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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never speak to her again- CF!

686 replies

Peanutbuttermandms · 17/10/2021 15:10

I have a long term school ‘friend’, let’s call her S. I hear from her very sporadically and most recently, when she wants something: sponsorship money from me for one of her ‘challenges’ to stay in my central city home (!)… but folks, I give you the best one to date today…

Text out of the blue.. not even a ‘how are you’.. can I pick her son up from the airport (!) on Wednesday as he’s flying in alone (he is 10) from his dad’s abroad. You’re thinking wtaf, right?

The text goes on.. she can’t and her new DP are holidaying in the south of France and their flight doesn’t get in to airport until 5pm.. so the wee mite is alone for 4 hours after travelling alone. At 10. Jesus!

It ends ‘would obviously be great to see you too!!’

AIBU to think cheeky fucker and never speak to the self centred cow again?

OP posts:
cricketmum84 · 17/10/2021 21:31

Huge CF!!!

I'm not sure I would be able to text back a "NO WTF???" before blocking but you are obviously more restrained than me OP 😂

cricketmum84 · 17/10/2021 21:32

Sorry stupid new phone with stupid new keyboard!

Wouldn't not would!!!!

sessell · 17/10/2021 21:35

OP I've read your opener again and you say that you have been long term friends since school. Much more than an acquaintance. She has started to take you for granted more recently.
She's asked you a huge favour. It may be her ex has messed up and she's in a bind. Almost everyone here agrees it's not your responsibility - of course not. But we are begging you to let her know. Because we care about a child caught in the middle who may be harmed.
My daughter was delivered through security by DH as an accompanied minor. When he'd left the airport they decided some part of her paperwork was wrong and they held her there for hours until it was sorted out and she could get the next plane - on her own as already through security.. She was about 10. She now has huge anxiety about travelling, it affected her deeply.
I don't understand what you're trying to prove by not texted No and giving her more time to possibly make other plans. Please think about the child in the middle of this and get past your own narrow biligerance. You were friends for a long time, the least you can do is send a bloody text.

NichyNoo · 17/10/2021 21:35

No idea why you’re getting a hard time OP. Not your kid, not your problem.

dundermifflinpapersalesman1 · 17/10/2021 21:36

I'm surprised you've not had another message back yet. Your right not to reply though

ronkey · 17/10/2021 21:36

I think when people on here suggest you text back, they’re not suggesting it’s your responsibility to.
They’re just trying to help you see that a simple text saying ‘no’ will make life easier for you. No one is suggesting you have any responsibility in this situation.

Yep, nothing will change the fact the friend is a massive CF

MilkywayMonarch22 · 17/10/2021 21:37

Gosh this person sounds shocking! Imagine leaving your child to come back to the country alone and not even being there to greet them and give a kiss/cuddle after being apart! And then to presume someone you barely see and therefore, the child barely sees, will go and collect them! Need to report this to Children's Services, poor child

ronkey · 17/10/2021 21:38

This thread is nutso

It really isn't, the motivation is driven for the sake of the child who unfortunately has said CF as their mother. There is nothing wrong with being the better person.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/10/2021 21:39

@PinkSyCo

No your lack of response cannot be taken as a yes, but it could be taken as a maybe. Apart from stubbornness or cowardice I just can’t understand the reason that you would you not just tell her ‘no!’ 🤷🏻‍♀️
Agree. Much easier to say no. End of

But we seem to be in the minority

I said before seems petty to not answer

Yes she’s a cf

So just say no

TheChip · 17/10/2021 21:39

If the mother assumes that by OP remaining silent means that she has somehow managed to gather all of the flight details etc to know exactly when and where to pick up the child, then she's forking stupid.

But, I'm sure she isn't THAT stupid. Other than asking, she has given no further info that the OP would need if she were to say yes. So until that info comes, it's safe to assume that the mother is already looking elsewhere.

Lotusmonster · 17/10/2021 21:41

I would respond. But not because you are succumbing to the pressure and obligation that she wants you to feel but because I feel it’s the decent thing to do by the child, which is the innocent one here. But I’d keep the message blunt and clear
“You contact me out of the blue to use me as taxi / childcare, possibly hotel. No. I’m away and busy. You need to make alternative arrangements and stop using people”

MummyofTw0 · 17/10/2021 21:41

You've done nothing wrong not wanting to do it, I'd reply just saying you're busy so can't I'm afraid and leave it at that xxx

ronkey · 17/10/2021 21:42

again, that’s her look out. She put herself into this mess. She can’t reply on others to be at her beck and call and say ‘no’ to help her make other arrangements.

Honestly, is this a joke?!

I think you're getting confused @Peanutbuttermandms, texting a no doesn't absolve her from any responsibility. She's unfortunately put her child in this mess, that's the problem. and yes that's her fault but surely we are capable of critical thinking & having sympathy & concern for the child doesn't mean it's not her fault.

Derbee · 17/10/2021 21:42

@Peanutbuttermandms I really don’t know why you’ve started a thread? You’ve clearly decided what your view is, and you are arguing with anyone who thinks differently. All you’re doing is riling yourself up. It’s so strange.

Lotusmonster · 17/10/2021 21:43

If this happened to me and I needed a massive favour like this I would pick up the phone and speak to my friend with a huge grovel!!!! Not send a text. Such cowardice.

Lunificent · 17/10/2021 21:44

Lots of people have explained why, notwithstanding that YOU HAVE NO RESPONSIBILITY in this situation, it might give you a little less hassle if you reply, no.
But you keep ignoring these replies then writing the same post again.

SockFluffInTheBath · 17/10/2021 21:45

I think you should reply to say you won’t, no excuses, just no. She sounds like the kind of person who might take silence as acquiescence or acceptance. The kid isn’t your responsibility, if her ex messed up the flights or whatever happened, then she needs to change her own.

Kiduknot · 17/10/2021 21:52

If worst came to worst, and he is stranded and social services are involved, you’ll have to give statements etc, obviously saying what you’ve said on here. As a pp said, a simple texted no, will avoid all that. It wouldn’t get to the statement stage and her word/your word, as you’ll have proof you never agreed in the first place.

FreshFreesias · 17/10/2021 21:53

Blimey. So many barmy replies.
Apparently if op doesn’t reply she will somehow be imbued with psychic powers about plane arrivals etc, lol.

hooplahooly · 17/10/2021 21:54

I think the decent thing to do would be to contact her about this situation but to make it clear that you do not want to be friends from now on, you are sorry, and once this situation is sorted you would like her to not ever contact you again.

I would be finding out from her what is going on, and why she isn't changing her plans, and what else is going on in the background, and being honest with her in a fair and adult way about the fact that you are hurt that she only ever contacts you to ask for things and that you unfortunately no longer see the friendship in the same way. You haven't done that with her yet.

However childish she has been, whatever the situation is, I would see what I could do to help this one last time and set out clear boundaries for the future

DysmalRadius · 17/10/2021 21:54

It really isn't, the motivation is driven for the sake of the child who unfortunately has said CF as their mother. There is nothing wrong with being the better person.

If the child's mother is so utterly that she would take a lack of response as an agreement to this kind of request, then I think it's in the best interests of the child to let this play out and get whatever authorities involved ASAP.

Clymene · 17/10/2021 21:55

@Kiduknot

If worst came to worst, and he is stranded and social services are involved, you’ll have to give statements etc, obviously saying what you’ve said on here. As a pp said, a simple texted no, will avoid all that. It wouldn’t get to the statement stage and her word/your word, as you’ll have proof you never agreed in the first place.
WTF? No, she won't. This thread is insane GrinGrinGrin
TheChip · 17/10/2021 21:59

@Kiduknot

If worst came to worst, and he is stranded and social services are involved, you’ll have to give statements etc, obviously saying what you’ve said on here. As a pp said, a simple texted no, will avoid all that. It wouldn’t get to the statement stage and her word/your word, as you’ll have proof you never agreed in the first place.
Statements for what? How did you get to that? Lol
Icanflyhigh · 17/10/2021 21:59

No response is a very strong response.
I'm with you OP, I have RTFT and cannot believe how attacked you've been for not replying.

Child is not your responsibility, and even if you're named as the person collecting them, you weren't aware and still doesn't make you responsible.

Stick to your guns, don't reply, good on you.

SeasonFinale · 17/10/2021 21:59

She started a thread the same way many posters do - to show us what CFs are out there.