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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never speak to her again- CF!

686 replies

Peanutbuttermandms · 17/10/2021 15:10

I have a long term school ‘friend’, let’s call her S. I hear from her very sporadically and most recently, when she wants something: sponsorship money from me for one of her ‘challenges’ to stay in my central city home (!)… but folks, I give you the best one to date today…

Text out of the blue.. not even a ‘how are you’.. can I pick her son up from the airport (!) on Wednesday as he’s flying in alone (he is 10) from his dad’s abroad. You’re thinking wtaf, right?

The text goes on.. she can’t and her new DP are holidaying in the south of France and their flight doesn’t get in to airport until 5pm.. so the wee mite is alone for 4 hours after travelling alone. At 10. Jesus!

It ends ‘would obviously be great to see you too!!’

AIBU to think cheeky fucker and never speak to the self centred cow again?

OP posts:
ferneytorro · 17/10/2021 18:05

Mumsnet is so contrary - here is someone doing exactly what other people who are being used as mugs are advised to do ie ignore and block but this time, because the poster has come to that conclusion themselves then they are being told they are wrong! And even worse not just to say no but to say they are busy. What happened to don;t justify and explain. No, poster is spot on no reply. What the other person does with that silence is their lookout.

HerRoyalWitchyness · 17/10/2021 18:06

CF could take the silence as an ‘I’m thinking about it’. I just think as time is off an essence, for the kids sake at least it would be better to respond with a definite’NO’.

The kid isn't OPs responsibility though it's his mums. As I said if shes too dense to figure out the silence means no then that's on her and it will only be her letting her son down.

TopBlogger · 17/10/2021 18:06

Sorry if you've said this and I have had a brain fart and missed it, but is this for tonight? Or when as in how long do I have to be on tenterhooks waiting to hear the airport has phoned you?

KatharinaRosalie · 17/10/2021 18:10

I get calls telling me she’s been unable to purchase whatever and could I possibly be a darling and get it for her - never get the money back though!

After a few times, surely you would also be 'unable' to?

cstaff · 17/10/2021 18:11

I received a text recently from a lady who was my lodger about 15 years ago so not even friends, asking if she could stay at mine for 3 weeks. There was no reason given but I can only presume that she was moving or buying a house.

Anyway the bottom line is that I just ignored her text and let her draw her own conclusions. I never heard anything from her again. I know yours involves a child but the responsibility of that kid is it's mother's and not you.

PinkSyCo · 17/10/2021 18:14

The kid isn't OPs responsibility though it's his mums. As I said if shes too dense to figure out the silence means no then that's on her and it will only be her letting her son down.

Why does everyone keep reiterating that the kid isn’t OP’s responsibility. We all know this and agree that she should not agree to pick up the child, but think making her refusal clear would be better for everyone (including OP) surely?

CyclingIsNotOuting · 17/10/2021 18:14

I’d reply asking for sponsorship for something really obscure and ignore the request completely.

HerRoyalWitchyness · 17/10/2021 18:16

making her refusal clear would be better for everyone (including OP) surely?

Shes made her refusal clear by not responding.

Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver · 17/10/2021 18:17

Of course you should never have anything to do with this non-friend again, but before blocking her completely, if I were you, for the avoidance of doubt, I would reply to her text with: "No." And then forget her,

PinkSyCo · 17/10/2021 18:25

Shes made her refusal clear by not responding.

No she hasn’t.

Figgit · 17/10/2021 18:25

I genuinely don’t understand why you wouldn’t say no to this woman and then block her.

Original poster
Peanutbuttermandms · 17/10/2021 18:25

@Puzzledandpissedoff I think you’ve made my own point in your message; isn’t replying then blocking (i.e. her being able to not reach me) the same as me not replying altogether - they have the same effect!

OP posts:
HerRoyalWitchyness · 17/10/2021 18:28

No she hasn’t.

Yes she has. You have to be a special kind of stupid to think silence means yes or even maybe.

Baileys123 · 17/10/2021 18:31
Blush
Beautiful3 · 17/10/2021 18:32

If you were good friends then I would.do.it. however it seems like you aren't? So I'd message to say, "I'm sorry, I've already got plans that day."

JazzHandsYeah · 17/10/2021 18:33

YANBU in the slightest.

I’m intrigued to see if she has the brass neck to chase you up for a response. CF indeed!

Derbee · 17/10/2021 18:34

You don’t have any responsibility to reply. But I would not be able to resist replying, because I’d want her to know she was a CF. I’d just text back

No. I can’t.

BUT that’s not to say you need to reply to her

EdgeOfTheSky · 17/10/2021 18:34

I would reply “Nope, not possible”.

So what if she does think you are the bad guy?

She is a CF, and you need her out of your headspace. Given that she may well be CF enough to assume silence = yes, ‘because you didn’t say no, right?’ a frantic text in the day of the flight saying “Hi Mum said you were meeting me but I can’t see you and a man keeps trying to talk to me…” is hardly getting her out of your hea space.

So personally I would take 5 srcjnds to send a short unambiguous text.

Original poster
Peanutbuttermandms · 17/10/2021 18:35

@PinkSyCo you’re saying to me fucking hell this isn’t a court of law, and then you come back at me worth comments such as I haven’t made my position clear by not replying. The reason I gave you a more detailed explanation before was to prove the point as if it were a legal set up, because you do seem to be arguing pedantically for something which has no base.

My lack of response cannot be taken as a yes. It’s like saying you’re divorced without confirmation papers have been served/ received by the other party.

Just because she’s released her burden by sending me the message, it does not mean I’ve received or acknowledged this.

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/10/2021 18:38

Isn’t replying then blocking (i.e. her being able to not reach me) the same as me not replying altogether

Not quite, at least IMO, since you've no way of knowing she won't think she's told you so that's it - you'll do it (as utter CFs sometimes do)

For clarity I'll say again that what she thinks and does isn't your responsibility; my own idea of sending a simple "no" would simply be to avoid any unpleasantness she might try to create later.
Certainly, if she does, you could state your (fully justified) case with anyone who mentioned it, but personally I couldn't even be bothered with that, so for me it would be "no"/block and then forget about the stupid woman

RiojaRose · 17/10/2021 18:41

OP, I agree with your position. I just wonder what you’re planning to say if you start getting phone calls from the airport on Wednesday. I mean, sure you never agreed to it. But I suppose I myself would find it much easier to say, “I told her I was unable to do it.” Are you going for more of a “text, what text?” approach?

PinkSyCo · 17/10/2021 18:41

Yes she has. You have to be a special kind of stupid to think silence means yes or even maybe.

To be fair CF friend doesn’t sound like she’s the sharpest tool in the shed.

mcmooberry · 17/10/2021 18:42

I know this thread is now 12 pages long but I agree entirely with your strategy of saying absolutely nowt. Sometimes in situations like this I will not be able to find words in the English language so resort to "Gott im Himmel" for example, but with this level of cheeky fuckery, there actually are no words in any language that I am familiar with.

The only, only way this would have been in any way acceptable would be if there had been a profuse apology for the massive ask in the first place and a genuine offer to take you out for a fabulous meal when she gets to yours.

generalh · 17/10/2021 18:43

I agree with a few posters...you owe her nothing and I wouldn't even dignify it with a response.

emptyempire · 17/10/2021 18:43

Me too, ignore!