If one person in the house is on a particular diet, should everyone else be on it too?

[Margotshypotheticaldog]

It's for health reasons, this person is overweight and sedentary. They currently do none of the cooking or shopping. They can't have takeaways, sweets, chocolates etc. We're not a very sweet tooth house but do get takeaway occasionally. Dinners cooked 6 days a week from scratch reasonably healthy, meat, fish veg etc. If this person now wants to go on a specialist diet, should they source and cook for themselves or do I have to do it basically?? (I'm refusing. That's the Aibu)

My husband does 90% of the cooking. I’m not good at it and don’t enjoy it. But I never ever complain about what he cooks.

It’s often way heavier than I would cook for myself but so what. It’s a luxury and when it’s my turn to reciprocate I love to buy as both a nice meal out and really spoil him.

Kind of depends. I would certainly meet them half way by ensuring the meal in the meal plan is compatible with the diet they are on with minimal adaptations eg curry is healthy but they get cauliflower rice (prepackaged) and no pappadoms, for a roast I would do steamed green veggies and mashed swede and well as toasted ones, he gets only one roast potato but lots of mashed swede to fill up on. Won't do the rest of the family any harm to have vegetables either.

You let him figure it out.
His life. His decision. His health

When I was younger I had to endure the same weight loss diet as my parents because they couldn't control themselves, and ended up with a BMI of 16.4 when I was 18.

He sounds like a bit of a prick.

Your posts suggest that he is of the opinion that you and your DC would benefit from this change in diet too. You've posted that you're active and that you don't have high cholesterol, but are you perhaps overweight? And could he be thinking of this being something that really could benefit the whole family?
Even then, if he wants things changed he should do it himself.

Why are you staying with this selfish man? What do you get from this relationship?

But… steamed or baked is not a big difference. Unless you’re baking it in a pie every time, or covering it in a sauce every time you bake it??? A big difference would be frying vs steaming. This sounds ridiculous. Baked fish doesn’t make anyone fat, unless you’re baking it covered in butter. And EVEN then, it’ll still be better than a lot of other options probably. I bet if you made him steamed fish, he’s complain. Please don’t fall into this trap. If the issue is that you out too much sauce or butter on baked fish, try just marinating it in low sodium teriyaki instead. Otherwise, just give him a smaller portion of anything with calories or salt, and a much larger portion of veg.

BUT really… yes, this is about your relationship. If you can’t trust him not to take advantage of you over a diet, just end it. I’m sorry the kids would be “devastated” but you can’t live like this, not even for them. Really. It’ll make you so miserable and bitter, you won’t know yourself eventually.

The point is the rest of you are already healthy so there is nothing wrong with the meals you already cook it’s the rest of his lifestyle that needs changing , so on that basis alone if he wants different food he needs to buy it and cook it for himself .

@Margotshypotheticaldog

It's for health reasons, this person is overweight and sedentary. They currently do none of the cooking or shopping. They can't have takeaways, sweets, chocolates etc. We're not a very sweet tooth house but do get takeaway occasionally. Dinners cooked 6 days a week from scratch reasonably healthy, meat, fish veg etc. If this person now wants to go on a specialist diet, should they source and cook for themselves or do I have to do it basically?? (I'm refusing. That's the Aibu)

Is this person the only overweight person in the house, and the rest are all a healthy weight?

@Margotshypotheticaldog

Oh and I wanted to cut back on my drinking a few years ago and asked him not to bring booze into the house. He said no, he likes a beer at the weekend to relax.

This alone would mean I would tell him to get fucked!

I have food intolerances. Out of our food plan, five meals a week are adapted and the two favourites that can't be adapted I'll cook something separate for me. DH split the cooking.

I have my own separate snacks.

My exH used to complain about the fact my meals were making him gain weight. I wasn’t putting weight on though…

Basically I cooked “normal”, home cooked, balanced meals and then he drank beer, ate crisps and full packets of sweets and biscuits. But no, it must be that I made a sauce to go with dinner. Occasionally he would decree that “we” had to eat better and then I would starve for a week while he served up dry salads etc.

We broke up years ago, he’s still struggling with his weight even when freed from my terrible fattening food!

In our house I'm the fatty.

The kind of support I have asked for is that people do not buy sweets and leave them in a communal area or overfill the fridge or freezer with carbs so that I can't buy or store the kinds of foods I need to keep in the house available for me to eat or else I'll end up back on sugar and carbs and it's a vicious cycle of addiction.

Apparently this is a huge ask, it's my problem and I need to sort it out myself. Not sure how to short of moving out which isn't a possibility at the moment.

I think asking people to completely change their diet to suit yours is unacceptable but as with all addictions I think it requires a certain level of support and commitment from other people.

It absolutely does not require servitude though. That's completely unreasonable, and is basically relinquishing personal accountability so when it all goes tits up they can point the finger at someone else.

When I want to eat healthier I ask DH to not order my treats and he obliges. That's the support I think is reasonable. I also ask him to but family treats that aren't my favourites.

So he wants to transfer his responsibility for how much he eats and drinks to you. I.e. "I am overweight and unhealthy because you don't cook the food I need." So in addition to using you as a maid he expects you to shoulder all the blame.

He sounds awful!! Make him cook his own bloody meals. Your diet is obviously fine if you and the kids aren’t overweight.
Tell him to sort himself out and do half the chores while he’s at it.

I wouldn’t bother my arse to cook special meals for someone who continues to sit on their arse swilling copious amounts of booze.

Your meals already sound healthy and he could easily tweak his plate by adding more veg and less of everything else to create a lower calorie meal.

He sounds awful and you sound so worn out and run down. I don't know why you are staying with him, you are miserable. You could be happy, your happiness matters too. Don't just stay stuck to this man because you think your DC would be devastated if you separated. I'm sure the DC would reap the benefits of you being much happier not being downtrodden by that selfish prick all the time. Your problem is not steamed fish, it's the entire relationship. Put yourself first, nobody else will and LTB. Life will be much better without dealing with his shit every day.

You are important. You don't need to waste any more days / weeks / months / years on this awful man.

Your children won't be devastated. Don't hide behind that.

What is it about your cooking which he thinks needs to be different and what is the specific diet he wants to follow? If it’s something like no carbs or no nightshades or whatever then that’s a bit far but if he just wants less salt and red meat and more fish then I think you would be being a bit unreasonable

I would happily buy and cook the food required by the person, because I do the food planninh/shopping and the cooking. It'd be ridiculous of me to expect them to go out and buy their own food, when I'm in the shop anyway. And it's not a big deal to history together a separate plate. If they were to make their own food, surely they wouldn't get to sit and eat with you as they or you would have to wait for the kitchen?

@Margotshypotheticaldog

Alot of crossed posts there. Do I like or love him? That's another days work. Will look into possible saucepan allergy, as that would also explain inability to load or empty the dishwasher....

😂😂😂

I don't think you need to cook him anything special.

He can eat what you've made. Just a smaller portion of it. Cut out the booze and sweets, drink more water the the weight will come off.
Men are pretty lucky that way with weight loss.

It he wants to make something special then he can commit to cooking dinner 2 nights a week of what he wants that everyone else can also eat.
That would be a fair compromise and would show he is serious about it.