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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never speak to her again- CF!

686 replies

Peanutbuttermandms · 17/10/2021 15:10

I have a long term school ‘friend’, let’s call her S. I hear from her very sporadically and most recently, when she wants something: sponsorship money from me for one of her ‘challenges’ to stay in my central city home (!)… but folks, I give you the best one to date today…

Text out of the blue.. not even a ‘how are you’.. can I pick her son up from the airport (!) on Wednesday as he’s flying in alone (he is 10) from his dad’s abroad. You’re thinking wtaf, right?

The text goes on.. she can’t and her new DP are holidaying in the south of France and their flight doesn’t get in to airport until 5pm.. so the wee mite is alone for 4 hours after travelling alone. At 10. Jesus!

It ends ‘would obviously be great to see you too!!’

AIBU to think cheeky fucker and never speak to the self centred cow again?

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 17/10/2021 17:42

One reply why? That just opens the door for the CFer to start begging and trying to guilt trip OP. This way she doesn't have to deal with any of that

And that would be the time to block.

Bizawit · 17/10/2021 17:43

[quote Peanutbuttermandms]@Bizawit 6 months and car trip of 5 hours.[/quote]
😱😱. Yes CF.

HerRoyalWitchyness · 17/10/2021 17:43

And that would be the time to block.
Or she just ignored now and saves herself the hassle.

Nomoreporridge · 17/10/2021 17:44

Kids can fly alone under the age of 10 on quite a few airlines. Air France is one.

And they’ve resumed the service

Nocutenamesleft · 17/10/2021 17:44

[quote Peanutbuttermandms]@Snugglepumpkin no, I cannot accept your statement that I ‘could be the cause of a child being left alone in the airport at that age’.

That’s absolutely not the case and you’re factually misconceived.

I have no responsibility here whatsoever, for the avoidance of doubt. Bloody hell.[/quote]
Brilliant!!!

You are not backing down under pressure

You’re 100% right. You’ve got no legal responsibility so why even give a response.

I’d back you!

Original poster
Peanutbuttermandms · 17/10/2021 17:46

@PinkSyCo I’m afraid of nothing. Just exercising my right to not reply. You’re inferring something from that which is conjecture, not fact.

OP posts:
TrickyD · 17/10/2021 17:46

If he’s flying in from his dad’s, why can’t dad sort this out?

Original poster
Peanutbuttermandms · 17/10/2021 17:46

@Nocutenamesleft why thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
Peanutbuttermandms · 17/10/2021 17:47

@TrickyD fuck knows, I’ve no info!

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 17/10/2021 17:47

Or she just ignored now and saves herself the hassle.

Why is it such a hassle to send a text saying “Nope, no can do”. At least then the CF knows straight away that she needs to find someone else to collect her child.

NumberTheory · 17/10/2021 17:48

@Blondeshavemorefun

Much easier to just text back. No. I’m busy. Can’t etc

Rather then play games

If you don’t reply she may as she’s a cf, think that’s a yes

That makes no sense. It’s clearly easier for OP to not respond than to respond.

Even apart from the few seconds of messaging, if OP doesn’t respond CF might if she’s an idiot as well as cheeky, think that’s a yes, but OP still doesn’t have to do anything about that. If OP responds with a no of some sort, CF is more likely to think she can argue OP round. Responses are generally more encouraging, even when they’re negative, than not responding at all.

StaplesCorner · 17/10/2021 17:48

When you see some of the replies on here blaming the OP you can certainly see that the CFF is far from alone in thinking that she now no longer has a shred of responsibility towards her own son!

Nomoreporridge · 17/10/2021 17:50

[quote Peanutbuttermandms]@HerRoyalWitchyness I agree, why the hell am I getting a hard time 🥴😂[/quote]
Can’t believe some of the ‘advice’ you are getting on this!

You are doing absolutely the right thing ( not that you need me to tell you!)

Texting a response has become the new ‘cancel the cheque’

But in response to your actual question- YANBU for never speaking to this nutcase again!

HerRoyalWitchyness · 17/10/2021 17:50

Why is it such a hassle to send a text saying “Nope, no can do”. At least then the CF knows straight away that she needs to find someone else to collect her child.
Because the no response is a response. If I asked someone a favour and they didn't respond I'd ask someone else as clearly the non respondent doesn't want to do it.
If the CFer is too dense to take silence as a no then that's a her problem not an OP problem

Ronacorona · 17/10/2021 17:51

I'ld be rearranging my travel plans to ensure I'm at the airport to collect my DS. How can she sit comfortably on her own hols knowing there's a chance

DS collection is not confirmed by peanutbutter
DS flight is delayed, canx, rerouted
CF flight is delayed, canx, rerouted

And the DS collection is via a request text to OP - no phone call, sharing of handover arrangement which the airline will have in place.

It's the CF who needs to rearrange her travel plans, not for the OP to reply yay or nay.

2389Champ · 17/10/2021 17:56

I’m always quite impressed (is that the right word?) at the brass neck of some people. I have a close family member who does something very similar.
DH and I have a private joke that she doesn’t do ‘stress’ she just offloads it onto everyone else. Everything is always last minute and if we’re not careful, we end up running around like idiots trying to pick up the pieces and sort out her crap arrangements while she wafts through telling me that I need to relax more. I get calls telling me she’s been unable to purchase whatever and could I possibly be a darling and get it for her - never get the money back though! Somehow she manages to get others to do her bidding and I don’t think she’s paid for a holiday for years. She always manages to stay at a friend of a friends apartment/cottage/villa.

The worst was when her children were young and I was asked regularly to mind them for the weekend so she could go away for some relaxation. The poor kids never arrived with enough clothes or requirements so muggins here ended up out of pocket to ensure they had what they needed. If she said she would be picking them up at 7 in the evening you could guarantee it would invariably be closer to 10pm because there was an issue with the car/unexpected friend turned up/forgot the time! 🤦‍♀️

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/10/2021 17:57

Trouble is with people like this mother, they’re never in the wrong

Spot on - and that's why I'm another who'd sent a simple "no"

Not because you're responsible in any way, and certainly not because you owe it to her to engage; as you rightly say it's the CF's problem to sort out and not yours.
But personally I'd do it (and then instantly block her) just to avoid any further nonsense

PinkSyCo · 17/10/2021 17:58

@PinkSyCo I’m afraid of nothing. Just exercising my right to not reply. You’re inferring something from that which is conjecture, not fact.

Fucking hell OP this ain’t a court of law 🤣 You do you then though personally, for the kids sake,I’d rather let her know ASAP that you would not be collecting him. Plus I’d rather enjoy telling her (to go fuck herself) no.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 17/10/2021 18:00

@Lostmarbles2021

A 10 year old flying in on his own? Is that normal? I have a DC that age. Only just let them go out to call for friends on their own. I’m a bit concerned that this child isn’t well enough looked after if she hadn’t organised herself enough to get to the airport herself or have someone already there Sad is this neglect? Middle class/rich person neglect? I’m not sure, but it’s not sitting comfortably with me.

CF for sure. Not your responsibility. Let her know though so the poor kid gets met by someone, hopefully. Sad

Unaccompanied minors have airline staff keeping na eye on them. They absolutely won't just let a 10 year old go off sólo. They would have to hand over to named adult.
SilverOtter · 17/10/2021 18:02

Maybe social services could pick him up?

Whenigrowupiwanttobea · 17/10/2021 18:03

I would reply to her telling her that there is no way you will be picking him up. And as it is now Sunday evening she has 48 hours to sort the problem out herself. She knew this was going to happen so she needs to be the one to sort it. Then block her.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/10/2021 18:03

If OP responds with a no of some sort, CF is more likely to think she can argue OP round

Very possibly, yes, but that's why many of us suggested sending it and then blocking her

Even a total CF will have a job "arguing round" someone she can't contact ...

PinkSyCo · 17/10/2021 18:05

Because the no response is a response. If I asked someone a favour and they didn't respond I'd ask someone else as clearly the non respondent doesn't want to do it.
If the CFer is too dense to take silence as a no then that's a her problem not an OP problem

CF could take the silence as an ‘I’m thinking about it’. I just think as time is off an essence, for the kids sake at least it would be better to respond with a definite’NO’.

WhereIsMumHiding3 · 17/10/2021 18:05

Not responding is a response

OP has no responsibility here, nor needs to reply to CF's text.

She wasn't expecting to be asked this crazy request. She has no responsibility to read texts on her phone- this isn't OP's child and she had no reason to expect such a CF request.

Just because we have mobile phones, it doesn't mean we need to be beholden to any random acquaintance asking favours of us nor give a response to ridiculous requests. I wouldn't involve myself in any way in this and would simply block this non- friend due to her history of asking one sided favours all the time as I'd be mightily fed up of her.

Now ... if it was a very close friend and I often looked after their children and they mine..... AND they'd rung me as they had an emergency delaying their getting to airport, that'd be a different situation. This isn't that situation at all.

factis · 17/10/2021 18:05

When you see some of the replies on here blaming the OP you can certainly see that the CFF is far from alone in thinking that she now no longer has a shred of responsibility towards her own son!

I saw one pp who said they would collect the poor child.

Almost everyone has said to text NO and block so no blaming the op.