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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is it with twins?

117 replies

FabacrombieAndBitch · 15/10/2021 16:55

I have 6 month old twins. Everyone with almost no exception tells me I need to separate them at school. These aren't even parents of twins either, just random people
AIBU to tell them to just bugger off 🤬

OP posts:
Icytundra · 15/10/2021 16:58

That's so strange. I teach secondary and every set of twins seems to have a unique relationship (of course!)

Some get on amazingly, 1 set barely spoke, some are in the same bands, some request to be separated, but these are all decisions made age 11- not 6 months!

Original poster
FabacrombieAndBitch · 15/10/2021 17:03

@Icytundra I don't mean now! But people tell me I need to do it when they are 5. Why would I need to split them up? It will be all they know!

OP posts:
Bessiebigpants · 15/10/2021 17:04

I separated my twins at pre school/primary school to give them a break from each other more than anything, waste of time really as they were in the same sets at secondary school they are at separate 6th forms which is good because they found the constant comparison really tedious I would say don’t give it a second thought be directed by them as it may become apparent as they get older what works for them

Bonbon21 · 15/10/2021 17:05

Are they identical or fraternal?

Mumoftwoinprimary · 15/10/2021 17:06

I don’t think it is a decision you need to think about now. Let them learn to walk and talk first.

NewlyGranny · 15/10/2021 17:07

Just smile and nod wisely. You'll know if it's right for them when the time comes; it's nobody else's business.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 15/10/2021 17:11

i separated mine but know other twins who stayed together. I just have one who has got "leadership" qualities!😂 It really is individual but people do talk a load of bollocks.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 15/10/2021 17:11

I don't think school plans should be at the forefront right now!

My younger DD is in a class with 1.5 sets of twins. It obviously works for them...

HeartsAndClubs · 15/10/2021 17:12

They’re still young for you to decide, but my SIL separated her twins because she felt that it would enable them to form their own identities, otherwise there is potential for them to always be referred to as “the twins.”

They have a close relationship but they also have their own individual friends etc.

GoldChick · 15/10/2021 17:13

They are only 6 months old! Tell them to F off with their advice.

takingmytimeonmyride · 15/10/2021 17:17

6 months old! You've got a bit of time till you have to decide!

Mine were originally split but 1 has selective mutism so would only hang around with his brother so ended up in the same friendship group, so they asked if they could be put in the same class.

They stayed in the same form at secondary, but different classes for lessons. Still mainly had the same friendship group, though one has a separate group of friends from art class.

People like to have lots of opinions on what twins should and shouldn't do/wear etc, most of them don't even have twins!

P.S. always willing to swap my 17 yo hairy smelly twins for cute baby twins.(not sure why no one ever takes me up on this offerGrin)

Onesipmore · 15/10/2021 17:18

I have twins and the thing about twins is that people always feel they need to comment, whether that be Ahh double trouble, separating them etc. Realistically its too early for you to decide. We separated ours all the way until 6th form, so they were know in their own right and not just collectively as The Twins or The Girls. They had their own friends, attended different parties etc etc. They overlapped a bit at 6th form and are now at different Unis.Just do what's right for them at the time. You may have one that wants to be independent for the other and when they start nursery etc it wont be all that they know.

InkKeepsRunning · 15/10/2021 17:19

On the day which one of my twins first took their first step, and by the end of the day I couldn’t remember which one had done it… I decided they had to be in different classes at school.

If I only had 2 to think about, and they were the most precious things in the world to me, and even I couldn’t remember who did what, what chance would a teacher have in a class of 30 of remembering which one was good at maths, and which one struggled with spelling or whatever.

I also had a suspicion that some of the reports I got back from preschool about what 1 twin had done during the day, were actually about the other one - eg. X played with the cars all day, when I knew X never played with cars but Y loved playing with them.

Different people will come to different decisions, but I’m very very sure it was the right decision for us.

Redcrayons · 15/10/2021 17:20

I felt the same When mine were babies, but as the time came closer it made more sense to do it. It’s seemed like an easier and gentler way to have them gain a bit of independence from each other, make their own friends etc. in reality the two classrooms were free flowing so they were only apart for a small part of the day.
I also didn’t want them to be ‘the twins’.

There’s loads of reasons to do it and you’ve got a long time to think about it.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/10/2021 17:22

Well I assumed you were going everyone stops to tell you you've got your hands full, to ask if they're identical and if you conceived them naturally. So honestly, as a twin mom, just put it into the "random crap we have to hear" pile.

DS, 6, goes to a one form entry school, which is where the twins will go. That's that, end of discussion. I'd say at 22 months they're pretty independent of each other but that may change. But echo is one form entry so that's that.

TheCanyon · 15/10/2021 17:23

We don't get the choice at our school, twins are always separated. Say it is due to people always thinking of twins as a whole rather than two separate individuals.

They miss each other like mad, but get so excited to see each other which is lovely. They mostly share a friendship group too.

Icytundra · 15/10/2021 17:23

Sorry @fabacrombieandbitch my post probably wasn't clear- I knew what you meant!

I just think it's bonkers people would make recommendations when they are 6 months old- they could be anything/ any relationship by 5 !

Corneliusmurphy · 15/10/2021 17:24

Wow you really don’t have to worry yet Wink

For the record I did separate mine, one was (still is) very chatty and the other was happy to sit back and let his brother do all the talking. I was also pretty pissed off at all the people who seemed to think they were the same person split in two, some people are very lazy when it comes to twins - mine are not even identical so I bet that’s even worse! They tended to merge their friendship groups at lunchtime and break anyway. The other twins I knew tried to spend as much time apart as they possibly could they definitely did not want to be in the same class.

Wroxie · 15/10/2021 17:24

Strange thing to mention when they are so little! I remember however that separating twins was the policy at my school. I was friends with a set of twins and I remember their mother trying to have it changed so they could both be in with the good teacher (there were three teachers for our grade, one who was absolutely amazing and who I am still in touch with today, one who threw things and was narcoleptic, and one who was going through some life problems and was made to cry by her class every day).

Gemma2019 · 15/10/2021 17:28

I separated mine at school - I'd had more than enough of them being "the twins" at preschool. It's good for them to become their own person and get a break from each other and learn how to develop friendships.

Noodledoodledoo · 15/10/2021 17:29

From my friends with twins and from my teaching experience, its about a 50/50 split in separating/sticking together.

Nothing to think about now, its what ever works for your twins in the future.

People like to plan ahead for you, my daughter is in year 1, her school gets automatic entry to an outstanding school locally - so many people say I don't need to worry blah blah blah - its outstanding but I have a lot of concerns about it so it might not be the best fit in 5 years time!

Original poster
FabacrombieAndBitch · 15/10/2021 17:30

@InkKeepsRunning that is the best post so far. You are right. If mums can't remember, the teacher won't will they?
1 for the separating them!

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 15/10/2021 17:32

Absolutely you should keep them together. And insist that the attend the same parties and that both have to be invited to playdates or neither can go. But also get snarky if people refer to them as "the twins" or try and make them share anything. Remind people they are individuals but must do everything together or they wont be so special.

Hullabaloo31 · 15/10/2021 17:34

Well our school is single form entry, so all the twins (and we do seem to have a lot!) don't get the choice!

CheeseCrackersAndChutney · 15/10/2021 17:36

I work in a one form entry school. I’ve taught quite a number of sets of twins who’ve all obviously had to be in the same class. It’s never been an issue, even when they’ve been identical (as long as there’s some way to tell them apart easily of course)