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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never speak to her again- CF!

686 replies

Peanutbuttermandms · 17/10/2021 15:10

I have a long term school ‘friend’, let’s call her S. I hear from her very sporadically and most recently, when she wants something: sponsorship money from me for one of her ‘challenges’ to stay in my central city home (!)… but folks, I give you the best one to date today…

Text out of the blue.. not even a ‘how are you’.. can I pick her son up from the airport (!) on Wednesday as he’s flying in alone (he is 10) from his dad’s abroad. You’re thinking wtaf, right?

The text goes on.. she can’t and her new DP are holidaying in the south of France and their flight doesn’t get in to airport until 5pm.. so the wee mite is alone for 4 hours after travelling alone. At 10. Jesus!

It ends ‘would obviously be great to see you too!!’

AIBU to think cheeky fucker and never speak to the self centred cow again?

OP posts:
GrandmaAli · 18/10/2021 04:25

Just to add - if this was me, I would have called the person not just texted, and I'd have done it ASAP, even before going on holiday if I wasn't sure when my child would be coming back!!

CheekyHobson · 18/10/2021 04:26

Remember, you have opened the message so she can see at her end that you have done so, & unless you reply, she will assume you have agreed!!

Really. If you texted a person you hadn't spoken to in a year and asked them to pick your kid up from school because you're running late, and they opened the message but didn't respond, would you assume "Oh good, that's all sorted then."

GrandmaAli · 18/10/2021 04:31

@CheekyHobson

Remember, you have opened the message so she can see at her end that you have done so, & unless you reply, she will assume you have agreed!!

Really. If you texted a person you hadn't spoken to in a year and asked them to pick your kid up from school because you're running late, and they opened the message but didn't respond, would you assume "Oh good, that's all sorted then."

No, I wouldn't but I'm not the OPs so-called friend! I only let certain people collect my children and the children knew exactly who they were!!
PyongyangKipperbang · 18/10/2021 04:33

Well I have been here long enough to remember children being "babysat" and then not picked up for a couple of days, so yes, it happens! what movie-esque world do you live in where neglectful parents dont exist and are not so selfish as to say to themselves "Ah they are with X, they'll be fine...." I know someone (not closely thankfully) who has done just this very recently and yes, SS are now involved!

Springplanting · 18/10/2021 04:35

'No need. I have reported you to Social Services and they will be collecting your 10 year old from the airport'

Block.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/10/2021 04:35

No one can make you responsible for a child by putting your name on a form somewhere without your consent.

No they cant but they CAN make you have to have a conversation you dont want (or should need) to have about why their child was left alone for several hours. By simply sending one message, it removes that risk. Not saying it would happen but th fact that it could would be enough for me to reply "No" to remove all doubt.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 18/10/2021 04:39

@CheekyHobson

Remember, you have opened the message so she can see at her end that you have done so, & unless you reply, she will assume you have agreed!!

Really. If you texted a person you hadn't spoken to in a year and asked them to pick your kid up from school because you're running late, and they opened the message but didn't respond, would you assume "Oh good, that's all sorted then."

Not everyone uses Whatsapp.
CheekyHobson · 18/10/2021 04:42

No, I wouldn't but I'm not the OPs so-called friend!

Yes, but why would you assume that just because she asked a question by text that you perhaps wouldn't ask, that she would then assume from seeing that the text has been read, that everything was totally fine and an agreement had been made? It just seems like an insane leap of thinking.

GrandmaAli · 18/10/2021 04:44

@CheekyHobson

No, I wouldn't but I'm not the OPs so-called friend!

Yes, but why would you assume that just because she asked a question by text that you perhaps wouldn't ask, that she would then assume from seeing that the text has been read, that everything was totally fine and an agreement had been made? It just seems like an insane leap of thinking.

Because she seems the type to do so!!
Springplanting · 18/10/2021 04:48

seriously the child is at risk at an airport anyone could do anything to her child.

Please report her.

GrandmaAli · 18/10/2021 04:48

Why would any caring parent just text someone out of the blue after a year of no contact, and assume they'd be happy to go to an airport and collect their child?
Common sense would be to call the person instead, make sure they do actually still own that number, and politely ask if they'd do this huge favour for them?
Especially in this day & age when not only do children disappear easily, but because of Covid-19 and everything that's been going on the last couple of years!!!

CheekyHobson · 18/10/2021 04:52

Well I have been here long enough to remember children being "babysat" and then not picked up for a couple of days, so yes, it happens! what movie-esque world do you live in where neglectful parents dont exist and are not so selfish as to say to themselves "Ah they are with X, they'll be fine...."

Don't you think there is quite a massive difference between "a parent neglectful enough to leave their child in the care of another adult longer than agreed", and "a parent neglectful enough to assume that sending an unanswered text to someone's phone means their child will definitely be collected and cared for in a different city by that person in two days time"?

No they cant but they CAN make you have to have a conversation you dont want (or should need) to have about why their child was left alone for several hours. By simply sending one message, it removes that risk.

Yes but then she'd be at risk of the CF calling her and "making her" have a conversation about why she can't do it. Or she could just ignore the message in the assumption that only a complete lunatic would think that no response means she's fine to pick up the child.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 18/10/2021 04:55

Legally, sending someone a text does not automatically confer parental responsibility on them Unbelievable that this has to be spelled out. I don't think some posters are understanding that other people are not like them and in their phones all the time. My 16 and 12 year old DDs know to phone someone not if it's urgent/important, and certainly if it's both. I don't look at my phone for a large part of each day, but I would hear it ringing. Also if a friend of mine had sent that text I would assume their phone had been stolen or they had gone mad, and await further clarification.

CheekyHobson · 18/10/2021 04:56

Because she seems the type to do so!!

You think that because someone is prepared to ask a cheeky question by text that makes her the sort of person who is prepared to falsify a document and risk her child's safety based on receiving absolutely no response to that text? Really? Really really?

PeriChristmas · 18/10/2021 05:03

Just text no.
It's the grown up thing to do.
Then block her.

Athrawes · 18/10/2021 05:04

Personally I would probably do it but say that you would need to be paid for parking and make it clear that you will arrive in time for the flight and that she will pay for the parking if there are any delays.
And that you will take the poor wee mite out for pizza on the way home and that she will be paying for that too.

NumberTheory · 18/10/2021 05:04

@PyongyangKipperbang

No one can make you responsible for a child by putting your name on a form somewhere without your consent.

No they cant but they CAN make you have to have a conversation you dont want (or should need) to have about why their child was left alone for several hours. By simply sending one message, it removes that risk. Not saying it would happen but th fact that it could would be enough for me to reply "No" to remove all doubt.

Ah, a change in your reasoning. You said the OP "may need to have proof that she didn't agree to it in order to avoid any child protection investigation"

What you're now saying is that you would respond "No" in order to avoid having to say "No I didn't" to Social Services on the off-chance that CF took the non-response as a "Yes", didn't make any other arrangements, put OP's name down on the form, the boy didn't get picked up, the airport called the police or social services, they opened an investigation, CF maintained that OP had agreed to pick him up and has no idea why she didn't, and Social Services decide to follow up and check whether CF did actually make some arrangements?

But even if you text "No" to CF she could still tell Social Services you agreed to it. You can't stop her doing that. She won't have any less evidence of your agreement (because the extent of your agreement, whether you respond or not, is still none). OP doesn't have to be worried about saying "I didn't agree to do that." to SS without having responded to CF. She has no need of proof and it's fine for her to be more reluctant to text CF than to possibly have to tell SS that she did not agree to do it.

GrandmaAli · 18/10/2021 05:08

@CheekyHobson

Because she seems the type to do so!!

You think that because someone is prepared to ask a cheeky question by text that makes her the sort of person who is prepared to falsify a document and risk her child's safety based on receiving absolutely no response to that text? Really? Really really?

I never said anything about falsifying documents!!!
NumberTheory · 18/10/2021 05:11

@PyongyangKipperbang

Well I have been here long enough to remember children being "babysat" and then not picked up for a couple of days, so yes, it happens! what movie-esque world do you live in where neglectful parents dont exist and are not so selfish as to say to themselves "Ah they are with X, they'll be fine...." I know someone (not closely thankfully) who has done just this very recently and yes, SS are now involved!
Where have I said neglectful parents don't exist? I've said it's not OP's problem and not responding to CF doesn't make it her problem. If the child were already in her care then ignoring everything would not be a good way to handle it. But the boy isn't. OP is no more responsible for him than I am. If she wants to blank CF she doesn't suddenly gain responsibility regardless of how irresponsible/neglectful/feckless CF is.
Springplanting · 18/10/2021 05:18

i think that text was sent to anyone in her phone and she wants anyone to do it. doesn;t care who.

CheekyHobson · 18/10/2021 05:24

I never said anything about falsifying documents!!!

Well if she gives the OP's personal contact details to the airline as the pickup contact for a minor, when she has been given absolutely no reason to think the OP can or will pick up her child, it's a falsified document. You can't tell an airline someone is picking up your child if you don't know if that person is actually going to do it or not.

GrandmaAli · 18/10/2021 05:31

Oh I don't know!
I suggested OP pick up the child if she can, as it isn't his fault, and then she can have words with the mother when she collects her son from OP. If she does actually pick him up and doesn't just send her bf to do it!

MyOtherProfile · 18/10/2021 05:48

This is very sad for her son but really not OPs fault. I'm amazed at people getting mad at her - that's really displaced.
If the poor child has to wait 4 hours at the airport that's mean and uncaring of his mum but he will survive.

MyOtherProfile · 18/10/2021 05:52

www.edreams.com/travel-information/unaccompanied-minors-flights/

This is interesting. Staff will accompanythe child wherever they go until they are picked up by a guardian at the destination

So he won't be left alone to wander the airport.

SpeakingFranglais · 18/10/2021 06:00

@Icanflyhigh

No response is a very strong response. I'm with you OP, I have RTFT and cannot believe how attacked you've been for not replying.

Child is not your responsibility, and even if you're named as the person collecting them, you weren't aware and still doesn't make you responsible.

Stick to your guns, don't reply, good on you.

Me too!

The best thing OP can do is not reply. The CF then has no idea what’s happening, is left wondering why the OP hasn’t jumped to her tune or even if the OP has seen it. No less than she deserves.

I also agree with the OP that CF has sent this email out to every mug in her contacts.