Teacher calling DD “Thing”

[ThingDDUR]

In the context I have no issue with it but ExH does so wondered if I’m UR?

Parents evening, chatting away and the teacher says “But generally (DDs name) is such a funny little thing, we’re always laughing when she’s in the room” then starts smiling and laughing while telling us some funny stories about DD (nothing naughty or bad, more pulling her jumper on after PE and shouting “Oh look here I am again” with a massive grin on her face or asking the headteacher if she’s old or very very old now on her birthday)

ExH wants me to complain to the headteacher tomorrow about the use of the word thing. I think it’s absolutely fine as she wasn’t calling DD “thing” in a derogatory way and it was just a clumsy choice of word.

So who is UR? Me or ExH?

DD is 7, just started Year 3 if it helps. The teacher also referred to DD a lot by her preferred name (a short version of her name) and this was the only time she said thing in reference to DD, otherwise it was always her full name, her short name or her full name (say her names Elizabeth Smith, teacher called her Elizabeth Smith, Elizabeth or Lizzie apart from when saying about her being a "funny little thing"). DD is also smaller in height than her friends so that might be where little comes from as I have heard her classmates call her Little Lizzie and similar as there is another Elizabeth/Lizzie in her class (obviously not her actual name thats just for example)

Vote:
YANBU - You're right the teacher was fine to use "thing"
YABU - ExH is right report to HT

I see why he's an 'ex'

Get him to complain-it will give the staff something to laugh about amidst the misery of covid and ofsted!

Give me strength!!
I'm not sure whose more dim your ex or you for taking the time to write the post.
The teacher is using a well known phrase! Also giving you an insight into your little girl at school. She clearly really likes her.

I'm not voting in your stupid poll - because it and you are pathetic.

Just a term of endearment isn’t it? Like calling someone a silly sausage- you’re not ACTUALLY inferring someone is a processed meat product.

Although your ex .... HE sounds like a “sausage”

@Coffeeonmytoffee

How unusually vitriolic?!

@Coffeeonmytoffee

Give me strength!! I'm not sure whose more dim your ex or you for taking the time to write the post. The teacher is using a well known phrase! Also giving you an insight into your little girl at school. She clearly really likes her.

I'm not voting in your stupid poll - because it and you are pathetic.

Exactly !!!! Couldn't have put it any better . The fact you need to ask makes you sound as unhinged and pathetic as him .

He sounds nasty and bitter .

Good God, OP. Please do not complain about this. You will look like an absolute tool. All the teachers will laugh and gossip about you, and deservedly so.

Your ex might be an arse but you're also a grown up with agency. Tell him he's being ridiculous and get a backbone.

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read on mn. The sad thing is that the HT will be obligated to waste time talking to the teacher and then crafting a polite response to your insane complaint, and the lovely teacher will be forced to defend herself. Honestly, she'll spend the day going over the conversation and wondering what she did wrong. She'll wonder whether the Head completely believed her explanation. She'll be guarded with you from then onwards. You are the parents that make our jobs so much harder and less enjoyable than they should be - your xp for obvious reasons, and you for entertaining the possibility of a complaint when you should've laughed in his face.

Oh ffs! I had a ridiculous complaint over something similar.. I had capped a child "you crazy guy" as he forgot his coat...it was said with a smile and a ruffle of the hair..

Your ex is being an absolute moron

What a complete and utter twat of a man.

Perhaps your Exh is living in a Jane Austen novel?
Lydia Bennett referred to another character as a "nasty freckled thing."
Is that his point of reference?

'kin hell. Glad he's your ex. Let him complain if he wants to, I wouldn't want the absolute shame of doing something so petty!

There is only one possible response for you to give your ex:
"Don't be so bloody ridiculous. Go away and get yourself a life."

How can he possibly be offended , I doubt any complaint would be taken seriously

@fourminutestosavetheworld

This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read on mn. The sad thing is that the HT will be obligated to waste time talking to the teacher and then crafting a polite response to your insane complaint, and the lovely teacher will be forced to defend herself. Honestly, she'll spend the day going over the conversation and wondering what she did wrong. She'll wonder whether the Head completely believed her explanation. She'll be guarded with you from then onwards. You are the parents that make our jobs so much harder and less enjoyable than they should be - your xp for obvious reasons, and you for entertaining the possibility of a complaint when you should've laughed in his face.

Yep. This is why I left teaching. People like OP's husband sucked the joy out of it completely. You'd spend hours and hours of your weekend making resources and planning fun and engaging classes and then get ground down by petty, stupid, pointless complaints. I still remember what sent me over the edge. I had a very, very challenging little boy with ADHD in my class. His behaviour was appalling but I tried everything I could to keep him in class and not in the exclusion room. One thing he really liked was rhymes and songs he could bang/tap along to on the desk, so I made up little songs for him with a variation of his name. Think along the lines of "Matt, what do you think about that?" It made him smile and engaged him. Cue his dad turning up at the school effing and blinding, stinking of booze and fags, telling me his name was Matthew and not Matt, and he was there to learn and not sing silly songs, and that I was useless.

It was like a red mist descended. I'd just had enough. I'd had enough of giving so, so much only to be faced with abuse from stupid, ignorant, horrible people. I decided my desire to help kids didn't outweigh my own needs and mental health. I handed in my notice the next day and retrained as a software developer. Now make over twice what I used to with a fraction of the stress and no sick feeling in the pit of my stomach every Sunday evening.

This is what people like OP's husband cause to happen.

I'd tell the ex to go away, possibly in a less polite fashion. Then inform the school that your ex asked you to make a complaint about the evening (dont specify why) but you do not wish to do so, have told him he is being an idiot and if he should complain directly you will be willing to explain why he is being a fool.

@CecilieRose I hear you. Parents like that just suck you dry.

Your exh has taken leave of his senses.

@CecilieRose yep...that's why I left teaching also. I gave so much to the job and loved being with the kids, but the constant drip drip of unreasonable criticism and demands from certain parents over the duration of my ten year teaching career just became unbearable. I felt utterly worn down by the time I left.

OP, don't complain about this to the school on his behalf. It's a ridiculous thing to complain about. Besides, if your ex wants to make a complaint then he should do it himself.

If this is an example of what he's like, no wonder he's an ex.
What a dickhead.

He's a twat of the highest order. He presumably thinks he could do a better job. Send him this link

getintoteaching.education.gov.uk/

Pathetic, seriously pathetic.

I can't see any harm in what she said, and the important thing is surely that your daughter is very happy in her class. If I heard about a complaint like that, I'd probably decide that I couldn't be doing too badly if he's scraping the bottom of the barrel that desperately to find fault.
I don't suppose you want to inflame his irritation, but he should bear in mind that if he gets a reputation for such complaints, it may tell against him if, God forbid, at some future date, a genuine cause for concern crops up.
I know some Mumsnetters weren't keen on the idea when I mentioned it in a previous post, but at my last school, part of the end-of-term staffroom entertainment was the awarding of the COTY (Complaint of the Year) cup, and I feel your ex would give your DD's teacher a strong stake in the competition. She would probably agree with the view expressed in other posts on here - not surprised he's an ex!

@ThingDDUR

Both native brits, but ExH likes an excuse to complain about anything to do with the school.

Well he can crack on can't he. He's offended, he complains.