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Original poster

Would you keep the baby in this situation

140 replies

springturnips · 15/10/2021 17:54

An acquaintance who I speak to has occasionally was telling me a fiends daughter is pregnant after a one night stand at uni. I know it's none of my business but it got me wondering if you were in that position would you continue with the pregnancy or not. When we were discussing it we both said we personally wouldn't but there's no right or wrong answer and it's up to the woman to decide what's best for her.

OP posts:
starrynight21 · 16/10/2021 03:55

I was in that situation and I terminated the pregnancy. Other women might want to keep it - it's a very personal choice.

Greytminds · 16/10/2021 04:01

I personally wouldn’t. I got my pregnant with my now DH when we first met due to a sickness bug whilst on the pill. I terminated then, and it was the right decision but I did wish that I’d been brave enough to keep it sometimes and I admire those who do decide to do just that. I wouldn’t judge either way.

Kanaloa · 16/10/2021 04:02

Depends. I had my first two children as a teenager but I wasn’t giving much up.

If she has a nice boyfriend, supportive family etc then I see why she would keep the baby. It’s all up to specific people isn’t it, what’s right for one person isn’t right for the next.

Coyoacan · 16/10/2021 04:19

Well a pregnancy after a one-night stand isn't ideal as you run the risk of the father refusing to be involved or being absolutely appalling. But as I was never very fertile, I probably wouldn't have had an abortion for fear of it being my last chance.

As it I only ever had one pregnancy and I wasn't as careful as I should have been with birth control

Cameleongirl · 16/10/2021 04:34

I personally wouldn't have, because I wouldn't have had the support I'd have needed to raise the child. I wasn't particularly mature at 18 and my parents couldn't have helped much, they had a lot of health problems.

I've told DD (16) that if she has an unplanned pregnancy she should make whatever decision is right for her, but that her Dad and I would help her if she did decide to have the baby. I don't mean that in an interfering way, just that we would want her to still be able to pursue her education and career if she wanted to.

UnLunDun · 16/10/2021 05:39

I did. Was disowned by my parents for doing so. Wouldn’t have my life any other way, I’m truly blessed.

LemonTT · 16/10/2021 06:03

The best thing to do in these circumstances is not to use the phrase “keeping the baby” to someone considering ending a pregnancy.

I’d advise the people using this phrase to think about what they are saying and what they mean. It’s the language and playbook of Texas state legislatures. They argue there is a “baby’s” life to save or keep to stop abortion and to shame and condemn women who end pregnancies.

ThirdElephant · 16/10/2021 06:18

There may well be a difference between what you 'would do', sitting behind your computer screen and totally removed from the situation, and what you would actually do faced with it in real life.

Glassofshloer · 16/10/2021 07:41

@LemonTT

The best thing to do in these circumstances is not to use the phrase “keeping the baby” to someone considering ending a pregnancy.

I’d advise the people using this phrase to think about what they are saying and what they mean. It’s the language and playbook of Texas state legislatures. They argue there is a “baby’s” life to save or keep to stop abortion and to shame and condemn women who end pregnancies.

Well as previously stated I have had a termination, and take no issue with this phrase at all. Let’s focus on this issue at hand rather than semantics. Sometimes they matter but most of the time they don’t, and changing them just serves to create more offence than was ever intended.
Dillyjones72 · 16/10/2021 07:44

Depends how far along as I wouldn’t have had an abortion, but would have taken the ‘morning’ after pill. Although I fully support a woman’s right to choose her own path.

Dillyjones72 · 16/10/2021 07:49

‘The best thing to do in these circumstances is not to use the phrase “keeping the baby” to someone considering ending a pregnancy.’

As a baby is quite literally what your body is growing I see no issue with that phrase. Friends I know who decided on abortions knew that they were preventing a baby from being born and made their decisions knowing that and knowing that it was still the right choice for them at that time. The only one with regrets, as far as I know, is the woman who has fertility issues and has been told that it’s very unlikely she’ll ever carry a baby to full term even if she could get pregnant. Although obvs she may not have carried the pregnancy she had to full term, she wonders what if a lot…

nothingbutthetruthsohelp · 16/10/2021 07:57

No I would not

Moonbabysmum · 16/10/2021 08:07

I'd have kept it, as I wouldn't have an abortion unless continuing would be life threatening or the baby would have very severe disabilities/was terminally ill.

But a baby really would not have been ideal.

I'm struggling to think of a scenario where I'd have a ONS as a student though - I stayed celibate until my mid 20s, as I didn't want a contraceptive failure, and then used both the pill and condoms, because I knew abortion wouldn't have been an option for me.

3WildOnes · 16/10/2021 08:18

I got pregnant whilst at uni and kept the baby. It was with a boyfriend (now husband) rather than a one night stand. I don’t regret that decision at all. The only circumstances I would have an abortion would be if the pregnancy was life threatening.

Ledition · 16/10/2021 08:24

No definitely not but I know numerous women who have done exactly that. It always boggled my mind. They are great mothers but there has been so much wasted potential. However, I live in Ireland and Catholic rhetoric around abortion runs deep. The girls in question all came from rather "traditional" families so I can only assume the "shame" of a one night stand pregnancy was less than the shame of an abortion.

Andrewthecharminbumwiper · 16/10/2021 08:40

Now I would keep it (mature student retraining, wanting to meet someone and have kids). As an 18 year old undergrad I wouldn't have.

billy1966 · 16/10/2021 09:24

Absolutely not.

I supported friends years ago that this happened to and I would fully support my daughters if it happened.

There is no way I would in any way I would encourage them to completely upend their life for a one night stand.

I would be horrified in fact at any suggestion of not.

Hope to goodness it never happens.
Good contraception is very important.🤞

TableFlowerss · 16/10/2021 09:39

@fuckitbucket16

Mumsnet is the wrong place to ask.

I find the attitude towards abortion around here insane and I’m very much pro choice. Unfortunately for a lot on here, “pro choice” actually means “pro abortion”. Anyone wanting to keep their babies under less than ideal circumstances are told how stupid they are.

Hmm

I think it’s a great place ask for advice as there are people from all walks of life on here.

They are told how difficult it would be under the circumstances by people that have babies and know how life changing it is. Someone comes on asking for advice and that’s what they get.

Do you think that if they asked their family and friends their thoughts, they’d all be ‘definitely keep it, best decision ever…’ I highly doubt it.

shouldistop · 16/10/2021 09:46

@tillytoodles1 you wouldn't be having sex out of wedlock though anyway so I suppose you'd never be in that position.

Mreggsworth · 16/10/2021 10:16

No I wouldn't. I know life throws unexpected things at you and life doesn't always go to plan, but at that age I wanted the ability to plan my life as much as possible. I wanted to have a stable committed relationship, get my degree, get a job, go travelling, get a house, spend my late 20's building up my career saving money and enjoying freedom to travel and do as I please, then maybe marriage then babies. I'm currently on that path and having a baby at that age would have thrown all that off completely.

Ledition · 16/10/2021 10:27

I don’t think anyone knows for sure until it happens!

I can say without a shadow of doubt that I would have had an abortion in these circumstances. Having a baby young/without a partner was just never going to be an option for me.

MrsToothyBitch · 16/10/2021 10:32

In her situation I would terminate. But that's me. I was no way ready and had nothing to give at 22. If she wants to go ahead, good luck to her.

Now, coupled up at 31 we're not trying but have agreed that we'd keep an accident as long as it's healthy.

LemonTT · 16/10/2021 10:33

@ Glassofshloer

You might not be offended by the anti abortion language on here but it has upset other people who read it.

You just have to read the comment that a baby is being prevented from being borne. It’s totally callous and thoughtless.

The semantics are important here, very important.

WoodchipNightmares · 16/10/2021 10:34

I wouldn't have

Original poster
springturnips · 16/10/2021 12:50

According to my friend she's not going to tell the father about the pregnancy and has moved back home and deleted everyone from uni from social media and her life.

OP posts: