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AIBU?

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Original poster

3 year old peeing in a potty in the corner of a museum

361 replies

Griddlesizzle · 16/10/2021 18:41

As it says in the title. Mother just whips the potty out and the child pees away, without the mum even asking anyone if there was a loo nearby. As a side point, the loo was less than 10m away…

Ai by - it’s pretty vile
Aibu - what else are you gonna do?

OP posts:
LookingGlassMilk · 16/10/2021 19:37

Sorry, no, it isn't

Sorry yes it is. It is absolutely ableist to suggest that children with autism shouldn't be taken out in public.

SylvanasWindrunner · 16/10/2021 19:37

My DD would become very distressed at me trying to put a nappy on her to pee into. It would cause far more of a scene.

DD is 2.5 and uses a potty because she just doesn't want to use the big toilet yet. She has no accidents at home and hasn't had any while out and about, takes herself to her potty, pulls her pants down, etc. But we take a travel potty out and about with us to use in the loos as she prefers that to a big toilet at the moment and she doesn't feel very secure on proper toilets yet as she's v small.

In a dire emergency, I would use the travel potty in a quiet corner, using my body to block everything from view, if the alternative was her wetting herself in a public place. And yes, I would be stressed about it and hate doing it, but honestly I care more about my daughter not wetting herself and getting soaked in urine than a random who couldn't really see anything anyway being offended. Our potty clips shut and has a seal so no carrying an open potty full of wee around for anyone to see.

Like I said, we've been out and about and it hasn't happened and I hope it never will as we are careful to make sure she goes frequently and doesn't drink too much and she's good at telling us when she needs to go, but toddlers can be unpredictable, they are still learning, and accidents do happen! So I would probably just think 'There but for the grace of god' and be glad it wasn't happening to us that day tbh.

Clocktopus · 16/10/2021 19:37

Sorry, no, it isn't. Toileting your child in the open is degrading, and I'm saying that as a severely disabled person.

Two of my DC are disabled and we have radar keys, if your DC has additional needs then you can take them into the accessible toilets where you will have control over when/if the hand drier is operated.

highstreetdiestreet · 16/10/2021 19:37

So many presumably grown women over reacting like children on this thread. 'Grim' 'disgusting' 'horrified' 'gross' etc.

All for a tiny child discreetly using a potty rather than having an accident.

(I'm not convinced this thread isn't fodder for some odd people to get their kicks)

Holly60 · 16/10/2021 19:38

@KingsleyShacklebolt

Horrendous and completely inappropriate.

No excuse.

I’ve just read a post about anti-Vaxxers targeting teens getting their Covid jabs. That is horrendous and completely inappropriate.

A toddler having a wee-wee in a potty... Not so much.

Kanaloa · 16/10/2021 19:38

No it isn’t acceptable to me. I would say if mine couldn’t wait to walk to a nearby bathroom then they’re not potty trained. If they literally need to be whipped onto the potty the second they need to go then they aren’t toilet trained at all.

My son wasn’t toilet trained properly until age four, and one of the things that could send him into meltdown was if someone turned the dryer on or flushed another toilet while he was on the toilet. I still never thought of just letting him use a potty in public - where does it end? Can he have a poo and wipe his bum in a potty in the corner of the national gallery?

PissedOff2020 · 16/10/2021 19:39

No that’s pretty disgusting.

As a mother who has toilet trained 3 boys I’ve never had a situation when they could not make the loo. Never carried a potty around, just a toddler toilet seat but that stopped after the first few weeks.

gardeninggirl68 · 16/10/2021 19:39

would think the staff would not allow it

can you imagine if every entitled parent decided it was the way forward

MrsKeats · 16/10/2021 19:39

How was it discreet if the op saw it?
That's the opposite of discreet.

highstreetdiestreet · 16/10/2021 19:39

@Kanaloa

No it isn’t acceptable to me. I would say if mine couldn’t wait to walk to a nearby bathroom then they’re not potty trained. If they literally need to be whipped onto the potty the second they need to go then they aren’t toilet trained at all.

My son wasn’t toilet trained properly until age four, and one of the things that could send him into meltdown was if someone turned the dryer on or flushed another toilet while he was on the toilet. I still never thought of just letting him use a potty in public - where does it end? Can he have a poo and wipe his bum in a potty in the corner of the national gallery?

4?

RIDICULOUS .etc

Glassofshloer · 16/10/2021 19:40

@highstreetdiestreet you don’t know it was discreet and you don’t know there would’ve been an accident otherwise. Stop making out like people who don’t want to see other people (toddlers or otherwise) pissing and crapping in public is pearl-clutchy. It isn’t.

If he isn’t reliably dry they should carry nappies for days out.

Holly60 · 16/10/2021 19:40

@SylvanasWindrunner

My DD would become very distressed at me trying to put a nappy on her to pee into. It would cause far more of a scene.

DD is 2.5 and uses a potty because she just doesn't want to use the big toilet yet. She has no accidents at home and hasn't had any while out and about, takes herself to her potty, pulls her pants down, etc. But we take a travel potty out and about with us to use in the loos as she prefers that to a big toilet at the moment and she doesn't feel very secure on proper toilets yet as she's v small.

In a dire emergency, I would use the travel potty in a quiet corner, using my body to block everything from view, if the alternative was her wetting herself in a public place. And yes, I would be stressed about it and hate doing it, but honestly I care more about my daughter not wetting herself and getting soaked in urine than a random who couldn't really see anything anyway being offended. Our potty clips shut and has a seal so no carrying an open potty full of wee around for anyone to see.

Like I said, we've been out and about and it hasn't happened and I hope it never will as we are careful to make sure she goes frequently and doesn't drink too much and she's good at telling us when she needs to go, but toddlers can be unpredictable, they are still learning, and accidents do happen! So I would probably just think 'There but for the grace of god' and be glad it wasn't happening to us that day tbh.

Please be reassured that me and most reasonable people would have no issue at all with your DD using a potty. I wouldn’t think anything of it at all and would give you a ‘in solidarity’ smile as I passed :)
Bigbonesmeatandgravy · 16/10/2021 19:41

The superiority on this thread is awful. It's unfortunate, but these things happen!
I doubt the mum entered the museum, bypassed the toilets and thought, let's not go in there, let's have a piss by the ancient Egyptian artefacts instead.
It's just one of those things, look away if you don't like it!

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 16/10/2021 19:41

Its disgusting

MajorCarolDanvers · 16/10/2021 19:42

Vile. Absolutely vile.

Innocenta · 16/10/2021 19:42

This reply has been deleted

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Glassofshloer · 16/10/2021 19:42

@Bigbonesmeatandgravy

The superiority on this thread is awful. It's unfortunate, but these things happen! I doubt the mum entered the museum, bypassed the toilets and thought, let's not go in there, let's have a piss by the ancient Egyptian artefacts instead. It's just one of those things, look away if you don't like it!
The fact she was carrying a potty indicates otherwise.

And why would people ‘look away’ when they have literally gone somewhere to look at things? They’re in public ffs Hmm

ANameChangeAgain · 16/10/2021 19:43

No one has any idea of the circumstances. My df adopted a 3yo who wasn't properly toilet trained. She had no choice on days out to whip out a potty as her bladder hadn't been properly trained and she didn't want to keep her in nappies. No one should judge.

Kanaloa · 16/10/2021 19:43

What would you have me do, let him piss all over the floor in the national gallery? Piss himself even though he'd told me he needed? Magically transport myself up a flight of stairs and through three galleries with a double pram to the accessible toilets? Cage me up at home with the rest of the parents of "unmentionables"? Not let me leave the house? Deprive him of the opportunity to toilet in a socially acceptable way by keeping him in nappies until someone else deemed it appropriate? Suddenly wish away his "differences"?

It isn’t a choice between ‘letting him piss all over the floor’ and whipping out a potty in public. With my son who is autistic if we went anywhere it was punctured with 30 minute toilet breaks whether he needed to go or not, and I would look over the place before we entered and make myself aware of where all the toilets were, so it never got to the point of oh no he’s desperate where’s the toilet oh no what will we do.

MrsBobDylan · 16/10/2021 19:43

@Innocenta when a child can't cope with the sensory demands a hand dryer creates for them the parent and child uses the disabled loo. Because the child generally has a disability in this scenario.

If there is no disabled loo then we would have to go home. My ds wasn't toilet trained until 8 so we would generally have to go home to change him anyway, that's if we got out at all.

Welcome to our world.

Holly60 · 16/10/2021 19:44

@highstreetdiestreet

So many presumably grown women over reacting like children on this thread. 'Grim' 'disgusting' 'horrified' 'gross' etc.

All for a tiny child discreetly using a potty rather than having an accident.

(I'm not convinced this thread isn't fodder for some odd people to get their kicks)

Thank you for being the voice of sanity. I am not often gobsmacked at the reactions of people on mumsnet to events that I literally wouldn’t give a second thought to. If I walked past a child on a potty in a museum it would literally take up zero head space. Possibly I might think ‘that mum was well prepared- good for her’.
pommedeterre · 16/10/2021 19:44

SIL did this with dn on a day out to a farm park once. Carried a potty under her arm all day and whipped out as necessary! I found it v odd.

Innocenta · 16/10/2021 19:44

@Clocktopus

Sorry, no, it isn't. Toileting your child in the open is degrading, and I'm saying that as a severely disabled person.

Two of my DC are disabled and we have radar keys, if your DC has additional needs then you can take them into the accessible toilets where you will have control over when/if the hand drier is operated.

Exactly! Literally one of the reasons to use the accessible loo. Great point Thanks
pommedeterre · 16/10/2021 19:44

So I do know dn, she has no sensory problems, additional needs etc.

Kanaloa · 16/10/2021 19:44

@ANameChangeAgain

No one has any idea of the circumstances. My df adopted a 3yo who wasn't properly toilet trained. She had no choice on days out to whip out a potty as her bladder hadn't been properly trained and she didn't want to keep her in nappies. No one should judge.
Again, there is a choice. She didn’t want to keep her in nappies despite the fact that the child wasn’t potty trained. So she wasn’t forced to whip out a potty. She chose to.