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Original poster

SHE WANTS A CHILD, I DONT!

524 replies

Bteng83 · 16/10/2021 08:36

Hi,

Straight to the point..we are 38&36. I have a 14yo she has a 6yo. We have been together 3 years.

She really wants a child, I 100% don't. She works with babies in her job.

Early this year She fell pregnant by accident, she lots the child at 12 weeks.

She works with babies at work and its affecting her work and mental health. There are other areas she can work but she says they are short staffed an keep her there. (Nhs)

We love each other, I have said that I'm not the one for her if she does want another child, and I would never stop her in her decision to leave me to fulfil that desire. Although I would rather have her with me.
Please any advice ? It's a big issue between us.

Sorry for the brief description. Thankyou

OP posts:
GatoradeMeBitch · 16/10/2021 11:35

He hasn't come back since the first post has he? It's always interesting to see how the narratives evolve without any guidance or correction.

Pumperthepumper · 16/10/2021 11:38

But you know that and are just being ridiculous. You have double standards.

What difference would poking a hole in a condom make if he’d had a vasectomy?

But you know that and are just being ridiculous. That’s your double standard.

Pumperthepumper · 16/10/2021 11:38

[quote Porcupineintherough]@Pumperthepumperdo you also believe that women cant get pregnant if they dont want children?[/quote]
What?

Pumperthepumper · 16/10/2021 11:39

@CasaBonita

I know someone who pricked holes in the condoms. It worked eventually.

Whether you stay with her or not, I think you need to have a vasectomy. It's the only way to safeguard yourself against this, now or in the future!

How did it work? Did the vasectomy also fail?
BillMasen · 16/10/2021 11:40

Sometimes the anti men posters are quite subtle and the double standards aren’t as obvious

Some threads they are shouted from the rooftops and this is one of those. I see a few of the usual suspects popping but and being absolutely blatant here.

There’s no way these posters will be popping up on threads the other way round.

Horrible thread and I feel for the OP

vivainsomnia · 16/10/2021 11:40

Oh come on. The poor menz routine doesn't work here
Don't we know it Grin Only women get sympathy short to abusing children. Otherwise, they are always the victim of horrible men whose sole mission is to make women suffer.

BillMasen · 16/10/2021 11:41

@GatoradeMeBitch

He hasn't come back since the first post has he? It's always interesting to see how the narratives evolve without any guidance or correction.
Quite. A few have totally made up their own narrative.
vivainsomnia · 16/10/2021 11:43

He hasn't come back since the first post has he? It's always interesting to see how the narratives evolve without any guidance or correction
No doubt some are desperately waiting for it fir more fuel to batter the poor guy whatever he writes or try to defend. It's clear how posters are just reading what they want to see. How many have said he should talk to her and tell her he should tell her he doesn't want children when he made it clear in his post that was exactly what he had done already.

Thankfully he is clever enough to know not to come back for more.

CounsellorTroi · 16/10/2021 11:54

Re posters saying female sterilisation is major surgery as opposed to the snip. According to the NHS website:

“ This is a fairly minor operation and many women return home the same day.”

BoredatHome321 · 16/10/2021 11:59

@Pumperthepumper

But you know that and are just being ridiculous. You have double standards.

What difference would poking a hole in a condom make if he’d had a vasectomy?

But you know that and are just being ridiculous. That’s your double standard.

😂😂😂😂😂😂 just say you hate men and move on.
HouseOfFire · 16/10/2021 12:04

Pumperthepumper Sat 16-Oct-21 11:39:46
CasaBonita

I know someone who pricked holes in the condoms. It worked eventually.

Whether you stay with her or not, I think you need to have a vasectomy. It's the only way to safeguard yourself against this, now or in the future!

How did it work? Did the vasectomy also fail?

wow, are you normally this far off the mark. My eyes just rolled back so far!

Just in case you are not, people use condoms when they don't want a pregnancy at that time

liveforsummer · 16/10/2021 12:04

I agree with a pp saying she's probably hanging around hoping for another 'accident' if her desire is so strong. I think you need to leave as other wise the hope will be there. The only reason anyone should have invasive surgery should be if they want it surely? Not just to send a clear message to a partner (who he is already giving clear messages to)

Pumperthepumper · 16/10/2021 12:05

😂😂😂😂😂😂 just say you hate men and move on

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 just say you think men are incapable of taking responsibility for impregnating people and move on @BoredatHome321 - what a low opinion of men you have.

Pumperthepumper · 16/10/2021 12:05

@HouseOfFire

Pumperthepumper Sat 16-Oct-21 11:39:46 CasaBonita

I know someone who pricked holes in the condoms. It worked eventually.

Whether you stay with her or not, I think you need to have a vasectomy. It's the only way to safeguard yourself against this, now or in the future!

How did it work? Did the vasectomy also fail?

wow, are you normally this far off the mark. My eyes just rolled back so far!

Just in case you are not, people use condoms when they don't want a pregnancy at that time

Abstinence then? Or do we always blame the other person?
PurpleDaisies · 16/10/2021 12:05

@GatoradeMeBitch

How did she get pregnant this year if you really don't want a child? Weren't you using condoms?
Again, the nhs says this:

When used correctly every time you have sex, male condoms are 98% effective. This means 2 out of 100 people will become pregnant in 1 year when male condoms are used as contraception.

Sorry if that doesn’t fit with your narrative.

PurpleDaisies · 16/10/2021 12:09

@CounsellorTroi

Re posters saying female sterilisation is major surgery as opposed to the snip. According to the NHS website:

“ This is a fairly minor operation and many women return home the same day.”

It’s pretty hard to get sterilised as a woman though. Plenty of posters on here have recounted the difficulty they’ve had trying to persuade their gp to even refer them for a conversation about it.
BoredatHome321 · 16/10/2021 12:10

@Pumperthepumper

😂😂😂😂😂😂 just say you hate men and move on

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 just say you think men are incapable of taking responsibility for impregnating people and move on @BoredatHome321 - what a low opinion of men you have.

Nobody is saying that though are they. They're saying if a women doesn't want anymore children then first thing said ISNT "get your tubes tied"
Pumperthepumper · 16/10/2021 12:11

Nobody is saying that though are they. They're saying if a women doesn't want anymore children then first thing said ISNT "get your tubes tied"

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 just say you hate women and move on.

Wazzzzzzzup · 16/10/2021 12:14

Great tactic. If you hate a topic make aure you derail the thread so much maybe mnhq will delete it or people will just give up. Smart

Pumperthepumper · 16/10/2021 12:16

@Wazzzzzzzup

Great tactic. If you hate a topic make aure you derail the thread so much maybe mnhq will delete it or people will just give up. Smart
I already reported it, it’s so obviously here just to whip up the ‘oh this is typical of women’ crowd.
Alfxn · 16/10/2021 12:18

Good lord, this thread! Shock

OP, I think unfortunately a lot of women here have been treated badly by men and may be projecting some of that onto you.

You are not unreasonable for not wanting children. It is very sad that you and your partner both have different wishes on this. My sympathies are with you both.

You need to:

  1. Lay your cards on the table, sympathetically, but VERY clearly, that you still do not want another child - ever.
  2. Take responsibility for the contraception from here on (It isn't right to make this the responsibility of the person who wants children, for lots of reasons).

Your partner may then decide based on all of the information she wishes to do.

Wazzzzzzzup · 16/10/2021 12:19

Except that no one did "oh it's typical of women" really.

The most ridiculous thing on the thread is you.
And that's actually quite an achievement in this shitstorm😂

I hope mnhq won't delete this because my petty arse will be reminding posters of their hypocrisy when they will show their double standards on another threads

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 16/10/2021 12:20

@Dishwashersaurous

Have you had a vasectomy
A combination of having my own children, vasectomy, Mrs. Hr being younger, cultural expectations from her native country, time constraints. Then the romantic gesture of creating another person together to solidify the relationship. Plus it's just good to discuss fundamentals early, drifting is a terrible mistake, I made that in my marriage.

I just feel people need to honestly discuss fundamentals early.
Kids, marriage, careers, goals, values, etc due dilligence.

Abraxan · 16/10/2021 12:20

@GoldChick

I don't get why you haven't ended the relationship if you know this is something she wants but you don't. It's really selfish of you to have left it to her to make the call. You know you're incompatible, she is probably holding on in the hope you'll change your mind or she'll have another accident. Let her go.
It's not selfish of him at all.

Why are you treating the woman as a child? If it is so important to her then she can walk away. I'm assuming she is a grown adult with a mind if her own. She doesn't need a man to set her free.

And I'd guess that many woman calling him out for not leaving would be pretty darn quick at criticising a man for dumping her soon after a miscarriage too.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 16/10/2021 12:21

Diligence................