Page 2 | Another holiday/ kids home alone thread

LarryVeest · 2021-10-19T07:35:06+00:00

WIBU to leave three older DC (12, 15, 16) at home while I go away from Saturday morning to Sunday evening. I'll be hundreds of miles away (but same country). We have great neighbours. 12 yr old and 15yr old permanently squabble, but they are all NT and reasonably sensible. It's fine, right?

JustLyra · 19/10/2021 09:05

The issue isn’t the eldest. It’s the squabbling two.

If they didn’t squabble it would be fine, but they do.

Member984815 · 19/10/2021 09:05

Could the neighbour drop in everyday just to check on them?

Clymene · 19/10/2021 09:06

I would take the 12 year old with you or arrange a sleepover.

The older ones are fine.

AnnPerkins · 19/10/2021 09:07

I think it's fine as long as the 16yo is happy with it.

rrhuth · 19/10/2021 09:07

12 yr old and 15yr old permanently squabble, but

Absolutely no way.

This is a horrid thing to do to the 12yo, and unfair on the 15yo.

rainbowandglitter · 19/10/2021 09:08

No I wouldn't leave the 12 year old. Can they come with you?

TheQueenOfDreams · 19/10/2021 09:09

If you genuinely feel you can trust them, then do it.

I have dc similar ages and I think I could trust them. I’d probably be calling them regularly and check that they not left the hob on or anything about 5 times, but I think they’d be fine.
I’d make sure they had pizza delivered or food ready that they could just grab or heat up. Mine squabble too but they also pull together so I feel I could trust them.
I’d only do this if I had no other choice though.

Babdoc · 19/10/2021 09:09

The 16 year old is old enough to get married, join the army or have a child themselves.

I can’t believe the level of mollycoddling some MNers apply to their grown up offspring!
I left my 15 year old home alone for three days while I was in Prague. She was fine - she even baked a cake to welcome me home. When she went to uni at 18, she was amazed that she had to give tutorials on how to use a washing machine or change a plug, to her helpless fellow students!

Original poster

LarryVeest · 19/10/2021 09:10

12 year old can't come with us, and a sleepover with a friend would be tricky for various reasons.

OP posts:

Clymene · 19/10/2021 09:11

@Babdoc

The 16 year old is old enough to get married, join the army or have a child themselves. I can’t believe the level of mollycoddling some MNers apply to their grown up offspring! I left my 15 year old home alone for three days while I was in Prague. She was fine - she even baked a cake to welcome me home. When she went to uni at 18, she was amazed that she had to give tutorials on how to use a washing machine or change a plug, to her helpless fellow students!

I don't think anyone has an issue with leaving the 15 and 16 year old.

It's the 12 year old

rrhuth · 19/10/2021 09:11

@LarryVeest

12 year old can't come with us, and a sleepover with a friend would be tricky for various reasons.

Why can't they come with you

?

Original poster

LarryVeest · 19/10/2021 09:12

So how about getting one of our neighbours to come and have dinner/watch a movie on Saturday evening, but leaving them to it for the rest of the time? Re: the squabbling, I don't really see it as a big deal. Or at least they won't squabble any more than when we're there.

OP posts:

shouldistop · 19/10/2021 09:13

The 16 year old is old enough to get married, join the army or have a child themselves.

I can’t believe the level of mollycoddling some MNers apply to their grown up offspring!
I left my 15 year old home alone for three days while I was in Prague. She was fine - she even baked a cake to welcome me home. When she went to uni at 18, she was amazed that she had to give tutorials on how to use a washing machine or change a plug, to her helpless fellow students!

Well done, you're doing parenting right 👍🏻
It's quite clearly the 12yo people are saying shouldn't be left, especially as they argue with their older sibling.

Catupatree123 · 19/10/2021 09:14

Mine are similar ages (if you throw in an 11 year old too) i wouldn't leave the oldest in charge of the others its unfair on them. Sibling relationships are very different to babysitting and often fractious. Would prob be be absolutely fine, however, I know my younger ones would resent older one being in charge leading to potential conflict and its just not fair to put that on a 16 year old. Can the 12 year old stay with a friend?

Clymene · 19/10/2021 09:16

Have you asked them how they feel about it? Is the 16 year old happy to look after their siblings for the weekend?

Original poster

LarryVeest · 19/10/2021 09:16

Because we've been given two tickets to a show. Surely there are loads of possible situations where a child might not be able to accompany parents?

OP posts:

Clymene · 19/10/2021 09:18

@LarryVeest

Because we've been given two tickets to a show. Surely there are loads of possible situations where a child might not be able to accompany parents?

I often get invited to things I can't go to because I've got teenagers who are too young to be left and too old for babysitters. Just an annoying bit of parenting I think.

jackstini · 19/10/2021 09:18

Are any of the reasons a sleepover would be 'tricky' for the 12 yo also an issue for them staying in with siblings?
Bit of a cryptic response!

Gonnagetgoing · 19/10/2021 09:20

@LarryVeest

Because we've been given two tickets to a show. Surely there are loads of possible situations where a child might not be able to accompany parents?

So you’ve been given two tickets to a show and you’d like to go is more important than seeing your 12 year old is safely looked after?

No wouldn’t leave her in this situation.

rrhuth · 19/10/2021 09:22

@LarryVeest

Because we've been given two tickets to a show. Surely there are loads of possible situations where a child might not be able to accompany parents?

Honestly, I would have turned down the tickets if I couldn't find somewhere suitable for my 12yo.

A babysitter is not overkill IMO for an overnight, as an alternative to leaving the 12yo in unsuitable circumstances. Being left with two other young people (no adults) isn't really suitable given what you said about squabbling.

girlmom21 · 19/10/2021 09:22

Normally I'd say they're fine to be left overnight - if you were out for a few drinks and a meal for example, but I think two almost full days is a bit long to be leaving the 12 year old with a sibling they don't get on with.

You say the 15 year old is sensible but, realistically, they're regularly squabbling with a 12 year old.

I think you should arrange something else for the 12 year old.

ElizaDarcysDeeds · 19/10/2021 09:23

It's a lot of responsibility on a 16-yr-old and living in a flat doesn't really mitigate that. If there was a fire or an accident that affected the block or the neighbours, then the neighbours aren't going to prioritise helping your DCs.
I quite often babysat and looked after younger relatives when I was an older teen so I'm not against it in principle but in this case I think it's too long and because of the ages of the siblings, it's too much to ask of the 16-yr-old. You need to ask an adult to stay over.

Original poster

LarryVeest · 19/10/2021 09:23

Really? This is literally the first time in 16 years that we've had this particular situation. Obviously we will be going - it's an unmissable event. We can get an overnight babysitter if need be, it just seemed a bit overly cautious, and the DC will probably protest!

OP posts:

CuckooCall · 19/10/2021 09:23

The older two would be fine by themselves. However, the 12 year old is too young to be left for that length of time without an adult present, and the eldest is too young to be given the responsibility of looking after the younger two for that length of time.

rrhuth · 19/10/2021 09:24

Parenting is annoying and means missing out on things I get that, but in 4 years the 12yo will be 16 and then you'll be done.