Page 11 | To be shocked and hurt by this

SquirrelsAndNuts · 2021-10-19T21:43:01+00:00

I didn't know what to put as a title. I do feel shocked. And I think a little hurt. I have a friend I met a few years ago. We are in the same line of work. We live quite far away from each other. There’s around a couple of hundred miles between us, but we stay in touch regularly. Anyway, we were chatting this week about work, and I decided to have a quick look on her website. I was shocked to see that she has copied and pasted everything from my website onto her own. It’s all the same - word for word. I don’t think at all this will have a negative impact on my business. But I just feel so shocked by this. I’m not sure if I also feel quite hurt? Or foolish? I couldn’t quite believe it at first. I really don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to do nothing and pretend that I haven’t seen it, but I also would prefer for her to remove it. However, I don’t want to risk hurting her or embarrassing her, or jeopardising our friendship. What would you do?

user1488087645 · 21/10/2021 21:20

Here's some advice for dealing with online plagiarism: www.copyscape.com/respond.php
I used to use this site when I worked in SEO. You can check and see if anyone else has borrowed your content...

BSideBaby · 21/10/2021 21:21

A product I spent a decade developing was copied by a rival company and I didn't pause for a second before getting them sent a cease and desist letter. It didn't occur to me that I should be 'nice' about it.

I'm truly shocked there are people here who are trying to encourage the OP to find ways to maintain a friendship with an intellectual property thief. Isn't it time to ditch the concept of 'nice girls'?

DrSbaitso · 21/10/2021 21:28

@BSideBaby

A product I spent a decade developing was copied by a rival company and I didn't pause for a second before getting them sent a cease and desist letter. It didn't occur to me that I should be 'nice' about it.

I'm truly shocked there are people here who are trying to encourage the OP to find ways to maintain a friendship with an intellectual property thief. Isn't it time to ditch the concept of 'nice girls'?

There actually isn't anything "nice" about insincerity and underhandedness. And that's what it is when you try to have a conversation with someone about something you're rightly annoyed about, but claim you're not bothered by it at all and are actually motivated by a selfless desire to help.

There are a lot of behaviours women seem to be socialised into that they think are "nice", and really aren't.

BSideBaby · 21/10/2021 21:45

*She’s copied as she’s struggling and you’re not. I don’t know if it doesn’t do you any harm and you’re sure of it, then I’m not sure I would be too bothered.

Is there a way to say you will be happy to help her make her website great without duplicating yours?

How about ‘hi X, was just looking at your website and saw that some of it is really similar to mine. No worries about that but at some point did you want me to help you edit it so it’s even more relevant to your business?’*

I was referring to this kind of comment. I totally agree that anything other than a direct approach is underhand and form of 'fake niceness'. Just wish we hadn't be conditioned to jump through these socially conditioned hoops.

Fleshmechanic · 21/10/2021 21:51

Casually mention you're gonna be checking her website out for some reason like idk for tips or something on how you could make yours better. Then be like oh it's just like mine? And go from there. Obviously you can't be the same in the same business.

EdinburghFreddy · 21/10/2021 22:16

I have no idea if this has already been said, I didn't get a chance to read full posts, so apologies if a repeat. This happened to me, however not by a friend (thank god) so I had no qualms about asking them politely to remove immediately. I am very experienced within my field, the plagiarist was not. What horrified me most, was that if a client happened upon both of our websites, they might assume I had copied them. HORRIFIED! I explained that in my message to her, and I always felt that as an important angle to consider. Sneaky copying is one thing, making the original creator look questionable in the process is another.

LittleMissMe99 · 21/10/2021 22:33

I think it would be foolish not to mention it. I would ask her about it and then proceed going by her reaction.

JohnStonesMissus · 21/10/2021 22:37

@EdinburghFreddy

I have no idea if this has already been said, I didn't get a chance to read full posts, so apologies if a repeat. This happened to me, however not by a friend (thank god) so I had no qualms about asking them politely to remove immediately. I am very experienced within my field, the plagiarist was not. What horrified me most, was that if a client happened upon both of our websites, they might assume I had copied them. HORRIFIED! I explained that in my message to her, and I always felt that as an important angle to consider. Sneaky copying is one thing, making the original creator look questionable in the process is another.

Was it removed pronto? I hope so, I can't believe that people do this..

EdinburghFreddy · 21/10/2021 22:58

@JohnStonesMissus
Yes they did, thank you! Immediately took page down & thankfully were very gracious. Held their hands up. I'd only found it by chance! But I would have struggled too had it been a friend...

Marmite17 · 21/10/2021 23:11

Also find it hard to make friends and am usually low status in groups. Plus tend to be used tbh. Problem is that the more you put up with poor treatment, the lower your self esteem becomes. Vast majority of people are OK but users spot
a soft touch a mile off.
Personally would go in hard. She has already abused your trust in pretending to be your friend for her own gains. She thinks nothing of lying to you.
Treat her the way you would a stranger. Which she is really. But worse.
Personally would only communicate via solicitor, if there is an option for reviews on your site, watch them. If she leaves poor ones, solicitor could be handy.
Otherwise only communication, v impersonal e mail, like one mentioned above. Screenshot everything.
She is not your friend, more the opposite💐

JohnStonesMissus · 21/10/2021 23:13

Ah that's good EdinburghFreddy

CorianderAndCream · 21/10/2021 23:16

[quote Legitimatesalvage]@SquirrelsAndNuts

On mumsnet, if you say you are a business owner, it is often assumed you mean an MLM. You need to specifically say "it isnt an MLM or anything at all like that. It is a business I am qualified in, started myself and run it myself. Not using anyone else's brand umbrella or product etc."

If you dont say that then it really is assumed it's an MLM. And if it is, then the responses would be very different. To be fair, you seem unable to say it isnt an MLM or anything similar so that's why people are harping on about it.[/quote]
This seems a very sexist assumption. That all female business owners must only be MLM unless clearly stated otherwise

PumpkinsandTea · 21/10/2021 23:22

@SquirrelsAndNuts Have you contacted her then?

Legitimatesalvage · 21/10/2021 23:30

@CorianderAndCream

I didnt say I believed that. I said "on mumsnet".

It's certainly something I've noticed. A poster says business owner and there are always a few comments coming up quickly to ask if it is an MLM. And if the OP isnt very specific in the answer then they'll keep asking.

YouJustFoldItIn · 22/10/2021 05:42

This seems a very sexist assumption. That all female business owners must only be MLM unless clearly stated otherwise

It's also a sexist assumption that everyone posting on MN is a woman, unless specifically identified as such! But most MLM 'business owners' are in fact women.

I think MLM people have a certain way of speaking about their 'business' using certain phrases which can make them pretty easy to identify compared to actual business owners.

torquewench · 22/10/2021 06:27

Not read all this thread but there's zero point contacting web designers. You need a solicitor. She's "passing off" your ideas (maybe products too?) as hers attempting to profit from your work and IP. And she's not your friend.

RachaelN · 22/10/2021 07:41

I think what she has done is extremely disrespectful to your friendship. She never asked permission or told you.
I wouldn't consider this person a friend, just someone using you for business ideas for self gain. Do you talk about business alot? Does she ask you questions about your business methods?
Sounds like friendship of convenience on her part.

nannykatherine · 22/10/2021 08:35

Dont you have intellectual copyright

rb124 · 22/10/2021 10:52

Doesn't copyright come into this somewhere? Casually say to her "I've been told that your website is the same as mine - is there a reason for it?" and see what she says.

Original poster

SquirrelsAndNuts · 22/10/2021 17:12

Thanks for all your advice and comments.

I have contacted her and let her know I have seen that her website is identical to mine. She said she wanted hers up and running and the quickest way of getting that done was to take from mine. This was several months ago but I only happen to have seen it recently.
She's now taken the website down.

OP posts:

Hopeisallineed · 22/10/2021 17:15

What?!!! Did she even apologise? Cheeky Fuckery at its finest!

Original poster

SquirrelsAndNuts · 22/10/2021 17:24

@Hopeisallineed

What?!!! Did she even apologise? Cheeky Fuckery at its finest!

No not really. I don't think she's seen that there's anything wrong with it? Or she has but has massively played it down by just simply explaining that it was the quickest and easiest option for her. I thought she'd be mortified and embarrassed which is what I was worried about, but she doesn't seem it.

OP posts:

KikoLemons · 22/10/2021 17:26

I'm really pleased. There's still some talking to be done but the main objective has been accomplished.

It's so hard to face dealing with something like this sometimes but you did it. And she took the site down. Good.

Hopeisallineed · 22/10/2021 17:28

Wow. I’m not sure I would be that forgiving about it OP, I admire your magnanimity.

Original poster

SquirrelsAndNuts · 22/10/2021 17:30

@KikoLemons Thank you. I'm really glad that I did speak to her about it because it was playing on my mind a lot. And I'm glad she's taken it down. It just feels strange that it's happened in the first place, and I'm not sure if she seemed a bit pissed off with me to be honest. I'm not sure.

OP posts: