If one person in the house is on a particular diet, should everyone else be on it too?

[Margotshypotheticaldog]

It's for health reasons, this person is overweight and sedentary. They currently do none of the cooking or shopping. They can't have takeaways, sweets, chocolates etc. We're not a very sweet tooth house but do get takeaway occasionally. Dinners cooked 6 days a week from scratch reasonably healthy, meat, fish veg etc. If this person now wants to go on a specialist diet, should they source and cook for themselves or do I have to do it basically?? (I'm refusing. That's the Aibu)

I would be happy to try and help my dh lose weight by cooking different meals that everyone could happily eat but there is not a past power battle

@Margotshypotheticaldog

I said I'd get a steamer to steam fish veg and chicken instead of usually oven baked or boiled. That's my compromise. Does that seem fair?

That's more than fair. What is he wanting you to cook?

If he wants special meals, he can make them. You are not happy to do it, and fair enough, he sounds a nightmare.

Don't offer to steam. Don't offer anything. His weight loss journey is his to sort.

He just needs to eat less of the same food he's been getting. And not eat extra snacks. He's looking for someone else to do it for him.

Thanks for the replies. I'm not sure why we are still together. We've discussed separation in the past. As we get older, I occasionally get a horrific glimpse of the future where he's a grumpy unwell old man and I'm expected to "mind" him 😳

Absolutely not, he needs to cop on and take control of his own health. However I do wish I could put my DCs on a diet like me it's really difficult maintaining will power while cooking for them all the bloody time!

As for what he wants me to cook, he was googling, read out a list. I wasn't listening so I don't know what was on it. Deffo oily fish. I said "I already make that" and walked away

If you're feeling very, very polite, tell him to jog on.

Would your life be better if he packed a bag and left tomorrow? Do the kids like him?

OP, I think this is a relationship post and not a food post. Because if your relationship were okay, you would be able to sit down, talk about this, and find ways for each of you to compromise.

But the food issue is the flashpoint for a kind of contempt that is seeping out of your writing. It feels like it's years in the making, and my sense is that things are well beyond repair.

Leave. Cook what you want. Be more content.

The problem is not his diet, the problem is his behaviour.

Stbx was/is on keto (when it suits, unless he fancies a takeaway obvs). I can't wait until we are separated and I never have to see another bastard pork scratching ever again.

So I have a lot of sympathy for you. And highly recommend the Divorce and separation talk board on here.

How much does he drink?

The kids love him. He's a good enough dad, but I do all of the day to day heavy lifting. If he was gone my life would change very little, one less person to mind. But the kids would be devastated. Anyway. That's another days work.

He sounds awful.

op I think this is a relationship post and not a food post. Because if your relationship were okay, you would be able to sit down, talk about this, and find ways for each of you to compromise.
Very true

@Margotshypotheticaldog

The kids love him. He's a good enough dad, but I do all of the day to day heavy lifting. If he was gone my life would change very little, one less person to mind. But the kids would be devastated. Anyway. That's another days work.

I feel very sad for you OP. I can't quite put my finger on why. It might be that you're wasting your entire life for a person who barely considers you worthy of cooking for... Barely considers you worthy of lifting his golden fingers... Barely considers you as near to equal, let alone actually equal. I do hope you realise how much you're worth and how many men there are.on the earth that would treat you far far far better then you're being treated right now. Get thy self an active man, hikes and seaside's at weekends, cooking together, holidays together, housework together... Does that sound better than what you have? If it does, why are you tolerating less than you could have?

How about giving him a smaller portion of whatever you make now?

'Get thy self an active man, hikes and seaside's at weekends, cooking together, holidays together, housework together...
Does that sound better*
Thanks worm, that does sound better. I'd actually be happy doing all those things with my dog 😊 Well, maybe not the cooking....

I’d tell him that he can cook these healthy meals for the whole family 3 times a week while you continue to cook the other nights. And that if you consider the meals he is cooking are simple enough to add to your repitoire then you are happy to take on cooking those meals on your nights while he finds and adds more healthy meals to his own nights. Whoever cooks cleans up.

That’s as far as I would be willing to go.
Tell him it’s all part of him taking control of his eating habits.

Well, as far as the food goes, I disagree with most.

We cook one, and only one meal each evening for the family, and it is a meal that is suitable for everyone's dietary needs. HIs need to lose weight is a medical need, and I think that should be accommodated just as an allergy or intolerance would be. If he needed to eat a gluten free diet for a genuine medical reason, would you really refuse to accommodate this in the family meals, and expect him too cook separately for himself?

Outside of the main meals being suitable for all, there's no need for anyone else to follow his diet, although I'd think it unkind to be scoffing junk food in front of him or particularly rubbing his nose in it.

That said, as someone else pointed out, this isn't a food issue, its a far deeper relationship issue. Assuming you both work equally, then you should be sharing cooking and meal prep. You shouldn't feel like you are accommodating him- you should feel like a family who all look out for each other, and it seems that there are deep rooted issues in your relationship.

But, to answer your question on face value, I do think that family meals should be cooked to accommodate every family member's medical dietary needs.

But it doesn't sound like this diet is really medically necessary. It sounds like the OP cooks healthy enough food and her DH's problem is the alcohol, the snacks and the lack of exercise. It would make sense for him to target these first.

Tbh, he's bloody lucky anyone cooks for him at all. It is a privilege to be cooked for. The correct response is "thank you very much".

So he's basically a fat lazy twat and wants to shift the responsibility for this onto you.

If you already cooking healthy meals is he eating shit the rest of the time?

And if you both work FT why doesn't he take over the cooking if he wants to change the meals you have?

Tbh, he's bloody lucky anyone cooks for him at all. It is a privilege to be cooked for. The correct response is "thank you very much".
😅 That's pretty much exactly how I feel about it

I’m veggie and just completed Wildfit. DH is a meat eater and follows the Joe Wicks plan. I cook mine and he cooks his and DD eats whichever meal she fancies most.

If you're happy doing all of the cooking (as long as it's to your plan), could you make him half portions and serve them with salad in a bag?

I think that would be a reasonable compromise, as it doesn't involve much more work and helps him with his goals.

I am a Coeliac. I would never expect everyone else in my household to eat a gluten free diet. I do the shopping and the cooking too but I buy everyone else’s gluten filled bread and snacks without issue. I cook for myself and DH gluten free dinners in the evening. DC have normal dinners.
It sounds like what you make is ok and not the problem. Maybe he should half his portion size, excercise more and drink less alcohol.