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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never speak to her again- CF!

686 replies

Peanutbuttermandms · 17/10/2021 15:10

I have a long term school ‘friend’, let’s call her S. I hear from her very sporadically and most recently, when she wants something: sponsorship money from me for one of her ‘challenges’ to stay in my central city home (!)… but folks, I give you the best one to date today…

Text out of the blue.. not even a ‘how are you’.. can I pick her son up from the airport (!) on Wednesday as he’s flying in alone (he is 10) from his dad’s abroad. You’re thinking wtaf, right?

The text goes on.. she can’t and her new DP are holidaying in the south of France and their flight doesn’t get in to airport until 5pm.. so the wee mite is alone for 4 hours after travelling alone. At 10. Jesus!

It ends ‘would obviously be great to see you too!!’

AIBU to think cheeky fucker and never speak to the self centred cow again?

OP posts:
QuestionNumberOne · 18/10/2021 00:32

Yeah perhaps you’re right but I hate the thought of that kid alone for hours in an airport. I would have to call non emergency and just alert them to it.

Clymene · 18/10/2021 00:35

@QuestionNumberOne

Yeah perhaps you’re right but I hate the thought of that kid alone for hours in an airport. I would have to call non emergency and just alert them to it.
He won't be alone. He will be an unaccompanied minor so will have someone with him who will hand him over to a named person. If there isn't anyone to meet him, I guess they will call social services.

None of this is OP's problem

Clymene · 18/10/2021 00:37

And if the boy were alone because his mother had been unavoidably detained (in hospital, saving lives, trapped in a volcano) then I'd think the OP was being a bit mean.

But the kid"s mum is on holiday in the south of france. She can absolutely be there to meet him off the plane. She just doesn't want to.

Fleshmechanic · 18/10/2021 00:41

The child will be fine. Don't reply and don't feel bad about it. I would block her tbh.

CheekyHobson · 18/10/2021 00:54

Amazed at how many people have made the massive leap from someone being cheeky enough to ask an unreasonable favour to assuming they could be so delusional that they would take no response to a text message as a possible 'yes'.

I mean, if someone was so detached from reality they would think a message shouted into the void could make others obligated to act without any further engagement, she'd have just popped something up on her social media and been done with it.

MzHz · 18/10/2021 00:56

Honestly @Peanutbuttermandms you know you’re absolutely NBU and it’s refreshing to see someone able to say a hard no

Carry on doing you, you’re good at it Smile

Derbee · 18/10/2021 01:14

OP hasn’t said a hard no though. She’s ignored the text.

Peony15 · 18/10/2021 01:53

Not read all 19 pages of replies. There's no way I'd reply to that message. Don't engage with life's users. Her child care is not your problem. A child aged 5-11 is an unaccompanied minor on an airline and gets handed over from cabin crew to groundstaff and then the person mentioned on their paperwork. The guardian dropping off child the other end has to fill
out details of collecting person. The collecting person is photo ID' on arrival by the groundstaff handing child over. There is NO chance of a 10 year old child flying alone or left at airport alone. None whatsoever.

Siepie · 18/10/2021 01:55

I would say ‘no’. Literally just those 2 letters, it would take under a second to send that text. For 2 reasons:

  • it could avoid future hassle for yourself, e.g. calls from the her, her DP, the airline if she does put your number down
  • it reduces the chances of a child being scared and confused at the airport. Of course you have no responsibility to her or him, but you also have no responsibility for e.g. a lost child in a shop, but most people would take a second to alert staff if they found one. Sending a 2 letter text would hardly be going out of your way.
PyongyangKipperbang · 18/10/2021 02:21

I think that you are right in everything except one thing. I agree with PP that saying "No, I am not doing that" removes all risk from you if she has named you as the person meeting him. If she has and you dont turn up then there will be the inevitable investigation when a 10 year old is left alone at an airport.

Not your kid, not your problem, but if she has named you then you will have to prove that you didnt agree (annoying that she doesnt have to prove that you did). So having that message on your phone will prevent that happening.

DysmalRadius · 18/10/2021 02:25

Not your kid, not your problem, but if she has named you then you will have to prove that you didnt agree (annoying that she doesnt have to prove that you did). So having that message on your phone will prevent that happening.

Prove to whom? And why would the parents not be expected to prove that they had made appropriate arrangements?

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/10/2021 03:06

If the OP has been named on the forms mentioned above.....she may need to have proof that she didnt agree to it in order to avoid any child protection investigation looking at her.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/10/2021 03:08

And I am 99.9% sure that the father doesnt know any of this.....guessing he thinks that Mummy will be there to pick DS up.

beautifulview · 18/10/2021 03:12

Don’t respond OP. You have no legal responsibility here. You could have changed phone numbers or be out of the country. She has no way to know you got the message. If I was organising for someone to pick up my child I’d be at least voice calling them!

CheekyHobson · 18/10/2021 03:17

Not your kid, not your problem, but if she has named you then you will have to prove that you didnt agree (annoying that she doesnt have to prove that you did). So having that message on your phone will prevent that happening.

To be fair I haven't read this whole thread in detail but what makes you think that anyone would have to prove that they didn't do something? That's not how the legal system works.

I also don't think that's how people works, yes, the woman is clearly a CF for asking if the OP would pick her son up from the airport, but it's an honestly insane leap from there to formally advising the airport that a person she has had no direct contact with will be responsible for picking up her son.

GrandmaAli · 18/10/2021 03:33

'Not your kid, not your problem' BUT, this IS still a kid we're discussing here!
If OP knows the child & can collect the child, then I'd say yes, do so as it sure as hell is not the child's fault!!
But, when his/her excuse for a mother finally turns up to collect the poor child then OP should definitely have words with her about her lack of parenting skills. It's one thing to be in hospital or in a traffic jam, but quite the other for being out of the country on holiday when you know your child is expected home!!!
I think she'll probably send the partner to collect the child from OP, tho, tbh. So she doesn't have to deal with OP.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/10/2021 03:37

As a PP posted, a parent has to inform the airline who is meeting an unaccompanied minor off a flight. If the CF has named the OP (in order to book the seat) then it would be in the OPs interest to have proof that she declined to do that.

When a ten year old is not met off a flight then they would be questioning the named person, and that may be the OP, so better to have proof that she was named without her consent than simply ignoring it. It really could get legal.

QueenBee52 · 18/10/2021 03:48

@PyongyangKipperbang

As a PP posted, a parent has to inform the airline who is meeting an unaccompanied minor off a flight. If the CF has named the OP (in order to book the seat) then it would be in the OPs interest to have proof that she declined to do that.

When a ten year old is not met off a flight then they would be questioning the named person, and that may be the OP, so better to have proof that she was named without her consent than simply ignoring it. It really could get legal.

still not OP's problem

DreamTheMoors · 18/10/2021 03:49

@DrGoogleSaysSo

Just say no OP. Cut the drama.
@DrGoogleSaysSo

Where’s the drama in not responding?

Not responding is the literal idea of NO DRAMA.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/10/2021 03:50

Oh I totally agree.....but if she has been named to the airline by CF it might be good for the OP if she can say "Look, I said no!" and show the message. Makes her involvement in this shit show minimal.

CheekyHobson · 18/10/2021 03:51

When a ten year old is not met off a flight then they would be questioning the named person, and that may be the OP, so better to have proof that she was named without her consent than simply ignoring it. It really could get legal.

Ah, no it couldn't.

The extent of the issue would be this.

OP's phone rings. OP: Hello?
Airline: Hello, it's the airport. We have been given your contact details to pick up a Jack White, but we can't find you at the airport.
OP: I'm sorry, there must be some mistake. I'm not Jack White's guardian and I'm not picking him up from the airport.
Airline: It says on our form you are.
OP: You've been given the wrong information I'm afraid. I live two hours away and I can't pick Jack up. I suggest you contact Jack's parents.
Airline: Okay, sorry, we will follow up with the parents.

CheekyHobson · 18/10/2021 04:20

The above, of course, is in the ludicrously unlikely situation that any mother would decide that no response to a cheeky text could be taken as consent to the degree that she would be prepared to bet her child's safety on it.

CF requests are one thing, actual child abandonment is really quite another.

RantyAunty · 18/10/2021 04:21

I think you're right to ignore the message and possible block her in the near future.

I had a CF like that. It's always so one-sided with them too.

GrandmaAli · 18/10/2021 04:23

Remember, you have opened the message so she can see at her end that you have done so, & unless you reply, she will assume you have agreed!!
Please don't take it out on the child, he's not the one in the wrong here!

NumberTheory · 18/10/2021 04:25

@PyongyangKipperbang

If the OP has been named on the forms mentioned above.....she may need to have proof that she didnt agree to it in order to avoid any child protection investigation looking at her.
What movie-esque absurdo world do you live in? This is not the way it works. No one can make you responsible for a child by putting your name on a form somewhere without your consent.
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