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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never speak to her again- CF!

686 replies

Peanutbuttermandms · 17/10/2021 15:10

I have a long term school ‘friend’, let’s call her S. I hear from her very sporadically and most recently, when she wants something: sponsorship money from me for one of her ‘challenges’ to stay in my central city home (!)… but folks, I give you the best one to date today…

Text out of the blue.. not even a ‘how are you’.. can I pick her son up from the airport (!) on Wednesday as he’s flying in alone (he is 10) from his dad’s abroad. You’re thinking wtaf, right?

The text goes on.. she can’t and her new DP are holidaying in the south of France and their flight doesn’t get in to airport until 5pm.. so the wee mite is alone for 4 hours after travelling alone. At 10. Jesus!

It ends ‘would obviously be great to see you too!!’

AIBU to think cheeky fucker and never speak to the self centred cow again?

OP posts:
factis · 18/10/2021 08:54

I don't understand why the OP is being given a hard time

She isn't. Have you read the thread?

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 18/10/2021 09:11

@Peanutbuttermandms
OP I had a similar experience with a house cat . I had looked after it before for a special occasion and she assumed that having done it once I would do it again . Told me so and the dates , not even a request. I didn’t reply.
The day after she left for a Holliday I got a message saying “ don’t forget you are looking after ……tonight. “ as it happens I had had significant dental surgery that day and was in no fit state to go anywhere . I explained and refused. Of course I was the bad guy but I finally saw her for what she was . Stick to your guns and ignore .

Pitapotamus · 18/10/2021 09:12

Please can you reply “I can’t I’m afraid, I’m doing a sky dive. Can you sponsor me?”

But in all seriousness, the child needs to get a later flight or the mum needs to get an earlier one. If it was a proper friend I’d bend over backwards to get their child but CFs need to learn and the only way to teach them is to not be at their beck and call! The child will be fine whatever happens so no need to feel any moral obligation towards him.

JesusSendFlood · 18/10/2021 09:20

This is such an illuminating thread! It really sheds light on how CFs are enabled to operate in their CF ways. Unbelievable that there is a fair number of PPs who would've gone and collected the hapless kid.

londonrach · 18/10/2021 09:22

Op I agree no response is better.

MRex · 18/10/2021 09:26

Can anyone explain why no response is somehow better than a clear "no"? I don't understand what logic there is, it just means more messages will come rather than cutting off immediately.

Leodrune · 18/10/2021 09:32

I don't understand why you can't say you are not available? The boy gets in at 10am surely you are at work/ got something else on at that time?
Just text her back and say "sorry, this is too short notice, I have already committed to something else and I am not available. Sorry!"

You are friends with her because of long term history. You went to school together. It is a bit like being an extended blood relative. You feel obliged to help her.

Luckytattie · 18/10/2021 09:33

Because she doesn't have to and doesn't want to

YoniHuman · 18/10/2021 09:33

Although not replying should indicate a No, unfortunately it doesn't always work like that for CF's.
Exhibit 1: The number of parents who turn up with their kids at birthday parties after not bothering to RSVP.
Just reply Yes or No, end of.

FantasticButtocks · 18/10/2021 09:34

YANBU!! Of course you shouldn't bother with this ridiculously entitled CF ever again.

Sad the child has a mother this feckless and selfish, but there is nothing to be done about that. He is stuck with her. This request is coming about from just one incident in this little boy's life, and the OP is not obliged to answer the text.

For all the 'friend' knows the op could have dropped her phone down the loo, or could be in hospital having her appendix out, or given her phone to someone... the main thing is that in giving no response it is clear that OP is not on the committee of what will happen to the child on Wednesday or any other day, is in fact not in communication with the mother at all.

By giving no response, it means the mother has not been able to get in touch with the op. Therefore she'll still need to make arrangements for her child.

Ignore, and keep ignoring if any further messages come. (Though I guess that can't actually happen if you've blocked her)

KatharinaRosalie · 18/10/2021 09:38

You are friends with her because of long term history. You went to school together. It is a bit like being an extended blood relative.

Eh no it's not. I went to school with oh I don't know, thousands of people all together. If our contact since then has been sporadic and mainly limited to sponsorship request, it's actually really, really weird if they think I'm the best person to look after their child.

Probably means they are such a CF they have pissed off all actual friends and relatives and have no-one left to ask. Or believe OP is really a massive doormat to do such a favour for a pretty much a randomer.

MagentaRocks · 18/10/2021 09:40

@Peanutbuttermandms has no responsibility to engage. If there is no one to collect the child it is still not her responsibility. I think some people are frothing because it is a child, but the airline will not just let the child wander off. The child will be safe and looked after.

I don’t see why people are suggesting collect then inform social services. What do you think they will do, the child will be collected and the mum made arrangements so no neglect.

If the mum does not make arrangements and the child is at the airport with no one to collect then the airline can make a decision on social services.

BadNomad · 18/10/2021 09:44

I imagine if the OP says "no" it just gives CF an open to keep talking, asking and begging. "But..."

HeronLanyon · 18/10/2021 09:47

Why after the ‘no’ text would op not be able to simply ignore and/or block ? Don’t understand why anyone would then get drawn into anything.

HeronLanyon · 18/10/2021 09:48

Will add I don’t think op needs to text back ‘no’ that’s just what I would do then ignore/block.

BadNomad · 18/10/2021 09:50

@HeronLanyon

Why after the ‘no’ text would op not be able to simply ignore and/or block ? Don’t understand why anyone would then get drawn into anything.
Or she could not get drawn into it now by not responding. Like she's doing.
10yearwarranty · 18/10/2021 09:52

I don't know why you're getting a hard time either. It's only Monday, nothing happening until Wednesday. I must admit, feeling as pissed off as you do I'd have probably sent a one word answer - No - and blocked her everywhere. I'd want to know that there was no chance of any misunderstanding, whether invented by her or not.

Frazzled2207 · 18/10/2021 09:58

I honestly wouldn't respond. I hope someone sorts the kid out though and if it wasn't sorted I'd probably pick him up as he's 10. Seriously who arranges to not be back off holiday in time to pick up a 10 yo son who arrives earlier? Or if it really was unavoidable you'd have arranged something with a close friend or family member ages ago.

Same360 · 18/10/2021 10:04

It’s very strange to me that so many people would just simply not reply.

If I was a third party who knew both, and was being told about the story, my first response would be ‘How cheeky is X for even asking OP to do that!’ But my second response would be ‘It’s very weird for OP to just not reply at all…’

If OP is so sure that she’s in the right, that there’s no need or requirement for her to do it, then there’s no harm in replying saying ‘Sorry, no, I can’t help with that. You’ll have to make other arrangements.’ It’s not hard or draining to write that, everything is clear then, and she can reply all she wants - you can just ignore them or block her.

Someone asks you to collect their child from the airport and you just don’t reply - that’s an odd thing to do!

UltimateBugKilla · 18/10/2021 10:05

You can tell the type of person who would do this to there own child 😂 sticking up for this kind of batshittery 😂

OP id do the same, if she can't pull her shizz together for her 10yo child travelling alone, she's a lost cause, its not on you to sort or feel any type of way about.

LizzieW1969 · 18/10/2021 10:13

i think that text was sent to anyone in her phone and she wants anyone to do it. doesn;t care who.

^I think this is very likely to be the case. I’d incline towards texting ‘No can do’ and blocking her personally, for the avoidance of doubt, but ignoring is fine, too. It isn’t the OP’s problem either way.

What a CF and a terrible mother! Her poor son. Sad

letsmakethishappen · 18/10/2021 10:21

Sounds like an ex friend of mine. She got binned

Witchinthedales · 18/10/2021 10:28

Tell her to piss off, cheeky cow!

HouseOfFire · 18/10/2021 10:29

@KingsleyShacklebolt

I know why she's getting a hard time. Because she's doing the right thing and ignoring, not replying to the CF and stoking the drama. The people urging her to reply just want to extend the drama and keep their entertainment going. Irrespective of whether that's the right thing for OP to do or not. Same as the people telling her to "cover her own back" whatever that means.

Most of us who HAVE come across a CF know how they operate. Noy on this scale, but I was left standing outside Boots for 20 minutes with the local CF's dog, because she ambushed me in the high street while I was distracted reading a text from DD on my phone with "Oh Kingsley lovely to see you, just have to pop into the chemist, you don't mind holding onto the dog do you, be right back" and was off before I'd realised what was happening and without me getting a word in edgeways.

Because she's doing the right thing and ignoring, not replying to the CF and stoking the drama.

But is stoking the drama here. I'm in the camp of send a 'no' message and be done with it, but if the OP did that, there would not be 549 messages here - with requests for updates on Wednesday morning....

Nice short time to keep people interested...

HumousWhereTheHeartIs · 18/10/2021 10:29

@Same360

It’s very strange to me that so many people would just simply not reply.

If I was a third party who knew both, and was being told about the story, my first response would be ‘How cheeky is X for even asking OP to do that!’ But my second response would be ‘It’s very weird for OP to just not reply at all…’

If OP is so sure that she’s in the right, that there’s no need or requirement for her to do it, then there’s no harm in replying saying ‘Sorry, no, I can’t help with that. You’ll have to make other arrangements.’ It’s not hard or draining to write that, everything is clear then, and she can reply all she wants - you can just ignore them or block her.

Someone asks you to collect their child from the airport and you just don’t reply - that’s an odd thing to do!

I have a 'friend' like the OP's. This is what she would say if I replied no to this query:

"I have no one else to do it. My poor DS will be on his own. The whole situation is a nightmare. My flights/my son's flights were booked without my knowledge and it's not my fault/I'm ill/I'm skint/someone let me down. It's an emergency or I wouldn't ask'

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