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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you keep the baby in this situation

140 replies

springturnips · 15/10/2021 17:54

An acquaintance who I speak to has occasionally was telling me a fiends daughter is pregnant after a one night stand at uni. I know it's none of my business but it got me wondering if you were in that position would you continue with the pregnancy or not. When we were discussing it we both said we personally wouldn't but there's no right or wrong answer and it's up to the woman to decide what's best for her.

OP posts:
CaribouCarafe · 15/10/2021 20:46

I would've.

TractorAndHeadphones · 15/10/2021 20:52

The only time I would keep a baby is when married (for legal, not moral reasons). So no.

TractorAndHeadphones · 15/10/2021 20:59

Also OP when you think about it - a lot of it depends on circumstances.
I'm a foreigner here and not entitled to benefits - if I had a baby I'd have to leave. It costs thousands of pounds to study here so all of that would be gone just like that.

If I was in my home country my parents would take care of it while I continued uni... so I might have kept it.

Peggytheredhen · 15/10/2021 21:00

It's completely personal, and everyone's choice in that situation is valid. From a black and white perspective, I think she would be selling herself short.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 15/10/2021 21:28

I wouldn't have continued in that situation. At uni at least of two of my friends terminated pregnancy's after one night stands.

tootootaataa · 15/10/2021 21:32

Nope

DramaAlpaca · 15/10/2021 21:33

I'm pro-choice and would never judge another woman, but for myself I don't think I could terminate a pregnancy. I'd have gone ahead.

TheLastLonelyBakedBeanInTheTin · 15/10/2021 21:34

I've never had an abortion and doubt I ever will, but I 100% believe in a woman's right to choose. I am wholeheartedly pro choice. I wouldn't judge her at all in that situation. I have also been in a bad situation and considered an abortion but did not go through with it. It was one of the hardest decisions in my life at the time, but I don't regret it at all. I was judged harshly by a lot of women around me for having a baby in crappy circumstances, but let them judge me. I am at peace with my decision, and I think you get judged either way. I hope whatever decision that young woman makes she does what brings her the most peace in her soul and joy in her future.

Squirrelblanket · 15/10/2021 21:36

Nope.

ChangeMustCome · 15/10/2021 21:38

I did it. My adult daughter is fantastic but I often wonder about the life I could have had!
FWIW I did have a v early termination aged 41 after a contraception (coil) fail.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 15/10/2021 21:43

Personally I wouldn't have kept a baby at 18 and while at uni.

But I'm now in my 30s, childless, and am quite jealous of an old school friend who had her first baby at 19. Her kids are teenagers now, and they seem to have a lovely relationship. She has just started training to be a teacher and seems really happy.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 15/10/2021 21:46

I would but I don't believe in abortion outside of extreme circumstances.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 15/10/2021 21:48

Being single, 18 and in the middle of your education is pretty extreme circumstances Confused

underneaththeash · 15/10/2021 22:06

How far along is she?

TableFlowerss · 15/10/2021 22:07

No I wouldn’t. Bringing a baby in to the world is hard work, it’s a lifelong commitment and at 20 or so, there’s plenty of time to meet someone and maybe it easier all round.

As a pp said, if it was a 40 year old with no kids then yes I’d keep it

Porcupineintherough · 15/10/2021 22:07

I dont think Id have continued the pregnancy but, honestly, Im too old to remember how I would have felt at 18, I can only know what I as an adult would have advised my teenage self. I would have been scared, certainly.

ISeeTheLight · 15/10/2021 22:11

I had a scare like that when I was 21 and at uni. I was immediately certain about booking a termination. No second thought. Didn't need to in the end as it turned out I wasn't pregnant. I would have definitely had the termination if I what been pregnant.

ISeeTheLight · 15/10/2021 22:11

*if I would have been

YouTubeAddict · 15/10/2021 22:11

😬 No idea so I’m the worst person to ask! DH’s brother went to an orgy once when he was 19 and got a girl pregnant 🤷‍♀️ The girl concerned kept the baby and our nephew is lovely, not that DH’s brother seems too bothered…

Bufferingkisses · 16/10/2021 02:45

To qualify, my friend in the same situation a few months earlier made the opposite choice, I was her support person. Imo neither of us were wrong.

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 16/10/2021 02:47

No I wouldn’t have a baby from a one night stand.

fuckitbucket16 · 16/10/2021 02:53

Mumsnet is the wrong place to ask.

I find the attitude towards abortion around here insane and I’m very much pro choice. Unfortunately for a lot on here, “pro choice” actually means “pro abortion”. Anyone wanting to keep their babies under less than ideal circumstances are told how stupid they are.

HeadPain · 16/10/2021 03:14

Absolutely yes would keep the baby.

NumberTheory · 16/10/2021 03:35

My mum did. Wrecked her life, really. Not a chance that I would.

But I also wouldn’t be telling my mum if she were the type to tell her friendsShock.

HoppingPavlova · 16/10/2021 03:54

No way for me, but there is no right or wrong.