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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never speak to her again- CF!

686 replies

Peanutbuttermandms · 17/10/2021 15:10

I have a long term school ‘friend’, let’s call her S. I hear from her very sporadically and most recently, when she wants something: sponsorship money from me for one of her ‘challenges’ to stay in my central city home (!)… but folks, I give you the best one to date today…

Text out of the blue.. not even a ‘how are you’.. can I pick her son up from the airport (!) on Wednesday as he’s flying in alone (he is 10) from his dad’s abroad. You’re thinking wtaf, right?

The text goes on.. she can’t and her new DP are holidaying in the south of France and their flight doesn’t get in to airport until 5pm.. so the wee mite is alone for 4 hours after travelling alone. At 10. Jesus!

It ends ‘would obviously be great to see you too!!’

AIBU to think cheeky fucker and never speak to the self centred cow again?

OP posts:
FreedomFaith · 17/10/2021 18:47

@Estellelove

I don't know... If she's a genuinely good friend I wouldn't see the problem. Friends can ask each other favours no? It's true she's not been in touch for a while, but I would personally be happy to do this for a good friend. It sounds like your feeling used though, so maybe you don't consider her a very good friend? In which case I would text her saying you feel a bit used but in a friendly way so it doesn't escalate and can be easily resolved by her apologising. I dunno, I'd fetch the kid I think.
I think you need to work on your reading skills and grow a back bone im afraid.

This woman is no 'friend', she is very obviously a user and a cheeky fucker, who is also a neglectful parent. Who asks basically a stranger to pick their kid up from the airport and look after him for 4 hours? They aren't close friends, they aren't family, they are barely even acquaintences. This person sees op as a bank, end of.

NursieBernard · 17/10/2021 18:47

No reply needed. She's not your friend so it's not your problem.

YouokHun · 17/10/2021 18:48

when I look back ive always thought she was a friend; but I was wrong. She is a u-s-e-r

@Peanutbuttermandms that is one thing that can be said for texts and WhatsApp, it lays out a stream of communication with someone, a simple back and forth, that when reread sometimes throws up the stark reality. This is a different scenario (but a similar theme) and a bit of a long one so I hope you don’t mind me using your thread to get it off my chest as it’s something I’ve been very hurt by.

I have…had… a friend who I considered a very good friend and who always showed great concern for others’ lives and, I assumed was interested in me and mine as I was of her. She lives in the same large village I do and knew my parents who lived in the same village. She always liked to meet up for coffees every week, we talked quite a lot about her and we chatted about the school our sons were at (they moved on to different senior schools). She always knew what was going on with other kids and parents and seemed a bit over invested in school life/other people’s lives but I didn’t give it much thought. Right at the beginning of the first lockdown my father was given a terminal diagnosis. I was with my friend when I got the call (as I couldn’t visit and had just been stopped going into hospitals). She never asked me after that day how he was, or how I was. If she had she’d have known that we had the most horrendous Covid related time which ended with me having to deal with his body as no hospice/undertaker support and a situation which has left my DM actively suicidal - not my friend’s fault but just a “thinking of you” would have meant the world. 6 months after I saw or heard from her she texted me to ask about one of the parents who she’d heard had split up from their partner - she thought I’d know about it (I did but wasn’t going to discuss it). In March 2021 when my dad died; no texts, no acknowledgement. I still don’t know if she knows he died, no word. Over the summer my DS had a Covid related meltdown and changed schools. I knew she’d want to know the inside track about what had happened so I mentioned it to a friend knowing it would flush her out and sure enough I get a text saying “hi, it would be great to hear all your news, let me know when you’d be free in the next few days”, no “how are you”, “no sorry about your dad”. So I returned to my text messages and looked through them. It was only then I realised that every communication from her over the last few years was when she wanted something (a favour or information about others). All she wanted was the gossip about my son and what had happened. I guess it took my dad dying in pretty traumatic circumstances for me to see her for what she was - revisiting the texts really showed the stark reality. I never responded to the sticky beak text about my son and I won’t ever be responding to her again.

PinkSyCo · 17/10/2021 18:49

No your lack of response cannot be taken as a yes, but it could be taken as a maybe. Apart from stubbornness or cowardice I just can’t understand the reason that you would you not just tell her ‘no!’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

Willyoujustbequiet · 17/10/2021 18:49

Yanbu and she is a cf.

However I would suspect that she'll have given your name as a contact so in order to avoid the inevitable calls from the airport I would be unequivocally texting no.

Lightisnotwhite · 17/10/2021 18:53

[quote Peanutbuttermandms]@CatandFiddleForestGin I know! I’m curious to understand how the pp came to that conclusion and would like to understand the logic. Easy to make a baseless accusation which is derisive, not so easy when you’re called out on it.[/quote]
You’re a bit dramatic aren’t you.

Happy to slag the CF mother on here but unable to actually call her out in real life.
Apparently because you don’t want to be the “bad guy” ( that’s your words).
You aren’t in the wrong for saying no or pointing out it’s a massive ask. Ends the situation for both of you.

QueenDanu · 17/10/2021 18:54

Imagine being in this situation and not ringing the person you were going to ask such a favour from!!! I wonder if she she fired off 10 identical texts.

FilthyforFirth · 17/10/2021 18:54

I think you are doing the right thing. I am fascinated though that she has got so far as to contacting you, does this woman have no family?! No parents,siblings, cousins etc.

Obviously I am not a cf, but I cant imagine not having family to ask to pick up and so having to trawl through my phonebook...

YouokHun · 17/10/2021 18:55

And I meant to say in my paragraph-free rant that I would not be responding to your friend after having sent a clear, short “no” to the airport pick up. These users need clear responses or they use any vagueness as an implied agreement.

YukoandHiro · 17/10/2021 18:58

Absolutely report for negligence.
Ten years old!

Onetraumaatatimeplease · 17/10/2021 19:01

Haven't read the full thread so apologies if this has been said but I think you should reply. Reading what you've said I get the impression that she is the not the type to take a hint. I'd be worried that she'd see the message as read and make the assumption that you will do it. Then you'll end up doing it anyway out of mercy for the kid.
The reply you send should be no, sorry can't. You will need to get someone else. That's it. Offer no explanation, any follow up texts reply the same then ignore.
Out of interest did she offer to give you petrol/parking money. Because parking fees at airports, well.

Lollyneenah · 17/10/2021 19:04

I would reply 'no. You will need to change your flight' and then block.

I know you are concerned that it will make you the 'bad guy' but only in HER eyes. Batshut crazy selfish fucker eyes.

Original poster
Peanutbuttermandms · 17/10/2021 19:06

@YouokHun I’m really sorry to read of your last year or so. The loss of your dad sounds painful and sudden, coupled with worry of your mum, covid and your son. That’s rough, and it sounds like you needed a friend and an ear at the time.

Well done for seeing it for what it is, bloody hard feeling like you’ve been taken for a mug. How are you now? How’s DM and DS adjusting ?

As for gossipgirlexfriend, hell mend her lack
of compassion. No good comes out of gossipy sorts, you know that now and are better for it.

There are decent people out there, I’ve found my circle has closed in but widened in value. Flowers

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 17/10/2021 19:11

The people saying your lack of reply could be taken as a yes are ridiculous. If I text a friend and asked if they wanted to meet for lunch next week and I didn’t get a response I wouldn’t be turning up at a venue expecting to see them. I don’t know in what world not replying to a request can be taken as a yes, especially considering she hasn’t even given you details such as the flight.

Not responding seems like the correct thing to do, if you engage you only open yourself up to more begging/ a sob story as she tries to persuade you or for her to take offence to your no and create a drama where you don’t want one.

mcmooberry · 17/10/2021 19:11

@YouokHun that "friend" sounds awful, she should be ashamed of herself - but won't be.

LauraLovesLemons · 17/10/2021 19:17

I don't know. I have a old schoolfriend who frankly is a bit of a neglectful parent (and friend) - but knowing that she has a long history of mental health issues I make allowances for her and go the extra mile to for her kids who might otherwise go without (or, as in this case, be left at the airport).

Another friend who is a single parent, works incredibly long and unpredictable hours - and I'm the person who is always called when there is a childcare fail. It's not optimum for her kids continually being passed from pillar to post - but she has to keep a roof over their head and I help out when I'm called, because I know that she doesn't have anyone else to do it, as well as for their sake, because they're lovely kids.

Other "friends" who I have less fondness and respect for, I would not go out of my way for.
Only you can make the decision about what is right for you.

FreshFreesias · 17/10/2021 19:22

What an awful frenemy OP. You are right to ignore.

daisychain01 · 17/10/2021 19:23

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Coffeepot72 · 17/10/2021 19:29

The only way for the OP to be absolutely clear, is to send a response saying no.

Notaroadrunner · 17/10/2021 19:38

@YukoandHiro

Absolutely report for negligence. Ten years old!
Report to who? The CF has asked if op can collect her child. She hasn't told op that the child will be left there alone if op doesn't collect him. CF will simply move onto another 'friend' and ask them to collect, or make alternative arrangements. There is no negligence to report.

@Peanutbuttermandms good to see you didn't bother to respond. She'll have moved on to someone else. Not your problem.

Mummapenguin20 · 17/10/2021 19:46

Op you sound just like me no response is a big response

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/10/2021 19:46

@Lykia

Haven't rtft. Don't respond, she can't take your silence as a yes because you don't have the flight number etc that you would need to pick someone up from an airport.
@Lykia makes a good point - if the message she sent doesn’t include the relevant information, *@Peanutbuttermandms*’s friend cannot expect her to pick the child up - so no response is necessary.

I’d guess one of two things will happen - either the CF will come back and pester the OP, or she will move on to some other person to be her victim. If she does pester you again, @Peanutbuttermandms, then I’d suggest you might need to rethink your lack of a response to her, just to be absolutely clear.

I do feel sorry for the child - his mum has very little concern for his well being. But I don’t think it is the OP’s responsibility to make up this shortfall.

BoredZelda · 17/10/2021 19:54

that’s completely different circumstances

Perhaps not, perhaps they booked it without realising, or something changed.

whynotwhatknot · 17/10/2021 19:57

Like has been said u dont text someone something like that wth no details and expect them to do it

i wouldnt belive for a second she thinks this-op knows a time and an airport thats it

who the hellbooks a holiday for the same day retun as their child espcially atm she could get covid and be quarantined then what

Benjispruce4 · 17/10/2021 20:01

If I was available I’d have to pick him up as it’s not his fault. I’d be lovely to him, feed him etc but give her a piece of my mind after when he was out of earshot.

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