AIBU worry that the next generation are not actually that "accepting"

[Bonsaibreaker]

Long story short but chatting with 14 yo DD this evening about many subjects and a family members "views" came up. For background this family member in my view is racist and homophobic.
DD stated FM should be cancelled. Never allowed to speak, voice their opinion ever.

I pointed out to DD that freedom of speech means just that. We can all hold opinions others don't like but we are all free to voice, protest and gather regardless.
DD is of an age where discussion/debate is not an option apparently and if you are offended by another's views you just cancel them instead of debating or accepting their view as different to yours.

This worries me as instead of challenging different opinions the next generation are just silencing them.

YANBU = yes we are growing an intolerant society

YABU = They deserve to be cancelled

@Bonsaibreaker

So what is it he says? Could you give an example of the type of comment?

Yes. Very typical really.
Usually topical.
"Read in the paper veterans are homeless while immigrats are given 4 bed houses and full benefits"
"It's always black people in gangs or drug dealing"
"I mean each to their own but its not natural two blokes'
He told my son to stay away from a certain area where we live as its a "black" area and dangerous. Yes it has very high levels of crime and very multi cultural but FM does not understand racisim plays a huge part in poverty/lack of opportunity he believes its "cos its a black area"

And you still want him to be part of your daughter’s life?

Usually people try to cancel extremists and acknowledge there are others who disagree with them who cannot - and should not - be cancelled.

Well JK Rowling has been 'cancelled' so I'm not buying the argument that only extremists are cancelled, sorry. It's just anyone they don't want to engage with.

I also wonder whether previous generations' attempts at education can be described as working, given that you say that you don't feel that much has changed in your lifetime. Perhaps the next generation should be allowed to try their own approach and see if that does make a difference for their own children.

(PS I am aware that on these threads, the kind of pondering I am doing can come across as snarky, so please believe that I am genuinely in two minds about this and playing devil's advocate more than anything as I've realised I don't have a fully formed opinion either way.)

‘Cancel culture’, as the fashionable phrase is these days, IS challenging these views. It’s stating that racism and homophobia are unacceptable - no ifs, no buts.

Silencing/blanking/cancelling isn't challenging anything. It's running away from debate. I'm really astonished that this point has to be made.

Who gets to decide who or what views are 'acceptable'?

He is not a monster but he is wrong. Can't we say he's wrong without calling for his head?

What’s the difference? What does ‘calling for his head’ mean? I highly doubt your daughter has the power to have him publicly executed. Why are you so reluctant for her to decide she doesn’t want him in her life?

Your daughter will be in shock when she goes travelling outside the U.K.

Of course a racist homophone shouldn’t be allowed to pollute the world with their pig shit ignorant views. You only debate with intelligent people.

She is not ‘not bothering’. She just knows her own mind. She doesn’t need to ‘engage’ or debate’ with a bigot on these topics. When did it become so controversial to just state bigotry is wrong - no exceptions?

She can state bigotry is wrong but I want her to have conviction. Too often the word bigotry is tossed around with no meaning. All I ask is that if she uses the word do so while understanding its meaning and its history.

I hope this family member is valuable to you. You may need him when your daughter realises that you made his bigotry her fault.

I have not once blamed DD for her feelings or pov. We have discussed why FM is wrong this thread was about our different approaches to dealing with it.
Climb down from your self appointed pedestal.

Who gets to decide who or what views are 'acceptable'?

Racism - unacceptable. Homophobia - unacceptable. I’m ‘astonished’ you have to ask.

What’s the difference? What does ‘calling for his head’ mean? I highly doubt your daughter has the power to have him publicly executed. Why are you so reluctant for her to decide she doesn’t want him in her life

Is everything taken literally on here?

She has never once said she doesn't want him in her life. Where have I said she has said that?
Again MN making up shot to fit their agenda.

@Bonsaibreaker

Mush

^I think it is too heavy for a young girl, teen.
OP, to be honest, you deserve to be treated better by your own family.^

She is 14 isn't it better she learns now when she is exposed to social media and the toxic environment and I can still guide her/have influence?

We are not treated badly that's just MN interpretation. It's always black or white abusive/or saintly stance.
DDs uncle adores her she knows that hence why she is struggling with his ad hoc comments. As I said he is ignorant not abusive.

This this full of contradictions. They are not ad hoc comments, they are pretty awful and disgusting. How anyone can say they are not are just as enabling this shit.

And it will be confusing for her to hear them from a 'kind' member of family who cares for her and not only thinks these things but says them. What a mind fuck.
And he will know exactly what he is saying.
And you think you're helping her by exposing her to these views now from her family at this age?

Climb down from your self appointed pedestal.

Ha! And has it never occurred to you that telling your daughter she is wrong to cut this person off for their views is YOU putting yourself on a so-called pedestal? When does SHE get the right to challenge YOUR view?

Your daughter will be in shock when she goes travelling outside the U.K.

Spends 8 weeks a year outside Europe with her extended family has done since she was 4 yo. Why does it matter?

She has never once said she doesn't want him in her life. Where have I said she has said that? Again MN making up shot to fit their agenda.

You said she wants him ‘cancelled’. What else does that mean?

@Ozanj

Of course a racist homophone shouldn’t be allowed to pollute the world with their pig shit ignorant views. You only debate with intelligent people.

Hallelujah

I understand that he is nice to them in other ways, and happy about that. I get what you mean he says these things without "thinking" that you and your children will feel alluded by "the black"
But, being told that half of you is associated to gangs/ dodgy areas.. hurts, as you well know.
And that is wrong, very wrong.
I think I would rather teach him that fact, than teach your children to put up with it.
I am afraid I am starting to lean towards this "cancelling" thing

If several years of me explaining to my relative this had not worked, OP, I would not visit them any more with my children.
I would have tried, but if not sinking... I would protect my family.

Well JK Rowling has been 'cancelled' so I'm not buying the argument that only extremists are cancelled, sorry. It's just anyone they don't want to engage with.

Really? Pretty sure Harry Potter books still sell in their millions.

Racism - unacceptable. Homophobia - unacceptable

You sound about twelve. There are layers and layers of nuance under both those headings and societal understanding changes all the time.

A lot of what would have been considered racist now wouldn't have been 20 years ago, our understanding evolves constantly:

Right well I really wouldn’t see any point debating with someone who literally says out loud ‘it’s not natural two blokes’ or ‘it’s only black people in gangs.’

I mean what’s the point? Do you think you can point out enough cleverly debated facts that he’ll suddenly go ‘you know you’re right, gay people are natural and normal.’ Or ‘oh yes there are of course white people in gangs and organised crime.’

I'd be proud of my kid for not entertaining racism and homophobia. How do you react to this FM when they say such things? Do you challenge the views? Is it more of an awkward silence with raised eyebrows or head down pretending they didn't say it? I think the best thing you can do is model the response you want your child to have - if that is challenging the views then make sure you're doing that. I genuinely don't think it's a young person thing though - as a society, we tend not to call out other people we're close to on the bad things they say in order to keep the peace. Typically people express their disapproval after the fact. If your child has seen this approach, I can completely understand their viewpoint.

Really? Pretty sure Harry Potter books still sell in their millions.

What's your point? She was 'cancelled' by the righteous. Book sales have fuck all to do with that.

@TheKeatingFive

Racism - unacceptable. Homophobia - unacceptable

You sound about twelve. There are layers and layers of nuance under both those headings and societal understanding changes all the time.

A lot of what would have been considered racist now wouldn't have been 20 years ago, our understanding evolves constantly:

Yes it would have been racist 20 years about, it was just tolerated.

Ha! And has it never occurred to you that telling your daughter she is wrong to cut this person off for their views is YOU putting yourself on a so-called pedestal? When does SHE get the right to challenge YOUR view?

Problem is she doesn't want to challenge anyones views. That's my point. Instead of challenging, having debate, fighting for what you belive she thinks no debate at all.

She has never once said she doesn't want him in her life. Where have I said she has said that?

TBF, your OP says 'DD stated FM should be cancelled. Never allowed to speak, voice their opinion ever.' so unless you really mean that literally, I am assuming that she means she doesn't want to be in a position where she has to listen to him. If she's only seeing him at family gatherings already, then the only further route to cancellation would appear to be not seeing him at all - what form does she suggest this cancellation takes?

Op you're going round in circles. Maybe she has a mind of her own and picks her own debates. Maybe she should challenge your views on what she should and should not say with her own brain