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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you keep the baby in this situation

140 replies

springturnips · 15/10/2021 17:54

An acquaintance who I speak to has occasionally was telling me a fiends daughter is pregnant after a one night stand at uni. I know it's none of my business but it got me wondering if you were in that position would you continue with the pregnancy or not. When we were discussing it we both said we personally wouldn't but there's no right or wrong answer and it's up to the woman to decide what's best for her.

OP posts:
springturnips · 15/10/2021 18:21

She's 18

OP posts:
fourandnomore · 15/10/2021 18:23

My friend had an abortion in the same situation and it was definitely the right choice for her. Another friend had her baby in that situation and that worked out well for her. It’s totally up to the individual.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/10/2021 18:25

I don’t think anyone knows for sure until it happens!

bubblebath62636 · 15/10/2021 18:28

I had DD1 at 18, 12 years later I'm married to someone else and have another child.

However I was very naive when younger and didn't realise just how much children impact your life.

Cinematik · 15/10/2021 18:29

I didn’t. No regrets.

peboh · 15/10/2021 18:31

I believe I would, abortion just isn't something that I could personally do. However I'm absolutely pro choice, and believe everybody should make the right decision for themselves and their situations.

RobinPenguins · 15/10/2021 18:33

Personally, no fucking way. But I do know someone who was in this situation when we started uni, she had a lot of family support and kept the baby, has had a happy and successful career and her son is a fantastic young man who is now off to uni himself.

DampSquidGames · 15/10/2021 18:40

I did, my DS is 33 now, I’m pretty certain he’s happy to be alive. He’s a lovely young man.

dworky · 15/10/2021 18:44

Never judge another woman's situation regarding pregnancy.
Her business, alone.

expat101 · 15/10/2021 18:45

If I had found out early enough , then I would have terminated.

If it had been my DD, the decision totally up to her, but I would do whatever to support her and the baby so she would continue her education and then career.

Ironically the other day, I read a fb post written by a young woman from dd’s school who had a baby very young, looking for food parcels.

She had been in a steady relationship with support from mum and gran at the time.

DriftingBlue · 15/10/2021 18:49

For me personally, pregnancy during university, even with a long term partner means abortion. For me personally, keeping a pregnancy only became an option once I had completed my education and started a career.

Mymapuddlington · 15/10/2021 18:51

I would with the benefit of hindsight and having had a termination.
However assuming I didn’t know the future I wouldn’t.

RonaKnob · 15/10/2021 18:52

Personally I wouldn't. But that's more to do with not wanting children than the means of conception.

I had a friend at college as a teenager who kept the pregnancy in this situation. She'd had cancer treatment as a young child and been told she would be infertile as a result. The assumed infertility devastated her as she grew older and understood the ramifications. She decided she couldn't give up on her miracle (not only had she been told she was infertile, she'd been on contraceptives for heavy periods and the guy used a condom. That baby wanted to be born she always said.)

You don't always know a person's whole history and what factors in their decision making.

RandomMess · 15/10/2021 18:53

2 girls part of a house share, one didn't keep it and never had anymore DC (not sure if that was due to infertility) and only settled down much later in life. The other went on to have a large family.

Tal45 · 15/10/2021 18:53

God no.

Bigoldhag · 15/10/2021 18:56

Close friend did, but she was too late finding out to discuss abortion. She doesn’t bave tegrets but she has said privately that if she had her time again she’d have been very happy to wait ten years!!

notacooldad · 15/10/2021 18:56

I think I may know what I would have done but the reality could be different.
However there's no right or wrong answer and it's up to the woman to decide what's best for her this is the most important bit.

Thesearmsofmine · 15/10/2021 18:57

My first was conceived in a similar situation(a bit older but not in a relationship). He is nearly 11, I’m married to his dad and I have no regrets.
If you had asked me beforehand, I would probably have said I wouldn’t keep the baby and I did consider abortion but it wasn’t for me at that moment in time. Nobody really knows what they would do until in that situation themselves.

Embroidery · 15/10/2021 18:57

I would keep the baby. Itll be the making of her.

JudgementalCactus · 15/10/2021 18:59

Nope.

TheShades · 15/10/2021 18:59

Yes, I would. I'm absolutely pro choice but I can't imagine considering an abortion myself unless the circumstances were horrific/traumatic.

Patapouf · 15/10/2021 19:01

Yikes I think I wouldn't stay pregnant, no. I'm super pro choice but I think it's a decision I'd probably actually really struggle to follow through on. I think that's clouded by the fact I'm not a uni student who is pregnant following a one night stand though Grin

Cryalot2 · 15/10/2021 19:02

I don't think you can assume until you are in that position.
I would think that I would keep it .

GregoryFluff · 15/10/2021 19:04

I would have a termination

MysweetAudrina · 15/10/2021 19:07

I did at 18. He is 28 now. Best thing I ever did. Never held me back. Made me determined to build a good life for him. His gf recently thanked me for not getting the boat (Irish).

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