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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

IABU to think there's no way he'd have pulled this if I'd been a man?

142 replies

thepeopleversuswork · 18/10/2021 11:32

There's a guy fixing my boiler atm. I've had no heating or hot water for four days and my child has been ill. So understandably I haven't been overly preoccupied with some (non perishable - old wrapping paper and bin liners type thing) rubbish at the bottom of a storage cupboard which adjoins the place where the boiler is stored which is hardly used. And which in no way impairs his ability to do his job.

But the guy has seen fit to tell me its "pretty disgusting" and I should prioritise cleaning it.

He also twice interrupted me when I was obviously trying to get my child out of the door to school to tell me off for not having moved some bikes from the hallway which he'd only asked me to do five minutes earlier (and which he was perfectly capable of doing himself).

He's also walked into background on a Teams call and started asking me something when I'd told him I was about to join a work call and needed not to be disturbed.

I'm stuck with him now as he needs to finish the boiler but I'm seething and also feel like there's no way on earth he'd have done this if I were a man living on my own. Has anyone else ever successfully dealt with this sort of low level misogynistic shit from people doing jobs in your home without a row?

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 19/10/2021 08:57

To be fair, mechanics might take women more seriously if most could do the simplest automotive task like change a tyre.

I could change a tyre but I don't particularly want to so why's it a negative thing to pay someone else to do it. If we all changed our own tyres they'd lose a lot of business.

Same as bulbs and wiper blades. Yep I absolutely can change them myself. Would I rather pay someone at Halfords £7 to do it for me? Yep.

NotMyCat · 19/10/2021 09:04

@mickeysminnie

To be fair, mechanics might take women more seriously if most could do the simplest automotive task like change a tyre. Most of my mates can't even check the oil or top up the coolant. I'm sorry that is such a crock of shit! There is no excuse for patronising YOUR CUSTOMERS. Would you think its acceptable for a shop assistant to patronise you because you're not up to speed on distribution channel challenges? Or a nurse because you don't have knowledge of a medical procedure? It's no wonder men get away with this shit when there are so many women ready to protest for them.

No but if you're driving then you should be capable at a minimum of topping up screen wash and checking tyre pressures (unless of course you have a disability which prevents you doing so) It's not comparable in the slightest to either of your examples

notacooldad · 19/10/2021 10:00

NelsonMandelaHouse
I loathe workmen in my home. 9/10 in my experience have been misogynistic wankers. DH once snuck back in when workmen were here just to listen to the way they spoke to me, because they didn't do it with him. Such as

"Your kettle broken, darling?? Hahahahahhhahhaawwwww!! Two sugars and a few biscuits when you're ready!"

"We'll be out of the kitchen in a minute so you can get the dinner on and the washing up sorted."

"Ooh, thought all me Christmases had come at once then!" Said in response to me saying the word "screw" about an actual screw that was sticking out of the floor.

"Smile, love, bloody hell! No need to look so miserable!"

"What you doin' still in yer dressing gown? Cor blimey, don't you wanna look sexy for your man?"

"What time's your husband home? You gonna have his tea on the table, or does he have to wait tonight?"

"Gonna give your husband a treat later, eh?" Said with a wink after overhearing a phone conversation where I said I'd got DH his favourite thing- wispa gold.

I can honestly say in 36 years of owning a home and having builders, decorators and tradies in for every job from converting an attic, building an extension, decorating the house( many times over the years) I have never ever been spoken to like this.

I usually offer to make a brew and more often the not they have their own flask.
I only had one problem a few years ago when a trade guy (I think it was for a retire) kept being late and disappearing. When I was asked for feedback from the company I told them and a bloke came out to see me. It turns out it was the blokes company and the tradesman was his brother in law who he had given a second chance to ( I think it was a drink problem) The bloke was upset because it was his company's reputation and said I should have reported it sooner. I got a big bunch of flowers sent to the house.

I am always by myself so it's not like there is fella hanging round to put them off.

I was talking to my friend this morning about this as she has moved 3 times in 6 years and has had a lot of work done. Her biggest problem is getting hold of a trades person and them coming on time.

I am stunned at the misogynist bull shit that has been said to some of the posters.

FiddlesticksMedi · 19/10/2021 10:10

Just remembered a tradesman that came to my house. He just stood staring at my chest the whole time whilst discussing the work, and trying to stand too close to me. I kept trying to move backwards… fucking horrible. I was home by myself. He was recommended by a friend who was male so he wouldn’t have spotted any weird shit.

Next time I had to use him DH dealt with him so no issue - and then we found a different tradesperson to come instead.

It was really unnerving and I felt really vulnerable.

Fleshmechanic · 19/10/2021 10:12

This is why I have a "man" persona when dealing with tradesmen. I act more bantery and blokey. It's ridiculous but I get exactly what you mean about being a woman around tradesmen. I always have a plan and weapon hidden for if something went wrong, never keep tea or coffee in the house so I literally can't offer them anything and go into another room while they work so I don't have to talk to them or be belittled lol.

Gilmoregale · 19/10/2021 10:32

I hate, hate, hate having to deal with most tradesmen, it's one of the times I loathe the fact that my family and friends I could call on (and obviously pay the going rate) are hundreds of miles away. One of my brothers-in-law is a builder by trade and when they had to have work done on their house (that was more specialized than his skillset), he said he finally realised what a pain in the proverbial builders are....

JumperooSue · 19/10/2021 14:56

@NotMyCat

But I was at the garage for new brake pads. I can top up screen wash and check my own tyre pressure. One car was having new brake pads, the other a service and MOT. He stereotyped me as a little silly woman who was there to pick up her partners manly, fast car. It’s my bloody car!

But also if I didn’t know how to do those things, I’m a paying customer. I’m paying him to know how to do those things. Like someone said above no wonder men get away with this shit.

berlinbabylon · 19/10/2021 15:06

Hmm I have had the coffee thing but generally workmen don't patronise me, and if I say, sorry I haven't moved that, they say no worries love, I can do that.

Sounds like the OP's workman (and some of the other posters' workmen) are a pain in the neck to deal with.

Bikes aren't exactly difficult to move; and it's not up to him how you do your cleaning. And who on earth in the real world would think it was "entitled" not to move them before you took your child to school?

berlinbabylon · 19/10/2021 15:08

To be fair, mechanics might take women more seriously if most could do the simplest automotive task like change a tyre

why would I bother to learn to change a tyre when I can pay someone else to do it for me and they have the expertise and equipment? It's not very efficient for me to go out and buy tools when it needs doing once in a blue moon.

Does that mean I get to patronise them when they need legal advice?

Silly argument. They are earning their money doing basic tasks - it's in their interests for people not to do it themselves!

NotMyCat · 19/10/2021 15:23

[quote JumperooSue]@NotMyCat

But also if I didn’t know how to do those things, I’m a paying customer. I’m paying him to know how to do those things. Like someone said above no wonder men get away with this shit.[/quote]
No and like I said above, I work in a garage and it is so female heavy that men wouldn't dare behave like that and they shouldn't do
It's fine to ask to have stuff done but realistically if you are driving then you should be able to put screenwash/air etc in because if you are nowhere near your own garage and need either of those, it can need doing urgently
People don't want to pay for screenwash or air, and expect to be able to drop in and have it done instantly which we can't always facilitate

Original poster

thepeopleversuswork · 19/10/2021 15:52

Does that mean I get to patronise them when they need legal advice?

This.

I can do a million things better than he can and I'm paying him. Yes that means owe it to him to be reasonably considerate.

But the fact that I know feck all about plumbing doesn't make me thick or entitled. It just means it isn't my specialism. He wouldn't expect me to suddenly opine on his ability to do any of the things I can do well that he can't. I expect him to do me the courtesy of not conveying to me that I'm thick because I can't do a job I'm paying him to do.

OP posts:

JellyTotCat · 19/10/2021 16:01

I left a review for a garage I use yesterday and mentioned that they are always polite and never talk down to me. Over the last 30 years I've realised that this is not a given when you pay someone to carry out a service and that it's important to me, so when someone is polite as well as offering a good service I make sure I mention it to help others decide whether to use a company.

JumperooSue · 19/10/2021 16:20

@NotMyCat

But I’m sure men drop in too to have things like that done. And that’s not really the same, that’s just people being cheeky fuckers expecting something for nothing.

I was a paying customer having £300 worth of work done between the two cars. He literally treated me like a complete airhead,

KayKayWat · 19/10/2021 16:28

This is exactly what I'm talking about!

Everything you need to change the tyre is already in your boot (in 99% of cars). Why would you wait in the dark by the roadside for somebody to come and do something that would take you 10 mins tops? Most men certainly wouldn't!

It's like calling somebody out to change a lightbulb.

Binglebong · 20/10/2021 15:49

I have the tools and knowledge to change a tyre. I don't have the physical strength to get the nuts off though!

tigger1001 · 23/10/2021 08:01

@Binglebong

I have the tools and knowledge to change a tyre. I don't have the physical strength to get the nuts off though!

Yep! And having been in the position twice recently that was my issue.

The first time was the day after a severe thunderstorm and lots of local flooding. Thankfully was at home. Me, my partner and my neighbour couldn't get the bolts off. I've got rac with home start so had to call them. He couldn't remove the bolts either as they were security bolts (have got the right tool to remove it) but they are notorious for threading. Had to get towed to the garage who sheared them off. We replaced all the bolts in the other tyres.

Second time, hit a pothole and low abs behold flat tyre. I couldn't budge the bolts.

Know the mechanics of how to change a tyre, and have done it in the past, but that's why i have roadside recovery. It's also hard to do in live traffic - especially if it's driver side.

londonrach · 23/10/2021 08:34

You need to clear the hallway and cupboard before he comes...we had six years of workman sorting this house out and everything is cleared to give them room to work. You should have moved the bikes when he mentioned it or tbh before. It's not his job. Re the paper ignore that silky comment. He there for a job and be gone soon.... hopefully

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