Would you keep the baby in this situation

[springturnips]

An acquaintance who I speak to has occasionally was telling me a fiends daughter is pregnant after a one night stand at uni. I know it's none of my business but it got me wondering if you were in that position would you continue with the pregnancy or not. When we were discussing it we both said we personally wouldn't but there's no right or wrong answer and it's up to the woman to decide what's best for her.

@LemonTT

@ Glassofshloer

You might not be offended by the anti abortion language on here but it has upset other people who read it.

You just have to read the comment that a baby is being prevented from being borne. It’s totally callous and thoughtless.

The semantics are important here, very important.

If they can’t be described as ‘babies’ then there’s no such thing as ‘baby loss’ before 24 weeks. ‘Sorry for the miscarriage of your fetus’ is just horrible. I chose to terminate my pregnancy, other women don’t have a ‘choice’ if the baby is very poorly or stillborn/miscarried. I do not wish to change the language to justify my own decision and trivialise their loss in the process. Leave it be.

No I wouldn't in that scenario

There’s a “pregnancy choices” board for this

No, but that's me. My sisters keeping her baby by a man who wants nothing to do with her after a FWB situation. She thought she was infertile. I wouldn't keep it but clearly she would.

@UnLunDun

I did. Was disowned by my parents for doing so. Wouldn’t have my life any other way, I’m truly blessed.

I'm so sorry that happened to you but so glad that it was the right decision for you long-term.

I just can't understand that attitude, I couldn't imagine disowning my DD and grandchild, I'd want to help them.

I just can't understand that attitude, I couldn't imagine disowning my DD and grandchild, I'd want to help them.

My parents disowned my older sister when she fell pregnant at 19.

I was 7 at the time and my over riding memory is of her phoning one morning and crying and begging for my mum to come to the hospital as she was about to have a section as was alone and terrified. I remember my mum hanging up and saying she’s made her bed, she has to lie in it. I hated her for that and never forgot it, even at 7 I couldn’t understand how you would do that to your terrified child.

@springturnips

According to my friend she's not going to tell the father about the pregnancy and has moved back home and deleted everyone from uni from social media and her life.

That doesn't sound heathy and mature enough to parent...

Personally, I would absolutely not continue pregnancy in this situation.

I kept the baby I fell pregnant with at 18. I was in a different position though. I had no real direction and was just a bit of a waste of space really. She made me sort my life out and make something of myself. So for me it was absolutely the right choice.

Every situation is individual and every person is different. It’s not for anyone to say what is right for anyone else. It has to be down to what’s right at that time for that individual.

I would. I’m pro choice but for me that means making the choice to keep the baby, barring medical reasons.

@Siriisatwat that is so awful. Did they ever reconcile? Could she ever forgive them

[quote Porcupineintherough]@Siriisatwat that is so awful. Did they ever reconcile? Could she ever forgive them[/quote]
My mum died 5 years later and became a saint, as people tend to do. I will never understand that, and I will never remember her as a good person.

They sort of reconciled, but she would never help out. Would watch her struggle with money, tiredness and wouldn’t help. Refused to let her move home when she asked to. Pretty awful really.

I would move heaven and earth to help any of my children.

@Nonicknamesforcatapillars

I kept the baby I fell pregnant with at 18. I was in a different position though. I had no real direction and was just a bit of a waste of space really. She made me sort my life out and make something of myself. So for me it was absolutely the right choice.

Every situation is individual and every person is different. It’s not for anyone to say what is right for anyone else. It has to be down to what’s right at that time for that individual.

I don't know how you could have been a waste of space when you step up so decisively and went on to make something of yourself.

You sound amazing.

I wasn't really pro choice at that age so I probably would have kept it. With the benefit of age - I am very pro choice now (as late as necessary) but I also see the benefits of having children at that age, and there are many. So I still think I would keep it.

Fathers are often blamed for the hard line taken with young pregnancies but from the stories I have heard over the years, mothers were often just as unforgiving.

How anyone could abandon a child like thatvis beyond me.
They certainly couldn't love them.
What a grief for you to witness @Siriisatwat.
How complicated for your memory of her.

I did. Although I was on a gap year rather than at uni. I was still 19 and there was no father in the picture at all (I'd had a "holiday fling" so it wasn't quite a one night stand but definitely over).

It really does depend on each woman's circumstances though. I was in the enviable position of knowing that my parents would help and support me. I came home and stayed with them until DD was 18 months old, and even when we moved out they still did all my childcare until she was 7. If I hadn't had that support network/safety net then it would have been a very, very different prospect. I suspect I would have still kept the baby but it would have been a much harder decision and DD would have had a very different, more difficult, childhood.