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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be shocked and hurt by this

301 replies

SquirrelsAndNuts · 19/10/2021 22:43

I didn't know what to put as a title. I do feel shocked. And I think a little hurt.

I have a friend I met a few years ago. We are in the same line of work. We live quite far away from each other. There’s around a couple of hundred miles between us, but we stay in touch regularly.
Anyway, we were chatting this week about work, and I decided to have a quick look on her website.
I was shocked to see that she has copied and pasted everything from my website onto her own. It’s all the same - word for word.
I don’t think at all this will have a negative impact on my business. But I just feel so shocked by this. I’m not sure if I also feel quite hurt? Or foolish? I couldn’t quite believe it at first.

I really don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to do nothing and pretend that I haven’t seen it, but I also would prefer for her to remove it. However, I don’t want to risk hurting her or embarrassing her, or jeopardising our friendship.
What would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
SquirrelsAndNuts · 20/10/2021 12:41

@smoko

Also stop offering to help her & saying things like you don't mind if she uses some of your ideas.

This is your business + your work!

This feels like female conditioning to "be nice" - why should you put even more work into helping her when she clearly doesn't seem to be interested in trying to help herself?

I know, and there's so many other things she could have put on her site that was written by herself rather than using mine. I feel like it's just been an easy swipe of my writing rather than thinking of her own.
OP posts:
3luckystars · 20/10/2021 12:42

So what are you going to do?

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 20/10/2021 12:44

She claims she has no website right?

So you email her a link to the website

I know you said you don't have your own website so I thought I'd better let you know I found this! Someone has created a website pretending to be you and they have copied my content word for word from my website.
I'm going to take action against them for using my copywritten content and thought you'd want to take action against them for identity fraud.

Or (and this is what I'd do) send a link to the website and say please change this, you've copied my original content word for word and I'm really not happy about that.

Eddielzzard · 20/10/2021 12:49

'You said you didn't have a website and now I see why you lied! Please remove all the things you've copied from mine.'

TBH the friendship is pretty much over isn't it? Don't know how you come back from that.

mytortoiseisill · 20/10/2021 12:50

“WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll Wed 20-Oct-21 09:45:30
If it’s literal copying of original text then you’ve got her wherever you want her.

I must have been watching too much Partridge as my mind read the start of that sentence and automatically filled in the rest after 'her' [anatomically incongruously] with 'by the Jaffas' grin”

That is bonkers but fun :)

Airyfairymarybeary · 20/10/2021 12:53

If you get business from organic traffic then duplicate content will not be good for SEO.

DrSbaitso · 20/10/2021 13:01

If it's awkward, that's hardly your fault.

The real irony would be if this is some sort of copywriting/content production business

MzHz · 20/10/2021 13:28

She lied about the website

She knows exactly what’s she’s done and doing

She’s no friend, seriously she’s no friend at all

You must act firmly and quickly the longer this goes on the stronger her web stats get

MzHz · 20/10/2021 13:30

No point in sugar coating or being nice about it, this isn’t the time to be nice

It’s the time to say “I saw this and now I know why you said you’d not got a website, this is copied word for word.

It comes down. Now. Or I will be talking to lawyers.

thecatsmum12346 · 20/10/2021 13:41

@millenialblush

It will have a negative effect on your business if you rely on generating traffic to your website through search engines. Look up duplicate content and SEO
THIS. !!! 100 per cent! If you invested in a website you should value your efforts and be appalled by what has happened. She will continue to plagiarise, copying your deign, navigation, branding etc. This is a serious breach.
Justilou1 · 20/10/2021 13:44

Also, she didn’t want your help because she HAD it. She took it without your consent and without compensating you for it. Don’t offer to help her sort her shit out. She can pay someone. She is an entitled leech.

goldfinchfan · 20/10/2021 14:00

I am sorry but I cannot understand why you don't simply tell her that you have seen her website and how it matches yours.

Let her answer.

Then tell her that you feel uncomfortable/angry/shocked/ whatever. why are you afraid to condront her?
you don't have to go crazy
Just tell her you have seen it.
Then get professional advice on how to stop her unless she takes it all down herself.

WhatMattersMost · 20/10/2021 14:14

There's a dynamic between you that in some way lead to this, imo - and I say this because of your clear reluctance to approach her about this, which I find hard to understand if the relationship were a balanced and open one.

Original poster
SquirrelsAndNuts · 20/10/2021 14:43

@WhatMattersMost

There's a dynamic between you that in some way lead to this, imo - and I say this because of your clear reluctance to approach her about this, which I find hard to understand if the relationship were a balanced and open one.
I do find it hard to make friends. And I consider her a friend which is why I feel hurt by this. We get on well and we speak quite often. So I am finding it hard to bring this up with her, but I know I need to and I will do.
OP posts:
Original poster
SquirrelsAndNuts · 20/10/2021 14:44

@Justilou1

Also, she didn’t want your help because she HAD it. She took it without your consent and without compensating you for it. Don’t offer to help her sort her shit out. She can pay someone. She is an entitled leech.
She's thanked me for offering help as well but said she's fine. Which feels even worse.
OP posts:
HollowTalk · 20/10/2021 14:48

If you want to keep her as a friend I would send a message saying, "I've just seen your website - you've copied and pasted so much stuff from mine. I told you I would help you write your own. This has really upset me. Please delete all of my content." Then it's up to her to apologise and ask for help. If she takes offence then she's not worth it.

Legitimatesalvage · 20/10/2021 14:52

Have you still not sent a message yet?

This is your business. You are a businesswoman start behaving like one.

Original poster
SquirrelsAndNuts · 20/10/2021 15:04

@HollowTalk

If you want to keep her as a friend I would send a message saying, "I've just seen your website - you've copied and pasted so much stuff from mine. I told you I would help you write your own. This has really upset me. Please delete all of my content." Then it's up to her to apologise and ask for help. If she takes offence then she's not worth it.
I like this and it feels better for me to say something along these lines. Thank you. I am going to speak to her. I'm just trying to figure out exactly what to say.
OP posts:
Nayday · 20/10/2021 15:04

You're attempting to soften your message to her by offering help when she has effectively swiped your content. You feel bad about this on her behalf. Because she doesn't.
If you're happy to continue on this basis, then do so - choose her comfort over your work's value.
If not, a difficult conversation needs to be had. Difficult for you to instigate maybe, but her difficulty after that point:
Dear friend, this is difficult conversation to raise but the content of your x website section is exactly same as mine. I wrote this specifically for use on my website. Please can you change it?

DysmalRadius · 20/10/2021 17:04

It's not just that she has stolen your content and your hard work, but you've given her plenty of opportunities to come clean and she has outright lied to you by telling you that she doesn't have a website etc. But you run the risk of your sites both being penalised SEO-wise and it can happen quite suddenly, so I would tackle it sooner rather than later. I would go for something simple like 'I've noticed that your website uses a lot of content copied directly from mine, which is bad for SEO and gives the impression that our businesses are affiliated. Please take it down or change it.'

WhatMattersMost · 20/10/2021 17:19

She is not behaving like a friend, though, @SquirrelsAndNuts.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 20/10/2021 19:01

On mumsnet, if you say you are a business owner, it is often assumed you mean an MLM
I wonder how many of the women demanding to know if op’s business is mlm would ever ask a man the same thing…

Lotusmonster · 20/10/2021 21:42

Can you run the two websites by other more objective people …say 3 friends and see if they see the copying that you are seeing? I did this after my rival kicked off and the 3 friends thought both sites were very different. So I recommend that approach.

Original poster
SquirrelsAndNuts · 20/10/2021 21:49

@Lotusmonster

Can you run the two websites by other more objective people …say 3 friends and see if they see the copying that you are seeing? I did this after my rival kicked off and the 3 friends thought both sites were very different. So I recommend that approach.
I did show a friend today who was absolutely gobsmacked and couldn't believe that it was a complete replica in every way. Identical. Word for word.
OP posts:
Justilou1 · 20/10/2021 22:01

You are worried about keeping this friendship? Oh boy… she knew exactly what she was doing. You’re a sitting duck for this kind of abuse I’m afraid. You need to be angry and go in all guns blazing.