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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another holiday/ kids home alone thread

135 replies

LarryVeest · 19/10/2021 08:35

WIBU to leave three older DC (12, 15, 16) at home while I go away from Saturday morning to Sunday evening. I'll be hundreds of miles away (but same country). We have great neighbours. 12 yr old and 15yr old permanently squabble, but they are all NT and reasonably sensible. It's fine, right?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 19/10/2021 11:01

I think that it's fine but would go with the idea of a neighbour calling in to watch a film or eat with them. The neighbour will diffuse if the squabbling is escalating and just gage how things are going.

Ponoka7 · 19/10/2021 11:03

"Where are you staying? Could the 12 year old hang out in your room whilst you are at the event?"

That isn't allowed and if the hotel discovered that it was happening would kick them all out. It's no safer than staying home.

CecilieRose · 19/10/2021 11:04

@bloodywhitecat

I wouldn't leave the 12 year old without an adult but that's me. I think that leaving a 16 year old in charge of a sibling just four years younger than them is too big a responsibility.
Baffling. At 12 I was left at home every day during the school holidays to look after my younger siblings (10 and 8) and expected to make lunch (sandwiches, soup, etc.) and clean up the house. The year before that we had a 16-year-old babysitting us ,as is perfectly legal. And you think 16 is too young for someone to be left with their own siblings for a couple of days?

It's incredible how much some kids are infantilised.

coodawoodashooda · 19/10/2021 11:04

No.

ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 19/10/2021 11:04

I wouldn't. I'd probably leave the 15 and 16yo for that long but not the 12yo and I don't think it's reasonable to leave the older two to be fully responsible for the 12yo. My kids are 17 and 11, and while I have left the 17yo home alone for the night, my 11yo stays with a friend or grandparent. It's just unfair to put that weight on young shoulders.

CecilieRose · 19/10/2021 11:06

@DGFB

No, 12 is too young to be left with a 16yo
You do realise 16-year-olds can legally babysit other people's children for money? And 16-year-olds can legally have sex, and have their own babies?

I feel like I'm on another planet to most of you.

Clymene · 19/10/2021 11:07

I as also left with my 16 year old sibling 'looking after' me and my younger sibling @CecilieRose. It wasn't good which is why I wouldn't do it

ivykaty44 · 19/10/2021 11:09

It's incredible how much some kids are infantilised.

Unfortunately a lot is peer pressure and also the threat of a police caution if things go wrong 😑

I’ve got good neighbours who would keep at eye at that age.

Babysitters have a different relationship to siblings - babysitters will usually command some respect that siblings the same age don’t get

JustDanceAddict · 19/10/2021 11:17

First time we left alone overnight ds was 15 and dd 17 and I had calls from both - older annoyed as ds invited his friends round and she was trying to revise for mocks. We had to tell ds to keep the noise down & his friends had to leave by a reasonable time.
It was resolved - just.
The next time we did it when they were 18 & 16 DS had a minor accident which didn’t need immediate attention - he was fine but as soon as we got back I took him to a&e to get checked over as advised by Dr Google!
We have left just ds (17 now) but it was a school day the next day and he and his friends who stayed over (I allowed 2 friends to sleep) left a right tip & the first floor windows open too!!

liveforsummer · 19/10/2021 11:18

I don't see it as infantilising. It's the 3 sibling dynamic that's the problem. I think it's fine for a 16 year old to babysit for an evening. It's fine to leave a 12 year own home alone for a time in the day. It's the combination of it not being fair to the 16 year old to be responsible over night for 2 siblings (very different dynamic to babysitting a different child) and the fact the youngest is both not mature for age and fights with the middle dc that makes it not ok in my eyes. It's also not ok to allocate some responsibility to the lovely neighbour who currently doesn't appear to know anything about it.

itsallgoingpearshaped · 19/10/2021 11:19

I would find a friend's house to send the 12 year old to for the night.

JustDanceAddict · 19/10/2021 11:21

It’s def the sibling dynamic, rather than the age. It’s not your eldest’s ‘job’. dD babysat locally from 14 (if we were in so could call on us if a problem).

rhowton · 19/10/2021 11:32

My parents left me at 16 in charge of my 12 year old brother for a night. My dad said that if I was mature enough and old enough to get the train to London by myself for the weekend with friends and stay out of trouble, I was old enough and mature enough to look after my brother. With that logic, it was hard to disagree.

Maireas · 19/10/2021 11:35

You've already made the decision to go, so go and enjoy yourself. However, just make sure that you've got eventualities catered for and they know where to go for help.
You're a long way away if there's an emergency.

toocold54 · 19/10/2021 11:42

Baffling. At 12 I was left at home every day during the school holidays to look after my younger siblings (10 and 8) and expected to make lunch (sandwiches, soup, etc.) and clean up the house.

I leave my 12 year old at home all day if I need to work but I wouldn’t leave them overnight if I was hundreds of miles away.

My mum used to leave me and my siblings all day when we were all younger than 7, we never had any accidents or got broken into - it doesn’t make it right though.

Original poster
LarryVeest · 19/10/2021 11:49

Just to repeat, the decision isn't whether to go or not, it's whether to go while leaving them alone or with a babysitter.

I've been chuckling at the mentions at "jollies", as if having fun as a parent is something to be disapproved of. We are going to be having such a jolly. It's going to be amazing. Perhaps I could wear my cilice a little tighter, just to balance things out though.

OP posts:
toocold54 · 19/10/2021 11:59

OP you said it’s a very rare family get together so surely it would be better if they went as well?
It would be nice for them to see family that they don’t get to see very often.

Triffid1 · 19/10/2021 12:01

@CecilieRose I totally agree. I can appreciate the sibling dynamic being a potential challenge but never ceases to amaze me how often people seem to think their children can barely do anything for themselves. It must drive the schools absolutely crazy.

Original poster
LarryVeest · 19/10/2021 12:06

If it was remotely feasible for the kids to be going, they would be. It's an adults only event, not organised by me.

OP posts:
CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 19/10/2021 12:13

I'd either get an overnight babysittert, or alternatively take the kids with me, get a self catering apartment / house and leave them for the evening when I was out for the event. Or 12 year old for a sleepover elsewhere (although understand why that's tricky)

It's the 12 year old being immature and squabbling with 15 year old that makes leaving them not an option imho

sendaisnow · 19/10/2021 12:22

I'm a bit confused because my 16 year old neighbour regularly babysits for my 9 and 11 year old in the evenings. Thought that was totally normal! Granted, it's not overnight, but often to midnight or so.

Maireas · 19/10/2021 12:27

I think an evening is different to sat morning through to sun eve. It depends how risk averse you are.

Original poster
LarryVeest · 19/10/2021 12:28

Yes, 16 year old is a competent babysitter, but it's a fair point to say that the dynamic is different with siblings (less likely to respect their authority!)

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 19/10/2021 12:30

@sendaisnow

I'm a bit confused because my 16 year old neighbour regularly babysits for my 9 and 11 year old in the evenings. Thought that was totally normal! Granted, it's not overnight, but often to midnight or so.
It's not over night, it's not their siblings. 9 and 11 year olds generally have a very different respect level for 16 year olds than teens before you even add in the sibling dynamic. I assume you aren't far away in case of an emergency? It's fine for your 16 year old to be babysitting in those circumstances. Don't think anyone will tell you otherwise.
liveforsummer · 19/10/2021 12:31

Sorry i meant 16 year olds parents are likely around but you are presumably not 100's of miles away either

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