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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be 24 and never want to live with a man again?

164 replies

heywassuphello · 15/10/2021 19:27

Anyone else?! 😩

OP posts:
MrsToothyBitch · 18/10/2021 13:17

I'd be fine living alone. I craved it when I was in houseshares and it probably is my default setting tbh. That said I lived with a filthy slut mare girl in one of them- she put me off cohabiting more than any bf!

It's not for everyone though. My mum would also be fine on her own if widowed, once the initial shock wore off, I think but my v domestic grandma coped technically very well but was lonely and my aunt - who has a spouse in a carehome, was always busy and not a homebird and did ok til lockdown. Then she fell to bits and hasn't bounced back. She felt imprisoned. In contrast I did most of week alone in lockdown until DP moved in fully and was content 95% of the time.

As it is, I feel lucky to have some balance- I love DP so much but he's good at pulling his weight when here and whilst I miss him now he's working away every mon eve-thurs eve, it means I'm so happy to see him AND have the benefit of pleasing myself 3 nights a week. I'm enjoying that whilst I have it -he's homesick and job hunting, although the odd alone night when my anxiety kicks in is tough. The overall upsides are someone to help with jobs I don't like, be there when I'm sick and just living with my best friend.

I feel lucky in him though- I don't automatically seek to live with others again, especially any man who expects a mummy or just anyone I think is mucky and needs a housekeeper.

flotsomandjetsome · 18/10/2021 13:18

I'm 53 and have lived with DH for the last 30 years.

I've had the hideous cold that's doing the rounds for the last week, so DH has been sleeping in the spare room.

Omg what bloody luxury, having the room to myself, can this cold last a bit longer please?!

arethereanyleftatall · 18/10/2021 13:32

Just before I divorced my exhusband, I had a 'woah' moment when my friends and I were all chatting when our then husbands were on a golf holiday. We were unanimous in agreeing that all our lives were bliss at that moment because our husbands were away. Only one of us said she just liked the break but would be glad he was home after a week. The rest of us shifted in our seats as we realised that we'd be happier if they never did. I did go on to divorce, other reasons too, but that was a poignant moment. 'Wtf are we doing with them if we prefer it when they're not here. '

zafferana · 18/10/2021 13:40

I don't blame you OP. If my DH left or died I don't think I'd ever want to live with another man. It's mostly drudgery. I live out bf - maybe - but not live in. No way. Having said that, you're very young. I'm glad you're coping though. Two sick kids on your own and your DH has pissed off and you're holding your head high and seeing the positives. Good for you!

Onairjunkie · 18/10/2021 13:48

So many people on this thread have done so much so young! I’m really surprised. Married, divorced for four years and with a kid at 26, two kids and done with men at 24… you all must have grown up a lot, lot faster than I did.

user1471538283 · 18/10/2021 14:02

I can think of nothing worse than living with a man again! I wasted so much time on men when I was younger, all the angst and upset. Nah not no more.

5128gap · 18/10/2021 14:04

@Onairjunkie

So many people on this thread have done so much so young! I’m really surprised. Married, divorced for four years and with a kid at 26, two kids and done with men at 24… you all must have grown up a lot, lot faster than I did.
Its great when you get to your 50s though.Your children are adults, you only have yourself to please, you have decades of experience to help you make the best choices for yourself, and still plenty of time left to enjoy them.
Onairjunkie · 18/10/2021 14:09

Its great when you get to your 50s though.Your children are adults, you only have yourself to please, you have decades of experience to help you make the best choices for yourself, and still plenty of time left to enjoy them

I’m sure, but my father (French, though I don’t suppose that has a bearing really) drummed it into me that it’s basically this; travel, uni, then you work your tits into the ground to make a good living, then you have kids then you can financially relax. And I had my kid in my 30s. I can’t imagine doing it all so early. I was in no way ready for marriage at 21 or so.

Anyway, I’d happily live man free (apart from my son and dogs and farm animals). They’re generally dirty, hard work, unreasonable and quite, quite stroppy.

GreenLunchBox · 18/10/2021 14:13

@flotsomandjetsome

I'm 53 and have lived with DH for the last 30 years.

I've had the hideous cold that's doing the rounds for the last week, so DH has been sleeping in the spare room.

Omg what bloody luxury, having the room to myself, can this cold last a bit longer please?!

Not having to share a bed is bliss. And I have a king-size ☺️
MarisPiper92 · 18/10/2021 14:19

I have never lived with a man and don't intend to, although have an FWB who visits occasionally. Looking around at my friends with partners, I think this is a good decision.

I do occasionally fantasise about being a dual-income household, but that's purely for the financial benefits.

SandraOhh · 19/10/2021 06:49

Agree. 28 here. Never lived with a man and don't plan to. I never got on with living with others at uni and moved home eventually because I found it absolutely awful and unbearable in the end. I'm happy single but open minded about meeting someone. What makes me doubtful is wondering how many men would be happy with a 'living together apart' arrangement who haven't already been through marriage and divorce or aren't significantly older than me.

anthurium · 22/10/2021 12:27

@MarisPiper92

I have never lived with a man and don't intend to, although have an FWB who visits occasionally. Looking around at my friends with partners, I think this is a good decision.

I do occasionally fantasise about being a dual-income household, but that's purely for the financial benefits.

@MarisPiper92

"I do occasionally fantasise about being a dual-income household, but that's purely for the financial benefits." I totally agree Grin

anthurium · 22/10/2021 12:29

@SandraOhh

I'd love to know of any real life successful examples where together living apart set ups.

I'm not currently dating but when I'm ready I'd really like to explore this

CounsellorTroi · 22/10/2021 15:57

Not having to share a bed is bliss. And I have a king-size ☺️

It is. DH and I go to bed in the same bed but at some point he decamps to the spare room.

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