Page 4 | IABU to think there's no way he'd have pulled this if I'd been a man?

girlmom21 · 18/10/2021 15:05

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing well it's not exactly superhuman if you don't have your back to the doorway, is it...

notacooldad · 18/10/2021 15:11

The walking into the teams background and taking to you is not all at all! That would never be done to a man - they would acknowledge the importance of his job

You mean the way op acknowledged the importance of the plumbers job and time?

Nailed it

I'm calling bullshit okn this one having spent 18 months on teams and zooms with everyone I'm connected with at work from social workers, lead heads of services, teachers, safeguarding staff, parents and so on.
Just as many blokes have been interrupted by trades as women when it's been a while situation.
Normally it's a quick 'excuse me, I won't be a second, carrying on without me 'and they disappear for a few seconds.

The tradesman will have wanted to be gone as quick as possible to the next job, time is money and all that. Anything could have come up. How long is he supposed to wait between back to back meetings. As people have pointed out most people would have had to take half a day off to deal with this. You are working and dealing with a domestic issue at the same time.

Bywayofanupdate · 18/10/2021 15:13

Our cleaner. She's female but she infuriates me. My husband called her initially, she came round and met him and he showed her around then he introduced me and asked me what I would like doing. I said I don't know, DH knows. Ever since she has texted me to arrange things, I ask DH to text back to arrange things and the next week she texts me again. When she's here she will jot disturb DH for love nor money but will interrupt my work calls, make comments on why my son is watching TV while I work, etc. So infuriating that I'd rather live in a filthy house than put up with her!

NigelSlatersXmasTaters · 18/10/2021 15:17

a) at the point he asked me to clear the bikes I was half way out of the door. I said I would do it as soon as I got back. He then hassled me to do it as I re-entered the house on the way back from school in a fairly rude manner (he said "chop chop I need those bikes cleared"). So I had not had any time to do this in the intervening 15 minutes because I was not in the house at the time.

Ah right - your OP said this below, suggesting he'd been there and asked you to move them 5 minutes before you left.

"He also twice interrupted me when I was obviously trying to get my child out of the door to school to tell me off for not having moved some bikes from the hallway which he'd only asked me to do five minutes earlier"

toocold54 · 18/10/2021 15:23

I honestly think Op just has a problem with Men or tradesmen in general. This isn't the first post she has made on the subject

It definitely comes across like she thinks they’re beneath her.
No normal person would arrange to have someone in their home and expect them to wait whilst they dropped their child to school before they could start.

pinkstripeycat · 18/10/2021 15:25

Wow! I would not have put up with that! When people come in to my home it’s pretty obvious I won’t take any crap.
I’d have told him that he was rude about the rubbish. Not his business what your he is like as long as he can do his job

notacooldad · 18/10/2021 15:32

No normal person would arrange to have someone in their home and expect them to wait whilst they dropped their child to school before they could start
Or have important calls for 5 hours and can't be disturbed if the trade guy needs info to do his job.
If that is the case you should have booked half a day off. You can't just shut the door on a worker and have absolutely nothing more to do with them. How is he to tell you he has finished or if anything else needs doing. This bit is just ridiculous.

Sn0tnose · 18/10/2021 15:37

I thought I'd been pretty clear about all this before but here we go again:

a) at the point he asked me to clear the bikes I was half way out of the door. I said I would do it as soon as I got back. He then hassled me to do it as I re-entered the house on the way back from school in a fairly rude manner (he said "chop chop I need those bikes cleared"). So I had not had any time to do this in the intervening 15 minutes because I was not in the house at the time. It would have been physically impossible for me to have done this any earlier because I was not in the house.

You are so busy being pissed off at the wrong people that you’ve not understood the point being made. Nobody has suggested that you use the power of telekinesis to move the bikes from the school gates. You believed he needed bikes moving to get to the cupboard BEFORE you left the house. And you still pissed off to do the school run rather than taking two minutes to move them so he could do his job. If you believed that the bikes were preventing access, as you have said you accepted, what were you expecting him to do while you were out? Why do you think your time is more valuable than his?

TimeForTeaAndG · 18/10/2021 15:41

Guy who fitted our boiler told me it must be nice to have time to put my feet up. DD was less than 6 months old at the time and I'd managed to get downtairs for a cup of tea before she woke up! Arsehole. He's never been back in this house.

SpidersAreShitheads · 18/10/2021 15:53

OP you’ve said you spend five hours out of eight every day on “important calls”.

That’s a lot of time that your plumber can’t interrupt you for - he’s just supposed to wait? By your own admission that’s a very large chunk of your day that he’s not allowed to ask you a question.

While his attitude may be dubious, I think yours is worse. He asked you to move the bikes but you disappeared on the school run first rather than move them first.

You also contradict yourself. In your OP you said:

“ He also twice interrupted me when I was obviously trying to get my child out of the door to school to tell me off for not having moved some bikes from the hallway which he'd only asked me to do five minutes earlier (and which he was perfectly capable of doing himself).”

But then in your later comments you said:

“ thought I'd been pretty clear about all this before but here we go again:

a) at the point he asked me to clear the bikes I was half way out of the door. I said I would do it as soon as I got back. He then hassled me to do it as I re-entered the house on the way back from school in a fairly rude manner (he said "chop chop I need those bikes cleared"). So I had not had any time to do this in the intervening 15 minutes because I was not in the house at the time. It would have been physically impossible for me to have done this any earlier because I was not in the house.”

You’ve changed your story. Asking you twice to move the bikes would suggest he really needed them shifting. Most people would have just moved them right away.

You don’t value his time and you expect him to wait until you deem it important enough to give him your attention.

You should have quickly moved the bikes before taking your child to school.

If you couldn’t book the time off but are in meetings for five hours out of eight you need to expect that you may be interrupted.

Regardless of whether he was rude, you have been too. Sorry OP but I think a bit of self-reflection is required here.

Theunamedcat · 18/10/2021 16:28

I thought he had already said nothing needed moving? Why does he suddenly need the bikes moving?

LaurieFairyCake · 18/10/2021 17:06

My office has a brass plaque on the door saying that I'm a psychotherapist

The plumber saw it when he came in. He takes off the boiler cover, says "I see you're a psycho whatsit, you won't believe what my bitch of an ex wife did - she tried to stop me seeing the kids as I'm a bad influence on them"

I raised a hand and said "I will stop you there, I charge £280 an hour so you're not going to want to continue"

He was furious. Really glared at me.

So I said "why are you angry, do you have problems with your anger"?

Through hugely gritted teeth he said 'No'

"So I will leave you to get on with the boiler" I said

And as I left I said "I don't like the word bitch so don't use it again"

There is no way this encounter would have happened if I'd been a man

Whatamesssss · 18/10/2021 17:15

@LaurieFairyCake

My office has a brass plaque on the door saying that I'm a psychotherapist

The plumber saw it when he came in. He takes off the boiler cover, says "I see you're a psycho whatsit, you won't believe what my bitch of an ex wife did - she tried to stop me seeing the kids as I'm a bad influence on them"

I raised a hand and said "I will stop you there, I charge £280 an hour so you're not going to want to continue"

He was furious. Really glared at me.

So I said "why are you angry, do you have problems with your anger"?

Through hugely gritted teeth he said 'No'

"So I will leave you to get on with the boiler" I said

And as I left I said "I don't like the word bitch so don't use it again"

There is no way this encounter would have happened if I'd been a man

😆😆😆 Bravo

QueenDanu · 18/10/2021 17:17

Yanbu

I dread getting anything done to the house

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 18/10/2021 17:34

If he's with a company then report him. If he's independent then write a review wherever he advertises. He's plain rude.

Gothichouse40 · 18/10/2021 17:39

All my life Ive hated dealing with workmen. Im fortunate I can leave it to my husband. I really do feel for you. I think I would have been tempted to make a complaint to the Plumbers Federation or similar body BUT if hes the only person in the area that can do this work, hes got you and he knows it. Id ask a male friend or relative round next time he comes.

Naunet · 18/10/2021 17:43

@toocold54

I honestly think Op just has a problem with Men or tradesmen in general. This isn't the first post she has made on the subject

It definitely comes across like she thinks they’re beneath her.
No normal person would arrange to have someone in their home and expect them to wait whilst they dropped their child to school before they could start.

Nice selective reading skills you have there 🤨

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 18/10/2021 18:14

@thepeopleversuswork

You’ve arranged for someone to do work in your home, knowing that you’ve got important calls and can’t be disturbed. That’s poor diarising on your part

I have important calls and can't be disturbed for about five out of every eight hours a day. They are a given of the way I work and I don't get any control over this. And you can't "diarise" a boiler breaking down. It needs fixing it needs fixing. I don't get to take a day off work to deal with this.

5 hours huh? Some have it easy.

Your work is not more important than his. You've hired someone to fix something in your house. Irrelevant if it broke down or not, you still need to be available to assist him with things. Get over yourself.

mothermothermother · 18/10/2021 18:36

Received quite a lot of infuriating and patronising comments from tradesmen, yep, and usually I don’t let it mess up my day, but sometimes you seem to get one after the other and you can’t help wondering how much easier life would be if you only had a penis when needing something fixed…

Chimley · 18/10/2021 19:00

I had my entire downstairs remodeled over 5 weeks and literally not once did they say 'chop chop', tell me anything in my house was disgusting or walk in on a Teams call. If my builders/workmen can manage it for 25 days, this gas man can manage it for 1!! YANBU.

ScienceSensibility · 18/10/2021 19:02

OP, you are definitely NOT being unreasonable.

I suspect the people arguing with you are or have some connection to tradesmen.

I loathe having tradesmen in the house. Especially if DH is not around at the time. I will give them all the time in the world at the quotation stage, firming up the brief and giving them the information they need.

Once they arrive, I expect them to just do the job they are being paid for. That’s it. No loud music, no demands for drinks dressed up as jokes, no telling me how badly previous people have done the job etc etc.
It’s tedious and I’ve heard it all before.

I’m polite, but then I make it clear I am going into my office to work and he should get on with his work.

I find the older, more experienced tradesmen are much more aware of how to conduct themselves in someone’s home. The younger jack-the-lads, not so much.

I am always on the look out for female tradespeople. There’s a massive business opportunity there for someone.

Last time we moved house, we got all the work we wanted doing before we actually moved in. Doesn’t help if you have a boiler emergency like you, OP, but I feel for you.

Anyone telling me to ‘chop chop’ in my own home would quickly find themselves on the other side of the front door. How dare he?

kurtney · 18/10/2021 19:11

I suspect the people arguing with you are or have some connection to tradesmen

Or perhaps some of the people realise tradesmen are actually human and not servants for the middle classes to treat like they're Lady of the Manor. Maybe next time, you can tell them to face the wall and never address you when they're in your presence, so you can pretend they don't exist and fairies come in at night to do all the manual labour that's beneath your very important office work.

Skysblue · 18/10/2021 19:15

He sounds like a bully and he definitely wouldn’t have spoken to a man like that, particularly interrupting your Teams meeting. A journalist actually wrote an article about just this (tradesmen demanding her attention during her work).

That said, you should have made sure the area was clear. Their insurance doesn’t cover them moving householders stuff as you could put a broken bike there, ask him to move it then claim he broke it and demand his insurance cover it…

FangsForTheMemory · 18/10/2021 19:15

I can sympathise. I've had all kinds of tradesmen doing work on my different homes and while many are great, a lot of them are just arseholes. I end up wondering what their home lives are like. I actually told one recently 'It's my house and I decide what happens here!' because he was whingeing about a minor inconvenience.

Embroidery · 18/10/2021 19:33

Every single time I get a tradesman in they are rude, sexist and patronising. It actually has put me off men.
They are also all conmen. Most of their cons are seen as standard practise.

I've learnt to be quite stern with them recently, but now they just hate me, and say how they dont allow their wives to do that...etc

My recent worktop fitter said his wife wanted the same worktop as he was fitting in my house, but he wouldnt let her!
And thats just the start of it!