IABU to think there's no way he'd have pulled this if I'd been a man?

[thepeopleversuswork]

There's a guy fixing my boiler atm. I've had no heating or hot water for four days and my child has been ill. So understandably I haven't been overly preoccupied with some (non perishable - old wrapping paper and bin liners type thing) rubbish at the bottom of a storage cupboard which adjoins the place where the boiler is stored which is hardly used. And which in no way impairs his ability to do his job.

But the guy has seen fit to tell me its "pretty disgusting" and I should prioritise cleaning it.

He also twice interrupted me when I was obviously trying to get my child out of the door to school to tell me off for not having moved some bikes from the hallway which he'd only asked me to do five minutes earlier (and which he was perfectly capable of doing himself).

He's also walked into background on a Teams call and started asking me something when I'd told him I was about to join a work call and needed not to be disturbed.

I'm stuck with him now as he needs to finish the boiler but I'm seething and also feel like there's no way on earth he'd have done this if I were a man living on my own. Has anyone else ever successfully dealt with this sort of low level misogynistic shit from people doing jobs in your home without a row?

I had a man round to service my boiler years ago...my god was he rude....i had to ask him to move his van so i could do the school run at 3.15pm...he tutted and rolled his eyes....when he finished i asked him what i owed....he snapped at me to give him a chance to write the invoice...there were many other short snappy comments that day....i paid him and he left and i never ever used him again and made sure i went out of my way to not recommend him....arsehole.

I think this is one of those threads where the OP is going to become jumbled up with answering posts. So, Just for clarity:

1. He said some bits in a cupboard were "pretty disgusting" and you should prioritise cleaning it.

2. walked into background on a Teams call asking something when told you'd needed not to be disturbed.

3. Has twice asked you to move bikes out of his way.

Would he have done this to another man?

I think no.1 no.

2 and 3 quite likely yes.

No.3 though - you shouldn't be leaving your belongings in his way. I don't think this one can be included.

@NigelSlatersXmasTaters

You actually left a load of bikes in the way and then went off to do the school run?!

That's so ridiculously entitled and rude.

It also sounds like he needed to get in to the storage cupboard, is your gas meter in there? The way should be clear for him to do his work.

Sorry but "so ridiculously entitled and rude" is such hyperbole.

The way it unfolded was as follows. I asked him last week what he wanted moved out of the way. He said "its just the cupboard that the boiler is in". No mention made of the hall having to be clear.

The bikes are not blocking the hall.

When he arrived at my flat he said to me he wanted me to move the bikes. I was literally on my way out of the flat and said I'd do it when I'd finished the school run. The minute I put my head through the door after returning from the school run he said "chop chop" to me. So he knew I hadn't had time to do it but hassled me about it anyway.

You can argue at worst that it was thoughtless of me not to have considered this. I'll take that on the chin. But saying I am "ridiculously entitled and rude" is just daft.

@symi

“Also the way a lot of them will bang on and on about some incredibly small and irrelevant aspect of what they are doing at great length when you are clearly massively busy with someone else you need to do for your own job.”

Yes - this exactly!

It’s as if they assume they are 100% the main event in your house for the duration they are there.

This mentality does my head in. I had one come the other week at 8am and just placed his radio in the hallway on full volume. No word of, “Am I disturbing anyone?”

He didn’t realise my husband was going to be WFH that day. DH went down and just turned it off and bluntly said, “You can’t have that on. I have calls.” So the workmen comes down to me and starts moaning, rather than saying anything to DH’s face. Whining on about, “I’m a music man, I am... once someone told me I couldn’t have my music on and I walked out.”

I just said to him, “Well if you need to leave, then probably best to go now.”

How can these people have no concept that’s it’s not all about them? I mean, would you walk into an office and put a radio on ‘because you’re a music woman.’

Then he proceeded to tell me every detail of what he was going to do and all the different parts of this and that.

I swear to god, these men are like spoilt children. I feel sorry for their wives, frankly. They need constant attention and affirmation. “Ooh well done. That’s amazing. Yes we’ll all pull up a chair and watch you shall we... “

The music woman comment has really made me laugh

The way it unfolded was as follows. I asked him last week what he wanted moved out of the way. He said "its just the cupboard that the boiler is in". No mention made of the hall having to be clear.
The bikes are not blocking the hall.
When he arrived at my flat he said to me he wanted me to move the bikes.

Why didn’t you ask him why he needed the bikes moving if they’re not blocking his access in any way?

@Sn0tnose

The way it unfolded was as follows. I asked him last week what he wanted moved out of the way. He said "its just the cupboard that the boiler is in". No mention made of the hall having to be clear. The bikes are not blocking the hall. When he arrived at my flat he said to me he wanted me to move the bikes.

Why didn’t you ask him why he needed the bikes moving if they’re not blocking his access in any way?

Because it didn't cross my mind, at 8.30 this morning, that I needed to challenge and second guess everything he asked for. I assumed he was being reasonable and said I'd do it when I had time. I didn't expect to be told by him to drop what I was doing and prioritise this when I was about to go to take my child to school.

Not his job to move your crap out of the way. Moving things can leave them open to piss takers trying it on
" My bike is broken after he moved it blah blah" I imagine he wanted things out of the way so he could lug his own crap in. He might be on a tight schedule and not want to lose time waiting for things to be moved.
Nobody else can call whether it was because you're a woman or not but I tend to think he'd have been the same way with a man.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, especially if the bikes in the hallway were not blocking his access to anything as your last update suggests.

Was he trying to boss you about? That would have me making a complaint.

He should not have commented on the wrapping paper in the cupboard as long as his access to the boiler was clear. The "chop chop" comment would have enraged me and I am afraid I would have told him to stop being so disrespectful.

I've been on my own 90% of the time we've had workmen in and never had a problem with them. I don't think it has anything to do with you being a woman. But then I do always make sure any crap is out of their way before they arrive so..

YANBU, wrapping paper is hardly disgusting and the chop chop comment would have pissed me right off.

At a previous property we rented we had a leak in the shower, which you could see dripping into the kitchen cupboards when the shower was on. I contacted the landlord and she sent someone out. He checked and decided there was no leak, because the floorboards underneath were dry. DH explained that they would be as I had noticed the leak when it was being used and we had used showers elsewhere all week. He continued to tell DH that I was wrong and that it ‘was obviously rainwater she had seen’ despite it not raining at the time of the leak.

I insisted he check if it was leaking with the shower switched on which he huffed and puffed about, insisting I was wrong. I then got no apology when it began leaking as soon as it was on, just an ‘oh it’s leaking’ and he continued to speak to DH and ignore me.

That’s the only bad experience I’ve had of workmen though, most aren’t such arseholes.

I doubt it was because you were a woman, we had a plumber out last week to fix our boiler and he told DH to 'move all this shit'. My DH was absolutely seething and would have chucked him out only the landlord had sent him and we'd been without heating for several weeks and I'm about to have a baby. Absolutely fine if you need something moved bit don't be a cheeky fucker about it.

You're both unreasonable.

Him for talking to you like that.

You for not moving items and expecting him to wait whilst you do the school run and for expecting him to wait until after the meeting for you to answer a question.

Out of curiosity if he'd waited on both these occasions would you be happy to pay for the extra time on your invoice?

I'm finding it a bit hard to believe that a workman who regularly gets his hands dirty would find some wrapping paper disgusting. Is this really the full story?

@RevolutionRadio

You're both unreasonable.

Him for talking to you like that.

You for not moving items and expecting him to wait whilst you do the school run and for expecting him to wait until after the meeting for you to answer a question.

Out of curiosity if he'd waited on both these occasions would you be happy to pay for the extra time on your invoice?

This. I had a new boiler put in last week, I cleared everything out of the way around the cupboard, and the path to the cupboard (boilers are quite large, they don't fit in a toolbox) and around the radiators just in case. The plumbers also brought in their huge toolboxes and a hoover to clear the mess. I didn't want them to have to try and manoeuvre around all my shit because I couldn't be arsed to tidy.

Because it didn't cross my mind, at 8.30 this morning, that I needed to challenge and second guess everything he asked for. I assumed he was being reasonable and said I'd do it when I had time. I didn't expect to be told by him to drop what I was doing and prioritise this when I was about to go to take my child to school.

I appreciate that your tone is probably due to the fact that it’s easier for you to take your frustration out on a total stranger who has asked a really obvious question on the Internet rather than challenge the man in your home. But it isn’t me who has made rude comments about your home, so perhaps redirect your annoyance where it belongs?

You’ve made the decision to trust that he needed the bikes to be moved so he can access the cupboard, rather than taking the thirty seconds to look in your hallway (which presumably you’d need to walk through to access the door to go out), judge for yourself and then question him accordingly. So believing he needs the bikes to be moved to do his job, you’ve gone out to do the school run because you didn’t expect him to need access to the cupboard straight away? And you’re surprised and annoyed he’s got the arse about it? No, I don’t think he would have said ‘chop chop’ to a man. I think he possibly would have been a lot ruder.

You’ve arranged for someone to do work in your home, knowing that you’ve got important calls and can’t be disturbed. That’s poor diarising on your part, not misogyny. It’s like working while you’ve got a child off sick. You can probably get lots done, but the likelihood is you’re going to be disturbed at some point.

Re the paper, bin liners etc in the cupboard, if it isn’t obstructing his access and it isn’t making it an unpleasant environment for him to work in, then yes, you’re absolutely right to be cross about it and he probably wouldn’t have said the same thing to a man.

When I’ve needed work done urgently in the past I’ve been made to feel like I should be eternally grateful to the ‘Knight in Shining Armour’ that has come to my rescue. The two men that fitted my new boiler last year were incredibly professional and generally very pleasant but unfortunately they were the exception.
OP, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen Peep Show but the character Big Mad Andy comes to mind 🤣

I agree that actually he probably would have been as rude or ruder to a man.

Did he need to walk across the bin liners and rolls of wrapping paper? I'm assuming he needed to stretch or lean over them because he couldn't get in. If they're covered in dust and cobwebs etc then maybe it is pretty disgusting.

I don't think he should've used that word necessarily but he probably was rightly annoyed that you hadn't cleared access for him and then buggered off on the school run!

The teams meeting is your fault and you can't expect him to stand twiddling his thumbs when he needs to speak to you.

There are some incredibly rude people around. Only last week, after being told by the receptionist to take a seat OUTSIDE my office and wait to be called in, some idiot (male) just walked straight in. Err no wait outside until I am ready for you.

@Onlinedilema

There are some incredibly rude people around. Only last week, after being told by the receptionist to take a seat OUTSIDE my office and wait to be called in, some idiot (male) just walked straight in. Err no wait outside until I am ready for you.

What on earth has that got to do with Op not clearing a way for her plumber to do repairs?

His choice of language "disgusting" is wrong, but it's reasonable to expect that if you call someone out to do some work in your house you should clear the space for them to work in and be available to answer questions. You should have emptied the cupboard, moved the bikes out of the way and let you meeting attendees know that you might need to be interrupted. Your time is not any more or less important than his.

Just had a similar thing last week - electrician refusing to turn down his radio saying he ‘needed it to work’ despite me telling him that I had to work too and couldn’t have it in the background on calls. So entitled, and completely agree that they’d never show that sort of disrespect to another man

This is my experience of the majority of men who do work for me, they are often patronising and will comment on things unrelated to the job they're being paid to do, it's like they see you without a man in the house and feel the need to offer advice. I'm usually glad to see the back of them.

Never come across this before and my hous sounds a lot messier than yours. However, he does need access to get it n with his job presumably so I'd have moved the bikes.

I sympathise completely. I've asked people to leave my house and that's only when they've came to quote the job, just based on their attitude and the way they speak to me.