Page 4 | To be 24 and never want to live with a man again?

EdHelpPls · 16/10/2021 07:06

I'm sorry to hear kids aren't well. Hopefully it's a quick and smooth recovery.

I'm mid thirties now and I knew in early 20s I'm happier being single (I had 1 DD) but pressure from others made me force myself into a relationship.. and now I'm single again for last 6 years but have 2 additional kids. I don't regret them but I do wish I'd had the courage to just say I KNOW I'm happier single.

Chickydoo · 16/10/2021 07:17

YANBU
Been living with DH for 30 years.
I am thinking of divorce, his behaviour is worse than a teenager, whatever happens I will never live with a man again. Lazy, entitled, greedy, needy, untidy, rude smelly Feckers! Can't see the upside really. I would rather have a dog and I'm not all that keen on dogs.

Noluthando · 16/10/2021 07:27

I'm 45, have lived with one man, to whom I am married and have lived with for 10 years, (except shared houses) and never want to live with a man again. I have dreams of cohabiting with my best mate when we're old ladies , like the golden girls
...

Noluthando · 16/10/2021 07:28

And he's nice !

Waxonwaxoff0 · 16/10/2021 08:33

@SoLoveless

Biggest thank you to this thread and the comments!!

I’m 35 and I’ve never been in a relationship, the past few years I’ve had some personal/existential crisis about it, but this thread helps a little to see that maybe relationships are not all that.

They really aren't in my opinion. I like being single far more than being in a relationship.

userxx · 16/10/2021 08:45

@nancybotwinbloom

I think there is a lot to be said for this.

My auntie is 60. Been with her partner for 20 years. She refuses to get married or live together. Sees him mid week once and he stays over on a weekend.

She's very happy.

He's just bought her a 2 carat commitment ring. She's living her best life. I envy her.

Perfect!! I much prefer dating and living separately. Not such why I didn't stick with that myself.

billy1966 · 16/10/2021 09:07

I have at least 6 unmarried friends who live alone.

They have great lives!

They would no more share a home with a man now, they enjoy their lovely homes too much.

They do date and one has been seeing a nice man for a year, but has zero intention or interest in ever changing her living arrangements.

"Together but apart" is an expression I came across on mainland Europe for long term relationships that do not share a home....all the upsides, none of the downsides.

OP,
I hope you have support.

Lockeddownagain · 16/10/2021 09:12

At 24 I hadn't even met my now husband let alone lived with a man 24 is so young to be bringing up kids I'm not surprised you are done but maybe you'll meet a decent person in time I'm not saying u have to I'm just saying don't write it off xx

Claudethecat · 16/10/2021 09:24

@Chickydoo

YANBU Been living with DH for 30 years. I am thinking of divorce, his behaviour is worse than a teenager, whatever happens I will never live with a man again. Lazy, entitled, greedy, needy, untidy, rude smelly Feckers! Can't see the upside really. I would rather have a dog and I'm not all that keen on dogs.

Has he always been like that? Some men seem to get really grumpy and difficult as they get older.

Claudethecat · 16/10/2021 09:29

OP I am sorry your relationship ended. I don't blame you at all for not wanting to live with another man again. Even the best of them can be bloody difficult. They all have misogyny deeply ingrained to some extent IMHO.

TheNoodlesIncident · 16/10/2021 10:33

@nancybotwinbloom

I think there is a lot to be said for this.

My auntie is 60. Been with her partner for 20 years. She refuses to get married or live together. Sees him mid week once and he stays over on a weekend.

She's very happy.

He's just bought her a 2 carat commitment ring. She's living her best life. I envy her.

My FIL had separated from MIL long ago and he had a lovely relationship with another partner. Both FIL and his new partner kept their existing homes which were really close - they could go to windows in their respective houses and wave to the other - but had a lovely relationship for over twenty years.

Seems like the best of both worlds to me. A bit of space, both looking after themselves but having a loving partner just across the road. Blissful! (Obviously they could have lived together far more cheaply than separately, but cost clearly not an important issue for either of them.)

I'm sorry your life has gone a little pear-shaped OP, but you might see this as a positive in the end. You do seem to be looking at it with perspective, I believe you can and will make the best of things whatever happens.

thereisonlyoneofme · 16/10/2021 11:56

I was married for 45 years until OHs death. I think I should never have got married in the first place, Ive been on my own now for 10 years and love it mostly, except when you need someone to shift the furniture !

WeAllHaveWings · 16/10/2021 12:26

@PotteringAlong

You’re 24. You’ve got about 70 years of life left. You won’t be middle aged until 2042. I wouldn’t make pronouncements about how the rest of your life will go at 24!

This is so true. I remember saying similar to a 21 year old lad at work who was adamant, for many reasons around being the oldest child in a dysfunctional blended family which left him with various issues, he never wanted children. It was a pretty full on discussion and he wouldn't budge a millimetre that even though he had made that decision now there was even the slightest chance as he was so young he might change his mind later in his life (honestly it was also light-hearted/fun for both of us).

We both left that work place, nice lad but didn't know each other well enough to keep in touch, but he sought me out on Facebook 10 years later and sent a message and photo of him, his toddler and his second child, just to say he had been thinking of our discussion and wanted to just let me know I was right 🤣

I also know someone who has had a partner for 20 years (both had their own adult children) and they happily live separately so they have their own space with no plans to live together.

dh and I have been together for 30 years, but have our own bedrooms as that suits us best.

op, do whatever is best for you, but always keep an open mind, you never know what is around the corner and that's what keeps life interesting!

drunkenflamingo2 · 16/10/2021 13:12

[quote TroysMammy]@drunkenflamingo2 shove the leftovers in the freezer and use them when you cba to make something or have the same meal 2 days running. A man is not the reason to reduce your leftovers.[/quote]
I do, but I often cook a really nice meal and think, awwww, would be nice for someone to share it with me....
But you're right, its definitely not enough!
I love this thread, its very validating.

TicTac80 · 16/10/2021 13:33

I should have thought like you when I was 24. The only thing I don't regret is my 2 DC. The only people I would want to live with are my DC...and my cats.

Musttryharder2021 · 16/10/2021 14:19

@Claudethecat

OP I am sorry your relationship ended. I don't blame you at all for not wanting to live with another man again. Even the best of them can be bloody difficult. They all have misogyny deeply ingrained to some extent IMHO.

@Claudethecat

I agree with your comments Op, I've found this to be the case too "ingrained misogyny".

scarpa · 16/10/2021 15:41

I thought this at 23/24 - my ex was awful to live with (as well as to be in a relationship with). Couldn't imagine voluntarily sharing space with anyone else again and was perfectly happy with it!

Then I met DH at 26 and after 2 years we moved in together and now 6 years later I would hate to live without him and he's my best mate who I get to share a house with. SO you might change your mind but it's also absolutely fine if you don't.

If someone is a good partner, overall, they're more likely to be good to live with - if they're thoughtless and selfish in your relationship, they're more likely to be that way round the house and in terms of sharing the domestic load and making the emotional atmosphere bad. If they're thoughtful, considerate, kind - then you'll be able to work through the living together stuff much more easily!

25yearsnhsworker · 16/10/2021 15:51

Been with partner 12 years never lived together and love it. Live 4 miles apart, see each other weekends only. Occasionally go away for a night.
Would be cheaper for us to live together but our relationship would suffer.

Original poster

heywassuphello · 16/10/2021 19:51

Loving reading all these success stories!! Thank you to those that have sent well wishes, my mum is being amazing and ex has taken the older ds for the night so I have the tiny one who is actually sleeping quite well despite his blocked nose. Just taking it one day at a time atm.

Aspiring to be most of you!!😂

OP posts:

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 16/10/2021 19:55

It took me 59 years to realise I can't live with men and never will again. Well done realising that earlier.

5foot5 · 16/10/2021 20:33

Do you think you just might have been too young to get married?

This.

You say you have been together 6 years so you must have only been 18 when you got together. I know I changed a lot between 18 and 24 and DH insists I would have hated him if I had known him when he was that age.

As it is I met DH when I was 22, started going out with him at 23 and we were married and started living together when I was 24.

I am 59 now and he is 63 and we are still happily together and can't envisage not being.

Enjoy being single again and certainly don't be desperate to find anyone else. But don't assume that you will never meet the right man for you

PinkSyCo · 16/10/2021 20:46

I’m 50 and haven’t lived with a man since I split with my ex husband 15 years ago. I absolutely love having nobody but myself to answer to and wouldn’t live with a man again if you paid me.

Original poster

heywassuphello · 16/10/2021 20:58

@5foot5

Do you think you just might have been too young to get married?

This.

You say you have been together 6 years so you must have only been 18 when you got together. I know I changed a lot between 18 and 24 and DH insists I would have hated him if I had known him when he was that age.

As it is I met DH when I was 22, started going out with him at 23 and we were married and started living together when I was 24.

I am 59 now and he is 63 and we are still happily together and can't envisage not being.

Enjoy being single again and certainly don't be desperate to find anyone else. But don't assume that you will never meet the right man for you

This poster wasn't referring to me! But thank you for your advice

OP posts:

FOJN · 16/10/2021 21:14

But don't assume that you will never meet the right man for you

It's great that you are happy and have a successful partnership but please don't assume singledom is simply a case of not meeting the "right man". Some of us aren't even looking, we enjoy single life so much that we can't imagine a man would enhance it. You can't envisage life without your husband and some of us can't envisage life with a man.

Suggesting that meeting the "right man" is key to a successful life a implies that a life lived any other way is a miserable failure and most of us here just feel liberated from those ideas and enjoy our independence.

5foot5 · 16/10/2021 21:25

This poster wasn't referring to me!

Ah sorry. Yes I see that now. But actually much the same applies, even if you did not actually marry you seem to have been in the relationship since you were 18.

Nothing at all wrong with deciding you want to stay single and independent. But it is probably a bit drastic to write off all men for ever because of one failed relationship. I guess the best thing is to happily live your life without worrying unduly about finding anyone else, but if you do come across someone who you get on well with then see how it goes. It works for me because I have always considered DH to be my best friend and vice versa.

Incidentally I have a DD who is a little older than you and still happily single. I would rather see her like that then tied to some arsehole. However, if she did ever take up with some really nice bloke then that would be great. I trust her judgement in these things.