Are you responsible for having your husband's work clothes ready and get told off if he can't find stuff ??

[fussytodd]

I'm guessing a lot of people will say NO.

It's really grating on me.

No, absolutely not, I married a man, not a needy child. I can't believe some of the men I read about on here, I could never be attracted to somebody so useless.

@Zugs

I do all my husbands laundry/ironing, have done for years. Not the best set of tasks, I also do all of the housework - boring an monotonous.

I am a stay at home mum and drop and collect the kids from school most days, he stands in when needed.

I sort out the bills and most of the domestics.

Here's the balance.

He works hard in a stressful role - he's built a good career and we have he has built up a really healthy financial situation for the past 20 years.
I have no budget, just one account that everything goes to and i have full joint control. He never questions what i spend, i never have to ask, its not expected. He spends next to no money as i take care of everything but spends his time with the kids every night educating them. If he's not educating them he's taking them to sports or outside activities.

I work in the house while he works in the garden at the weekends. He's a dab hand with electrics/building/plumbing etc and has built an extension to the house pretty much himself. a more generous loyal man you could not meet and a wonderful dad.

I know it seems very old fashioned but i have to say it works. I do what i want when i want and really enjoy seeing our kids getting the benefit of both our hard work.
The laundry = well every role has bits you don't like. I wouldn't dream of asking him to press a shirt.

I don't think the problem is laundry, i think the problem is a lack of traditional men who are prepared to do the full traditional dad role.

Would you do the laundry given all the benefits to your family of having such a husband?

Would you do the laundry given all the benefits to your family of having such a husband?

But OP isn’t a SAHM, Zugs, she just works from home. It’s not fair to expect her to do the bilk of the housework/laundry.

@Zugs

(1) It seems your preferences as to division of labour are being honoured. The OP's preferences are not.
(2) Does your husband come home from work, eat, sleep, and do nothing else? The OP's husband does this.
(3) Does your husband wake you from sleep at 5am to address angry words to you about socks he can't find? The OP's husband does.

Do you see any similarities?

I always had my late Husbands work clothes ready for him to wear. at all times. But he would not have complained if it was otherwise, as he never complained about anything really.

The normal response to him ranting about it he state of his clothing is to remove yourself from the equation. Tell him he is now 100% in charge of his own laundry.

In a relationship with a balanced division of housework that might mean you have to take back some chore he does that benefits you, but that would be ok because sometimes tasks need to be reshuffled.

No, because I'm too busy working outside the house! Any complaints if there are any, can be shared with the walls..

This is not the Middle Ages, complainants of this nature are not acceptable anymore by any standards.

@Zugs

I do all my husbands laundry/ironing, have done for years. Not the best set of tasks, I also do all of the housework - boring an monotonous.

I am a stay at home mum and drop and collect the kids from school most days, he stands in when needed.

I sort out the bills and most of the domestics.

Here's the balance.

He works hard in a stressful role - he's built a good career and we have he has built up a really healthy financial situation for the past 20 years.
I have no budget, just one account that everything goes to and i have full joint control. He never questions what i spend, i never have to ask, its not expected. He spends next to no money as i take care of everything but spends his time with the kids every night educating them. If he's not educating them he's taking them to sports or outside activities.

I work in the house while he works in the garden at the weekends. He's a dab hand with electrics/building/plumbing etc and has built an extension to the house pretty much himself. a more generous loyal man you could not meet and a wonderful dad.

I know it seems very old fashioned but i have to say it works. I do what i want when i want and really enjoy seeing our kids getting the benefit of both our hard work.
The laundry = well every role has bits you don't like. I wouldn't dream of asking him to press a shirt.

I don't think the problem is laundry, i think the problem is a lack of traditional men who are prepared to do the full traditional dad role.

Would you do the laundry given all the benefits to your family of having such a husband?

No, because personally I wouldn't choose such a husband. I'm glad that it works for you, but I would not want your life.

I chose a husband who treats me as an equal and who has always encouraged me to dream big and fulfil my own potential as an individual. Doing his laundry doesn't really enter into it.

Err no. Telling off? I do do most of the washing abc cleaning, because I work part time, so all ironed clothes are expected to get put away by ds's, Dh, me, everyone. but he then sorts his stuff. Gets his work stuff ready for the next week.

I don't think the problem is laundry, i think the problem is a lack of traditional men who are prepared to do the full traditional dad role.

Good god no. In my experience traditional man translates as sexist and misogynistic. We need a lot less of that in the world, not more!

@SpinsForGin

I don't think the problem is laundry, i think the problem is a lack of traditional men who are prepared to do the full traditional dad role.

Good god no. In my experience traditional man translates as sexist and misogynistic. We need a lot less of that in the world, not more!

I agree @SpinsForGin.

I think I'd simply stop doing it, and if he woke me up at 5am I'd tell him I'm never getting his clothes ready again, he knows he reacts wrong as he has apologised to you previously, and if he wakes me up at 5am for something like that again, I'd never lift a finger for him again.

He's a grown man ffs!

My dh works 12 to 14 hours a day, he gets up at 1am so is knackered by the time he gets home. I also work from home but he always makes his food for the next day and gets his clothes out and puts them in the spare room so he doesn't wake me the following day, before he goes to bed. So it is possible for your dh to do it.

Would you do the laundry given all the benefits to your family of having such a husband?

Even if my husband was as wonderful as yours I’d still work and keep up my own earning potential, pensions etc.

If your husband loses his job, leaves you, or god forbid drops dead or has a life changing illness or accident, doing his laundry won’t put food on the table or provide an income in old age.

Do you have your own pension? You should be spending some of that unlimited money on that.

Most people would enjoy a “traditional male” role. Hell I would. Go to work, pay my pension, couple of hours with the kids every night while my spouse does everything else. Be like having a personal assistant, chef, housekeeper and shopper all rolled into one.

Instead we share. We both work, we both do childcare, we both do housework, and that particular load is not shouldered by one or the other.

I think I'd find it more work separating his clothes from my and dc clothes to Chuck in the machine.
And personally I would find it abit mean to deliberately leave his clothes out when putting on a wash. Im putting on a wash anyway so why wouldn't I put his clothes in too?

It literally is the easiest task in all of the house chores and for me, the most satisfying ! Put a load on (5 mins max) = make a cuppa and put my feet up and continue watching Netflix

I don't work and my 3 dc are all full time at school now so I do have a lot of time during the day.
Dh probably wouldn't know how to operate the washing machine but he maintains the gardens (big with lots of trees), cleans my car, bins is his job, food shop if I can't be bothered (but I usually enjoy this so sometimes we go together), does one school run in the morning on the way to work . I would like him to do more around the house but then I like things done my way so usually do it myself.

*No, because personally I wouldn't choose such a husband. I'm glad that it works for you, but I would not want your life.

I chose a husband who treats me as an equal and who has always encouraged me to dream big and fulfil my own potential as an individual. Doing his laundry doesn't really enter into it.*

Same. Not only that, we are particular about how our laundry is done. If he needs help, he’ll ask. If I see his pile is getting a bit large or the kids are a bit small and I need to add some things for a fuller load, I’ll ask him. The most I do in that department is help when it comes to events and major meetings where I help him pick out what to wear, help pick out new clothes for him or we go through his wardrobe and take out things he doesn’t wear or doesn’t fit anymore.

Would you do the laundry given all the benefits to your family of having such a husband?

@Zugs I'm glad it works for you but the answer to your question is no - I have chosen independence and pension contributions.

@LostpencilSOS

I think I'd find it more work separating his clothes from my and dc clothes to Chuck in the machine. And personally I would find it abit mean to deliberately leave his clothes out when putting on a wash. Im putting on a wash anyway so why wouldn't I put his clothes in too?

It literally is the easiest task in all of the house chores and for me, the most satisfying ! Put a load on (5 mins max) = make a cuppa and put my feet up and continue watching Netflix

I don't work and my 3 dc are all full time at school now so I do have a lot of time during the day.
Dh probably wouldn't know how to operate the washing machine but he maintains the gardens (big with lots of trees), cleans my car, bins is his job, food shop if I can't be bothered (but I usually enjoy this so sometimes we go together), does one school run in the morning on the way to work . I would like him to do more around the house but then I like things done my way so usually do it myself.

Your situation isn't comparable to the OPs. She works. Are you expected to lay his clothes out for work? Does your DH wake you up at 5am to tell you off because he isn't capable of finding his own clothes?

No it isn't to be fair, I suppose I was replying more to all the replies saying he can do his own washing etc.

If it was a stand-alone issue of just doing his washing, op probably wouldn't be posting about it. Waking her up at 5am definitely is not ok and I think she's unhappy about more than doing just his washing or laying out his clothes.

He can do his own washing though and as they both work full time I would suggest that he should be doing it. Especially given his shitty attitude.

Even if they had agreed that laundry was her job because he was contributing equally elsewhere then that doesn't also include laying clothes out the night before or being woken up to tell a grown man where he can find his clothes. That's what you do for children and very young children at that.

And every adult should know how to operate a washing machine!! Even if laundry isn't your job!

Would you do the laundry given all the benefits to your family of having such a husband?

She already does do all the laundry @Zugs.
As well as working full time.

So your post is totally irrelevant.

but at least you got to boast about your domestic set-up, which I'm sure the OP found totally helpful to her own sad situation, & not at all smug.

@SpinsForGin I'm guessing your last post was referencing my initial post. In which case, I think you are unnecessarily picking on my post repeatedly and I'm not in the habit of tolerating that, neither in real life or online. What is a should in your world may not be a should in someone's world. I find having a slightly open mind to life helps to understand a whole deal better than enforcing your own rigid views on other people who may happen to be different from you. I don't want to derail the ops thread so I'll leave it at.

Op, I would suggest to arrange to sit down and talk with your dh and set some ground rules. I really hope this will help your situation and make him realise he's very much in the wrong.

If I have learnt one thing, it's that if someone says they're sorry but keeps doing the same thing over and over, then they're not really sorry.

It is unacceptable for him to wake you up about this. It is not OK that he thinks this is your job.

My OH works away for two or three days at a time in really long shifts in a physical job and I work mainly from home. But when he comes back he does his washing (and sometimes stuff of mine in the basket), gets the shopping in, does whatever needs doing in the house, makes dinner etc.

I'm guessing your last post was referencing my initial post. In which case, I think you are unnecessarily picking on my post repeatedly and I'm not in the habit of tolerating that, neither in real life or online. What is a should in your world may not be a should in someone's world. I find having a slightly open mind to life helps to understand a whole deal better than enforcing your own rigid views on other people who may happen to be different from you. I don't want to derail the ops thread so I'll leave it at.

I didn't mean to sounds like I was picking on you. You had responded to my post so I was replying back.
I have a very open mind and fully understand that every family is different. I can see why you would take on more of the household chores given your situation but I do find it unusual when adults can't use everyday household appliances... surely he's had to wash his own cloths at some point?? It just really stood out to me as bizarre which is why I commented. I didn't mean to sound like I was specifically picking on you so apologies.

I think the fact that he's a manchild is less worrying than the the fact he's abusive

@Zugs - there’s a reason men choose to work - earn money, contribute, share the burden, have autonomy and independence.

You don’t see many men rushing to be SAHPs, right?

Many women choose to work - and opt out of SAHPing - for the exact same reasons.