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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another holiday/ kids home alone thread

135 replies

LarryVeest · 19/10/2021 08:35

WIBU to leave three older DC (12, 15, 16) at home while I go away from Saturday morning to Sunday evening. I'll be hundreds of miles away (but same country). We have great neighbours. 12 yr old and 15yr old permanently squabble, but they are all NT and reasonably sensible. It's fine, right?

OP posts:
bordersroaming · 19/10/2021 08:37

I would make sure they had a phone number of someone local who was basically around

DaxtheDestroyer · 19/10/2021 08:37

That's almost the same ages as my kids and personally , no I wouldn't leave them for that long.

bloodywhitecat · 19/10/2021 08:38

I wouldn't leave the 12 year old without an adult but that's me. I think that leaving a 16 year old in charge of a sibling just four years younger than them is too big a responsibility.

vivainsomnia · 19/10/2021 08:40

I think it's fine asking as all 3 are ok with it. I would insist that they answer their phone when you call. Check in them regularly via video to make sure there's not a party going on. Let the neighbours know.

ThirdElephant · 19/10/2021 08:44

If the 12 year old had an accident and needed medical attention, would the 15 and 16 year old know what to do and act on it reasonably quickly? Are any of them likely to prat about in a way that might result in an accident? Are the squabbles between the 12 and 15 year olds likely to get physical? Is the 16 year old sensible enough to remember to lock doors, switch off hair straighteners etc.? What would they do if something caught fire? Would any of them be daft enough to let in a stranger if one came by with a sob story? Are they the type likely to try and throw a party?

If you can answer all of the above reassuringly and think they're sensible kids, plus they have responsible adults nearby they know how to call on if needed then I think they'd be OK, though TBH I'd personally either send the 12 year old to stay with adult relatives or ask an adult to check in on them on Saturday evening.

TinaYouFatLard · 19/10/2021 08:44

I don’t think I would leave children of that age alone for that long. 12 is still very young and 16 is too young to be responsible for two younger siblings.

Arabelladrinkstea · 19/10/2021 08:47

Depending on a few factors:

  • have they ever stayed over night alone and do they all feel confident?
  • is there someone close by on stand by?

If yes to the above then I would

daisypond · 19/10/2021 08:47

I think it’s ok.

AfterSchoolWorry · 19/10/2021 08:47

I wouldn't.

What if the order ones have s party?

notanothertakeaway · 19/10/2021 08:52

Too young

Original poster
LarryVeest · 19/10/2021 08:52

The alternative is to get a babysitter for the 12yr old, which seems like overkill... We haven't had a babysitter for years now, and leave them alone regular for extended periods of time (eg 5-6 hours). If makes any difference, we live in a flat, so in the same building as our (lovely) neighbours. Older two DC are very capable and sensible, youngest is a bit immature. I was thinking of organising summer entertainment (eg cinema) and takeaway pizza for the evening.

OP posts:
HoHoHoHoHoHoHo · 19/10/2021 08:53

I think it's a lot of responsibility for a 16 year old, especially if the 12 and 15 year old argue lots! Also Saturday morning to Sunday evening, are we talking 11am to 5pm (so 30 hours) or like 5am to 11pm (42 hours)? Huge difference IMO!

Original poster
LarryVeest · 19/10/2021 08:53

Some entertainment, not summer!

OP posts:
Missmissmiiiiiiiiisss · 19/10/2021 08:54

I would ask a friend to be on call and pop in on Saturday night. I’d be happy to do it for a friend too.

Original poster
LarryVeest · 19/10/2021 08:56

It would be 11am sat to 4pm sun.

OP posts:
Sashimiandhisthunderpaws · 19/10/2021 08:57

No. If the youngest is immature and squabbles with the middle child they will ignore the older children's requests/authority.

Can the youngest stay at a friend's house?

Maximum71 · 19/10/2021 08:57

Yes just do it. They have the Neighbours nearby if they need help. This is how they will create memories together! Have a great time away!

shouldistop · 19/10/2021 08:59

I wouldn't leave the 12 year old, especially as they squabble with the 15 year old. I'd try to arrange a sleepover for the youngest.

clary · 19/10/2021 09:01

We left our three overnight (we went to stay somewhere about four hours away so we would have been gone most of each day),

I thought they were about the same age but I have checked and they were 14 (just), 15 and 17 so maybe it's a bit different. I think I would be OK about it as long as they were happy and have been left late evenings or overnight before.

We left ds2 last year to go on holiday for a week (he could have come but didn't want to) - he was 17 but on his own so harder in a way. He was great, answered when I called, had a couple of mates over, cooked food, house was very tidy when we got back.

To those saying "what if they have a party" - I mean, that could happen with a 16yo and an 18yo left along (more likely perhaps) and yet surely no one would question leaving them.

Original poster
LarryVeest · 19/10/2021 09:02

I feel entirely confident that they won't organise a party, and that squabbling wouldn't become physical. To be honest, I was more concerned that they would all spend the entire time gawping at their screens, which is a bit sad, but not dangerous. And I did wonder about being so far away if any of them had a freak accident and me being far away (but I think I'd be worried about that even if they had a babysitter?!).

OP posts:
JustLyra · 19/10/2021 09:03

Not with them squabbling. I’d leave the older two, or the sensible 16yo and the 12yo, but not the squabbling two.

You can’t expect the 16yo to be in charge of a 15yo, and the 12yo needs someone in charge.

shouldistop · 19/10/2021 09:04

So you've decided then? Why post the thread?

Original poster
LarryVeest · 19/10/2021 09:04

Also DD is a couple of months of 17.

I'm not trying to ignore the AIBU replies by the way, but think the extra info might be important. I'm surprised at the responses, as I'm any other AIBUs about this sort of thing tend to show me up as being way over cautious :-D

OP posts:
Aria20 · 19/10/2021 09:05

Wouldn't leave the 12yo with the other 2 especially if they fight. Also are the older ones likely to have friends over??

I remember when I was 16, my boyfriend who was 16 was left home alone for the weekend with his brother who was 12/13 and they used to fight a lot. My bf had loads of people over on the fri and sat night, drinking, loud music etc drunk people throwing up...basically a weekend long party and him and his brother argued a lot and I ended up playing peacemaker and keeping an eye on his little brother as I didn't want him getting hurt or drunk! We had fun when his parents went away but I certainly learnt i wouldn't trust teens home alone if they fight.

41sunnydays · 19/10/2021 09:05

I would see if 12 yr old could stay at a friends for a sleep over