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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you responsible for having your husband's work clothes ready and get told off if he can't find stuff ??

354 replies

fussytodd · 17/10/2021 19:29

I'm guessing a lot of people will say NO.

It's really grating on me.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 17/10/2021 21:51

Unbelievable.
Really.

He wakes you up, angry, at 5am if his clothes aren't ready?

WTF?

I consider that abusive.

Why are you putting up with being treated like a skivvy?

Have you had kids with this twat?

If not, don't.

Have a bit of self respect and tell him sort his own shit out.

Waking you at 5am?

Waster.

SkankingMopoke · 17/10/2021 21:51

Hard no from me too. I do the laundry in our house (we split the jobs rather than sharing eg I always cook, he always washes up), but my job starts with what's in the laundry basket (If it ain't there, it ain't washed) and ends once dry and split into each person's clean laundry box. We both iron/put our own individual clothes away, with DH ironing DCs uniform because I purposefully buy clothes that don't need ironing, so never need to get it out unless the Hama beads are used . It is understood that life/rainy days happen, which affects the speed at which washing is done, so everyone has enough of the basics to see them through the longer turn-arounds.

If DH woke me up at 5am for matters pertaining to the laundry, I would need to find the cash for digger hire and some nice new sandstone slabs. Thankfully he has more sense and a greater level of self-sufficiency.

Clandestin · 17/10/2021 21:54

@Imposterish

How do these situations even begin I cannot begin to contemplate
Yes, I wonder this, too. You start dating a man who has presumably been doing his own laundry and ironing, as you have yours, and then you move in together and suddenly (or gradually? How?) his laundry and the whereabouts of his y-fronts become your problem?
toconclude · 17/10/2021 21:56

@Piapiano

No, it's not the 1950s.
My late mother in law wouldn't have accepted that IN the 1950s.
whatswithtodaytoday · 17/10/2021 22:01

Pahahahahaha no. He does his own laundry, as he is nearly 40 years old and I am not his mother.

And like a pp, when we'd just moved in together I ironed a shirt for him as a favour and he said I hadn't done it right, so I don't iron his shirts. It's been 15 years. Though to be fair he doesn't iron his shirts anymore either, unless we're going to a wedding/funeral.

EspressoDoubleShot · 17/10/2021 22:04

@mommathatwearspink

First yes of the post Confused … well kind of.

I do all the washing, drying, folding, putting away, etc in this house. I have always had DP’s work clothes ready for him. He wouldn’t tell me off if there weren’t any ready in the morning but he would probably wonder why the hell it hadn’t been done and check I’d sorted it that evening ready for the next day.

Genuine question why do you do this?how did you become so servile If task not undertaken He’d wonder where the hell his clothes are? He’d then check you have undertaken the task.

Can you see how dysfunctional it is.
He expects and gets his work clothes sorted by you. That’s the expectation
I hope your kids don’t model the parenting behaviour of dominance and passivity

arethereanyleftatall · 17/10/2021 22:08

That you have to ask this is honestly shocking op. I feel so sorry for you, and the other wives in your family.

BabycakesMatlala · 17/10/2021 22:10

I'm not responsible for this with my TEN year old...WHO HAS ADHD Grin

BabycakesMatlala · 17/10/2021 22:12

This is really abusive. The waking you at five 🤯

PrincessPaws · 17/10/2021 22:14

Well he is not 5 and I am not his mother, so no. And I certainly would not expect to get 'told off' by my husband full stop, because I am also not a child.

If this is your reality OP, you are married to a knob

EspressoDoubleShot · 17/10/2021 22:17

Why do all the wives do all the chores and lay out husband clothes
What fuckery have you married into that the husband expect and get servile wives @fussytodd

Timeisavirtue · 17/10/2021 22:17

I wash and iron them then leave them for him to put them where they need to go, if he can’t find them after it’s down to him....

LucyGrey · 17/10/2021 22:18

No. That sounds like my kids and they're 5 and 8 and I expect the 8 year old to know better tbh.

PuzzledObserver · 17/10/2021 22:20

I know people who pack for their husbands/partners, and am baffled as to why they can't do this themselves

Ah, now I can sort of help you out there…..

When we go away, I put everything I want to take out on the bed, and DH packs it. He’s just better at it than me - he’s systematic and can get more in. If it’s 2 weeks in the Med he splits both of our clothes between two cases, so if one goes astray we have both still got some clothes. It would never occur to me to do that.

I did once try to pack for him - on our honeymoon, when we had to pack a subset of clothes for a 4-day safari. I managed not to put any knickers in for him. He had to change into his swimming trunks to go to dinner, wash his knickers, and hope they were dry for the morning.

I, OTOH, will have booked the holiday, sorted the money, airport parking etc. Division of labour according to skills and interests.

I do most of the washing, but he finds his own clothes from what there is clean.

Porcupineintherough · 17/10/2021 22:23

Well in answer to your original question, yes. In the sense that I am responsible for washing and drying everything that gets put in the laundry basket before Friday by Sunday night. Ironing and putting away are a shared task. I work part time and my dh full time so I have taken on a number of the household tasks and laundry is one of them. If thats not the case in your set up Id tell him to do one.

AcrossthePond55 · 17/10/2021 22:23

Nope. DH told me early in our marriage that I didn't do his laundry 'right'. To be fair he just started doing it himself, he didn't try to teach me to 'do it right'.

As far as expecting me to know where things are, I told him early in our marriage that the uterus is NOT a homing device.

romany4 · 17/10/2021 22:24

I've not once put my husband's clothes out for him in 31 years of marriage.
Neither has he for me
We're both adults!

nancybotwinbloom · 17/10/2021 22:25

My oh only ever begs me to iron a shirt if he is running late. And that is if we are going out in the night.

BashfulClam · 17/10/2021 22:26

He wouldn’t dare! He’s also not an arsehole. I B watched my dad treat my mother like a skivvy and vowed I would never be the same. Before each holiday she would spend hours washing, drying and ironing clothes, then packing everything for him whilst he sat on his arse. He used to shout at her over the way she ironed his trousers and I would have just told him to get on with it himself. I don’t iron but if DH wants something ironed he will ask me nicely (he is useless as ironing) and I am happy to help him as he will do things for me.

Wiredforsound · 17/10/2021 22:28

Haha, lol, no. But then mine is an adult with full control of his limbs and without an entitled attitude.

babybythesea · 17/10/2021 22:32

No. DH sorts out his own clothes. He often leaves for work early and makes sure all his things are ready and ironed the night before. He also keeps an eye on whether things need to be washed and puts washing on if so.
Admittedly he’s not perfect - he doesn’t spot of the kids are running out of clean clothes so while he will happily do their stuff, and mine, it only occurs to him to do this if he’s low on clothes. But he works full time and I work part time and the system mostly works ok.

Neonplant · 17/10/2021 22:33

Sounds like you're married to a toddler.
Sorry

Usernamebananas · 17/10/2021 22:36

Hello. Just read this and am a bit..emmm.
Dh works and I don’t. For various reasons. I’d like to, and as I can’t seem to find a proper job am trying to set up as a freelancer.
Dh works long hours and weekends too on his own ideas for a company he’d like to start. So I do everything else. I read this and don’t know what to think. This is a poster who divvies up the wok as follows.
I do it all. Is that fair?…
Me
Meal planning
(Online) food shopping
Cooking
Family admin, e.g. finances
Sorting childcare (easy now 2 teenagers, although both with SEN so some childcare still required)
Most DIY

DH
Washing up/cleaning the kitchen after every meal
Cleaning
Laundry
Ironing
Feeding the pets
Garden
Bins

Goldbar · 17/10/2021 22:43

No. Because my DH is an adult. I don't iron for him either and only occasionally cook. I will do washing if it's in the washing pile but I don't fold his clothes or put them away. Life is too short to fold clothes for someone else. It's up to him if he wants to live out of the clean laundry box.

I am responsible for doing this for my 3yo. But I'm training them up. They will collect a clean water bottle from the cupboard in the morning and bring it to me to be filled before putting it in their nursery backpack. They will also check that their hat and gloves are in the bag.

The only thing my DH can't cope with losing (and rouses the whole house to find) is the TV remote. But we've put a tracker on it now so it's not such a problem.

Boopeedoop · 17/10/2021 22:45

Nope my husband is organised and sorts his uniform out before he goes to bed, hangs it up outside of the bedroom. He dresses in the bathroom so he doesn't wake me.

Sorts his lunch the night before also.