Page 6 | To be 24 and never want to live with a man again?

CatsBooksAndCoffee · 17/10/2021 13:51

@TroysMammy

A man has lived with me for 7 years. If I found myself single again I would stay single as I'm not cut out to live with someone.

I don't know what possessed me to dabble in online dating all those years ago as I was perfectly self sufficient. Perhaps my vibrator stopped working.

🤣🤣🤣👍 Thanks @TroysMammy. That gave me a good belly laugh.

OP, YANBU, you are very wise. Enjoy feeling lighter; make time to care for and pamper yourself and I hope your little ones are feeling much better soon.

scarpa · 17/10/2021 15:02

@thepeopleversuswork

YANBU.

I am nearly 50 and absolutely certain I will never live with a man again.

Cohabitation is massively over-rated. Unless you have kids with someone there is no upside and all downside.

I find it really encouraging that so many younger women are realising this too.

That's a HUGE sweeping statement! I know plenty of women are happier living alone and I think we should absolutely encourage women not to see their life goal as finding a partner and 'settling down'.

But if you're saying you can't see there are upsides to happy, mutually beneficial cohabitation with someone you have a good relationship with, you're being obtuse. Aside from the mushy nonsense like being able to hang out with someone I love every day, there are real, crucial benefits to cohabitation - especially at a time where property has never been more expensive and many young people will struggle to buy a home without doing it with someone else. Plus - not having to do all the washing, cleaning, decorating, furniture building, cooking etc by yourself, surely that's a benefit?

The only way there are no benefits to cohabitation is if you live with an arsehole who doesn't pull their weight domestically or pay their way, and/or who isn't a nice person and therefore makes life at home horrible. That's not a problem of cohabitation, it's of the people you're cohabiting with.

crochetmonkey74 · 17/10/2021 15:35

@AICM

I sometimes feel that women saying they never want to live with a man again would, in some cases, want to but can't find one. They then say they don't want a man to protect themselves disappointment.

I dont think men are hard to find 😂😂😂

Fleek · 17/10/2021 16:26

Aside from the mushy nonsense like being able to hang out with someone I love every day, there are real, crucial benefits to cohabitation - especially at a time where property has never been more expensive and many young people will struggle to buy a home without doing it with someone else. Plus - not having to do all the washing, cleaning, decorating, furniture building, cooking etc by yourself, surely that's a benefit?

This!

Being happily single is great and society would be enriched if more women felt confident living alone and doing their own thing. But quite often these threads fill with people saying 'I'm happy but if anything happened to my partner I'd stay single as I'd be fine like that.' And it's all this hypothetical thing from people who haven't experienced the reality of it over the longer term.

Yes, being single long term can have massive benefits. Some of the downsides I've experienced include missing someone to make you a cup of coffee after a long week when you're feeling run down, someone taking over the cooking or coming up with a new recipe you wouldn't have thought to look up. Someone to share all the little ups and downs - it gets you down after a while when you've had really great or difficult news and there is no significant other to really share your joy in a way busy friends don't have time for. I have a major life decision to make in the next year and even just having to make that alone and it not affecting a significant other (financially, emotionally) is lonely. Friends aren't really invested even if I could talk it through with them because it's not their life, a partner would be someone to mull it over with properly and be a source of support through the difficult bits of carrying it out.

So yes, I definitely wouldn't settle for a crappy partner and I really mean that, but I also believe a good relationships is preferable to being alone by far.

24 is generally too young to close yourself off to a decent relationship, but do what's right for you OP.

sandragreen · 17/10/2021 16:55

This is an interesting thread.

There are plenty of ways of cohabiting that don't involve romantic relationships, so for those who just don't like being alone, being saddled with a romantic partner isn't the only other option. I know plenty of people who live happily with parents, siblings, other family members.

DD (24) and her friends mostly live with friends. One group of three have bought a flat together and have been there for three years so far without any issues.

For me, I am in mid fifties and have lived with partners and lived alone throughout my life. I know that for me I am much happier living alone.

There's been lost of research on this - I recall seeing a Canadian report that found the rankings of happiness were as follows (assume married includes other romantic partnerships:

Happiest:
Married Men
Single Women
Married Women
Single Men

PP are not wrong when they say the institution of marriage and living in a romantic partnership suit the patriarchy.

Original poster

heywassuphello · 17/10/2021 18:22

@AICM with respect: thats bollocks

OP posts:

HarebrightCedarmoon · 18/10/2021 05:33

@Fleek

Aside from the mushy nonsense like being able to hang out with someone I love every day, there are real, crucial benefits to cohabitation - especially at a time where property has never been more expensive and many young people will struggle to buy a home without doing it with someone else. Plus - not having to do all the washing, cleaning, decorating, furniture building, cooking etc by yourself, surely that's a benefit?

This!

Being happily single is great and society would be enriched if more women felt confident living alone and doing their own thing. But quite often these threads fill with people saying 'I'm happy but if anything happened to my partner I'd stay single as I'd be fine like that.' And it's all this hypothetical thing from people who haven't experienced the reality of it over the longer term.

Yes, being single long term can have massive benefits. Some of the downsides I've experienced include missing someone to make you a cup of coffee after a long week when you're feeling run down, someone taking over the cooking or coming up with a new recipe you wouldn't have thought to look up. Someone to share all the little ups and downs - it gets you down after a while when you've had really great or difficult news and there is no significant other to really share your joy in a way busy friends don't have time for. I have a major life decision to make in the next year and even just having to make that alone and it not affecting a significant other (financially, emotionally) is lonely. Friends aren't really invested even if I could talk it through with them because it's not their life, a partner would be someone to mull it over with properly and be a source of support through the difficult bits of carrying it out.

So yes, I definitely wouldn't settle for a crappy partner and I really mean that, but I also believe a good relationships is preferable to being alone by far.

24 is generally too young to close yourself off to a decent relationship, but do what's right for you OP.

The point is that people have been in relationships but have seen few, or none of those benefits, but a ton of disadvantages. Most men still believe fundamentally that housework and childcare is women's work.

Inthesameboatatmo · 18/10/2021 06:07

Nope never again.
I'm mid 40s and I do not want another man in my house full time ever again.

userxx · 18/10/2021 06:30

@AICM

I sometimes feel that women saying they never want to live with a man again would, in some cases, want to but can't find one. They then say they don't want a man to protect themselves disappointment.

🤣🤣 give over.

SuperSange · 18/10/2021 06:36

My gran had been alone for about 20 years after my granda died; I remember she had a 'man Freind' who used to go to the local community centre dance club with her and he'd obviously mentioned perhaps becoming more serious. I can remember her baking and saying very sternly' he's a nice man, but I'm not having anyone getting their feet under my table'. 😂😂😂

HarebrightCedarmoon · 18/10/2021 07:06

Yes exactly. After my DF's mum died young, in her 40s, DF's dad, my grandad, met B some years later, who had also lost her DH young. She was like another grandma to me and they were together for years, but never got married or lived together. Very modern of them, I thought and a good thing too (this was the 1970s/80s).

logsonlogsoff · 18/10/2021 07:10

Having witnessed what a lot of my friends seem to have to put up with to have a man in their house/life, I don’t blame you!
I have a wife rather than a DH and I honestly don’t understand why they put up with half the sh&t they do!

DrSbaitso · 18/10/2021 07:23

@AICM

I sometimes feel that women saying they never want to live with a man again would, in some cases, want to but can't find one. They then say they don't want a man to protect themselves disappointment.

Yes, I bet you do. I've seen your posts!

chillied · 18/10/2021 07:26

Daily Mash article:

www.thedailymash.co.uk/uncategorized/every-female-organism-on-earth-to-get-divorced-after-hearing-new-adele-song-20211015213216

BringMeTea · 18/10/2021 07:34

Lol at AICM. You keep telling yourself that. I live with a truly lovely man but I totally relate to this thread. I KNOW I would be very happy living alone.
OP, sorry for your troubles. They will ease over time. You will be happy. Take good care of yourself.

LuaDipa · 18/10/2021 10:28

My dm has been alone for years since my ddad died. As I grew up and started to worry about her being alone I nagged her to try and meet someone else but she used to say ‘What do I need a man for? I’ve had my children..’. It’s only as I’ve got older that I understand. And in fairness she is definitely living her best life, you need an appointment to visit as she is so busy!

I love dh to bits and he’s far nicer than lots of the specimens I read about on here, but if anything were to happen I would never live with another man again simply because why would I?

5128gap · 18/10/2021 11:12

Stating the obvious, but living with a good one makes life easier and better, a not so good one makes it harder and worse. At 24 you have so many people you have yet to meet, and so many life stages ahead, that its difficult to know what you will want forever. You're doing what's right for you now, and that's the important thing. Just resolve to always do that, whatever it looks like.

anthurium · 18/10/2021 11:23

Sharing finances/property is a risk women/men take for the advantages of the positives of a being in a relationship: companionship/to abate loneliness/want to share things/life with someone/and now the more cynical reasons: financial benefits/share the financial burden/inability to support yourself financially/fear of being alone...

I lived with two partners in both cases my financial situation was not good so in a way I'd 'needed' them (and the second partner in particular needed me financially too so we 'used' each other).

Roll on ten years, aged 39, I now own my property/am in a much better financial situation/have a baby on the way (solo parent to be) and I cannot conceive how/why I'd risk my security for moving a man in...I'd still like a relationship when I'm ready though (together but apart would suit me I think)! I'm just too cynical (wise?) to risk it all for 'romance' - I want all the fun without the risks with a man. It's just too late now for romantic, irresponsible gestures!

heedsare · 18/10/2021 12:01

I'm the same at 29

mrsnoodle55 · 18/10/2021 12:28

My mum was widowed at 52 and stated categorically she would never contemplate another relationship. And they had a happy marriage.

She’s now 78 and has stuck to her word; it’s definitely been the right decision for her.

5128gap · 18/10/2021 12:43

@AICM

I sometimes feel that women saying they never want to live with a man again would, in some cases, want to but can't find one. They then say they don't want a man to protect themselves disappointment.

Deciding she doesn't want to live with a man again is certainly one way a woman can protect herself from disappointment.

AngelDelight28 · 18/10/2021 12:47

If you've broken up literally yesterday then it's normal to feel that way. I hope you're Ok. As to your question, you may or may not live with someone again, no one knows how they'll feel in the future.
My mum was happily on her own for 20 years after leaving my dad and said she doesn't want to be with a man ever again. Then met someone in her retirement complex at 70 and now they live together.
I'm happily married but if we were to split I would stay single until my children leave home. I don't want to go down the step families route, can't think of anything worse (no disrespect to people with step families, I just know it's not for me).

anthurium · 18/10/2021 12:49

@5128gap

Indeed

@AICM

I really have a lot to lose now (property/disturbing my soon chikd-to-be)...I manage well on my own (outsource jobs I can't do myself - pay tradesmen if need be/sometimes ask for help from friends ...otherwise I'm okay alone! Before I was pregnant, I had a 'boyfriend/FWB' so had the sleepovers/fun/sex/male companionship... It suited us not to be round each other all the time

anthurium · 18/10/2021 12:50

I meant a happy indeed @5128gap*! Wrong emoji!!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 18/10/2021 12:51

@5128gap

Stating the obvious, but living with a good one makes life easier and better, a not so good one makes it harder and worse. At 24 you have so many people you have yet to meet, and so many life stages ahead, that its difficult to know what you will want forever. You're doing what's right for you now, and that's the important thing. Just resolve to always do that, whatever it looks like.

Living with a man would not make my life easier or better, no matter how good he was.