Star Hobson- murdered toddler; prevalence of videos of “funny” parenting of “difficult” children

[CallMeRisley]

This isn’t a thread specifically about Star Hobson, I know there is another thread about her. I didn’t know how to succinctly word my title so I’ll explain. After seeing that thread, I googled the case and read through some details. In this page of live updates from the trial:
www.thetelegraphandargus.co.uk/news/19659483.live-trial-alleged-murder-toddler-star-hobson-begins/
There are details explained of videos taken of Star before her death, from the mother and her partner’s phones.
These include for example:

-A video of Star distressed/upset (having a tantrum?) lying on the ground outside, an adult says “come on, get up”, she is then picked up by an adult by her reins “like a puppet”, then put back down.

-A video of Star falling asleep, eyes drooping and head falling lower and lower until she ends up with her face in a bowl of food with caption “That’s what happens when a baby doesn’t sleep”.

-A video of Star leaning forwards in a kids’ plastic chair too far forwards so that she falls out and the caption “It was in that moment she realised she’d messed up”.

The judge/lawyer referred to these videos as “disturbing, bizarre pieces of footage”. The judge or lawyer said of the tantrum/lifted up by reins video “why would a mother film their child in this state?” and of the falling asleep in food video “there is no love being demonstrated for that child”.

I don’t know about anyone else but I see videos like this of toddlers and young children all the time on Instagram and tiktok.
I have seen many “funny” videos of kids falling asleep at the dinner table. Just google “toddler falling asleep while eating”.
A personal acquaintance uploaded a video of their child crying at the table at breakfast time, having been given last night’s dinner for breakfast after refusing to eat it at dinner time, with comments of “good on you!” from others.

There is quite a well known and shared image of a Dad carrying his tantruming toddler by the front of her coat (I’ve added it here, if you haven’t seen it) which is generally shared as “funny” and “we’ve all been there”, the Daily Mail article about it calls it “the hilarious moment” and that the Mum can be heard “chuckling” during the video and she says “What's even funnier is that she is more than 3-feet-tall and over 37 pounds heavy and the jacket didn't break”.

There are also plenty of videos of kids falling off things, falling out of chairs, swings, pushchairs etc with “humorous” captions.

Ok so the parents in all these other videos didn’t then go on to murder their children, as it appears is the case with Star Hobson. But AIBU to feel uneasy about the rise and prevalence of “funny” videos making light of young children and/or showing them upset and in distress, and that the sharing, watching and making of these videos creates a desensitised attitude towards the children- that they are being used as humorous entertainment rather than their emotional needs being met.

So are these types of videos (obviously not including the later context of Star’s murder) as the trial says “disturbing and bizarre” and “no love is being shown” for the children, or are they just a bit of light hearted fun, poking fun at stressful parenting situations and showing solidarity for the tantrums, the sleepless nights and the rough and tumble?

@PatchworkElmer

YANBU. I commented on a Reddit thread discussing an ‘influencer’ posting a picture of their child crying on Instagram. Said it was inappropriate and made me really sad. Was absolutely torn to shreds by people telling me to get a grip and that I’m “clearly not a mother because a mother would ‘get’ this”. Well I am a mother and I still think it’s awful. It’s an invasion of the child’s privacy. I’m sure that most of us would be appalled if a video was posted of us asleep and in an odd position, or sick, or crying. It’s the same for children, who could well grow up and be embarrassed by this (aside from anything more sinister).

Whenever I was distressed as a child my mum would laugh at me, call me a ‘titty la la’ tell her friends and really humiliate me… even up to when I was in my teens. There was no social media then but it’s no different. It made me feel even worse, angry, embarrassed and I hated her. In today’s world the same thing is happening except it’s being posted online for all and sundry to see, laugh and comment. It’s distressing for kids, how can they not see how wrong it is? I could never humiliate my children like that.

Photos/videos of distressed children should never be taken let alone shared. It shows a callous disregard to a person. If you did it to any adult in distress the lack of respect would be deemed reprehensible and rightly so. IME the kind of parents who do this are never very bright, lack attunement to their DC and are generally emotionally stunted. Or perhaps just arseholes 🤷‍♀️

In the case of Star, I think the videos were part of an indication that her mother sat back and allowed her to also be physically abused.

Tbh I don't find anything funny about dragging children around - it's a disgusting way to behave. And parents who drag their kids by the arm can damage their arm - I saw an article about this recently.