Star Hobson- murdered toddler; prevalence of videos of “funny” parenting of “difficult” children

[CallMeRisley]

This isn’t a thread specifically about Star Hobson, I know there is another thread about her. I didn’t know how to succinctly word my title so I’ll explain. After seeing that thread, I googled the case and read through some details. In this page of live updates from the trial:
www.thetelegraphandargus.co.uk/news/19659483.live-trial-alleged-murder-toddler-star-hobson-begins/
There are details explained of videos taken of Star before her death, from the mother and her partner’s phones.
These include for example:

-A video of Star distressed/upset (having a tantrum?) lying on the ground outside, an adult says “come on, get up”, she is then picked up by an adult by her reins “like a puppet”, then put back down.

-A video of Star falling asleep, eyes drooping and head falling lower and lower until she ends up with her face in a bowl of food with caption “That’s what happens when a baby doesn’t sleep”.

-A video of Star leaning forwards in a kids’ plastic chair too far forwards so that she falls out and the caption “It was in that moment she realised she’d messed up”.

The judge/lawyer referred to these videos as “disturbing, bizarre pieces of footage”. The judge or lawyer said of the tantrum/lifted up by reins video “why would a mother film their child in this state?” and of the falling asleep in food video “there is no love being demonstrated for that child”.

I don’t know about anyone else but I see videos like this of toddlers and young children all the time on Instagram and tiktok.
I have seen many “funny” videos of kids falling asleep at the dinner table. Just google “toddler falling asleep while eating”.
A personal acquaintance uploaded a video of their child crying at the table at breakfast time, having been given last night’s dinner for breakfast after refusing to eat it at dinner time, with comments of “good on you!” from others.

There is quite a well known and shared image of a Dad carrying his tantruming toddler by the front of her coat (I’ve added it here, if you haven’t seen it) which is generally shared as “funny” and “we’ve all been there”, the Daily Mail article about it calls it “the hilarious moment” and that the Mum can be heard “chuckling” during the video and she says “What's even funnier is that she is more than 3-feet-tall and over 37 pounds heavy and the jacket didn't break”.

There are also plenty of videos of kids falling off things, falling out of chairs, swings, pushchairs etc with “humorous” captions.

Ok so the parents in all these other videos didn’t then go on to murder their children, as it appears is the case with Star Hobson. But AIBU to feel uneasy about the rise and prevalence of “funny” videos making light of young children and/or showing them upset and in distress, and that the sharing, watching and making of these videos creates a desensitised attitude towards the children- that they are being used as humorous entertainment rather than their emotional needs being met.

So are these types of videos (obviously not including the later context of Star’s murder) as the trial says “disturbing and bizarre” and “no love is being shown” for the children, or are they just a bit of light hearted fun, poking fun at stressful parenting situations and showing solidarity for the tantrums, the sleepless nights and the rough and tumble?

@TheUndeadLovelinessOfDemons

During lockdown 1 DS2 had PE every day and I had to upload photos of him doing it to Twitter, tagging the school, as proof. He would have had weeks of detentions when schools reopened if I hadn't. It made me so uncomfortable.

Eh? What if you didn’t have Twitter?

I saw a horrible one on TikTok purporting to be funny and done under the guise of 'dance moves'

A woman with enormous breasts literally swings them at her toddler daughter sending her flying backwards.

I wanted to reach into the screen and throttle her

It can depend on the circumstances. A video of a child asleep in her dinner plate - quite endearing and funny. But taking a video of that child falling out of a chair without bothering to step forward and stop her is just cruel.

@TheUndeadLovelinessOfDemons

During lockdown 1 DS2 had PE every day and I had to upload photos of him doing it to Twitter, tagging the school, as proof. He would have had weeks of detentions when schools reopened if I hadn't. It made me so uncomfortable.

That's bizarre - why didn't they just ask you to send the videos direct to them?

I saw Rosemary Ramsey on istagram sometime last year filming while her son was pooing in the background. Laughing at the noises he was making and hoping we would all laugh to I assume.

Vile.

As far as I’m concerned , it is abusive.

Children are not props , they are human beings with agency and they deserve dignity in their lives like everyone else.

People will do anything for validation and likes, children are just a prop these days. I don't find anything where a child is distressed or falling ect remotely funny. It's absolutely disgusting.

@TheUndeadLovelinessOfDemons

During lockdown 1 DS2 had PE every day and I had to upload photos of him doing it to Twitter, tagging the school, as proof. He would have had weeks of detentions when schools reopened if I hadn't. It made me so uncomfortable.

WHAT?????????

@Onyernelly

I saw Rosemary Ramsey on istagram sometime last year filming while her son was pooing in the background. Laughing at the noises he was making and hoping we would all laugh to I assume.

Vile.

As far as I’m concerned , it is abusive.

Children are not props , they are human beings with agency and they deserve dignity in their lives like everyone else.

That is awful.

Its disgusting. Children deserve their dignity. Its a very cruel thing, bullying and mean. The people who do it are immature and self absorbed. Yes judge them for it, they deserve it. The children are actually not developed, whereas these idiot adults are supposed to be.

My DS has never fallen asleep at the table because I ensure he gets his naps and is rested. Children are there to be loved and cherished, not used for comedy effect.
But for most parents there will be a time when your child has to miss a nap for some reason, or hasn’t napped properly. That doesn’t make someone a bad parent. DD2 missed her nap one day last week as we were out for the day and she wouldn’t nap in the pushchair and then fell asleep in her highchair at dinner time, she isn’t any less loved.

I have some videos of DD1 throwing ridiculous tantrums as a young toddler (e.g I wouldn’t turn the sun off) which I sent to DH at the time but would never put on social media or send to anyone else.

I have put one photo of DD1 crying on social media, it was a visit to Santa. DH took it at the perfect time when Santa turned to speak to her and she lost it and burst out crying, the photo is hilarious as it’s DD screaming, Santa looking terrified and me smiling.

It all just depends on context really. If it’s been done on purpose to upset a child for likes on social media then I think it should be banned from social media. A parent who happens to capture a funny moment I don’t see the harm in, putting it on social media is personal preference. I’ve put 6 photos of DD1 on in nearly 5 years, but I hardly use social media myself.

This case is obviously an entirely different situation.

I have been reading the Star Hobson trial and still keeping up with it today. I am so disgusted and utterly heartbroken what this little girl has went through and how so many people saw the signs and nothing was done. It is awful and the more I read the worse it gets.

I cannot stand people who video their children when they are distressed or pulling 'pranks' on them for views, when ultimately all they have achieved is an upset child and another chip of trust removed.
Really there is no difference in star being videoed and another child down the road being videoed but its the context. That little girl was falling off her chair because she either was not allowed to sleep or her injuries kept her up all night. This was not a 5 minute prank. This was torture for months and months and in turn she was videoed and laughed at.
So while I don't believe in pranking or videoing a distressed child there IS a difference.
Star was failed, she suffered incredibly, she was videoed in her time of need and thats only snippets of what her life was like.
This is not a child being videoed for throwing a tantrum or taking a dump - which is wrong in itself but completely different context.

@TheUndeadLovelinessOfDemons

During lockdown 1 DS2 had PE every day and I had to upload photos of him doing it to Twitter, tagging the school, as proof. He would have had weeks of detentions when schools reopened if I hadn't. It made me so uncomfortable.

In situations like that I am "that" parent.

Part of it is to do with the industry I work in and who I know who will help me build a case against such BS.

(Reminds me of this story - www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-58969136 )

DS has had tantrums where he's been so upset he's dropped on the floor and done the worm out of the room. It's honestly hilarious but I wouldn't film and share it I don't think. Feels too mean. And my parents were very invalidating/ignored boundaries so I would never want to do that to my kids.

Anytime I see videos like this on social media, it makes me cringe.

Thankfully it doesn't happen often, most people are decent enough to know that children are deserving of respect and don't simply exist for likes. Most people are good parents.

What this little girl went through disgusts me, she deserved better.

I find it very bizarre the unstaged ones I find weird because surely f a child is distressed your first instinct is to offer comfort, not get out your phone and film

Unfortunately for a lot of people there is nothing – NOTHING – more important than getting out your phone and filming when something strange/horrific/happy/sad/different/interesting/funny/violent/etc. is happening.

I remember watching ‘you’ve been framed’ ages ago now and a little girl walked in front of a swing and got hit. I didn’t think that was remotely funny then, and I don’t now.
Keep them off social media. Children can’t consent.

@magicstars

I baby stand this type of video. Laughing at a distressed child?! It doesn't matter if they are being unreasonable- they are a young kid. They are being taught that mocking & poking fun is ok. I also hate videos like this with animals in 😞.

Was going to say something similar - I can only think that if there was an equivalent video of, let's say, a dog being yanked up by its harness or lead, to which the poster had added a caption, surely that would attract disgust in the main?

@EvilEdna1

It's the barrister's job to spin evidence to bolster their side of the argument. Just because they say it's clear evidence of a lack of love/care, it doesn't make it a universal truth.

Just had quick look at the story… Star had 2 old fractures snd an old brain injury. The evidence speaks for itself.

The only person even vaguely interested in my child is me, this is why I don’t post videos in public for people to gawp at.

I agree. Recently I've seen a nasty video ion Instagram where the mother was pretending to slap her baby. It was abusive and the baby didn't know what was going on looked half confused half close to tears. I reported it but there should be something in place to stop people being allowed to post anything about children where the child is destressed or made fun of.

I did say this thread isn’t specifically about Star’s case, and it isn’t, but for anyone interested today’s live updates from the court are here:
www.thetelegraphandargus.co.uk/news/19662818.live-day-2-star-hobson-murder-trial/

Yes, that "pretend poo" one was dreadful, one little boy was retching, and the parent was giggling. Not remotely funny.

@Marmite27
I’ve got a photo of DC1 being followed by a clutch of cygnets and a mummy swan, which is adorable. The next photo is of her wailing in DH’s arms because mummy duck pecked her because she didn’t throw the duck food on the floor like she was told to

Not really the point of your post but what you did was actually really irresponsible and put your child in danger all for a cute photo opportunity. Mummy swans are extremely protective of their babies and have been known to break children’s arms if they get to close…but hey it got you a few likes of SM

Someone's child falling asleep at table does not make them a bad parent. However filming it and laughing as first instinct rather than making them comfortable does.

@TheUndeadLovelinessOfDemons

During lockdown 1 DS2 had PE every day and I had to upload photos of him doing it to Twitter, tagging the school, as proof. He would have had weeks of detentions when schools reopened if I hadn't. It made me so uncomfortable.

That’s entirely inappropriate and quite alarming. I’d have complained.

Apart from the ridiculous, unnecessary social media aspect it’s way out of step with what the school’s attitude ought to have been to families navigating the hugely anxiety-making situation of lockdown for the first time. Detention as a threat for not showing evidence of daily PE? Just hugely disproportionate.