:01

@Graphista

But he HASN'T stepped up to the plate has he? He's buying cheap, crap processed food and thats what he is feeding your child/ren too.

How long has this been going on?
Ludicrous not to talk to him honestly if diplomatically - imo this is a health issue as much as a different spending habits one

My ex couldn't cook at first but he learned gradually

No reason your man can't do the same

He's not frugal he's mean!

The alcohol consumption is a whole other thread!

If he had to cook from scratch it would eat into his work time and his leisure time

And? That's the reality of being an adult and a parent - did it not eat into YOUR leisure time when you did it?

This isn't about not being a foodie this is about not making an effort and also he's undermining you how dare he remove items you've added it's your money paying for it too!

Tbh it’s not about that, him and DS are very happy with their diet of ready made lasagne and frozen pizzas, I’m not worried about that.

Why not? I would be very worried from a nutritional/health standpoint

15 hour days surely isn't legal?!

Fruit etc outside of most meals won't make up for the poor quality and nutrition of the meals, overall your son is by the sound of it having a pretty poor diet because of dh approach

It taking him a long time is normal when learning the way to speed up is practice!

Glad you're finally communicating with him on this

I'm honestly more concerned by the health aspects of what you've told us than the other factors

He is sorting all childcare and all meals, whilst working FT as well as large amounts of overtime apparently (OP says his overtime payments are more than her total wage).

Now you say he should be cooking from scratch too?

Would you say this if the roles were reversed, and a man was complaining that his wife wasn't cooking well enough, despite working FT + extra hours + all childcare, homeworks etc?

OP seems to be getting off pretty light here. My husband and I share the home stuff, I cannot imagine expecting him to manage EVERYTHING yet me then pettily complaining about roast potatoes, the one day I am home to share a meal with my family.....

PrivateHall · 21/10/2021 18:04

@2Two

Can you tactfully suggest cooking lessons? He may well accept that is a good way to learn to get the best value out of food.
When is he meant to have time to fit in cooking lessons?

Again, if the roles were reversed and a man was leaving his wife to work FT and manage EVERYTHING at home with the kids and meals etc, and he then complained about roasties.... would you tell him to book her cooking lessons?

This man is flat out, he really does have my sympathies. Sounds like a pretty miserable family life to me.

Lweji · 21/10/2021 18:05

I would be honest.
If his cooking efforts are to open packets, at least he can choose some decent packets to open.
Or learn to make them more appetising.

WhatsAppening · 21/10/2021 18:14

Erm, I never said he does EVERYTHING.

We both work bloody hard, but it’s a roughly 50:50 split. He does all the cooking but I do all the admin; I do the morning school run every day and the afternoon a couple of times a week (shift dependant) same with the dogs. He surface cleans every day, I deep clean once a week.

Life is good. Busy but good. We have a date night every week and family time with the kids.

OP posts:
JustLyra · 21/10/2021 18:20

Cat litter may have been no choice as there’s constant shortages. We’ve had to have a different brand every week recently as there’s so little of it available

Sounds like it’s easily sorted from your chat about the roasties.

BananaPB · 21/10/2021 18:23

I would hate that too. Perhaps you can use Christmas approaching as a chance for him to practice stuff like Yorkshires and roasties. He probably means well by being frugal but maybe convince him that at least the weekend roast should be "the good stuff"

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 21/10/2021 18:26

@BananaPB

I would hate that too. Perhaps you can use Christmas approaching as a chance for him to practice stuff like Yorkshires and roasties. He probably means well by being frugal but maybe convince him that at least the weekend roast should be "the good stuff"
People have Yorkshire puddings with Christmas dinner?
BananaPB · 21/10/2021 18:28

Oops that logic doesn't follow. If he learns Yorkshires then toad in the hole becomes a possibility on weekdays

AnitaMani · 21/10/2021 18:31

@WhatsAppening

Erm, I never said he does EVERYTHING.

We both work bloody hard, but it’s a roughly 50:50 split. He does all the cooking but I do all the admin; I do the morning school run every day and the afternoon a couple of times a week (shift dependant) same with the dogs. He surface cleans every day, I deep clean once a week.

Life is good. Busy but good. We have a date night every week and family time with the kids.

How did a post about frozen food become a post about your relationship 🙄
Briony123 · 21/10/2021 18:31

If you want something done how you want it done, then you have to do it yourself.

Graphista · 21/10/2021 18:40

He is sorting all childcare and all meals, whilst working FT as well as large amounts of overtime apparently (OP says his overtime payments are more than her total wage).

Which many many women also do and cook from scratch

If the sexes were reversed and the woman was feeding their dc cheap processed crap mostly yes i would (and have been on other threads) equally critical.

Doesn't have to be from scratch every night but the cheap processed stuff needs to be in the minority

Lots of from scratch dishes can be made pretty easily/quickly eg I had pasta last night with veg and home made tomato and basil sauce took me less than 20 mins to make, admittedly the sauce tastes even better when made ahead of time

That's another thing he could batch cook too, lots of batch cook dishes it really doesn't take much longer to make 4 portions as two, then they can be frozen and they would then serve as what I call "home made ready meals" as they just need defrosted (usually simply a case of popping in fridge night before) and reheating (I don't have a microwave but could be microwaved I generally reheat in the oven) for days when there's less time to prep/cook

Erm, I never said he does EVERYTHING.

Thought not - you mentioned leisure time earlier which yes everyone needs but as a parent you tend to have less of

It's also possible to do a mix of "from scratch" and ready made which many families do.

So eg stir fry made with lots of lovely fresh veg and perhaps some protein too (meat or in my case tofu or quorn) a home made sauce or even just a splash of soy sauce or a little sweet chilli sauce and some rice or noodles

A from scratch casserole or stew (these are very easy, the cooking time is long but they don't take long to prep) but with (decent quality) frozen roasties

I'm disabled and that impacts on what I'm able to prep and cook now and how long I can stand at the cooker so I get things like carrot batons, prepped butternut squash etc as I'm no longer safe with a sharp knife and root veg!

It's a compromise.

I generally eat pretty healthily, a wide variety of foods. I'm also working on losing weight at the moment following a spell of ill health which led to weight gain and increased bp

Some days it's totally from scratch, some days it's all ready made and some days a mix. But more towards the from scratch end of things.

The same was true when I was a single mum working full time, long commute etc

People have Yorkshire puddings with Christmas dinner?

Oh definitely!

Yorkie, bit of stuffing and gravy...yum!

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 21/10/2021 19:25

@Graphista

I've always been told that yorkshires are for Sunday roasts only! Shock

Graphista · 21/10/2021 22:47

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

Anyone telling you that get rid! You don't need that kinda negativity in your Xmas dinner Wink

Purists will say only with beef too but I don't see why I should miss out on lovely yorkies as a veggie

Sadly I'm on frozen ones these days I used to make cracking yorkies!

waterrat · 21/10/2021 23:31

This sounds so horribly unhealthy. Sauce in a jar all the time and cheap frozen potatoes ..I'm a really crap cook and even I can make pasta sauce and put potatoes in an oven. I couldn't bear this .. swapping out nice cheese for own brand...I mean where is the joy in life.

RobertaFirmino · 22/10/2021 00:08

[quote JesusIsAnyNameFree]@Graphista

I've always been told that yorkshires are for Sunday roasts only! Shock[/quote]
You have been lied to.

Yorkshires can be eaten with any meal you wish.

Kisskiss · 22/10/2021 00:35

I can 1-up you on this, my dh used to come home only with things foraged from the yellow sticker shelf 😂. Meaning dinner would be some weird hodgepodge of bacon or gammon joints or pork pies / whatever random microwave meals were left for the day, none of which looked like a normal meal when put together ..

Finally kicked him out of the habit (mostly) by telling him he could keep doing it, but I wouldn’t pay for any of it and would sort my own food!!!

BritWifeInUSA · 22/10/2021 03:40

If you used to do an “all singing and dancing roast” and you “ate like kings” before you worked, I’m going to assume you enjoy cooking. I love cooking and baking. The thought of my husband and child living off frozen lasagne and pizza would break my heart. My husband probably would if he lived alone. He can cook but he’d rather spend his time doing other things. Where he works they have vending machines with ready meals as they work off shifts (he does 2.15 pm to 10.15 pm) and they are on a farm in the middle of nowhere with nowhere to get food during break time). I spend my days off batch cooking meals and portioning them into prep boxes and feeding them for my husband to take to work. I enjoy it. It’s not a chore.

Why not show him a few simple recipes and how easy it can be to make a real meal rather than shove a frozen lasagne in the oven. What a miserable existence that is. Share your enjoyment of cooking with him.

DockOTheBay · 22/10/2021 03:50

YABU
If a woman came on here saying "I do all the cooking and asking and my husband complaint that my roast dinner isn't nice" ALL the responses would be "if he doesn't like it he can do his own cooking".

If you don't like it, do your own cooking.

Gimlisaxe · 22/10/2021 04:16

TBF to your husband, the only thing with me, is I start with the cheapest and then work my up, cat litter is a prime example, I started with the cheapest and lasted till the first cat took a shit.

Its knowing where your limits are, in my case not wanting to smell a dead weasel

onelittlefrog · 22/10/2021 05:10

Yeah I’m going to mention that too. He just wouldn’t have thought oh that’s specific treats for DW, he’s have though bread and cheese? I can get that cheaper. He wouldn’t touch my wine choice, he knows that’s specific

A bit patronising to you though isn't it?

Does he think it hasn't occured to you that you can get cheaper versions, and there might be a reason you're not choosing them? Hmm

You definitely need to talk to him.

SarahBellam · 22/10/2021 05:19

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

I know it's not the point of the thread but 4 bottles of wine a week sounds like a lot.
To be fair, if I had to eat mince with own brand sauce or frozen roasties every night, I’d be on 4 bottle of wine too. It would help drown out the taste.
SilveredPinkPetal · 22/10/2021 05:22

Just order everything yourself. I would, I can’t see any reason that you don’t just do that.
This is the solution

DeepaBeesKit · 22/10/2021 05:30

I'd be way more bothered about so much coming from packets & jars than what brand it is. Lots of people work Ft and manage to cook