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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher calling DD “Thing”

251 replies

ThingDDUR · 18/10/2021 20:31

In the context I have no issue with it but ExH does so wondered if I’m UR?

Parents evening, chatting away and the teacher says “But generally (DDs name) is such a funny little thing, we’re always laughing when she’s in the room” then starts smiling and laughing while telling us some funny stories about DD (nothing naughty or bad, more pulling her jumper on after PE and shouting “Oh look here I am again” with a massive grin on her face or asking the headteacher if she’s old or very very old now on her birthday)

ExH wants me to complain to the headteacher tomorrow about the use of the word thing. I think it’s absolutely fine as she wasn’t calling DD “thing” in a derogatory way and it was just a clumsy choice of word.

So who is UR? Me or ExH?

DD is 7, just started Year 3 if it helps. The teacher also referred to DD a lot by her preferred name (a short version of her name) and this was the only time she said thing in reference to DD, otherwise it was always her full name, her short name or her full name (say her names Elizabeth Smith, teacher called her Elizabeth Smith, Elizabeth or Lizzie apart from when saying about her being a "funny little thing"). DD is also smaller in height than her friends so that might be where little comes from as I have heard her classmates call her Little Lizzie and similar as there is another Elizabeth/Lizzie in her class (obviously not her actual name thats just for example)

Vote:
YANBU - You're right the teacher was fine to use "thing"
YABU - ExH is right report to HT

OP posts:
ufucoffee · 18/10/2021 21:50

Let him complain himself then when he has, ring the school, apologise for him and explain he is an absolute bellend.

winterchills · 18/10/2021 21:50

Your ex is absolutely bonkers !!

Geamhradh · 18/10/2021 21:51

@ufucoffee

Let him complain himself then when he has, ring the school, apologise for him and explain he is an absolute bellend.
sarah13xx · 18/10/2021 21:52

Do not allow him to do this. I’m a teacher, on maternity leave and looking for another job for this exact sort of behaviour. You bend over backwards to try to please parents, knock your pan in all day, put up with so many behavioural issues with no support from management, getting physically assaulted every day (in the case of my old school) and spend all your own money on resources for your class to the point you can’t afford things you actually need with absolutely no thanks for it. In no other job would this be expected and not even mentioned. You’d never go to the hospital for the nurse to use a needle she’s had to order off amazon herself because there weren’t any for her to use. This teacher will have no doubt spent her entire weekend writing and rewriting the notes for this parents night to try to come across well. She’s even had stories to hand to recall to you both to ensure she appears to know your child well. Imagine having to do that for every other individual child in the class too. Yet your ex husband somehow thinks he can sh*t on all of that and get the teacher ‘into trouble’ from her boss because she used the word ‘thing’ as part of a term of endearment to refer to your child, who she’s clearly fond of. What this does is a) makes this great teacher think what’s the point? and slowly wears her down until she eventually can’t take anymore of these ridiculous complaints and has to find another career. b) makes this teacher tell her colleagues in the staff room what your child’s dad did. Your child has done absolutely nothing wrong in this situation and yet will now have this hanging over them because their dad is ‘one of those parents you’ve got to watch’.

I don’t know what high horse these people live on who think it’s acceptable to go out of their way to down cry a teacher who probably can’t cope with one more of these trivial ‘complaints’. Don’t do it.

Wingedharpy · 18/10/2021 21:53

Ask him to write out all the words he will permit the teacher to use in his presence - that should keep him off your back for a while OP.

He should also complain to the BBC as Anton du Beke referred to a contestant as " my old sausage", and s/he may be vegetarian.

What a plonker! - your ex, not Anton.Grin

mountbattenbergcake · 18/10/2021 21:53

@AliceMcK

Tell him you’ve complained and forget it. If he brings it up be very over the top with their alleged apology 🙄
Wtf?! Why would you placate him by saying you complained? That is seriously bad advice.

Don’t do this OP.

Chunkymenrock · 18/10/2021 21:53

It's sweet. Please DO NOT complain to the school. Doesn't he think teachers have enough on their plates as it is ffs? She meant absolutely no harm at all.

Lindy2 · 18/10/2021 21:55

I can see why he's an ex. What an absolute idiot. You will look ridiculous if you complain to the school.

MissJeanBrodiesprime · 18/10/2021 21:58

Sounds like the teacher is obviously fond of your dd, YANBU.
Let your ex complain if he wants to and make himself look very silly.

DarkDarkNight · 18/10/2021 21:59

He’s ridiculous. It’s an affectionate turn of phrase for crying out loud.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 18/10/2021 22:04

Sure, go ahead and complain…make sure you copy your ex husband on the complaint email.

——
Dear HT,
My ExH would like to formally put in a complaint against DD’s lovely and professional teacher. Apparently while giving a report during parents night, which included a thorough review of her achievements thus far and areas to keep an eye on, she told a humorous personal story of our daughter relating well and getting along with classmates, in which she referred to my daughter as a ‘funny little thing’ .

The complaint is about the usage of ‘thing’ to describe my daughter. Now, I see nothing wrong with this common phrase. But the teacher should be made aware that ex husbands can be strange things, but he was adamant that I put in a complaint for him. So I hereby formally complain on behalf of my ex husband, a grown adult, who found this to be unacceptable, yet not so bad he felt compelled to register the complaint himself.

Please give this complaint all the consideration it deserves. Please do not include me in any findings from your rigorous investigations into this common phrase usage. I’m sure whatever action you deem necessary to address this will be appropriate for the nature of the complaint, which once again, I am making on behalf of my Ex husband.

When this matter has come to a close, please thank Ms. X for her contributions to my daughter’s education, she has really made a difference in Elizabeth’s reading (or whatever) achievements this year.

Signed,
X

CC: Exhusband

———

Winking emojis are bonus points if you include them in the appropriate places. A follow up email without the ex is saying please disregard any complaints about teacher and please let her know I appreciate her and X,Y, and Z she has done with daughter this term.

Honestly, your ex is a knob, which I’m sure you aware of.

Countryside08 · 18/10/2021 22:04

Very common phrase! He’s being absolutely ridiculous.

MiddleEasternMummy · 18/10/2021 22:05

People are saying 'he's that parent ' but he's actually 'that person ' ! How can anyone be such an arse ?
If I where you I'd have put him in his place as soon as the weirdo coward told you to complain !
Wtf are you asking is he being unreasonable?? Of course he is !! Knobhead !!!

MiddleEasternMummy · 18/10/2021 22:07

You also see und like you need to grow a pair or you'll be teaching your child that being an obnoxious snowflake is acceptable.

MiddleEasternMummy · 18/10/2021 22:07

Sound

Sinthie · 18/10/2021 22:09

Really??!!!

Maxstrong · 18/10/2021 22:10

Jesus, the teachers will think you are crazy if you complain about the turn of phrase the teacher used to compliment your child.

ohthestruggles · 18/10/2021 22:11

Fucking ridiculous. And he wants you to complain about a problem that he has with the use of a word.

Your daughter sounds like she is getting on well, the teacher is happy with her. But he wants to make a complaint. This is why people don't want to work with the public. You try to keep people happy, do your best. What do they do? Complain to your boss that they don't like the use of the word 'thing'. I want to tell your ex to fuck off personally. Angry

hedgehogger1 · 18/10/2021 22:11

Your ex is a twat. Don't let him complain. It might be the thing that pushes what sounds like a lovely teacher over the edge

2Two · 18/10/2021 22:11

It's not even a clumsy choice of word as you suggest, OP, it's a perfectly standard, well-known phrase.

If your ex wants to make a total pratt of himself by complaining, tell him to knock himself out. In fact, if I were you I'd be tempted to go with him to see the expression on the head's face, but I'd have to let the head know advance that I was only there for the laughs.

RandomMess · 18/10/2021 22:11

If your EX wants to complain then he can.

It's yet another attempt to try control you, make you feel like a bad parent by his implied criticism that you should object. He also wants to create issues between you and the school by raise it as a complaint.

Stop giving your ex any headspace.

Dixiechickonhols · 18/10/2021 22:13

She didn’t call her ‘thing’ the teacher used a well known expression ‘funny little thing’. It’s affectionate and she clearly meant it that way sharing the anecdotes. I’d much rather that than teacher not knowing who she was or just reading she’s a 5 in maths, 4 in English off a sheet.

Hankunamatata · 18/10/2021 22:13

Urgh he is deliberately trying to stir at the school and do the look at me I'm super dad. He is that parent

HappyDays101010 · 18/10/2021 22:14

Its people like your DH that are causing teachers to leave the profession in droves.

Lightisnotwhite · 18/10/2021 22:14

@saltinesandcoffeecups

Sure, go ahead and complain…make sure you copy your ex husband on the complaint email.

——
Dear HT,
My ExH would like to formally put in a complaint against DD’s lovely and professional teacher. Apparently while giving a report during parents night, which included a thorough review of her achievements thus far and areas to keep an eye on, she told a humorous personal story of our daughter relating well and getting along with classmates, in which she referred to my daughter as a ‘funny little thing’ .

The complaint is about the usage of ‘thing’ to describe my daughter. Now, I see nothing wrong with this common phrase. But the teacher should be made aware that ex husbands can be strange things, but he was adamant that I put in a complaint for him. So I hereby formally complain on behalf of my ex husband, a grown adult, who found this to be unacceptable, yet not so bad he felt compelled to register the complaint himself.

Please give this complaint all the consideration it deserves. Please do not include me in any findings from your rigorous investigations into this common phrase usage. I’m sure whatever action you deem necessary to address this will be appropriate for the nature of the complaint, which once again, I am making on behalf of my Ex husband.

When this matter has come to a close, please thank Ms. X for her contributions to my daughter’s education, she has really made a difference in Elizabeth’s reading (or whatever) achievements this year.

Signed,
X

CC: Exhusband

———

Winking emojis are bonus points if you include them in the appropriate places. A follow up email without the ex is saying please disregard any complaints about teacher and please let her know I appreciate her and X,Y, and Z she has done with daughter this term.

Honestly, your ex is a knob, which I’m sure you aware of.

Perfect 😁