DH buying cheap at the supermarket.

[WhatsAppening]

I know this is a first world problem but humour me.

DH is wonderful in every way but we have very different attitudes to spending.

I work crazy hours and am rarely home for dinner so the weekly shop falls to him, he orders it and I collect it. Every week I want to cry into the boot of my car as I pack bags of Tesco Value everything.

He knows I love a roast on a Sunday and that’s one of few days I’m almost guaranteed to be home for dinner. He isn’t the best of cooks but he tries really hard.

He always buys own brand cheap frozen roast potatoes/yorkshires. I am not at all averse to frozen ones but these are the 30p a bag version and they taste of sadness and misery.

He’s bought a pre prepared pork joint which I know from experience will be dry and tasteless. It would be a better economy to slow roast a shoulder joint and have sandwich meat for the week.

The kicker though this week is he’s bought value cat litter. Cat litter ffs. It’s rubbish. The house will stink.

We budget £600 pcm for the supermarket and he rarely spends more than £90pw and that includes four bottles of wine for me.

AIBU? YABU he’s being frugal and that’s good and you only have one meal a week at home anyway so suck it up.

YANBU he could splash out a bit on certain things.

It may not be malicious buying cheaper ones than the items you were ordering, but it's quite a controlling thing to do.

@Simonjt

Aldi does click and collect

Ooh. Although our nearest one is a forty min round trip. Does Lidl? That’s local.

Tell him value for money is the main thing, not cheapness. Cheap stuff that is rubbish = misery. Cheap stuff that is tasty = happy days.

Doesn’t Aldi do click and collect now?

Our local Aldi does Click and Collect.

We spend £120-£130 a week between 5 of us there and that includes a number of non-food items also.

@JesusIsAnyNameFree as a substance misuse worker, she isn't going to cause any harm drinking 4 bottles of wine. Yes it more than advised but hardly the end of the world 🙄

I think what you said here:"He’s not a confident cook so he’s fallen into the mindset of opening packets and putting in the oven. He’d be like a rabbit in the headlights if I suggested home made." Means loads.

I think he means well. If you have anytime could one week you teach him roast potatoes and another Yorkshire puddings? I think he loves you and just needs the confidence.

You need to shut up or do some cooking. My job is much more high pressured that DH's and I do all the food purchase and cook (from scratch) many of the meals. If he cooks then I am grateful even if it is not what I would chose.

OP just cook the Sunday roast yourself if that's the only meal you really look forward to.

[quote kateg27]@JesusIsAnyNameFree as a substance misuse worker, she isn't going to cause any harm drinking 4 bottles of wine. Yes it more than advised but hardly the end of the world 🙄[/quote]
Oh. It's nice to know you know better than medical experts.
And terrifying that you work in that line of work and think 4 bottles is normal and safe. It really isn't.

@PloughedMeadow

You need to shut up or do some cooking. My job is much more high pressured that DH's and I do all the food purchase and cook (from scratch) many of the meals. If he cooks then I am grateful even if it is not what I would chose.

Presumably you’re around at mealtimes? I’m not.

I do cook on my days off, but often we’ll go out for dinner or get a takeaway on those days, not because I’m lazy but because it’s nice to make my days off feel a bit special and together.

If he wants to save money he could just buy potatoes!

@CaptainMyCaptain

My first thought was that buying actual potatoes and making your own yorkshire puddings would be even cheaper. I am more frugal than your DH.

My first thought also.

@mswales

Even if your kids get lots of fruit and veg and wholewheat pasta and porridge, it's still really sad for them to grow up never having nice homecooked meals and to have loads of readymade food.... They will end up with the same "food is just fuel" poor palate of your (very lovely sounding) DH. Growing up to love food and cooking is such a great thing! I know it's not the worst thing, they clearly get a lot of love and good nutrition, but it's a shame.

That is just your opinion though, because food is important to you. If food isn't a big deal then that doesn't seem much of a shame at all, and certainly not 'really sad'. I'd think it was more of a shame if a child had to grow up with no access to books and literature, or hills and the outdoors. Because these things matter to me, where food doesn't.

I think the poor bloke should be able to feed himself and his family how he wants. I think the OP can only really set any terms for the one meal she joins them and even then it needs to be tactfully done, otherwise the reasonable response will be 'cook it yourself then'. That is what I woud say to DH if he moaned about a meal I'd prepared, anyway.

Tell him if you put things in the basket to leave them there. That would drive me mad.
Just say some of the value stuff isn't very nice ams you'd prefer not to have it.

The only way he'll get faster at home cooking is practice! It sounds like he's done the hard part - starting and making an effort to do it - then stopped just as it was about to get easier, through repetition.

If you want to place and keep a few nicer things in the shopping basket, surely you just need to tell him so? Then he won't take them out!

@Luckytattie

You're a martyr with excuses.

I see

She's a full time shift worker.

Go online and order it yourself.

1 Talk to your husband

2 Reduce your drinking

2 glasses a week if they are 2 units each (250mls) means you are drinking 4 units x 7 days = 28 a week.

Twice the upper limit for women.

*2 glasses a night (not week)

Btw, is he saving the spare grocery money for anything in particular? You budget £600 a month, he's spending £90 a week, so saving around £200 a month (£2,400 a year). What will be happening to that money?

'they taste of sadness and misery' best comment on here today!!
Most wives on here would kill to have a husband as financially responsible as him!

Is there any way you can do roast dinner with him, once, for him to learn how?

With Aldi click and collect, I do the ordering and DH picks it up and puts it away.

@WhatsAppening

I work Sundays 11-5. I can’t cook the roast.

What time do you eat your roast dinner? If you ate it in the evening you could easily cook it. If your DH cooks and eats it at lunchtime and then you have it warmed in the evening then, to be honest, even the best roast dinner is going to taste pretty shit