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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IABU to think there's no way he'd have pulled this if I'd been a man?

142 replies

thepeopleversuswork · 18/10/2021 11:32

There's a guy fixing my boiler atm. I've had no heating or hot water for four days and my child has been ill. So understandably I haven't been overly preoccupied with some (non perishable - old wrapping paper and bin liners type thing) rubbish at the bottom of a storage cupboard which adjoins the place where the boiler is stored which is hardly used. And which in no way impairs his ability to do his job.

But the guy has seen fit to tell me its "pretty disgusting" and I should prioritise cleaning it.

He also twice interrupted me when I was obviously trying to get my child out of the door to school to tell me off for not having moved some bikes from the hallway which he'd only asked me to do five minutes earlier (and which he was perfectly capable of doing himself).

He's also walked into background on a Teams call and started asking me something when I'd told him I was about to join a work call and needed not to be disturbed.

I'm stuck with him now as he needs to finish the boiler but I'm seething and also feel like there's no way on earth he'd have done this if I were a man living on my own. Has anyone else ever successfully dealt with this sort of low level misogynistic shit from people doing jobs in your home without a row?

OP posts:
toocold54 · 18/10/2021 14:11

Im sorry but I have to disagree, he is there to do a job not navigate bags of rubbish and pushbikes in his way. You should have had everything cleared for him arriving. It is not his job to move your pushbikes.

I completely agree!

YABU you actually wanted him to wait until after you had taken your child to school before moving the bikes out of his way!

That to me would come across very entitled and I can see why he would be annoyed with you.
If it was me I would have refused to do any work until you had cleared everything.

Theunamedcat · 18/10/2021 14:13

I called a man out for my badly leaking gutter he said which joint is it I said all of them he got aggressive and told me he could only use one lot of mastic and to choose the worst one I said so you cant do all three? NO I was told it was ONE LEAK and ONE LEAK IS ALL IM FIXING ok mate chill out far be it for me to deprive a man of his mastic I told him to fix the worst and rang the landlord after he left to report his behaviour I never saw him again and got brand new front and back guttering I occasionally think of him I picture him all alone with his mastic stroking it calling it his precious.....naa I don't really but the guy was weird it clearly said on his sheet multiple leaks and the landlord said it would cost more to keep sending him back!

3scape · 18/10/2021 14:21

He's out of line to put judgment on what you keep in your own cupboards. But I can see that expecting areas clear for access might be normal. But that should be communicated.

For clearing the hallway I'd literally do that as and when asked as then he can be getting tools in and out and getting in with work.

There's an element of tradespeople not moving your stuff because it might get damaged too. If he opens up a boiler it can easily cover paper in dust and debris from inside it.

notacooldad · 18/10/2021 14:25

So he knew I hadn't had time to do it but hassled me about it anyway
So did you not say anything at that point?
When he said 'Chop chop' why did you not say 'I've just walked through the door pal, dont you be giving me all this chop chop nonsense.'
Speak up for yourself.

He's also walked into background on a Teams call and started asking me something when I'd told him I was about to join a work call and needed not to be disturbed.
If he needs info he cant be hanging round. Some of our safeguarding meetings go on for an hour and half if there's more than one child involved. What is supposed to do? If he diesnt know how long you are going to be.

Tilltheend99 · 18/10/2021 14:29

I don’t usually tell people to complain but in this case, especially purposely interrupting your work meeting to undermine you. You should definitely complain and leave appropriate negative feedback online etc It actually sounds a bit intimidating.

Simonjt · 18/10/2021 14:30

Some people are just twats.

We had a plasterer who threw a strop when we asked him to use the utility sink rather than the kitchen sink for water.

Original poster
thepeopleversuswork · 18/10/2021 14:32

You’ve arranged for someone to do work in your home, knowing that you’ve got important calls and can’t be disturbed. That’s poor diarising on your part

I have important calls and can't be disturbed for about five out of every eight hours a day. They are a given of the way I work and I don't get any control over this. And you can't "diarise" a boiler breaking down. It needs fixing it needs fixing. I don't get to take a day off work to deal with this.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 18/10/2021 14:33

If he asked you to move the bikes it's because he needed them moved. Not because he just fancied them being moved at some point during the day.

He'd already asked you to clear out the cupboard - he was probably frustrated you hadn't done so.

He needed you to answer the question so he could complete his work. Again, completely justified.

The way he's spoken to you, however, is out of order.

Tabitha005 · 18/10/2021 14:36

Whilst this bloke's comments about the paper/bing liners was out of order if it's not impacting his ability to reach the areas he needs to work on, I don't think you should have gone off on the school run without moving the bikes out of his way.

My main issue with tradesMEN is usually their shit choice in music, most often played way too loudly on those chunky Fisher-Price-esque radios that look as though they'd (sadly) survive a sledgehammer attack.

helpfulperson · 18/10/2021 14:37

The rest of us who work in offices have to take a day off. Not needing to is a perk of wfh but you need to be sure you'll have time to deal with it.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 18/10/2021 14:38

I honestly think Op just has a problem with Men or tradesmen in general. This isn't the first post she has made on the subject

LivingDeadGirlUK · 18/10/2021 14:38

I think there are dickheads in all proffesions tbh, I've been lucky to not have any in my home so far but work is another story. I would def make a complaint OP!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/10/2021 14:41

Yanbu because I’ve noticed this trend of treating men and women customers differently.

The paper and bikes would be ok to mention/ ask you to move if it was done in a polite, professional way. It’s not his job really to navigate his way to the job. Albeit he could easily.

The walking into the teams background and taking to you is not all at all! That would never be done to a man - they would acknowledge the importance of his job.

NelsonMandelaHouse · 18/10/2021 14:44

I loathe workmen in my home. 9/10 in my experience have been misogynistic wankers. DH once snuck back in when workmen were here just to listen to the way they spoke to me, because they didn't do it with him. Such as

"Your kettle broken, darling?? Hahahahahhhahhaawwwww!! Two sugars and a few biscuits when you're ready!"

"We'll be out of the kitchen in a minute so you can get the dinner on and the washing up sorted."

"Ooh, thought all me Christmases had come at once then!" Said in response to me saying the word "screw" about an actual screw that was sticking out of the floor.

"Smile, love, bloody hell! No need to look so miserable!"

"What you doin' still in yer dressing gown? Cor blimey, don't you wanna look sexy for your man?"

"What time's your husband home? You gonna have his tea on the table, or does he have to wait tonight?"

"Gonna give your husband a treat later, eh?" Said with a wink after overhearing a phone conversation where I said I'd got DH his favourite thing- wispa gold.

DH couldn't believe his ears when they said about me in my dressing gown and the kettle being broken. And that wasn't even the worst of it! The most cheeky thing they ever said to him was "Mate, do you mind making us a brew?"

ZeroFuchsGiven · 18/10/2021 14:44

The walking into the teams background and taking to you is not all at all! That would never be done to a man - they would acknowledge the importance of his job

You mean the way op acknowledged the importance of the plumbers job and time?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/10/2021 14:45

I’ve been having work done on the house since May. Just finishing. It’s all been fine, but I’ve been VERY boundaried about what I need from the day - ie I’ll be in meetings xyz time, is there anything you’re going to need first? Do you want a cup of tea before I start work - if you need something after that please help yourself it’s in this spot etc.

NigelSlatersXmasTaters · 18/10/2021 14:45

You have important calls for 5 hours. You should rearrange or pre-warn that you might be interrupted. Not demand not to be disturbed at all and expect him to wait.

You were "trying to get your child out of the house" and he'd asked you 5 minutes ago to clear access. You ignored and went on the school run. Then got annoyed because he told you to hurry up!

You didn't clear out the cupboard so he could access what he needed easily.

I wonder how much longer the job would've taken him if he'd simply stood waiting for you to decide an appropriate time to prepare the workspace for him to fix the appliance you wanted fixing?

WitchyNameChange · 18/10/2021 14:45

@ZeroFuchsGiven

The walking into the teams background and taking to you is not all at all! That would never be done to a man - they would acknowledge the importance of his job

You mean the way op acknowledged the importance of the plumbers job and time?

Nailed it
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/10/2021 14:47

The walking into the teams background and taking to you is not all at all! That would never be done to a man - they would acknowledge the importance of his job

You mean the way op acknowledged the importance of the plumbers job and time?

^^
She told him when she was going to have the meeting so he could have asked before hand. Also, you can stand the other side of the screen/ a distance away and just catch the persons attention so that they can turn their camera and mike off for a minute and not disturb the meeting.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/10/2021 14:49

The most cheeky thing they ever said to him was "Mate, do you mind making us a brew?"

^^
And said like that, no one would mind! There’s ways and ways of the whole attitude whilst asking the same question

2bazookas · 18/10/2021 14:53

When I am having something replaced or fixed I WANT to know what they are doing and the reason why! I really am interested in what I am paying for grin I would find it really strange if they didn't explain things tbh.

Exactly!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/10/2021 14:54

Also the way a lot of them will bang on and on about some incredibly small and irrelevant aspect of what they are doing at great length when you are clearly massively busy with someone else you need to do for your own job.”

Yes - this exactly!

It’s as if they assume they are 100% the main event in your house for the duration they are there.

This about the main event! And I know a lot of men like that who aren’t trades people at all. Even generally lovely ex FIL I realised was incapable of thinking the thing he was doing (with exh) was not as important as the thing I was doing.

Original poster
thepeopleversuswork · 18/10/2021 14:56

@NigelSlatersXmasTaters

You have important calls for 5 hours. You should rearrange or pre-warn that you might be interrupted. Not demand not to be disturbed at all and expect him to wait.

You were "trying to get your child out of the house" and he'd asked you 5 minutes ago to clear access. You ignored and went on the school run. Then got annoyed because he told you to hurry up!

You didn't clear out the cupboard so he could access what he needed easily.

I wonder how much longer the job would've taken him if he'd simply stood waiting for you to decide an appropriate time to prepare the workspace for him to fix the appliance you wanted fixing?

I thought I'd been pretty clear about all this before but here we go again:

a) at the point he asked me to clear the bikes I was half way out of the door. I said I would do it as soon as I got back. He then hassled me to do it as I re-entered the house on the way back from school in a fairly rude manner (he said "chop chop I need those bikes cleared"). So I had not had any time to do this in the intervening 15 minutes because I was not in the house at the time. It would have been physically impossible for me to have done this any earlier because I was not in the house.

b) the cupboard he was complaining about adjoined the cupboard he was working in. It was an unconnected cupboard and the stuff there had no bearing on his ability to do his work (or not).

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 18/10/2021 14:57

She told him when she was going to have the meeting so he could have asked before hand.
Depends what the question was.

Also, you can stand the other side of the screen/ a distance away and just catch the persons attention so that they can turn their camera and mike off for a minute and not disturb the meeting.
Depends where she was sat/where the doorway to the room is.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/10/2021 15:04

“Chop chop” is just beyond rude - I missed this the first time - I think I wouldn’t have kept him in my house beyond that. Or he would have got an absolute death stare and “what did you say to me?”

@girlmom21 I must let my children know that their ability to stand out of shot and get my attention without disturbing meetings throughout lockdown is apparently superhuman.